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Original poster

Do you think having just 1 child is selfish?

71 replies

Pinkflipflop · 12/02/2010 18:52

Is it v hard for the child not to have siblings? Do you think most 'only' children are a bit spolit (and other things we hear over and over)

Please share your experiences and thoughts about only children - thank you

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

OmicronPersei8 · 12/02/2010 18:53

Don't be silly - what a hurtful thing to say. Not everyone has the choice you know.

LynetteScavo · 12/02/2010 18:58

What other things do we hear over and over about only children?

Littlefish · 12/02/2010 19:00

Pinkflipflop - there are lots and lots of threads about this already. It would probably be better if you have a look at the existing ones.

choufleur · 12/02/2010 19:02

I'm terribly spolit. when growing up i had everything i asked for, i just clicked my fingers and had my parents attention, they dropped whatever they were doing for me....

NOT

what a ridiculous statement. and hurtful. my parents would have liked another one but couldn't.

my DS is an only one after years of trying to get pregnant with him, one miscarriage and more trying i've decided i can't do it anymore so he'll be an only one.

yes he's probably spoilt for attention (if anyone can be) as he doesn't ahve to 'share' me and DH with siblings but materially he's not spolit. Other people with more money could easily spoil their children (whether they have one or 10).

watching this with interest. you've opened a can of worms i guess.

Lubyloo · 12/02/2010 19:02

Single child board here.

NoahAndTheWhale · 12/02/2010 19:04

No, you are not selfish to have one child. That is a very silly remark to make.

LilyBolero · 12/02/2010 19:05

Different things suit different families. Some families are lucky enough to have the choice of 1 or more children, some people have no choice.

I'm guessing from your OP that you are contemplating only having one?

Original poster

Pinkflipflop · 12/02/2010 19:08

I'm very sorry if I have offended anyone - totally not my intention.

I don't mean having one child but really yearning for more, I mean deciding only to have child. I can't imagine the agnony of not being able to have more children if you wanted them.

OP posts:

wannaBe · 12/02/2010 19:09

"Please share your experiences and thoughts about only children - thank you" that sentence has a very "journalist" feel to it.

BessieBoots · 12/02/2010 19:10

We has a lot of trouble conceiving our second, and I was heartbroken. I know lots and lots of lovely adults who are only children. Each to their own.

Blu · 12/02/2010 19:14

No.
It could equally be the opposite - selfless.
Having no children at all could be said to be 'selfish' or 'unselfish'.
Some only children are spolit, some children with siblings are spoilt.

jaquelinehyde · 12/02/2010 19:15

What is going on at the moment, yesterday we were being told we were bad parents for having more than two children because of the carbon footprint, God forbid having them close together psychologically damaging don't you know

Now to only have one child is selfish!

What a great big pile of cack - just like the thread yesterday!

Original poster

Pinkflipflop · 12/02/2010 19:18

Wannabe - I'm not a journalist.

I posted my post and really assumed that people reading the forums were mind readers and could see all the thoughts in my head
If I am lucky enough to have a child, I am almost 100 % sure it will only be one child and I wnated to basically hear positive things about this, as I have only been told negative things.

2 things -

1 - wish I had re-read my post before posting!

2 - Wish I had looked on the single child family subsection (I dodn't know there was one, honestly!!!)

OP posts:

Earthstar · 12/02/2010 19:21

Your post comes over as crass and unthinking I'm afraid

"Is it v hard for the child not to have siblings?" That depends - of course it can be hard for kids to have siblings as well

"Do you think most 'only' children are a bit spolit (and other things we hear over and over)" - no more than any other children

"Please share your experiences and thoughts about only children - thank you "- why not look at the topic

Earthstar · 12/02/2010 19:23

I have one child and I am selfish if that helps

Earthstar · 12/02/2010 19:24

why not ask mumsnet to delete your OP - it is pretty offensive tbh

nancy75 · 12/02/2010 19:27

i was totally spoilt as a child, pretty much did get everything i wanted when i wanted it, had to have my own way and had a temper.

my brother was exactly the same

dd is an only child and will remain an only child, i do put alot of time and effort into making sure she mixes with kids her own age so that she knows how to share and although she has alot she is not spoilt.

