Life with 2 (or more)

[funtimewincies]

Why is everyone determined to tell me how crap hard it is with more than one child ?

I know that it'll be different and hard work but I'm beginning to get quite scared that I won't cope well.

I'm 39 weeks tomorrow and had a few bonding problems with ds (now nearly 3) in his first year. Understandably, he's also playing up something chronic in the run-up to the birth (throwing food this tea-time) and has become really stroppy these last few weeks. What if it's as horrible as they say?

Please tell me some nice things about the first few months when it's no longer just the three of us. Sorry, feeling very hormonal and sorry for myself today .

I guess it is the same sort of people who tell you that life as you know it will end when you have your first baby.

I'm only 4 weeks into this parenting two lark and it is a difficult adjustment, but why wouldn't you cope? Of course you will. It might be hard (it probably will) but you will manage as millions of other parents do.

FWIW, my DD also sensed weakness and turned into a monster in the couple of weeks before I had DD2, but now she is wonderful; really helpful and sweet and (importantly) happy.

Chin up, you're having a lovely baby!

That's so true. It will be the same bastards who tell newly PG woman.....

Your life wont be the same again

Make the most of your peace/sleep, you'll never get it again

My birth was hell, painful, 76 hours, near death experience

Kids are a nightmare, I hated this stage, that stage, this fault, that part

Oh your PG/last birth is/was good, then the birth will be hell

Oh your DC is a good sleeper, this one won't be

Your Just having last minute nerves, perfectly normal and understandable. Just like when you move in/marry, have your first 'positive' test, just before you had your first baby and now, all normal !

Your first PG, birth and bonding experience was with DS and is history now, this is all going to be different and unique.

Ignore the fanny's and let it all take it's own course, I bet your pleasantly surprised.

I only have one DS and one on the way (34 weeks) but LOADS of experience with the scaremongers who Im determined to prove wrong ! Good Luck x

Thank you, I'm sure that it is just nerves. I know that I'll cope with it. I have no choice in the matter, for a start, as well as a gorgeous dh and my parents nearby (see I don't really deserve any sympathy ).

Toddlers just sense weakness like sharks sense blood !

I totally sympathise. DS is 21mths and I am 26wks pg. I came home from a toddler group last week very close to tears after one helpful woman took it upon herself to tell me how awful her life had been when her smallest children were little - how she'd had to physically tie her eldest child to the buggy so that he wouldn't attack the younger one, never any peace for her, turned the eldest child into a horror - she went on and on!

But, like others have said, you also get it with your first. Lots of people making what seem like very negative comments.

At the end of the day I look at it like this: There were alot of times in the first year of DS's life that were tough. It was a massive adjustment, and so to a point those negative people were right. So with 2 it will be hard. It will feel like it is back to square one but with a toddler to boot. BUT it will be always worth it. Your DS will have a little brother or sister to adore (and he will even if not straight away!) and you will have another lovely baby to lavish all your love on. There will be so many more positives than negatives so please please dont worry!

Don't worry you will be fine! You will cope, it may be a bit messy at 1st, but it will get easier very quickly. You will have bad days when you just can't seem to get out of the house and end up only getting out for a walk around the block! Your house will be a tip for a while. You'll eat loads of fast food But then you'll have not 1, but 2 gorgeous LO's which makes it ALL worth it It's really not crap having 2 LO's, just don't put pressure on yourself to do everything at once. Just enjoy your LO's as much as you can I have DS1 20months and DS2 5 months and it's already so much easier than the 1st few months, I'm loving it and so are they!! P.S obviously it's hard work but I'm sure no-one needs telling something so obvious!

It is SO much harder being heavily pg with a preschooler than it is with a new baby and a preschooler! I had a 15 month gap between my first two and everyone was full of doom before the baby was born. But somehow, you find a way to get through those first few weeks of post partum haze and emerge with some sort of chaotic routine that works for you!!

My children (I have three with a fourth on the way) have all been vile in the lead up to the birth - I am sure that they sense the change that is coming and they also sense that you are exhausted and fed up and can't move fast enough to catch them when they're playing up . However, watching them interact together now is just magical.

Giving your DS a sibling is a wonderful gift that he'll treasure for the rest of his life - he may be a bit resentful at first, but if you include him lots in helping you with the new baby, then he'll be fine - and when you see them together and playing happily, which they will (sometimes ) then it will ALL be worth it.

Just block your ears and develop a Teflon coating for the next week or so - people can be so unhelpful when you're pregnant !

Idiots. As others have said; is up there with the horror stories and 'well meaning' words of advice you get when pregnant first time round.

I am 32 weeks pregnant with our 2nd DC, DS will be 2.4 years old when LO arrives. I am sure it is going to be tough. But the way I see it is that I got through those first few months one time and I will again. Everything with babies/ toddlers is a phase and any horror filled periods will eventually pass.

Dont listen to these people. I cannot wait to meet our LO, am soooo excited!

Hi mine are 14mo and 2.2.

