Someone please talk to me...

[memorylapse]

I think I might need counselling..help of some description...
Im 17+5 pregnant and I feel absoloutely beside myself with fear that Im going to loose this baby..so much so that its interfering with my enjoyment of the pregnancy and Im obsessing about every synptom..or lack of symptom

after I had dd2 in 2004..I fell pregnant again very quickly but sadly suffered a MMC at 16 weeks...I fell pregnant again quickly but devastatingly went into labour at 23 weeks and lost another LO..

the strain of losing two babies at that stage affected my marriage, DH and I grew apart and ended up splitting..but eventually got back together and I was chuffed to bits to find out I was pregnant again again in August this year.
However the pregnancy has been fraught with difficulty from day one..constant bleeding, a blood clot in my womb, gestational diabetes diagnosed at 15 weeks etc..
my MW has been fantastic and listens in weekly to the HB to reassure me..but each time I come away feeling elated that everything is ok..this lasts about 48 hours before the fear sets in again and I convince myself the baby has died
last week I was in hospital after thinking my waters were leaking..but a speculum exam showed no fluid at the cervix and baby's HB was fine so all was well...
however Ive not felt baby move for 2 days despite MW reassuring me that at this stage I wont always feel it everyday (I have been feeling movement ) and Im right back to convincing myself baby has died..
DH has lost his temper with me saying that Im spoiling things for him too..but today Ive been in tears convinced of the worst...and I dont really know what to do

I don't want to leave this unanswered. but havhe no real advice for you unfortunately. have you spoken to your DH & MW about your fears?

Hi there - I really feel for you - the degree of anxiety you are suffering from must be almost debilitating and putting so much pressure on you and your DH. Do you think you should talk to your GP and midwife about getting some further help? Perhaps you could get some counselling to try and help you manage it and give you a place to discuss your worries that also takes the pressure off of your marriage.

You poor thing! I am sorry for both of your losses. I lost my DS at 21 weeks and my second pregnancy was spent feeling just like you did. I am glad you are being looked after well, at least if there is any problem they should be able to spot it quickly - although I hope it will be problem free this time from now on. I don't have a lot of advice, my happy ending pregnancy was spent mentally ticking off every single day that I managed to stay pregnant which was so draining - I went to term in the end and all was well. I just wanted to post to say that what you are feeling is perfectly normal!

Ahh I totally understand! The only thing that put my mind at ease at that stage was a heart beat moniter - you can get one similar to the midwife's one off ebay. I used to listen once a day.

I have had 7 losses all in all, one at 22 weeks and I cannot relax until the baby is safely in my arms.

I am now 6 weeks pregnant again and I'm already knicker checking, over analyzing every symptom. I went for a scan last week and I was litrally shaking so much I couldnt control it right up until I lay on the bed for the scan. The relief when she told me everything was in the right place was immence. But I am panicking again now and I have to wait until 3rd Dec (not far I know)

With my DS2 - I had the constant bleeding, the blood clot in my womb and throughout the pregnancy they where trying to diagnose me with GD. DS2 was born at 38 weeks by section (that was choice though!)

Can you afford to buy a second hand hb moniter? I am pretty sure you can rent them too until the baby is moving more - I used it right the way through though cos its nice to hear it

so sorry to hear of the babies you lost, i am not surprised that you are so anxious and paranoid and scared

i think that is a pretty normal and natural reaction

you do know, odds are , this baby will be fine? you need to hang onto that.

your DH is probably feeling scared and worried too, and unfortunatelt it is coming out as anger, but that is not right,

can you ask your MW if their is a specialist midwife you can see? perhaps a bereavement midwife?

you and your DH are in this together and need to support each other, but you are both wrapped up in your own grief and pain

ask your MW if there is any other help you acn get, and there will be some perinatal mental health services out there for you to access

be kind to yourself

Agree that you should speak to GP/midwife about your anxieties and how you feel. But also, don't feel bad about bothering them if you are worried about something - it's better to speak to them/get checked out. How you feel is totally understandable given your past experience.

If it's any help, I bled loads right throughout my pregnancy and everything was fine in the end.

Ok, just some practical stuff from me. Try eating an icelolly or a very cold drink from the fridge - often a good way to prompt baby into action.

