Don't shoot me but... what exactly is so hard about having a baby?

[Naivenewbie]

Ok, I know that sounds like I'm be deliberately provocative. I'm not really. But I'm expecting my first baby in 10 weeks (eek!) and am just wondering what specifically it is that turns your world upside down? Don't they just eat and sleep at the beginning? Seriously, don't think I'm taking the piss. I am just genuinely wondering why my house has to turn into a pig-sty, why I apparently won't be able to get out of my pyjamas before bedtime, cook a meal, wash my clothes etc. People keep implying these things to me and, whilst I am open to them (rather like my PJs actually), Im just wondering why it's the case...

I said to my friend recently about her new-born, can't you try to sleep when he does? And she said it's not that easy, you find so many things to do. And I'm wondering - WHAT?

[poshsinglemum]

The gore that comes out is a shock. I was swimming in blood(after birth), breast milk, baby poo and wee and c-section juice for about two weeks! I did not feel remotely presentable.

I was so detrmined to breast feed but dd wanted to feed all the time so I was stuck on the sofa for about two weeks.

I think it is a big change in identity and personal space. I have always been independadnt so it was a shock having someone rely on me.

Your experience will be different from mine and hopefully you won't have a c-section.

All the best.

[poshsinglemum]

It is wonderful too and if you were like me you will stare at them with a big smile on your face for weeks too! It is worth it you know!

[ladylush]

What's so hard?

1. Sleep deprivation
   
2. Worry about whether you are getting it right
   
3. Lack of any time to do anything for yourself or housework etc.
   
4. Constant feeding - feel like a cow
   
5. Breast feeding (if bf) - would always choose it, but it is hard especially in the first few weeks when baby cluster feeds
   6)Perfect baby envy - there's always someone you know who has a perfect baby who sleeps well, feeds every 4 hours, sleeps through etc.
   Both my dc had digestive problems so cried a lot. Ds did not believe sleep was necessary and I almost lost my mind. Dd sleeps better but like ds wants to be held a lot (getting better now at 4 months old). Neither of them would sleep alone and I had to resort to co-sleeping - which I wasn't happy about but it was the only way the dc and I would sleep.
   BUT there are so many more positives than negatives. The first smile, the first time they look at you with recognition and pleasure, the way they stop feeding to initiate conversation with you.......and so much more Good luck with the birth. I won't talk about my exp in that dept as don't want to put you off even more

[nearlynewgrandma]

Hormones, anxiety, total dependency of your child - but mostly UNCONDITIONAL LOVE .......

[grumblinalong]

This is all I can liken the first few weeks to.

Do you know when you're at work and you feel ill/tired/hungover but you can not leave? You have a mountain of work to get through and every small task you do feels like walking through treacle when all you want to do is curl up and go to sleep? Well that's what it feels like when there is a newborn around 24 hours a day. If you do lie down when the baby is snoozing it's really difficult to sleep because your hormones/instinct means that you're constantly listening for crying. I was so sleep deprived with my second I heard crying when it wasn't there. If you've not experienced it you can't understand because it's not simply about sleep deprivation. It's a weird mix of hormones, recovery, raw emotions and the weight of responsibility. You'll be fine though! I was and I'm really not a coper.

[IMoveTheStarsForNoOne]

Aitch
heh, it did come across in that way. Must not be so oversensitive, sorry.

Sorry OP - didn't mean to scare you, really I didn't, I'm totally crippled with back pain at the moment and being an arsey cow.

[nearlynewgrandma]

PS You will survive

[IMoveTheStarsForNoOne]

oh, and OP - when one of your post-natal group friends is claiming that her baby is sleeping through the night at 2 weeks old, she is LYING!

Competitive Parent Syndrome - another thing nobody ever tells you about. Just ignore ignore ignore

[merryberry]

i found it not so easy, because i'd developed "mother's ear", that extra layer of listening that goes on all the time even years down the line. so you go to sleep when they do say at week 7 and despite being dog tired, you wake if a dog farts two houses away, just in case it was some weird new noise your baby made, who now needs you.

[BettyButterknife]

grumblinalong I had those auditory hallucinations, too. Really scary - made me realise I was losing the plot. I am terrified about how it's going to be second time around now that I am pregnant again

OP - your brain changes when you have a baby. It really does. With every contraction, new synapses fire, new connections are made. You will never be the same again, physically and emotionally. It turns you into a different sort of person - basically, the ancient mammal parts of your brain come to the fore and, as others have said, you sleep differently, your priorities are totally different, your fears have changed. It's ALL different. Argh.

Or, to look at it more romantically, Nigella Lawson said that motherhood is when you stop being the picture and start being the frame.

[AitchTwoToTangOh]

don't apologise to me, i'm apologising to you.

[AmazingBouncingFerret]

Im worried about the OP now, she hasnt posted for a while!!

Its not that bad! Honest.

