Don't shoot me but... what exactly is so hard about having a baby?

[Naivenewbie]

Ok, I know that sounds like I'm be deliberately provocative. I'm not really. But I'm expecting my first baby in 10 weeks (eek!) and am just wondering what specifically it is that turns your world upside down? Don't they just eat and sleep at the beginning? Seriously, don't think I'm taking the piss. I am just genuinely wondering why my house has to turn into a pig-sty, why I apparently won't be able to get out of my pyjamas before bedtime, cook a meal, wash my clothes etc. People keep implying these things to me and, whilst I am open to them (rather like my PJs actually), Im just wondering why it's the case...

I said to my friend recently about her new-born, can't you try to sleep when he does? And she said it's not that easy, you find so many things to do. And I'm wondering - WHAT?

Some other things are hard. One of my babies was born in winter, and everytime I wanted to go anywhere I had to put the hats/scarves/snowsuits/blahblah on him and his brother, only to have the unmistakely sound of nappy filling ring out as I opened the door. So I'd have to take all the winter outerwear off DS 1, and strip ds2 right back to his nappy and start again. It just took ages. Sometimes I didn't feel like going anywhere.

Breastfeeding also can be hard at the beginning even if it's not hard iyswim. I've never had any trouble with it, but in the early days your boobs can get like boiling hot massive rocks, and if you have a fast let down, and the baby lets go - which they do when they're little, sometimes to cough because they can't deal with the flow - then the mild sprays out, like from a shower head. I once showered someone at a cafe table that was about 4m away. So I'd wonder whether it wouldn't be better just to stay at home, and invite girlfriends over, or to go to their houses.

And of course it's hard to enjoy life when you never sleep for longer than 45 mins in a row, and it's true that you pass many hours looking at them sleeping. And you should do that, because it's the most wonderful thing.

The reason you don't get out of your pyjamas is because you don't always know when day is.

Not everything's so bad though. With ds2 I used to get a babysitter and go cross-country skiing for a couple of hours while ds1 was at pre-school, from when he was about 3 weeks old. You'll probably be able to space out some of the feeds after the first fortnight.

yes, soniaweir. I agree. After the first bit, it's not bad at all because well, my DS was generally happy, I could bf him anywhere, and so I could just take him along with me anywhere and loved having him with me all the time... until I had to go back to work

grumpy - ds was early, too and I was shocked as I anticipated another 2 weeks!

I find maternity nannying hard enough and there I'm not the one who's just given birth, is feeding, is hormonal, is coping with the pressure from both grandmothers (well I am but not in the same way) and whose life has changed forever.

There is no way that you can prepare yourself pre-baby, even if, like me, you've done lots of round the clock care for them, for how you're going to feel because at the end of the job I can hand them back. They're not mine. They're not in my life forever. If you've never done that then you have no idea what you're in for PLUS all the above!

Haaaaaaaaaaahahaha.

Sorry.

If you are very fortunate you will get an easy baby who sleeps like a dream and is a good feeder.

Or you could get one like my DS.

Feeds every 90 mins. What they don't tell you is that each feed TAKES 90 mins! They might sleep for 30 mins giving you time to have a shower OR eat OR sleep (never all of them can be accomplished within a single nap time) then he was awake and instantly wanting food.

He also needed holding ALL the time. I wish to god I'd had a sling (seriously, buy one, it really will make life easier)

Don't mean to scare you, but after the first 3 nights at home with DS when he didn't sleep AT ALL (and I mean between 10pm and 6am he was wide awake and screaming) I didn't wonder WTF I had done to my life.

well... you asked

god, you are all a big bunch of miseries.

tell you what, moth, if you go in expecting it to be a nightmare, it will be. imo.

That wasn't supposed to sound threatening BTW - the no idea what you're in for. It was more that you don't have anything to benchmark whether your baby is 'normal' or not against.

yes, so imoved, you really should have got a sling and solved your problem.

i don't get why everyone needs to be so horribly negative, tbh.

And by the way, my house was not a tip. Nothing looked like it was turned upside down. I just felt tired and had some pain. Tiredness can really play on how you perceive it's going iyswim. Even now, people always comment about how I handled having a new baby so well and made it look so easy. I just got myself together nicely before I went out and made sure my house was clean so on the outside it was all tidy when inside I was exhausted but exhaustion and all, it's the most wonderful feeling in the world, being a mum. I just love it.

What everyone else said

And please dont be smug if your baby is really easy for the first few days, they sometmes take a while to wake up-ds was a dream for the first 2 weeks. He then SCREAMED non stop for 10 months. And only slept for very short periods before the screaming started again. I barely sat down in that time, let alone lay down long enough to sleep.

Oh, SOH you've mademe cry too!

Newbie, you will spend hours upon hours just staring at your little person in abject awe. Just enjoy this. You won't have much time when DC2 comes along.

If you have drugs during labour, you will possibly feel rubbish for quite a while afterwards. I certainly had a "hangover" after a spinal. No probs after "natural" birth.

Also, you will never have an uninterupted meal again. Ever. They cry when they smell your dinner is ready. When your DH takes you out to dinner, PFB will be your only topic of coversation. This really got to me, the meal thing.

