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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Do you tell others the sex of you unborn baby?

75 replies

colie · 09/02/2010 15:15

Being nosey!!

We have three daughters and have never found out their sex before they were born.

This time Dh was desperate to know so gave in and we have been told Dc4 is a boy.

I haven't told anyone else, well mainly because I don't want any of my daughters disappointed. Eldest is desperate for a boy and wanted dd2 and dd3 to be boys. Dd2 is desperate for a girl. We are waiting to be 100% before telling them .

Also, don't want others knowing and not my own children. I also felt it takes the lovely suprise at the end out of it for everybody else.

So now, I am lying to everybody, well everybody in real life by saing I don't know the sex of the baby. Sure I will slip up but managed it for a week now.

Does everyone else just tell others?

OP posts:

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BettyButterknife · 09/02/2010 18:38

We didn't find out with DS because I don't like spoiling surprises.

However, have majorly changed my tune this time round, and will be finding out at scan in a fortnight - mainly because DS keeps saying it's a baby sister so it would be helpful to know one way or the other to manage his expectations.

I'm not sure whether I'll tell people the result though - might follow some of the other posters and say we couldn't see...

YanknCock · 09/02/2010 19:07

I wanted to know beforehand, and I told people I was having a boy. That's just what I wanted to do.

There was one couple at my NCT group who didn't want to know, so it was a surprise to everyone.

Another couple told the rest of us that they HAD found out the sex, but weren't telling anyone. That was just weird. Why tell people you know and then hold back? Is it attention seeking? Smug? That's how it seemed. You'd think they would just tell a little white lie and say they hadn't found out.

Especially with people you aren't that close to, I mean really, they are probably just asking to be polite/interested rather than truly caring what sex your child is!

OP, if you slip up, just claim you've been thinking of the baby as 'him' for some reason and everyone will put it down to your fabulous intuition when he is born. You've got a 50/50 chance, it's not actually that big a surprise. Now if you gave birth to a puppy, that would be a surprise.

LittleMumSmall · 09/02/2010 19:09

Told everyone! I had been convinced from day one that he was a he and couldn't contain myself when the scan proved me right. Was yelling 'a boy, a boy!' at people for weeks! Oddly I didn't like anyone asking about names at all - we kept our choices under wraps until the birth. And then chose something completely different five days after he arrived

zachsmama · 09/02/2010 19:14

Found out the we were having a boy and told everyone, except SIL who didn't want to know. We were in SE Europe and it was absolutely assumed that we would find out the sex and tell everyone about it as well.
Didn't tell anyone about our name choices though.

oopsandbabycoconut · 09/02/2010 19:16

I have to say we haven't told anyone as I didn't really want to know but DH did. Absolutely nothing smug about it - When we found out DD was a DD we told people and they expected her to have a name etc and When we told the IL what we planned to call her they chose the NN for her and started using it - which upset DH. This time the baby doesn't have a name yet but an VERY tired already ofthe stupid suggestions from the ILs. We will let people know the sex in our time not when they demand to know. I love our secret and I just won't lie to people about knowing or not - We know and no we don't want to tell.

Francagoestohollywood · 09/02/2010 19:19

Yes, I told everyone who asked.

Original poster

colie · 09/02/2010 19:47

Wow, I am in the mumsnet latest. Well not me personally but the post. I have only ever dreamed of this before .

Thanks for all your opinions. I seem to be in the minority by not telling anyone else. I agree with others that I wouldn't tell other people that I know the sex, but I am not telling them. I am just down right lying instead.

OP posts:

myhandslooksoold · 09/02/2010 19:52

I found out for my second child and we didn't tell anyone although i found myself telling random strangers such as shopkeepers!! We've just found out for our third and have told everyone. It's keeping me going having a bit of exciting news to share in the middle of a long and sickly pregnancy!

tw888 · 09/02/2010 19:53

Yep! We told everyone who cared to ask! Having a baby is 'exciting' enough for us and it doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl!

Lovethesea · 09/02/2010 20:38

Had a surprise with DD and was looking forward to the reveal moment at birth. Birth went traumatic and by the time I saw her checked and wrapped up in theatre I was in shock and had no enjoyment about the surprise.

So, this time round we've found out. A boy they think! Have told everyone as couldn't face trying not to accidentally reveal it for months and months.

I'm enjoying wrapping my head around the idea of a wee man having got used to 15 month old DD :-) Even if the elective birth is not so great I am not expecting such a 'moment' from it so won't be so shocked like last time.

Species8472 · 09/02/2010 20:40

I'm with Blu, we didn't want to know the sex. My dad was disappointed as my sisters had found out with their pregnancies, but we told him he just had to wait, as we were doing! We also didn't tell anyone any of the names we were considering, wanted it all to be a surprise.

WhiteRoses · 09/02/2010 21:04

Going to sound really shallow here but if people know what you're having, you're bound to get better presents!

EmilyStrange · 09/02/2010 21:07

We found out with all the dcs and only told close family for the first two. Byt eh third I did not know why I was keeping it a secret so just told everyone.

I do not understand about not finding out so you have a lovely surprise. The day your baby is born is already so special and amazing to meet your child that who needs a surprise. Its just awesome anyway.

BikeRunSki · 09/02/2010 21:37

We found out, but didn't want to tell. And we managed to keep it up until he was born! A couple of my collegues spent to last 4 months of my pregnancy desperately trying to trip me up. Only people who knew were 2 friends - one who offered us their hand me down blue clothes and the other who offered us pink clothes! And they were both amazingly discrete.