Thanks for the replies..I did go to see my GP but she just diagnosed ante natal depression and wanted to put me on AD's I asked about counselling and she said the waiting list was so long I would have given birth before I got an appt.
GP and MW keep trying to reassure me that everything is ok..but I cant understand why Im not feeling movements when the last few days before the weekend I was feeling quite strong movements..I hired a doppler to reassure myself but DH confiscated it

Could you buy or hire a Doppler so you can listen to the hb as often as you need to?

memorylapse, I really would order a heartbeat monitor if I were you.

i think they are about £9 a month by your stage you should be able to find it quite well (but don't panic if you can't). I went to the hospital last week because I hadn't felt the baby move all day and it took the mw a GOOD 5 mins to find the heartbeat. She even went to get another mw to help

Oh memorylapse

Sounds completely understandable but horrid. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do tonight but can you see MW/GP tomorrow and maybe a doppler would be a good idea if you get a decent one and you probably will, at this stage get a decent reading if you use the same approx place that the heart beat has been heard before

x

doppler's downside is you might not be able to find the heartbeat every time, baby at this stage is all over the place and if your placenta is anterior, it will be muffled too,

see your obstetrician, discuss your fears, ask for referral immediately.

if you can afford to pay , then pay

you must not be fobbed off, you need help while you are acutely anxious

Im so sorry to hear that there are other people who have suffered losses..thank you for taking the time to reply.

I hired a very good doppler from ebay and was picking up the hb quite easily..but last week..I couldnt find it..got in a state and ended up calling the midwife..turned out baby was just in a funny position...so DH hid the doppler..
Ive begged him to get it out so I can check but he has refused saying if I cant find it Ill get myself in a state again...I cant get anymore in a stare than I already am

honey, i do agree with your DH , the doppler is creating more upset and misery for you.
can you arrange for more monitoring from the MW , at least until say 24 weeks , when there is much better chance you will find the hearbteat every time?

Molly..I didnt want to cloud our may thread with my fears.
Lulu..I think I will book an urgent appt to see my gp tomorrow and see what happens...my MW has been amazing though..she sat and held my hand while I sobbed my heart out last time I was there so she knows what an anxious time it is for me..

Julez..Im so sorry for your losses..congrats on being preg again..I completely identify with the knicker checking

I was utterly convinced I would lose my first baby as the m/w said I would. Baby is now 8 and a bloody pain in the arse at times.

I was convinced I would lose number 2 as we nearly lost number 1 at the end. Lots of extra scans. She is a stroppy madam.

Never even thought I would lose number 3 even though I had had a m/c before conceiving him and lost his twin.

It is so hard when you are a worrier and there is nothing you can do other then wait.

I know nothing but I can't help feeling that you should feel movements every day once you have had some but there will be someone who will know this along soon.

Take care of yourself.

if your gp is still not helpful, then do see your obstetrician or ask your MW for more help /referral.

Lulu..the MW said they dont want to listen in more than once a week as they cant be sure that it doesnt affect the baby....

whihc is another reason not to use the doppler...

oh dear

it is so hard, you have my every sympathy

i know it is impossible, but you ened to try to relax, even set aside 10 minutes a day to start with, to listen to some music, do something that makes you feel relaxed, lie down , talk to your baby, connect with your baby, and do not allow yourself to worry or be negative for those few minutes

then aim for 15 minutes, then 20 minutes etc. and hopefully you will be able to get more in the habit of feeling more positive and relaxed

ML - feel the same about talking about my DH etc - make sure you get support from somewhere though - ok if I come here to chat too?

Hard to know with dopplers, isnt it? it can be great when you find it but terrifying if you don't. DH might well be right. Wish I was near as v good with dopplers but the Irish Sea is in the way xxx

mollybob..I dont mind at all..pull up a chair

Lulu..I know what I need to do..but its like I have a mental block..something says..dont get too attached..in some respects Ive distanced myself from my bump..or at least tried to..

sadly cant try the sugary food/ice lolly trick as am diet controlled diabetic at the mo..although not well controlled right now

bluebump..Im so sorry you lost your LO at 21 weeks

memorylapse, sorry you're feeling this way, although I'm not surprised given your past, and the way you were treated at the hospital the other day. You have so much going on at the moment, it's no wonder you're a big ball of stress and worry. You have to be kind to yourself at the moment.

As lulumama quite rightly said, the odds of the same thing happening again are very very low. This baby is a fighter! it's proved it so far.

As I said on the antenatal thread, I'm not feeling consistent movement. I know you're a few days further along than me but I doubt it matters much - right now the movement is sporadic as they can still move about a lot, day and night. I totally, totally understand why you're worried, just saying that the rest of us aren't feeling constant reliable movement either.

I know you say you can't get counselling through your GP before the baby is here, but have you thought about ringing CALL? They offer "emotional support and information/literature on Mental Health and related matters to the people of Wales" - I've rung them in the past when I was going through a bad patch and they're great, they give loads of info on counselling and support available in your area as well as just listening. They're open 24/7 so there's always someone there willing to listen and reassure you.

Tbh if I were in your position I'd be seriously considering taking the AD's too - anything to help you cope and get by through the next few months. x

ice cold diet drink might help? can dh go and buy or suck ice cubes.

James..do you not feel movement every day then?

I think counselling is the way forward for me..Im not depressed but anxious..as whenever Im reassured that baby is fine..everything is fine..the misery stems from my constant anxiety that baby will die.

I never received any form of counselling after losing the last two babies..so just kind of bottled it up