Someone please talk to me...

[memorylapse]

I think I might need counselling..help of some description...
Im 17+5 pregnant and I feel absoloutely beside myself with fear that Im going to loose this baby..so much so that its interfering with my enjoyment of the pregnancy and Im obsessing about every synptom..or lack of symptom

after I had dd2 in 2004..I fell pregnant again very quickly but sadly suffered a MMC at 16 weeks...I fell pregnant again quickly but devastatingly went into labour at 23 weeks and lost another LO..

the strain of losing two babies at that stage affected my marriage, DH and I grew apart and ended up splitting..but eventually got back together and I was chuffed to bits to find out I was pregnant again again in August this year.
However the pregnancy has been fraught with difficulty from day one..constant bleeding, a blood clot in my womb, gestational diabetes diagnosed at 15 weeks etc..
my MW has been fantastic and listens in weekly to the HB to reassure me..but each time I come away feeling elated that everything is ok..this lasts about 48 hours before the fear sets in again and I convince myself the baby has died
last week I was in hospital after thinking my waters were leaking..but a speculum exam showed no fluid at the cervix and baby's HB was fine so all was well...
however Ive not felt baby move for 2 days despite MW reassuring me that at this stage I wont always feel it everyday (I have been feeling movement ) and Im right back to convincing myself baby has died..
DH has lost his temper with me saying that Im spoiling things for him too..but today Ive been in tears convinced of the worst...and I dont really know what to do

Mollybob..I had a big glass of cold water...nothing

Sorry for your losses. Some hospitals have a women's health counselling service which may be easier to get access to than the counsellor for your GP practice. Its worth asking your midwife about what's available. I think the movements will become a lot more noticeable at around 20 weeks, so hopefully that will help.

someone on here said try lying on your back on the floor and put a heavy book on bump (not world atlas, not paperback, something in between).

I am 24 w. I felt baby move very early (12/13w), but only this week have I felt baby every day (and somedays very little).

sorry ML - wish that had worked for you

I'm a few weeks behind you but only feel movements once in a blue moon. Things are hard enough for you without all this anxiety. Is there a miscarriage assoc near you as this is a common response to the terrible losses you've faced?

are you and dh talking again after row about doppler? you have both lost so much - do you ever let out the fear you have with him? have you ever cried with him? seems to me you're very strong but bottle it up and then rant and rave at times - like me. maybe you need to let go a bit xxx apologies if talking out of my bottom

sunshine..I might try that when I go bed

Mollybob..we are talking..but he refuses to discuss my worries

I understand how you are feeling, I have been there too. I had no problems with my first pregancy, second one ended in a termination at 13wks as the baby had fatal abnormalities, got pregnant again after a few months and again at 13wks had to have another termination as the baby had severe abnormatilies again and would have never been able to live outside the womb. I was told that the two cases were not related, but that I had just been very unlucky. I got pregnant again and I spent my entire pregnancy crying and worring at every single scan ( I had to have one every month) that they were going to tell me that there was something terribly wrong with my baby. I now have a beautiful 11wk old DD2 and I am just so sad that I did not enjoy my pregnancy, I didn't even let myself feel happy or feel any love towards the baby as I was terrified of suffering again. I would love to go back and enjoy those 9 months. I did not feel any movements every day from around 20wks, and even then it was only a few times a day. I know how hard it is, try to be stong, positive and happy, I wish I had done that.

Don't get in a panic about cold water not working, it won't. Has to be icy! But also at 17w you don't get very consistent movement since they have still quite a lot of space to move around in so don't necessarily feel much; it works better later on.

As you have gest diabetes do they give you more scans than usual? When's your next official one? Remember you're getting weekly reassurance and realistically there is nothing you can do to make a difference to the outcome, but your baby has done very well so far and all the signs look good.

Am off for an scan tomorrow after bleed and cramps. Was initially upset & shakey and told to rest - ha, fat chance! But strangely, a full teaching day and parents eve was the best thing, kept my mind off worrying and left me feeling strangely pragmatic - what will be will be.

