How would you feel is a friend used 'your name'?

[muppety]

A friend who lives round the corner is pregnant with her second baby. I have 2ds but when I was pregnant both times we discussed names. She knows that we chose a name for a dd ages ago. Anyway I asked her what she was going to call this one. She said if its a girl it will be called x(my name!). I said nothing but was really upset when I got home and said she was planning on using 'our name'.

DH doesn't understand. He says our next might be a boy and if it is a dd we can still use the name. Its a pretty unusual one though and that was the whole point! She is new to the area and all our friends are the same now. I already feel like I know my dd with that name even if she isn't real!

Am I overreacting? I have not said anything to the friend. Not put name on here just incase she is lurking and will guess!!!

Sorry if it's moved on but I'd be upset too (I am assuming you are already pregnant), particularly if it was very unusual. I'd probablyt try and think of something equally beautiful and not tell her - or casually drop lots of different names in convo to her in the hope she might switch to one of those.

Or you could just say, that's a beautiful name, you know I had my heart set on it if I had a girl but I think we'll have to choose another one now. I am a bit disappointed but I'm sure it'll really suit your daughter.

We never had this problem because we didn't tell anyone the names we had in mind. I suppose if someone else had chosen "our" names we might have changed our minds but then it wouldn't be the other person's fault! (IYKWIM)

I'd go ahead and use your original name regardless. Who knows what will happen in the future? You may not even see much of this friend in years to come and you'd be wistfully thinking about 'your' lovely name all that time. Bugger it, it's not the end of the world if two kids have the same names. They won't be clones of one another, will they?!

One thing I did think was weird at the time was when we called our dd her name and then dh's ex-fiance had a baby 4 months later and used the same name. Dh and his ex's mum worked toegther so there's no way she'd have not realised about the names. Even so, I got over thinking it was strange after a bit because if it had been the other way round, I wouldn't have budged on our name even if I knew she'd chosen it for her dd first.

Muppety, I can see where you are coming from. I'd got a few girls names lined up (due in Oct but don't know what sex yet) and two other girls I know due before me are using very similar names. So I don't feel like I can use those names now as people will make those comments of "oh, like x's baby?"
Incidently, I mentioned to DH about another girl I know what she is planning to call her DD (if she has one) and he really likes the name, cant understand why I wont use it. Men just don't understand!
Its true you dont "own" a name or can copywrite it, but it still can be irritating so I can see your point.

Are you currently pg? Or planning? If not, it may be a while before you get a DD and no doubt things will have changed - either you'll have gone off the name you originally wanted (I know I go through phases of 'knowing' what I want to call my kids but it does change every so often!) or either you or the woman may have moved away. Plus this woman's DD will be older than yours, and that wont be a prob as they wont be in the same class etc.

Sorry, bet this looks like a rant!!

There was a sex and the city about this. The girls went to a baby shower in the 'burbs of an old friend of theirs (under duress). She announced that the baby was a girl and she would call it ..... X. Charlotte said "that's MY baby name! you KNEW I always wanted that name!" Samantha came in and said "what's going on?" Charlotte said "she's stolen my baby name!". Samantha just said "YOU BITCH! Come on girls, lets get out of here" and they left!

It was hilarious.

But her baby name was Keyla, which is a CRAP name, so that kind of ruined it for me.

Phyllis is a lovely name!

i don't know if i should be offended, noone has ever tried to steal any of my dds' names.

muppety in a way it's a compliment isn't it?
It's always nice when people say they like my children's names (not many do say it lol)
And when I meet another girl, as we did on the beach last year, with my dd's name, which is quite unusual in a child, (lots of great-aunts tho ), I am always pleased!
I see how it's a bit different from that if it's a close friend but I don't think it really matters. I do see why you are upset but don't think you can do much...

btw what is the name???
(Assuming phyllis was a joke??? my MIL is called it but hates it and always uses her 2nd name. I quite like it actually).

Moomin, how's this for weird?

Someone I know has a son of 14 called C. When I was at her house I noticed on the wall photos of a little girl I used to know called L, who is now 16, and an older boy - I assumed they were niece and nephew or something - but when I asked it turned out that they are the son and daughter of her husband's first marriage and the older boy in the photo, who is now 18 or so, is also called C!!!!

L & C have taken their stepfather's surname (they split up a long time ago), but my friend sounded quite indignant about this and said legally they should still have their father's surname - in other words she thinks both boys should have the same first name and surname!

I didn't dare ask WTF but was severely tempted

when i had my dd, i chose a unusual name which i love. when she was about 3, a girl i went to school with and lives across the road chose the same name for her dd.i was fine until she told me in front of my best friend, that i knew she always wanted that name and that i'd nicked it from her!!! ffs! the cheek,luckilly my mate laughed as she knew i'd loved the name for ages. i hadn't had a proper conversation with this girl for about seven years, but i now find it a compliment.although was miffed at first as dd's name isn't even in the top 500. i am now 7 months pg and my friend is 6 mnths, she keeps asking if i've changed my mind on this baby's name, i swear if she goes into labour early and steals it, i'd kill her,but know she won't do that to me. i would definetly try the reverse psychology on her like bran suggests, but i wouldn't lumber the poor child with courgette!!! LOL dior, what a shitty thing your sil did, i'd get a dog and name it after her child if she has one LOL just kidding.

Hmmm, I wonder if we have sort of done this, twice!

When we told one set of friends what name we had in mind for DS1, they said that they also liked that name (I did however mention it first) if they had a DS, I thought it was a joke as DS1's first name with their second name made the name of a famous person, as it was they had a DD. When I was having DS2 I was discussing names with a friend who was also pregnant and they said they liked the same name that we liked for DS2 (a name that had been on the short-list when expecting DS1 so not really a new thought)(I knew I was having a boy, they didn't know what sex they were expecting), although the name we both liked was their DD1's name backwards, so I just figured they were having a laugh but having spoken about it since I think they were serious, as it was they had a second DD so it wasn't an issue.

I certainly wouldn't deliberately go out and take a friend's chosen name but hope I haven't done so accidently.

Worse than a friend stealing your name is a chav attempting to steal it! As it turns out we are expecting a little boy which we are delighted about but before we knew my DH chose a really unusual girls name and the meaning meant a lot to us. I told my sister the name and she promptly went and told her pregnant friend. I don't mean to be nasty but the friend in question is a total chav and a said she may use the name! I think she dropped the idea in the end which is good because we are saving the name for if and when we have a girl! Obviously, there isn't a name in the world that is entirely original but I still don't understand why people can't think for themselves.

Although I'd be a bit annoyed, you have to remember you are giving your baby a name for their entire LIFE - not just for their school years.

When I was at school there were loads of Sarah, Claire, Fiona, Jane, Katherine, Paul, Richard, etc etc etc. Who cares - although a name is important, it doesn't define you. We all disappear off to live our adult lives, away from the class of Claire and Paul and are surrounded by people of so many different ages, eras, races ... all with very different names.

I'm with the majority on this one - irritating, you should tell her that that was your baby name (otherwise she'll think you copied her and might be equally annoyed if she doesn't make the connection that you told her the name in the first place), and let her know you'll probably still use it (if you want to), then put it behind you.

reading the title I thought you were going to mention something like in the movie Single White Female... but for a name of a baby... the best way to avoid other people using it is to keep it to yourself.

Yeah - I would be really pissed off! I think it is well out of order.

Some of our friends have just had twins, and have called one the same name as ds1, and TBH I am actually honoured, there is 5 years difference and we don't live in the same area.

Have I contradicted myself? I think they are 2 very different situations.