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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Just got BFP, but not telling DH...

80 replies

HeighHoHoHo · 23/12/2009 16:51

... as have mc a number of times, 4 before 6 weeks, so am not believing I'm pregnant until I get past 6 weeks.

Not sure how long I will hold out for, but thought I'd try.

Feels a bit weird posting in pregnancy, as don't feel it/believe it.

Just wanted to share my news with someone.

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belgo · 23/12/2009 16:54

Congratulations! Hopefully this time all will go well.

Please tell your dh - how will you feel if you miscarry again? You are going to need your dh's support, you can't deny you are pregnant.

nickytwotimes · 23/12/2009 16:55

Oh, you really ought to tell him.

It is his baby too and you will be supporting each other. You needn't tell anyone else.

Hulababy · 23/12/2009 16:58

Congratulations!

I agree that maybe telling your DH might be better though, so you can support one another through what is probably some stressfull weeks for you.

Original poster
HeighHoHoHo · 23/12/2009 17:01

I just don't feel pregnant and can't quite believe the test, so am fully expecting to get my period in the next couple of days. If it doesn't come by Christmas day, I'll be 4 days late and I'll prob tell him.

If I mc this early, I'll be disappointed, not devastated and will be OK.

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Original poster
HeighHoHoHo · 23/12/2009 17:02

Thank you for all your kind messages, it is nice to tell someone

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nickytwotimes · 23/12/2009 17:04

Hope it goes well Heighho.

Nice thing to tell him at Christmas?

I have been lucky with my 2 pgs, but stil didn't believe it till about 8 wks or so, so I can imagine it must be hard. Still think he should be in on it though.

PandaEis · 23/12/2009 17:05

congrats

FWIW i understand why you are keeping it to yourself. i have had 5MC with the last 4 being less than 6 weeks i am hoping for a BFP this month and i wont be telling anyone for a few weeks if i do find out i am

xx ei xx

Original poster
HeighHoHoHo · 23/12/2009 17:06

We have an amazingly lovely relationship and don't keep secrets from each other, so I think I'm only able to do this as I really really don't believe I'm pregnant (or maybe CAN'T believe I am for fear of being hugely disappointed again).

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Original poster
HeighHoHoHo · 23/12/2009 17:07

Got to go, he's home!! Thanks all

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sunburntats · 23/12/2009 17:11

I plan to do the same Heigh.

5 mcs under my belt.

Seriously thinking that when i next get a bFP i wont be saying anything to anyone, not even DH.

I feel so gutted that i cant do this properly, and cant face his dispointment again, so i plan to jsut say nowt, leave it for as long as i can.

I understand 100% why you are reluctant as i feel the same.

Original poster
HeighHoHoHo · 23/12/2009 17:25

Thanks sunburnt and PandaEis, really glad I'm not alone in feeling like this. Also, sadly snap to both of you on the 5 mcs. Have got children already, so feel very very fortunate, but 5 mc in a row now are very hard to bear.

Hope you get your BFPs soon, then we can deny they are real together x

He's nipped out again, so can post

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kinnies · 23/12/2009 18:05

Congrats!!

Do you think he might notice you avoiding wine, shell fish ect?

Anyway hope it works out for you

sunburntats · 23/12/2009 18:43

not alone at all. I feel quite strongly about it. Im going to keep it to myself as long as i can.

MumNWLondon · 23/12/2009 18:50

Congrats, hope it goes well.

But think about telling DH today or tomorrow, as he can support you. I suspect you don't want to get his hopes up either so maybe just say you have had a BFP but that you don't want to talk about it, and for as long as possible try not to believe it so you will not be devastated if anything happens.

Original poster
HeighHoHoHo · 23/12/2009 22:16

don't really drink much, kinnies and don't eat shellfish, so don't have to hide anything from him.

I'm not telling him now because I can't allow myself to believe I'm pregnant.

Sunburnt and PandaEis, I am so sorry that you've had a horribly large number of miscarriages - it's heartbreaking. I really hope you get BFPs soon. Will you tell me when you do please?

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SleightiesChick · 23/12/2009 22:19

Congrats HeighHoHoHo! Hoping you get a lucky Christmas break with this pregnancy.

Original poster
HeighHoHoHo · 23/12/2009 22:27

Thank you Sleightieschick. I really hope so too

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notanumber · 23/12/2009 22:38

Oh my goodness, HeighHoHoHo, I have absolutely been in your shoes.

Please look at this thread for evidence. I got loads of wise advice from lovely MNers, and I followed it and told DH, which was absolutely the right decision.

I know how hard it is but please tell him.

I've got absolutely everything crossed for you.

Original poster
HeighHoHoHo · 23/12/2009 23:02

thank you notanumber for pointing me in the direction of your old thread. What fantastic news today, I am so pleased for you - enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

DH has not asked about my period, so have not lied to him. It is such early days, my period was/is due yesterday or today so I really shouldn't have tested yet. I did think the responses on your earlier thread were good and reasoned, but I'm still keeping it to myself for the moment. I probably will tell him in the next couple of days. Will keep you posted

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Original poster
HeighHoHoHo · 23/12/2009 23:03

Meant to ask how pregnant were you when you tested and how pregnant when you told him?

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notanumber · 23/12/2009 23:12

Fair enough. I do understand.

I tested a few days after period was due and told him that day - after much wavering - on the advice of MNers. I have not once regretted it, and I don't think I would have done even if the outcome had not been good.

You are very much in my thoughts. Please do contact me if you want a less public chat.

Original poster
HeighHoHoHo · 23/12/2009 23:22

aww, thank you notanumber, that's kind. It's that awful place where you cannot imagine that the two lines on the test are going to lead to a baby.

Feel so envious of women who see a BFP and think 'oh my goodness, I'm going to have a baby in 8 months'

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Original poster
HeighHoHoHo · 26/12/2009 18:58

still not told him and am astonished I've not got my period yet. Think I'll tell him on Monday as would be 5 weeks (if I still am)

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sunburntats · 26/12/2009 19:02

Good luck hun.
Feel the same about bfp...i just think "here we go again" it means absolutley nothing sadly.

Original poster
HeighHoHoHo · 26/12/2009 19:10

You're so right, after 5 miscarriages, it means nothing - but have to get it first to have any chance.

Hope you had a good Christmas despite recent sadnesses x

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