But glad you've come on here and let us metaphorically hold your hand

M78..Im sorry to hear about your lost DC'S, lovely to hear about your new DD though

Heated..I hope the scan goes ok tomorrow...Im not booked in for regular scans until 28 weeks then they will be two weekly..next scan is the anomaly one at 21 weeks

Just butting in here, but try lying on the floor very still and balancing a dvd case on your bump. The very small movements that the baby makes that you are not able to feel are made more obvious by the wobble of the case.

Sorry to hear of everyone's loses.

I'm 17+5 as well and I don't feel regular movements, I asked my consultant on Tuesday and said they're is no need to worry about it until you get to 21 weeks when you should be feeling regular movements.

Something I used to do with my first pregancy was lay on my side but half on my front and my DD would kick, especially if the icy icy water didn't work! The other thing is the bath!

After all that happens I think it is natural to be anxious, we have friends who had loses and I think that makes this pregnancy more anxious but the chances are low, childbirth whilst natural is normal for so many people, we spend lots of our time stressing and worrying I had a SUV picked up on my 20 week scan last pregnancy and stressed the rest of my pregnancy and DD is fine! so as hard as it is I'm trying not to think about what can happen.

I agree with Lulumama and you DH ref the doppler, whilst when you can get a Heartbeat as soon as the baby is in a different position and you don't your going to think the worst!

Have you thought about Hypnobirthing? I'm starting this week (A friend of mine is sending me the book and cd) as its supposed to help with the relaxation, I was sooo stressed last pregnancy and had a horrid birth so I'm trying to think positive to get myself in the right place. But I've been reading loads of hypnobirthing and they say to use the techniques before can help! and people that have done it rave about how chilled they are about the birth but also how chilled the babies are xxx

Thoughts with you xx

thanks missmama..I tried balancing something on my bump last night..but baby isnt playing.

Butterscotch..one of my very good friends is a therapist and has offered to show me some relaxation techniques..I think its probably time to take her up on them..its reassuring to know that I dont potentially have to feel baby move every day

I am 20 + 4 today and am only just feeling movements regularly. I felt the first ones at 16 weeks then nothing for 2 days, then felt them, then nothing for a day, then felt, then 3 days off.... very sparodic.

Baby is only inches long so has lots of room.

My placenta always grows on the front too which means I only ever feel movements round the edges iyswim?

I find getting in the bath, but flipping over onto your belly works, the water holds you up to a certain degree to stop you squashing your belly too much and you can feel the movements against the bottom of the bath very well. Otherwise as someone has said, in bed lie on your side, but slightly leant forward so you are half on your belly, half on your side.

thanks ladyoftheflowers..I did have an anterior placenta with dd2 but I know its posterior this time.

tried to get a gp appt..no luck and midwives not in the office today..and they dont provide you with a mobile number

can you search out the doppler dh hid? i find that at this stage in well covered mummies that the temptation is to go onto the bump but the best place for heartbeat is right at bottom above bladder (empty it first!) and loads of KY and press pretty hard in all different directions - usually works xxx

memory -- I'm so sorry to hear of all your losses and it is completely normal to feel as anxious as you are. I think the idea of seeing a therapist is a very good one. I saw a hypnotherapist after two early losses as I was suffering from terrible anxiety in the early stages of this pregnancy. It really helped me immensly.

Regarding movements, I am 21 weeks and have been feeling the baby moving on and off since about 18 weeks. Last weekend I didn't feel anything for 3 days and was beside myself with panic. I called my private consultant first thing Monday morning and he reassured me that at this stage baby movements are NOT consistent. He said the general rule he goes by is a woman usually starts feeling sporadic movements between 20-24 weeks (sometimes before). After 24 weeks the moveements are usually felt daily and after 28 weeks one can start checking them....

Of course after three days of nothing, the moment I hung up with him, I felt a few good strong movements! Strangely enough, I think anxiety can quiet them down....at least it seemed to do so in my case!