You just change, you join the worlds biggest club. You become more human. You can empithise better than before. When you see news reports showing displaced families, you see yourself, and realise how we really are all essentially the same.

Good luck!

also, moth, in case god forbid the subject gets on to labour, i had two good experiences of giving birth. one was an induction, one was an cs when dd was preemie and in difficulties, but both were FINE and positive experiences.

bfing tough going but worth the effort.

i find people harping on about how hard everything is about being a parent just a bit self-indulgent tbh. wear your baby close and try to remember to enjoy him or her as the tiny bit doesn't last long.

It's not a nightmare at all ime, even with a sleepless baby. I found having one baby fairly easily, even going out, just grab a couple of nappies, some water for me to drink, baby in the pram or sling, and off we go. Nothing complicated about it.

I found having two children in 18 months the hardest work.

Judging from these posts my DS must of been a very easy baby. But I still didnt manage to get things done! I was far to busy watching him sleep in his moses basket and watching back to back episodes of Gilmore Girls whilst munching on chocolate digestives.
To be honest, I cant remember how I managed with dressing/washing etc, those 1st few weeks are a complete blur.
Still only have 2 weeks to go till I have a reminder!

It really does depend on you and your baby.
Personally I found my first two as newborns the easiest time. Ok I had to wake up and feed in the night, but soon got used to it, they were text book babies 4 hourly feeds and so forth. Slept most of the day so could get things done, easy labours didn't really need much recovery.

My 3rd baby wouldn't sleep in the day unless he was being held, has only recently slept through at a year old!

Must just be me as a person though as I've still never found myself in my PJ's come evening time, still manage to dress and wear makeup most days

I would say just try and go with the flow, if you feel you need to spend the first weeks indoors just staring at your little miracle then do that! If you want to be running a marathon by week 2 then thats fine too!

I always had a shower and put make up on, everyday, but my house was a mess. My sister's house was always perfectly tidy.

It's the little things like the hoovering and dusting that you never get around to. The fact that everytime a hot meal is put on the table your baby will want feeding.

I wouldn't even go to the toilet without taking my baby....the first anyway!

Oh, I love it, but sleep deprivation hit my like a freight train first time round - this time I'm getting less sleep (and 3 year olds have no sympathy), but it's much easier to cope with. It is good to go in assuming that it will be fine, and maybe find out worse bits as you go on, but as Aitch says, low standards help...

you can do blw for the meal thing. [smug]

I remember calling a friend on the phone when DD was about 10 weeks old and literally shouting at her 'WHY didn't you tell me that it was going to be like this!'. She told me that I wouldn't have believed her. She was right.

Having your first child and all that comes with it is really something that you have to experience before you can really understand it. It's the hardest - but most wonderful - thing that I have ever done.

Like birth - I think that the best thing you can do is go in with a completely open mind - then you can roll with whatever is thrown at you. If you go in with a fixed idea of how things are going to be, you may well be disappointed.

It can be all bad though - we're thinking about TTC DC2

Good luck!

(DD was much easier btw, and did slot in a bit better-it does depend on the baby)

My house is never tidy, not very before dcs either so mainly that things that are important stay important!

Do you think the OP has got the picture?

Before she runs off to have her nervous breakdown, should add that I quite agree with SOH's post, and I did find quite a bit of time to do nothing in the first few weeks.

It's mainly just that the your normal priorities totally slide, and the most important 2 tasks for every free moment, become:

1. stare into the wide, deep, sea-coloured eyes of this entrancing being I somehow conjured out of my tummy.
2. when wide, deep, sea-coloured eyes are shut, stare at tiny frail bird chest going up and down, because only YOUR WILLPOWER is keeping that teeny heart fluttering.

Both of those are genuinely more important than eating, sleeping or household tasks. Or so it feels at the time.

Then you have baby number 2 and realise that babies can actually continue to breath without both parents staring at them in a state of entrancement

tablet?! that's domestic goddessry that is.

Easier if you go with the flow IMVHO

Dd was fine. Ds was harder cos I felt I should know what to do (but you don't really, cos all babies are different and you have to get to know them). Both births were sorta complicated (one epidural, one no pain relief at all ) but both totally fine and each had their amazing bits (not least the leetle tiny baby at the end ).

Honestly. Just don't beat yourself up about what you can't do, and enjoy letting your baby call the shots and it's stress-free. WEll...

Crikey - it wasn't that bad!!
I was always up and dressed in the mornings to have breakfast with my husband - kept the house reasonably tidy - and just got on with things.
I agree with Belgo - when no 2 arrived 18mths later the real hard work kicked in but even then it wasn't that bad.
Have a positive attitude - it is a little bit sad to start out on such an adventure expecting it to be so bad. It isn't always like that. Enjoy the last few weeks of your pregnancy - and look forward to having a newborn and all the joys they bring rather than worrying about problems that may never arise!

I am baking for the playgroup fundraiser, Aitch, and if you saw my house you'd see just how un-goddessy I am. Unless Olympus was a pigsty.

I have more pictures, Aitch, and a BLOG. want to see?