My stock answer when asked was "Dinosaur" or "I am hoping for a dinosaur, but DH is hoping for a giraffe".

zipzap · 09/02/2010 21:49

We had a tummy/bump name for both ds1 and ds2, chosen before we knew what sex they were going to be.

First time around - very neutral cutie sort of nickname, ds1 still gets called by the shortened version of it to this day.

Second time around - ds1 chose the nickname. Based on his favourite nursery rhyme of the time - think wheelie or bridgey or other completely non-name word. However it worked and ds2 was called it for several weeks until we finally managed to chose his non-tummy name. it hasn't stuck so much as a nickname for ds2 but I wanted to include it as his middle name but dh wouldn't let me, think it would have actually been pretty cool. hey ho.

And we made sure that we both alternated he and she and it when talking about him, so there was no way they could guess. But we hadn't said that we knew either so we were trying not to be doing the na na na na thing.

IZDI · 09/02/2010 22:17

yeah i did. just not the name. it makes easier to buy stuff.

YourCallIsImportant · 09/02/2010 22:51

We found out with DC2 and we'd named him by 30 weeks. I told anyone who'd listen both the gender and his name. It was fun for my DD to be able to talk to her little brother before he came along. It also allowed us to plan, shop and decorate in advance of his arrival.

I don't get the notion of it spoiling the surprise - it was a massive surprise when we found out. I was sure I was having another girl.

It was great to find out in advance, and if I was ever crazy enough to have any more kids, I'd do the same again.

CrosswordGeek · 10/02/2010 01:34

When strangers used to ask me what I was having, me or my friends would reply "We're not sure, but we're REALLY hoping for an elephant!"

I really wanted to know, though. I was convinced I was having a girl from the very first + pregnancy test, and I wanted to know if I was right. Also, XP's Mum had said she "was never wrong" and said it was a boy. Did not want her to be right, and she wasn't. First scan, she had her legs all bunched up, but had to go for another one to check her spine, and they told me. I was BEAMING in the waiting room, and my Mum and I flicked through magazines joking about names "Bourjois? Clinique? Primark? Topshop?!" etc.

I had to have a growth scan at 32 weeks, and I asked them to double check or "pay for all the pink clothes". The sonographer confirmed, and pointed out girl parts and said "Yes, see it looks like a burger!". Cue laughing and being told off because tummy was shaking.

I told all of my friends and family - even the ones who "didn't want to know" as they wanted a suprise. Think if I have another I shall wait and see, though

Nobody asked for a story, but I was reminiscing, sorry

stuffedmk · 10/02/2010 09:20

My local hospital wouldn't tell people when I had DS (2001) and although I suppose I could have gone elsewhere to find out I wasn't fussed enough for the extra hassle.
They tell people these days so if I actually get pregnant [tapping fingers emoticon] then I would definately like to find out the sex....and I expect I would tell anyone and everyone knowing me.

BirdyBedtime · 10/02/2010 09:21

I didn't know with DD as I only had 12 week scan. I don't think I'd have wanted to know with my first - all I wanted was a healthy baby. Second time round I really wanted another girl and when I had a 20 week scan I asked if they could tell as I said if it was a boy I'd need time to get used to the idea. As it turned out DC2 is a boy and having that time to get used to the idea meant that when he was born I was totally OK wth him being a boy, and now he is a little bit favourite - as I know you're not supposed to have faves! We didn't tell anyone what he was although if people specifically asked we said yes we know but we don't want to say. I think that people respect that, after all time enough to know when the baby arrives. I did give myself away to 2 people though by saying things I shouldn't - that is the hard bit if you decide to keep it a secret.

comixminx · 10/02/2010 10:17

I'm not aiming to find out but who knows when it gets closer to the time (am only at the 12 week scan stage right now). My brother and SIL didn't and fair does to them; I find it a wee bit funny that so many people expect to find out nowadays. But then I don't believe in pink or blue clothes gender marking, and I guess if you do then it makes things easier to know in advance (not that I'm saying that's the only reason to want to know of course!).

I will definitely remember "actually we're hoping for an elephant/giraffe/dinosaur" when asked though!

shockers · 10/02/2010 10:20

My niece was told she was having a girl, so she told the world who all bought girly stuff... she is now the proud and happy mum of a month old boy

Morloth · 10/02/2010 10:33

BikeRunSki "My stock answer when asked was "Dinosaur" or "I am hoping for a dinosaur, but DH is hoping for a giraffe"."

DS would be so impressed with me if I managed to produce a dinosaur, would have to be a T-Rex for full marks though.

sweetkitty · 10/02/2010 10:39

hi colie I am having a DS after 3 DDs too

We have had it confirmed by two scans but TBH there was no doubting it by the first scan.

Our DDs were with us when we got told so there is no way we could keep it a secret. DD1 was disappointed for about a minute as she wanted 3 wee sisters, DD2 was delighted as she is a tonyboy anyway.

So everyone knows and that's fine by us, we are still getting used to saying "he" and "him" and I think it's good that the DDs know they are having a brother as they are very excited.

We do not divulge the name until after he is born though.

I think it is a very personal thing either you want to know the sex or not, can see arguments for both really, kind of marmite thing. I am so glad we know as I was so certain it was another girl I think he would have been wearing pink babygros.

hormonalmum · 10/02/2010 10:40

This is the first time we have found out and we have not told anyone (except I told the midwife in error!)
I just say we didnt ask.
It feels a little strange knowing but we only found out for practical reasons which seems shallow really.
Any name discussions include boy and girl names

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