Agree about the being heavily pregnant part- so much harder at that stage than when baby no 2 is on the outside.

It is hard, things like 'sleep when the baby sleeps' 'rest while Dh/GPs take baby out in the buggy' are pretty much a thing of the past.

BUT it is worth it, mine are playing together atm while I eat toast and MN.

I love them playing together, knowing that even if we have no more (trying for 3rd) they will have each other.

It is harder than with one, the difference is massive so people may be trying to forewarn you but are scaremongering instead.

The plus side with the second is that you know what you're doing, with the first you feel like you will break them every time you change their nappy!

You will be fine- sod the housework and take LOADS of photos of them together.

Good luck

DD is 7 weeks old and DS is 3.5 years

it has been easier and harder than i thought

you basically have to get on with it ... and that makes you get out and about more

DS has had a bit of a wobble but essentially he is very sweet and affectinate with her which is lovely

juggling everything is hard but if the older one misses a bath one night or watches a lot of Peppa Pig it isn't the end of the world

I have found it hard - am breastfeeding and have come out of 6 week growth spurt hell when i have cried a lot

TBH some days if you are all dressed (or not!) and fed that is ok too

get a sling ....

Last night DD was in the sling, whilst i was making dinner for DS and she was quite happy whilst i pottered about and sat with DS whilst he ate

I remember talking to my HV about this when DS was tiny. I just couldnt understand why people kept being so negative. 'Just wait until...' 'ooh you may be ok now but...'. It was really stressing me out but she helped me see that over time I did cope. It was as if they kept moving the goalposts every time I did cope.

Anyway. I was terrified about two - especially the phrase 'more than double the work'. DS is very active and I had a hard time with him - bad pnd and didnt really bond properly (as in enjoy time with him, I always loved him) until he was 15 months.

I will get to my point eventually. I found it easier with two than I did with one as a baby! For me having both of them is maybe 1.25 x the work of one. However that is because what I find difficult about being a mum isnt doubled by having two. I already didnt have a life lol - having another made no difference to this. I already felt guilty about working - number two didnt change this. I already took ages to leave the house and couldt just pop out in the evening. I had already done my mum initiation if that makes any sense?

Sometimes I get fed up of having to do everything twice eg dress two, clean two sets of teeth but its not the end of the world.

DS loves his sister - it is so lovely for them to play together. He did act up at first as it to be expected but we coped - the idea was always worse than the reality. TO be honest until she started crawling he kind of ignored her and life just went on with her being carried about with us . I know it depends on the baby and circumstances but its so much easier and you are so less worried the second time around. You do sometimes realise that the baby has been left in their bouncer in the corner all day and feel a brief moment of guilt but they survive

Really its fine - we are trying for number three now

You should hear the comments I am getting when people hear I am pregnant with number 4, some people cannot get their heads around the fact we wanted 4 children, they assume no4 was planned and that we obviously want a boy (3DDs).

Agree about the doom and gloomers, I think a lot of them are just jealous that you will soon have a gorgeous newborn.

I have 18 months between my first two and yes it is hard at times but life is hard, it's also very rewarding and great fun. People are always quick with the doom and gloom stories but not so forthcoming with the good stuff.

sweetkitty - yes, the presumption that you want a balanced boy/girl 'set' is a weird one IMO.

rubyslippers - I've bought a Sleepywrap sling and hoping that it'll give me a bit more hand free time than I had with ds.

peppa - good luck with TTC !

I had this exact problem! My DD1 was 3.5 when DD2 born. All through my pregnancy total strangers regailed me with tales of how awful it was going to be and I cried lots of times. One guy in the park said 'you think having two will be twice the work...dramatic pause during which I was thinking he was about to say but it's only one and a half!......but it't actually four times the work! What an A-hole. Anyway, my DD2 is five months today - I guess it's early days yet but so far it has been SO easy. I can't believe how easy it is sometimes compared to how much I was dreading it. Admittedly there is quite a big gap between my two but seriously - people that say negative stuff like this are just being t**ts. Just the other day my supposedly best friend was going on and on about how awful it will be when DD2 gets older and you'll never get a second's peace and it's SO boring having to be home every afternoon for the nap and blah blah bloody blah. All the time I was thinking 'this isn't about me, this is about you'. DD1 did play up a little for a while but she's fine now and it's so sweet when DD2 laughs at her DD1's silly faces! You'll be fine - enjoy it!

I was terrified of being alone for the first time and looking after them (DS1 4.5 yrs and DS 2 4 months). It was this HUGE mountain that darkened everything and I pushed it the back of my mind until I had to deal with it

I was really spoiled though because DH took a month's parenting leave and granny came up for another 2 weeks so DS2 was 6 weeks before I had to do it.

For a week before I kew that D Day was coming I got more and more terrified but as soon as I had got over that hurdle and realsed that I could do it just kind of fell into a routine and it was fine.

DS2 is now 4 months old and I can't remember life without the two of them. It feels so normal now. You just have to be more organised but it's fine (so far!!)

Good luck x