[canella]

think i must have had a much easier time with dc1 than most of you - i really did have time between feeds to have a sleep and do housework (even with BF in the first few months) and once the baby was about 3 months i really think it wasnt so hard. Granted the sleep deprivation in the first 6 weeks is shocking but if you just do what you can around the house (and obviously dh helps!!) and you're not a perfectionist then you'll be fine. those weeks will pass and life isnt so bad after that!

now with dc2 and 3 thats a whole different story - life wasnt so easy then!

[CheerfulYank]

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, honey. Ohhhhh, honey.

[Morloth]

I once went 72 hours without any sleep at all, DS just would not settle and I couldn't disconnect. I kind of got to the point where I couldn't sleep even when the opportunity arose.

And all things considered DS was an easy baby and I had an easy time of it.

[canella]

come back OP - think all these scare mongerers have scared you away!!

[angelz]

hmmmmm, get back to me in 11 weeks

[SoupDragon]

Every time I see this thread title I go "hahahahahaha!" Which isn't helpful, I know.

I was of the "how difficult can it be..." school before having DS1. It turned out that it could be very difficult indeed.

[HappyWoman]

Dont get too scared.

I had it fairly easy - used to work 'on call' so already knew what it was like to be disturbed in night - or so i thought.

I think for me it was the self-doubt about everything - you worry when they are awake - but then you worry if they sleep too long. You have no idea what this tiny little thing needs.

I was fairly lucky - mine never had colic and were good at getting into a routine early on. But there is always something - teething, bugs,......

It is easy to think you will just sleep when the baby does and catch up on all the housework - and actually somedays that really does happen. But then there are days when it all seems to go wrong.

Dont expect too much and try and fit around your baby instead of having hard and fast rules.

And good luck with it all - hope you do get a happy one.

[yayitstheweekend]

My first baby was a nightmare, cried all the time, only slept on me and was an impossible feeder but I never found it hard to get dressed, do my hair and make myself presentable. I arranged some help with cleaning so that the house was tidy and after the first couple of weeks was out and about at least once a day enjoying myself with my baby. Yes the sleep deprivation wasn't great but I got used to it. Same with my 2nd who was a breeze.

[Bambinoloveseggbirds]

For me it was:
Recovering from em-CS
Lack of sleep
Interfering MiL & SiL
Long lonely days once DH went back to work
Constantly worrying about EVERYTHING
Grieving your old life/career/figure
Utter boredom at times once everyone has lost interest in you and your new baby.
The wash/wipe/clean/pick up cycle
Losing a connection with my DH - just too tired to have a conversation (lasted a few months)
Teething - in my case, it was 5 months of hell where I thought I was losing my mind
PND caused by a combination of all of the above.

DS is almost 11 months and the best way I can describe the past year is, like Groundhog day with no sleep. Bloody wonderful year though despite everything, and I truly mean that.

Enjoy your last 10 weeks. Go out with your partner and do couplely stuff, eat what you like, have a great Christmas and let everyone make a fuss of you - and gets lots of sleep if you can.

[angelz]

I think how hard it is, imho, depends very much on how your child is. Liklehood is thoose who say it is a doddle where the lucky ones who have naturally more contented babies. Whatever your situation turns out to be, please take it easy on yourself and really try not to get disheartened by tales of " Well my little darling slept through from 1 day old and changes her own nappy".
If you turn out to be one of the lucky ones, please take it easy on the rest of us and limit the smug comments to when the mother of the continually crying baby is out of ear shot!

[whensmydayoff]

Oh stop being so bloody miserable you lot ! (well, the miserable ones)

Do you know the thing that I found really hard about having a first......how bloody negetive people are about pregnancy, birth, babies and toddlers.

They fill your head with negativity, fear and dread and that's exactly what you get when your mind set is already there.

I remember hearing on countless occasions 'you'll life will never be the same again, you'll never get it back'.
I dwelled on this and when my DS was 9 weeks old I just broke down in tears - oh god what have I done, this is what it's like, relentless, exhausting.....and Ive still got the 'terrible two's' to face !

Bollocks. The early days are hard AND exciting AND amazing AND exhausting AND mainly VERY VERY FAST!

I can't remember much of that, it's a very small part. They get easier and easier, funnier, cuter and as for terrible two's???? Doddle. My life did come back and it's better. Im due my 2nd in 6 weeks and I appreciate more what is about to happen and now my head is full of positive thoughts.
OK, im not Mary Poppins, im not dancing in the streets about the sleepless part but at least this time I know it's short lived!

You carry on being positive Naivenewby and it will be pretty easy. It'll be as easy as you make it for yourself.

[funtimewincies]

I found that any sleep I was getting when the baby slept (night or day) was of such poor quality because a) it was too short to get into a deep enough state and b) I was programmed to listen for every cry and whimper which might signal the baby needing me. And if I didn't hear anything for a little while, my body woke me up anyway to panic about cot death.

I just wasn't prepared for the fear of the first few weeks!