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Original poster

Do you tell others the sex of you unborn baby?

75 replies

colie · 09/02/2010 15:15

Being nosey!!

We have three daughters and have never found out their sex before they were born.

This time Dh was desperate to know so gave in and we have been told Dc4 is a boy.

I haven't told anyone else, well mainly because I don't want any of my daughters disappointed. Eldest is desperate for a boy and wanted dd2 and dd3 to be boys. Dd2 is desperate for a girl. We are waiting to be 100% before telling them .

Also, don't want others knowing and not my own children. I also felt it takes the lovely suprise at the end out of it for everybody else.

So now, I am lying to everybody, well everybody in real life by saing I don't know the sex of the baby. Sure I will slip up but managed it for a week now.

Does everyone else just tell others?

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amyboo · 09/02/2010 15:35

Yep - I tell everyone I'm expecting a boy (first DC, 32+4 weeks). I live in Belgium where it's quite unusual not to find out, so it tends to be one of the first questions people ask. We don't mind others knowing but are keeping our lips firmly sealed (to everyone, including family) on our shortlist of names.

itshappenedagain · 09/02/2010 15:53

i just told people that they couldnt tell...im having a girl. i think its nice just you and your husband knowing...plus its always best to be 100%.

rosieposey · 09/02/2010 15:53

I was so excited and shocked when i found out i was having a boy i phoned my mum/sister ect the minute i was out of the scan I had three girls so was really expecting a girl again. I just can't keep it in - if i have another i will find out although i would love the self discipline to not find out as it would be my last but i have so many scans because of my diabetes that i just wouldn't be able to not ask!

oopsandbabycoconut · 09/02/2010 15:53

We know and have told a few close people (our parents, my best friend on the other side of the world etc) and when people ask if we know the sex we say yes but we are not telling and to confuse everyone we have named the bump Hector so loads of people assume they know.

glastochick · 09/02/2010 15:58

We told people that baby was being shy at the scan too. Felt a bit bad lying to parents and in laws, especially as both mothers are knitting for England and would dearly love some ideas for what colour to knit next.

SIL is coming to visit in a few weeks so we're going to have to hide the baby boy themed clothing we've been stocking up on!

MrsTittleMouse · 09/02/2010 16:01

We found out with both of ours, and it seems silly to say "we know but we're not telling". A bit "nah nah nah nah nah", if you know what I mean. Plus we felt that if the news that our baby had been born safe and well wasn't "exciting" enough for someone then yah boo sucks to them.

But it's a very personal thing and I bet that lots will come on the thread and tell you the exact opposite.

Original poster
colie · 09/02/2010 16:04

My first two pregnancies were in Scotland so the last scan I got with them was the 12 week scan so noone ever knew the gender of their unborn baby.

I had third daughter in England and it was strange that everyone here assumed I knew the sex of the baby because of the 20 week scan. I don't how but managed to have the will power not to find out the sex of dd3. I was definately in the minority though as everyone else seemed to have found out the sex they were having.

This time i had no will power at all and just said I wanted to know. If Dh didn' want to know then I would have held out but it was his fault. I am very eaily influenced!!

Don't know how I will manage to keep it a secret for next 19 weeks but will try my best.

OP posts:
ReneRusso · 09/02/2010 16:05

I tell anyone who asks that we are having another girl. I don't feel the need to keep it a secret. I get lots of tiresome comments such as oh dear, will you keep going til you get a boy etc. Might as well get them out of the way now before the baby is born.

thedollshouse · 09/02/2010 16:08

We have been telling people that we didn't want to know (we do and its a boy). My mum and sister seem quite annoyed that we didn't want to find out as they wanted to know! I've lost count of the amount of people that ask me if we know the sex, it is getting a little repetitive now!

DorotheaPlenticlew · 09/02/2010 16:13

I'm sure there was a thread a while ago that got quite heated about whether or not it was acceptable behaviour to find out the sex but not share the information with people who ask.

I don't have a strong opinion either way about this but the thread stuck in my mind because of how angry people got!

We didn't find out last time, did find out this time and have been open about telling people. Not really that fussed. Different for everyone though.

ja9 · 09/02/2010 16:14

i didn't tell anyone when i knew i was expecting a girl... i couldn't have coped with people's reactions if the scan had been wrong... "oh a boy? are you ok with that? you were expecting a girl..." - that kind of thing

PanicMode · 09/02/2010 16:23

We are having number four and it's the first time we've found out the sex beforehand - DH didn't want to, but I asked him to reconsider.

