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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Do you tell others the sex of you unborn baby?

75 replies

colie · 09/02/2010 15:15

Being nosey!!

We have three daughters and have never found out their sex before they were born.

This time Dh was desperate to know so gave in and we have been told Dc4 is a boy.

I haven't told anyone else, well mainly because I don't want any of my daughters disappointed. Eldest is desperate for a boy and wanted dd2 and dd3 to be boys. Dd2 is desperate for a girl. We are waiting to be 100% before telling them .

Also, don't want others knowing and not my own children. I also felt it takes the lovely suprise at the end out of it for everybody else.

So now, I am lying to everybody, well everybody in real life by saing I don't know the sex of the baby. Sure I will slip up but managed it for a week now.

Does everyone else just tell others?

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chipmonkey · 10/02/2010 10:45

We found out on ds4 but dh didn't want to tell anyone so rather than saying nothing he told his family that we knew but weren't telling which I was very annoyed by as I didn't want to be seen to be acting all mysterious about it, especially as I was a bit gutted about never having a dd and was having a hard time with all the coy questions.

waltonsmountain · 10/02/2010 11:18

We did not find out the sex for last two pregnancies and don't intend to find out for this one.
We have the anomaly scan next week and hope that the sonographer doesn't tell us once we've told her. At the nuchal the sonographer referred to the baby as 'he' though, which caused raised eyebrows between DH and I. (Surely they have to ask you first before disclosing the gender? even if in an oblique way?)

I remember a sonographer telling us that it is 50/50 whether parents ask to know the sex but from our experience it seems that we are very much in a minority in not knowing. I get asked daily and people seem surprised and almost irritated that we won't have an answer for them. But surely it is a personal decision to find out at the scan and then a piece of private information to disclose if and when you choose?
Maybe it's just me being old fashioned.

lisianthus · 10/02/2010 11:28

We found out and told people as (1) I didn't want to have to keep referring to her as "it" anymore and (2) I am insatiably curious.

Didn't tell people the name we had picked though as didn't want to invite comment.

Chrysanthemum5 · 10/02/2010 12:01

We didn't find out with DS, but I was convinced he was a boy from the moment I did the positive test. With DD we found out, but didn't tell anyone as people were being a bit odd and asking if we were 'desperate' for a girl etc. And actually most people assumed we were having another boy (which would have also been fine by us).

LittleWhiteWolf · 10/02/2010 12:08

People accused us (nicely I mean) of having found out and keeping it a secret with DD. We honestly didnt check at the scan but we both felt certain she would be a girl. The surprise was the best thing ever and DH was so proud at being able to share the news once she arrived.

SIL found out she was having a boy and within minutes EVERYONE knew. I think if I found out I would keep it a secret--I love the big reveal!

larry5 · 10/02/2010 12:40

When I had my first two dss(many years ago) they couldn't and wouldn't tell but when I had dd I had to have an amnio which tells the sex and as I knew one of the midwives I felt that if she knew so should I.

I then told people who wanted to know that I was having a dd but when I went into hospital I didn't take any of the pink clothes I had bought as I wasn't 100% certain they were right.

bluesnowfalcon · 10/02/2010 12:47

We found out last week that our bump is a boy but have been telling everyone from really early on that I thought it was a boy so it wasn't a surprise! We've told people if they've asked as we are just really happy that bubs is healthy and it is our first so we are really excited about everything!!

Have had friends who have found out and not told and some that haven't found out - I think it depends on you and if you find out and don't want to tell then I think people should except that to

Good luck with everything

weegiemum · 10/02/2010 13:04

It never would have crossed my mind to find out on any of the 3 occasions, even if they would have told me - which they wouldn't.

I have a personal pet peeve of people introducing the bump by name "we're having a boy, he's called Jack" etc .... Dunno why, I just really don't like it, it seems kind of presumptuous!

Dh sometimes talks about dd1's birth - she was a face-up presentation and so when she was being born she lay there, face up between contractions and she opened her eyes for a second and looked at him. And he said he got this overwhelming rush of love along with the thought "and I don't even know if you are a boy or a girl yet!". Then he shoulders were delivered and it was a girl - but he loves they way he bonded for that second before he ever knew!

wizbitwaffle · 10/02/2010 13:24

This reply has been deleted

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Purplepatters · 10/02/2010 15:49

I am so pragmatic, I told everyone so they could buy presents whenever they got the urge!! This meant there was no white, green or that awful lemon colour...

bluebell6 · 10/02/2010 15:52

Have scan in a couple of weeks and Im veering between wanting to find out and not. DH isnt bothered either way.

Didnt with DS1 tho I had strong feeling we were having a boy. This time everyone assumes we will find out which I can see would be the practical thing to do however when my SIL said we are not to tell her if we do find out it made me feel a bit is that weird?

Maybe in some ways its just easier not to know until they are born?

neenz · 10/02/2010 17:29

wizbit, your mother's friend! Silly cow.

We had a similar thing but with my PILs! It makes me so angry even now and it was two years ago. MIL told me she didn't want to know. I said straight away 'no way, I want to be able to talk freely about it', but she took DH to one side and said they really didn't want to know, so DH pleaded with me to keep it from them. I was so annoyed that she had gone behind my back. I just thought what's it go to do with them anyway. Why does it matter whether they know at 20wks or at the birth? It seemed very controlling and making it about them not us. DH said he had only agreed to find out the sex because I really wanted to, so I should be able to keep it secret from his parents cos that's what he really wanted. I thought my feelings should have been more important to him anyway, but hey ho .

So I spent the whole pregnancy telling EVERYONE else the sex, and the names we had chosen, so that everyone knew about their grandkids before they did. I am still annoyed that I agreed to keep it secret from them. It even got to the point where DH was hiding stuff we had bought in our own house when they came round in case it gave away the sex to them .

