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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

telling people before 12 weeks

23 replies

allthatjazz · 21/11/2009 16:19

I've told a few people before the deemed 'safe' time. Am I doomed or is this just my newly found pregnancy paranoia? I have had a 6 wk scan and am 12 wks at xmas thus will tell all family then. Am I being silly thinking its not too big a deal telling a few close friends? I am just looking for some reassurance tbh. Many thanks

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amyboo · 21/11/2009 17:07

It's completely a personal choice. With my first pregnancy I told friends and family at 10 weeks, after a good scan at 9 weeks. I had a mmc at 13 weeks, but I don't regret telling people, as it meant I had people to turn to and talk to about what had happened. With this preganancy (am currently 21 weeks) we waited until a good 12 weeks scan to tell people, but we had told my parents and 2 close friends.

If you feel happy to tell some close friends then I don't think you should worry. It's definitely a personal choice, and should anything go wrong, at least you have people you know you can turn to.

Good luck with the pregnancy.

CocoK · 21/11/2009 17:15

I found it's too big a thing in my life no to share it with someone - the key is choosing those people carefully. I decided to only tell people whom I'd want/need to know if something went wrong early on, and felt very comfortable with that. Try not to be superstitious about it - what will be will be regardless of who knows.

Geepers · 21/11/2009 17:18

I tell everyone, almost immediately. I just can't help myself. Plus I look so rough from about 6 weeks and have pregnancies from hell so everyone would guess anyway. I can't imagine feeling well enough to be able to keep it a secret for 12 weeks.

Tryingtobeorganisedthisyear · 21/11/2009 17:22

Congratulations

I tell people close to me early on...I don't see a reason not too. Just not everyone i know.

Sorry to share bad news, but we lost a baby at 20 weeks so waiting til 12 weeks would have made no difference. I have figured in subsequent (2 since) pregnancies, that if anything was to go wrong at any stage, it's these people who would support me.

I also feel horrendous for 18 weeks so might as well let people know why i'm not on form.

seeker · 21/11/2009 17:27

I don't see any reason for waiting til 12 weeks if you don't want to. I thought I had to wait for 12 weeks the first time I got pregnant, and I did miscarry - then had to tell everyone why I was so unhappy. Which seems to me to be worse. The next time I told everyone from day one.

mollybob · 21/11/2009 17:57

I have to tell people early - about 6 weeks as the vomiting becomes disabling about then

randomtask · 21/11/2009 18:32

I'm 6 weeks and have told my sister, my in laws, my parents and a lovely lady at church. Will tell one of my best friends tomorrow. We're telling DSS at 11 weeks as it's Christmas Day. After that everyone will know

Going on that theory, I'm basically telling those that'll notice me being 'not quite right' and who if I did miscarry would need to be told so they could support us anyway. But everytime I've told someone I've worried I'll have to tell them if we love him/her but then I am a big worrier!!

I am permanently worried I'll miscarry though. Mum miscarried once but apart from that, there's no logical reason.

jlo1234 · 21/11/2009 19:16

i told my mum an sister, and they told absolutley evryone and i was only 5 weeks! i dont think you are doomed from telling people at all and its up to u when and how u tell them! i think it will make christmas day even more special if you can keep it in that long! Congrats

MumNWLondon · 21/11/2009 20:50

its personal choice, do what you feel comfortable with!

But listen to this OMG - was coming out of hospital carrying women carrying pregnancy notes and some women was sitting smoking in a wheelchair very overweight and said to me "how many weeks are you" I said 12 I've just had my scan she said well don't get too excited i had a miscarriage at 13 weeks.

sunburntats · 21/11/2009 20:56

I look and feel like death.
I have had 4 mcs, its a pain having to tell people when that happens.

However, i am 7 weeks now and SO SO SO excited despite the deathly colour, feeling and looking like a corpse, for the 1st time in 5 years i have a little baked bean with a heartbeat in me, it almost impossible to keep this a secret.

told work, not told any family at all yet tho.

katnkittens · 21/11/2009 22:14

I told everyone from 6 weeks with my first 2(innocence from m/c emotiocon)
The third one was a surprise so took me a while to get my head around it, I told close friends and family at about 6 weeks but didnt announce it until about 16 weeks.

I had 2 early losses.