Morloth · 12/02/2010 19:34

Nope, DS has been an only child for almost 6 years and isn't spoiled, if anything he seems much better at sharing and caring than my friend's kids with siblings, because he knows that there is plenty to go around.

We are now expecting our 2nd which has bugger all to do with DS being an only and lots to do with us wanting another child...though DS is very happy.

I am one of 6 and I fucking hate sharing anything because when you have 5 brothers and sisters you have to develop a very strong sense of mine if you ever want to get anywhere.

upahill · 12/02/2010 19:36

Flippin Heck some of you MN are pretty hard. The Op asked a question and it may have come out a bit clumsy but there's no need to come down on her like a ton of bricks. She tried to explain what she meant and didn't mean any offence. Bloody Vipers den indeed!!

She was looking for positive renforecement about having one child!!

For what it's worth Pink, I'm not in a postion to comment as I have two and DH made it clear from more or less our first date h wanted a family.

Sorry that others are mean bloody spirited here. It was a reasonable request and yes I have heard people say things like only children are spoilt. I don't think that is true for one minute but Yes I have heard that said.

OmicronPersei8 · 12/02/2010 19:48

Upahill, when I was young, and to be honest pretty stupid, I once asked some women the same question as the OP. After one calmly explained that after 5 miscarriages she had been forced to accept that her son would be her only child I went home and had a long hard think.

Now I see friends going through the heartbreak of it all, and how much questions and comments such as the OP's (or mine when young and stupid) hurt, I wish more people would be aware of how emotive the whole subject can be. I think the reaction on the thread is just an indication of what a lot of women feel and hide everyday. Even asking if you want more can be devastating to some.

OmicronPersei8 · 12/02/2010 19:51

And children are all different and there are pros and cons to all types of families - although they are more different possible characteristics than anything else.

cupofteaplease · 12/02/2010 19:52

OP- I think you have a had a very hard time on here.

I am not an only child, and I have more than one child, so I can't really give you any personal opinion on this matter.

That said, I teach many only children who are very well-rounded and who make fantastic and close friendships with their peers.

I also have and an 'only' nephew, who is very self centered, finds it extremely hard to entertain himself, and cannot share appropriately, therefore requires a lot more time and effort than any of my other dns.

So, as with any family set up, each and every child is different, and you really cannot generalise.

Hth in some way

DontCallMeBaby · 12/02/2010 19:54

Funny - I came to look at this thread ready to pitch in at anyone who said 'yes, it is selfish', but not at the OP. I don't read that as offensive at all.

Yes, lots of people come up with stereotypes about only children. They're not even in that category of having become stereotypes because they're true. They're bollocks. DD is quite shy and quiet, which some think are only child traits. Thing is, I'm quite shy and quiet (eldest of two) and so is DH, sometimes (youngest of two). We all like our own way. Mind you, I've not yet met a 5yo who DOESN'T like their own way ... or many 37yos for that matter.

My mum is an only child. She had quite a bad experience of it, I think. I suspect she only had my brother because she really didn't want me to be an only ... but she was actually pretty much brought up with her cousin, not a 'real' only at all.

It's rubbish distinguishing between one-through-choice and one-through-circumstances. It's still one child at the end of the day. You can't claim a child will suffer if their horrid parents didn't want another, but not if their poor martyred parents couldn't have another. It's the same thing at the end of the day - although damage could be done by beating yourself up about your choice, or not being able to get over the grief of your circumstances. Whichever way, you just need to be at peace with what life has dealt you, and love the child, or children, you have.

skidoodle · 12/02/2010 19:54

Having children is selfish, no matter how many you have.

ChristianaTheTwelfth · 12/02/2010 20:00

Message withdrawn

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