It's everybody's personal choice whether they find out or not, and whether they tell people or not, but I am always a bit when people say 'we know the sex but we're not telling' or 'yes we've chosen a name but it is a secret'. I just think 'like I really give a shit, I was only being polite'.

waltonsmountain · 10/02/2010 17:44

Off on a slight NAMES tangent ..
telling people the potential NAMES of the unborn baby is surely inviting comment though. eg. if you say 'it's a boy and we are thinking of calling him Dumbledore' most people will then pass comment on the name and it CAN be annoying when the comments are not good. I guess it depends how confident and unshakable your belief in your choice of name is. If you are certain that Dumbledore is the best name ever then no piss-taking from relatives/friends will affect you. But for other less sure parents it is a minefield so I can understand why the names are mostly kept secret until birth, when it can be announced as a fait accomplit and is a bit more fixed somehow and less open for discussion.
(not that that stopped my family/friends )

ApuskiDusky · 10/02/2010 17:53

Neenz, I have a similar though less extreme situation - 20 week scan tomorrow for second dc, we want to find out, but my mother and MIL have both said they don't want to know (MIL quite adamantly). They said the same when we found out with dc1, and so we kept it a secret from everyone because of it.

But we really want to tell ds whether he's having a brother or sister, to help him get his head round it, and that is more important to me. So either we tell MIL and my mum, or wait until ds lets it slip...

Bumperlicious · 10/02/2010 19:06

We didn't find out with DD as I can't keep these things a secret and I wouldn't want people knowing. I don't want people putting a personality, sex, name to my baby when it is inside me.

I was very tempted to find out though as I was so fed up of comments like 'you're carrying high, it's a girl', 'ooh, you are all spread out, it must be a boy' endlessly, when THEY DIDN'T KNOW!

Am pg again and the practical part of me wants to know so I can decide whether to chuck DD's stuff out, but probably won't.

mrswill · 10/02/2010 20:21

We found out DD was a girl, and told everyone we were having a girl, as we were the only we were the only ones who really cared about the sex of the baby, and no one else gave a fig. Thought it maybe a bit precious to say, we know, but we're not telling you, and was a definate to piss people off.

Can see why your keeping the sex secret OP if you want your children to be surprised.

Personally, if someone tells me they know the sex of the baby but not telling anyone, I do think 'but who gives a shit apart from you', but nod politely.

mrswill · 10/02/2010 20:26

Agree with the names secret though! Dont tell anyone, they'll just put you off!

Original poster

colie · 10/02/2010 20:53

sweetkitty - Were you absolutely shocked when you found out it was a boy? I am still getting my head around being told I am having a boy. I was sure I was having another girl.

OP posts:

ellokitty · 10/02/2010 21:11

With DD2, I found out but just told everyone we didn't want to know. We did that for exactly the same reasons as you, we wanted to be able to say 'its a girl!' when she was born.

TBH, it was surprisingly easy to just say I didn't know, I just had lots of excuses ready for why I kept on referring to 'her' and made sure I deliberately referred to 'him' a few times, just so no-one suspected.

sweetkitty · 10/02/2010 22:21

colie - everything has been the same in this pregnancy we thought it was another girl too, even had her names chosen, we have had two scans now and he is very obviously a he but I still don't quite believe it until I see it. Have bought some blue babygros but they look odd.

Totally agree about the name thing, do not tell anyone in RL any potential names, they will pass comment and if they don't like them try and put you off, much nicer to say DS was born this morning and his name is Dumbledore IYSWIM?

Baileysismyfriend · 11/02/2010 10:15

We did find out with DD but didnt with DS and I much preferred not knowing and having everyone guessing, we wanted DH to look and then tell me and that was the best moment ever!

Most of my friends have found out and then gone on to name the baby and then call the baby that name from then on, each to their own but there is something about it that makes me feel uncomfortable, not sure why though and I certainly have never told them that.

Original poster

colie · 11/02/2010 10:40

I learned about the name thing when pregnant the first time. Since then have told noone until the baby has came.

I hope I don't tell anyone the sex. I am pretty sure will keep it quiet as we want noone else knowing until our own children know.

I haven't told my own children as i don't think the sonographer sounded definate about baby being a 'he'. After she told us she said this isn't 100%, I know they have to cover themselves but would rather wait until baby arrives.

OP posts:

sweetkitty · 11/02/2010 12:04

Same here colie with DD1 we told everyone her name and got a few comments, DD2 and 3's names no one has known and it will be the same for DS when we finally find a name we both like.

My bump is now referred to as "boy baby" by the DDs and they are so excited, kiss him goodnight and cannot wait to meet him, they keep asking if he will be born tomorrow

I had a private scan at 25 weeks and then another one at 28 weeks and even we could see he is a boy, both sonographers said they were 100%.

NonnoMum · 11/02/2010 13:25

Not exactly relevant but I am (was) very very shortsighted. Hadn't found out sex of DC1, and at moment of birth had to get within an inch of her nether regions before I could declare "It's a girl!!" (everyone very politely let me find out for myself - you see, they sometimes DO read your birth plan!)
Decided to have laser eye surgery before having any more children, just because I wanted to see straight away if my latest offerings were boy/girls without having to do the speccy-thing. However, when my son was born, I got a bit confused by the umbilical cord...

lovechoc · 11/02/2010 17:54

didn't find out with my first, but DH did want to know. we let the first be a surprise in the end... However I made a compromise and said we'd find out with the next baby, so in two weeks times we'll find out what gender baby no2 is and tell family. I really am not fussed and would be quite happy not to know, but I know DH wants to know this time round. Fair do's. It's all down to personal choice.

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