I am 15 weeks now and told everyone by about 13 weeks but kept it pretty quiet from most people before then.

katnkittens · 21/11/2009 22:15

Forgot to say.. a couple of people I know have announced their barely 4 week pregnancies to the world via facebook recently....

spanishgirl · 22/11/2009 22:05

It's entirely personal, telling people won't bring you bad luck. I lost my first baby at 12 weeks and the hardest thing was telling close friends that I had been pregnant but now wasn't. The second time round I told a few close friends, the ones I knew I would want around if it didn't work out again.

peppapighastakenovermylife · 23/11/2009 08:51

katnkittens - I have a few friends who have done that on FB. It brings so many different emotions doesnt it - happy that they are happy, concern for them, keeping fingers crossed. I never quite know how to feel.

Kayzr · 23/11/2009 08:54

I told everyone from about 8 weeks. Mainly because we were far too excited to keep it to ourselves.

I know a few people who haven't said anything that have had mcs and then they have just fallen apart at work or out in the pub as they thought they had to carry on as normal.

HappyBump · 23/11/2009 10:15

As everyone else says it's entirely personal.

I'm a fairly private person but pregnancy does seem to make you public property, people are quite happy to discuss you/your body as if it doesn't have any effect on you.

There is no reason to believe you will mc, even if you tell the whole world.

My experience I didn't tell anyone except DH with my first pregnancy, and I mc at about 8 weeks. The second pregnancy we told people at 9 weeks because we were getting married when I was 12 weeks, so it would have been obvious and also I realised I would have needed the support if it had all gone wrong again. I went on to have a healthy DS.

Next time we told everyone (family etc.) again at about 9 weeks and I had a mmc at 13 weeks. This time we didn't want to tell anyone until approx 16 weeks, but my nosey MIL kept asking and my DH doesn't like to lie so he told her (I was furious, at her ... not him, but completely over that emotion now). I am currently 30+ weeks.

So I have experience both ways and it doesn't make a jot of difference. It is such fantastic news to share, it's hard sometimes but try to enjoy it as much as you can.

Congratulations by the way.

ReneRusso · 23/11/2009 10:20

Of course it's ok to tell people. It's so boring waiting the full 12 weeks. I told my mum and about 3 friends.

DuelingFanjo · 23/11/2009 10:27

I think it's wrong to look at is as being Doomed. I told people I was pregnant (close family) before I was 12 weeks and then I miscarried. It wasn't telling them which made me miscarry, the pregnancy wasn't viable. Plus plenty of people miscarry after 12 weeks

I told people because I needed support after having ttried so long for a baby, I am glad they knew as it would have been so much harder to tell them about the miscarriage had they not known I was pregnant to start with.

Laura233 · 23/11/2009 15:35

I told some people pretty much as soon as I found out... which was 5 weeks, then I told everyone else after having a viability scan at 9 weeks... we had a wedding party and I didnt want to make excuses for not drinking.

I am not 31 weeks and preparing for the birth so I don't think it makes any difference to the pregnancy whatsoever. What will be will be... on the plus side if you have told a few people if you are unlucky enough to miscarry you will have people there to support you through it.

Think positive... I was the same as you! x

emsyj · 23/11/2009 16:14

I told people whom I would have told anyway if I had miscarried. Now that I have had my first scan, I have told everyone else. I also had to tell work as I had really awful morning sickness and so came to work late most days from weeks 6 to 9 and also had some sick time.

KarenAdie · 23/11/2009 16:36

MumNWLondon, what an awful thing for someone to say!

futtle · 02/12/2009 21:00

I'm only just five weeks with my first and terrified (never been pregnant before!) but I think I'd go completely mental if I didn't tell anyone at all (other than Husband, obvs!).

I've told my mother on the basis that, well, she's had a kid before. Like randomtask I'm permanently worried it'll all go wrong, and again my mother had one miscarriage (2nd pregnancy) so no reason to think it will. She reassured me by saying she had exactly the same early symptoms I'm having (exhaustion, sore chest, on and off mild cramps).

I'll be telling my sister - who's past the 12 week mark in her own pregnancy - at Christmas, I think, as it'll be a nice surprise and my in-laws after 10-12 weeks, when I feel a little calmer. I love them but my mil doesn't half get over-excited and I'm worried she'll tell everyone in the entire world (like she does about everything else...!). I'm not ready to deal with that before I feel more confident!

I'm not planning to tell work until 12 weeks unless symptoms / necessary docs visits dictate that I have to...

Hulababy · 02/12/2009 21:07

I told lots of people before 12 weeks. TBH didn't have much choice and most people, even strangers guessed, much earlier. I was being physoically sick a number of times every day from 4 weeks - hard to keep it a secret!

All was fine and DD is now a very happy, healthy 7y.

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