Do keep in mind that at 18 weeks the baby has many places to hide. Just to give you a further idea, I went for my 20 week scan (at 20+5)the other day and there were some somersaults I didn't feel at all!

best of luck and I am sure everything is going to be fine.

Our MWs are only contactable between 9am and 9.45am and I only get to see her once a month - not at all on the weeks I had scans or the week my GTT is booked.

I would like to see her every month to have my urine/bloodpressure/baby heartbeat checked and I have not had the problems you have had.

Agree with that Teletubby - I had 2 scans in the last 2 weeks - babys' position meant full anomaly couldn't be carried out in first scan, and she was thrashing and dancing about and I could see it on the screen but not feel it! Even when she stretched out fully a couple of times I felt nothing.

Also wanted to say YANBU for feeling to anxious.

Btw, last weekend, I also tried cold water, sugary foods and cafeine......nothing worked to get a reaction......Doctor said he was probably happily kicking inwards towards my spine....

Just to calm your mind, is there no way to perhaps have a private reassurance scan? I did this at one point and the sonographer literally just did a quick two-minute scan so I could see the heartbeat. It was expensive but worth my peace of mind.

Hi memorylapse,
I'm really sorry for your previous losses and just wanted to post that although I never suffered such late losses, I experienced huge depression and anxiety during ds1s pregnancy due to prior pregnancy loss. I totally relate to constant panicking that I would lose the baby.

I had counselling with a specialist pregnancy/miscarriage/abortion charity and it really helped me. They focussed on working through my earlier losses and that enabled me to lose the depression/anxiety surrounding the current pregnancy. it wasn't actually about that pregnancy, it was about my previous losses. I am so grateful for that counselling, it made such a difference.

I was lucky in that my town has a pregnancy crisis charity that offers free counselling. You could see if there is anywhere local to you? Or the miscarriage association has a website, they might offer phone counselling?

I really think counselling would help - you need to work through what happened to you before and your terrible losses. I hope you ge tthe help you need.

mollybob..I have tried looking for it..but knowing him he has probably put it in the loft!

teletubby..thank you thats reassuring..the daft thing is..I know this is the case but the reasonable part of my brain has been taken over by the frenzied anxiety

I can remember having a "moment" with ds2 at 28 weeks..felt nothing all day turned up at the labour ward in a state..they scanned me just to prove he was moving..but he was facing the back of me so I couldnt feel him..so I know that if they can do that at 28 weeks then its even easier at 18 weeks

do you have other DCs at home? can you turn up at nice mat unit you were at last week? not good for you to feel so stressed? any nearby friend who could go into loft on a search for you? x

the other DC'S are at school..but I need to pick them up...Ive phoned the day unit and they are contacting one of the on call midwives..

good - progress xxx

Hi ML, how are you feeling today? No I don't feel the movements all the time, in fact I've barely felt anything for quite a while. I feel the occasional tap or swishy sensation, and think "was that the baby or wind?" then nothing lol (elusive little sod) I know it's only a matter of time before they're pretty much doing it constantly - and not long before they're headbutting your bladder and shoving out your ribs!

I think you've had some really good advice about the miscarriage counselling, I'm sure if you call that number I linked to below they'd know if there are any specialist services round about, as they cover Wales specifically. They told me of two counselling services, both a couple of streets away from my house, that I had no idea about!

I know it must be terribly hard to have faith in your body after what's happened in the past, but you do have 4 beautiful healthy children, so you've proved it can be done many times over!

Hi Memorylapse, I am sorry for your losses. You are bound to worry - it's only natural, especially given your history.
I have had two miscarriages and have worried in each subsequent pregnancy (this one and with ds)
I am 18 weeks and although I have felt the odd movement from 13 weeks, I do not feel this baby every day nor on a regular basis. this worries me.

It doesnt help when people say "who you are small, are you sure you have a baby in there"
In fact, someone said to me over the weekend, "I am bigger than you and I have just had a big dinner"
I was on here a few weeks ago, bemoaning that I was in maternity clothes at 9 weeks.

Try and talk to someone who can reassure you.