This baby wasn't planned and was a BIG shock, and I have had significant counselling to get my head around having another one - so for me, it has been very helpful to visualise our baby and to bond with it before s/he arrives. We already have boy/girl/boy so it didn't 'matter' what the sex was, but DH only agreed to find out if I solemnly swore not to tell anyone.

It's been VERY hard, and I've hated lying to my parents about it - "no, baby had its legs crossed", but I am respecting DH's wishes. And actually, I quite like keeping people guessing

DesperateHousewife21 · 09/02/2010 16:24

Ive got my 20 week scan in 3 weeks time, this is my first DC and all my family are dying to know, as am I so we will be finding out the sex as long as the baby is co operating on the day. Im an impatient person though and will want to know the sex of future children too.

Morloth · 09/02/2010 16:30

Neither DH nor I minded whether we found out this time but DS was desperate to know so we found out and told him it was a boy. Once you have told my son something you may as well take out a two page ad in every newspaper, so haven't bothered trying to keep it a secret.

Just do what makes you happy.

detoxdiva · 09/02/2010 16:48

Yes, found out with dd and ds and told people.

If you don't want to tell then don't

NormaSknockers · 09/02/2010 16:48

We found out with both DC & told anyone who wanted to know - DHs Nan thought it was just awful that we wanted to know & said she absolutely did not want to know. Two hours after our sexing scan she rang & asked if it was a boy or girl Guess it wasn't that awful then....

A friend said to me that surely by finding I wouldn't have anything to push for....yes because I would of stopped pushing just because I knew the sex

pigleychez · 09/02/2010 16:57

I didnt find out the sex with DD. We quite liked the suprise and found it helped me through a very long labour!
Havent found out with this one either.

Both times my mum has been most put out that we didnt find out but shes been told its our choice and she will just have to wait!

PurplePoppy · 09/02/2010 17:19

I think you are right, if your DDs don't know then it is very important not to tell anyone else. I can still remember a friend of mine getting all mysterious and smug when my mum was pregnant with my little sister. The friends mum had told her that my mum was pregnant but that she was not to tell me as I didnt know. Luckily she had, in fact, told me first; if I had had to hear it as gossip from my friend I'd have been devastated.

SoupDragon · 09/02/2010 17:22

I knew with DD but didn't tell DS1, DS2 or anyone else. Only the grandparents/greatgrandmother knew. I didn't tell DSs because I didn't want the world and his wife to know and there wasn't a hope in hell of them not letting it slip.

Jacanne · 09/02/2010 17:26

I have done this time around and tbh, don't personally see the point of keeping it a secret, but that's just me. Both of my daughters wanted a brother and it's actually a girl so we wanted them to have time to get excited about another sister.

lockets · 09/02/2010 17:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Blu · 09/02/2010 17:39

I didn't find out, but even if we had, we wouldn't have told anyone.

I don't really get all this talking about a pregnancy as if the baby is already here. And SO much nonsense gets talked - I couldnt stand it! Didn't discuss or disclose names, either.

He was announced, as who he was, once he was born. That's the way it seems logical to me.

ChickandDuck · 09/02/2010 17:53

We didn't find out with both boys, much to the surprise of everyone who asked. It's such a wonderful feeling if you can wait, was hard, especially 2nd time round, but well worth it! Wouldn't have it any other way, and won't be finding out 3rd time round either.

However if we did find out, there is no way I could keep it a secret, especially from close family!

cinnamongreyhound · 09/02/2010 18:27

My husband wanted to know with our ds and it was very important to him for some reason so we found out. The sonographer said if he wasn't a boy she should give up her job so we were pretty sure!

I don't really understand not telling people if you know but that's just me. My neighbour found out with their second but wouldn't tell anyone and I have to say I found it slightly irrating, as some one else said- kind of nah nah na nah nah.

We will find out again with this one and have no problems telling people as long as its pretty sure.

Can't imgaine not telling my family and if my son heard I'm sure everyone would know!

NonnoMum · 09/02/2010 18:32

If you don't want people to know, how about a vague "Oh, they weren't quite sure..." which could put people off the scent a bit (and it isn't exactly a lie as they are never 100% are they?)
I have always waited with my 3, (don't know why, just prefer phoning round with "It's a girl/boy" rather than "It's here!) but last time I had to have some late positioning scans and the consultant referred to the baby as "he" without asking me if I knew or not.
Managed to keep it a secret from DH though. Trouble is, everyone else knew..!