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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How long after the birth should my mum come?

11 replies

LuckyC · 25/01/2010 11:22

My mum is generally very cool and a very easy houseguest. This is good, because she's coming out from Africa, and when she does come she'll come for a couple of months. DH and I both want to her to come, to meet/help with our first baby.

But I would like some time for DH and I to "learn" the baby/ alone with the baby before she arrives. DH has 2 weeks paternity leave. I am thinking a month after the birth?

Do you we're missing a trick and should take advantage of her offer to be here from the start and get some help in the mad early days? Did you have someone come and stay and help, and if so when? Anything you would have done differently?

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gorionine · 25/01/2010 11:27

I had an aunty that came just before Ds2 was born and was supposed to stay another 3 weeks after, did not work at all, mainly because in spite of her being my aunt, there was too many things we did no know about each other that made it really akward.

Now If my own mum could have been there right after I gave birth I would have loved it ( I think!)

compo · 25/01/2010 11:27

I would invite her when your husband goes back to work

MumNWLondon · 25/01/2010 11:28

I would get her to come around the time your DH goes back to work after his paternity leave. Otherwise he'll go back to work and you'll wish she was already there to help you. If you are up a lot in the night you'll really appreciate her there in the day so you can catch up on sleep.

I want my mum to come a few days before my DD but thats partly as i already have 2 other DC that she can help with. My DH will take his paternity leave (other than the day of the birth!) after my mum has lef.

If she's an easy house, i'd say earlier?

cakeywakey · 25/01/2010 11:36

My Mum came to stay once my DH had gone back to work - she did pop over with other family as well though in those two weeks to have a cuddle and coo. It was nice to have those first two weeks together as a new family though with only the ocassional visitor.

CakeBuddy · 25/01/2010 11:57

Congratulations on your pregnancy and imminent arrival - such an exciting time!

If DH has got 2 weeks off, I agree it's nice to have that time together as you say, to get to know your baby together and decide as a couple how you would like to approach each problem / routine / situation as a team (however laid back and lovely, your mum is bound to have an opinion and will be only too keen to offer it!!)

I'd say maybe then give yourself a up to a week once DH has gone back to work so that you have some time to yourself with the baby and so you KNOW you can cope on your own, and then have your mum arrive just as the laundry is mounting up and the freezer is getting empty so she has lots of practical things to do to help from the minute she arrives, leaving you to look after your baby which she looks after hers - you!

We also live overseas and often envied siblings in UK who were able to have mothers come for the day and help and then LEAVE rather than our having them here for a very full feeling period of time. Hope that helps!

Original poster

LuckyC · 25/01/2010 17:17

Thanks all for the advice.

cakebuddy love the bit about the freezer emptying and laundry piling up... perfect timing.

OP posts:

squishy · 25/01/2010 17:22

My Dad and Step-Mum came and stayed nearby the day after she arrived (was planned for a week later, but she was late!) for just under 2 weeks; whilst it was invaluable support, I'd have rather had the first 2 weeks with DH (who didn't work at the time) and then had them (maybe, because she cooked a lot for us, which was a blessed relief!)

GuernseyFrench · 25/01/2010 17:37

My mum who also leaves overseas is due to come for 6 days a week after the baby is born, unless he arrives early in that case, she'll come soon after and stay for 2 days just to meet him!

I'm quite happy with the arrangements as it will mean that DH and I have a week to get use to be 3!

woowa · 25/01/2010 17:42

I am also having my mum up after DH's paternity leave is over, as I would like him to be the one who bonds and i feel if mum is here he could get a bit sidelined. She's happy with that, I think! I'm a first-timer too though, so i could be proved wrong!

flyingcloud · 25/01/2010 19:22

My mum is going to come two weeks after the birth too which is great for us too, as ignorant first-timers. However I am not due for another 2.5 weeks so she is also coming this weekend just for four days to do some cooking and laundry. She is also coming from overseas, but got cheap flights.

I agree with the suggestion that she comes when your DH's leave is over.

Haggisfish · 25/01/2010 20:02

we have arranged to be alone for the first week of hubby's paternity leave and then his parents are coming for a week. then my mum for a week and then Dad is coming for a few days (they are divorced). we have to have a rota for them all becuase they all live miles away. we will also be making it clear they are only invited if they are prepared to help with cooking/cleaning and dog walking!

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