So why do people enjoy making you feel like sh!t during pregnancy?

[mama2moo]

Currently on my 2nd pregnancy and still cant get my head around it.

People are so cruel when infact it is an amazing thing.

Im sick of all the usual comments - Your massive, hello fatty, your labour will be horrible as your first was good and wow that will be a big baby.

Why do they do it? If I know anyone who is pg now I say all the nicest things to them.

Tell me about it! I am constantly shocked at the things that people will say,

"It must be a girl, because you have put lots of weight on all over!" WTF

"I think it is a girl becasue you have really bad skin!" WTFF

"Did you manges to fit into your dress for your sister's wedding?"
me "no, I knew I wouldn't so bought a new one weeks ago"
Her " I thought that would be the case as you have put on a lot of weight!" WTFFF

No one would dream of saying such things if you weren't pregnant.
and for god's skae STOP TOUCHING MY STOMACh you freaks

ooo that feels better
(anny relaxes!)

I thought it was just me!

I had a girl at work ask me if I was sure that I was only 5 months along because she has a friend who is 7 months along and is "no where near as big" as me!!

Then there are the relatives who don't see you for a few weeks and exclaim about just how massive your bump is. I wouldn't mind except they always seem to point at the bit which is just fat.

That being said, there are still the lovely people who tell me that I'm looking radiant (even though the bags under my eyes clearly show signs of sleep deprivation) and that I'm blooming.

Obviously it's all lies but I'd be lying if I said I didn't appreciate the effort...

Pregnancy really pushes some people's butttons!

I had an unpleasant moment last week when someone - a colleague who I considered a friend - saw my bump for the first time (which is pretty big even at 22 weeks and I was wearing a tight dress for the first time).... and poked me in the stomach with her finger - actually quite hard - a couple of times.

I was quite shocked and asked why she did that and she said "she wanted to see how hard it was"!

I was pretty disturbed by it for some reason and told her that if you were going to touch you had to be gentle.

I am pretty certain that she almost did it subconsiously because she would like to pregnant: she is unhappily single at 28 and pouring all her broodiness into her dog.

It is odd how people change when you are pg.

I havent once had anyone tell me I look good!

Maybe people are jealous as it does seem to be the women who are evil.

It is years ago since I have been pregnant but, I agree, it seems like some people see it as a green light to be rude.

The all time classic "are you carrying twins, ho ho" should be, IMO, met with the death penalty.

I felt like public property.

Earlier today I had "oh your so much slimmer than the first time you were pregnant"

Kind of a compliment but also not. Was I a fat cow last time?

Oh good thread.
Im not an overly touchy person, I can take a bit of banter and let the odd fanny's comments wash over me but pregnancy, ugh...

Rewind to my first PG, I had my 30th birthday meal booked with friends and found out that morning I was 6 weeks PG.

I had gone on all week about how much I was looking forward to a drink right up to the day before so I felt it was easier just to tell them.

There I am on my 30th birthday, just done a Pregnancy test and just about bursting with excitement. Told them all, very excited for me......followed by lots of drinking by them (not me) then the last 2 hours of my evening my friend and her husband talked about how shit it was with their toddler, how hard it was, all the crap things that come with parent hood, all the things they miss etc etc. I drove home with my very drunk DH in floods of tears. Never forgot it. It took me 2 months to be excited again .

I then learned that most people liked to moan about parenthood, pregnancy and the top favourite - birth.

Then I had placenta previa, couldn't do any exercise and I put on 3 and a half stone.
"oh your massive, it must be a boy", "I hardly recognise you your face is so swollen", "I never thought Id see you fat".

This time I havent put on as much weight - "oh your not as fat as last time, you were REALLY BIG with ".
"oh if your PG is good this time the birth will be hell"
" is really good isn't he, that means your new DC will not sleep and be hard work".

Last but not least. A few weeks ago im on my way to the swimming pool showers, roughly 31 weeks PG and my SiL I haven't seen in a month is in the shower. Im a PG woman with a tankini on so as little attention as possible is the order of the day - oh no.
"OH MY GOD YOU ARE HUGE, MY FRIEND SANDRA IS ONLY 3 WEEKS BEHIND YOU AND I SAW HER LAST WEEK AND SHE IS NOOOOOOO WHERE NEAR AS BIG AS YOU" followed by everyone else in the unisex showers peering round at said bump.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Bunch of total fanny's all of them. I have never in my life done any of the above and it's beyond me why it becomes open day to fecking stupid statements like all of the above.

Phew, shoulders down, unhinge jaw and breathe

am 41 weeks now so its almost over but have longed to say to various people:

'yes but Im not gonna be fat forever - unlike you'
'really you think Im huge, I heard you had a small penis, shall we chat about that too'
'is it ok if I grope your breasts/penis now' (to random stranger touching'
'does it look like Ive had it yet? Are you fucking blind, Im still carrying a huge bump'
'no Im not still here, youre hallucinating you freak'

and finally

'JUST FUCK OFF'!!!!!!!!

I really think it's our culture's suppressed mother-hatred and body-hatred coming out!!

If I get pg again (I was VAST last time)I am seriusly thinking of getting some slogan maternity tops made:

-no, I am not carrying twins/triplets (unless I am, in which case it will say, 'yes I am carrying twins etc, got a problem??')

-yes, I have a big stomach. I am pregnant. Deal with it.

-please do not ask 'when it is going to drop' or you may get sat on.

etc.

hahahaha.

My SIL says to me 'oh, you've changed shape again' EVERY time I see her like I'm made of fecking play-doh.
Also 'oooh you've really popped out now, before you were big everywhere weren't you?'
'oh you just wait til baby is born and you have 2 on your hands, then you'll be tired'

I don't think she likes me much do you?!

Everyone else I know just tells me how HUGE I am. I know this, I don't need to be told. Nor reminded that in the next 7 weeks I'm just going to get bigger.

I feel great in my pregnancy (95% of the time) and yet I am told at least weekly how pale I look.

I have taken to making sure I am always wearing make up now and even putting on slightly darker blusher just because I am sure they are only saying it as I am preggers.

I don't usually wear that much make up except for work.

Fab thread - it's just extraordinary how suddenly your body becomes public property and it's ok to comment on it, like you're not in the room.

Had a v small bump last pregnancy, which prompted endless (rather personal) comments about how odd it was, whether I was eating properly etc This time it's "oooh, I can't wait to see if you get really big this time" - why? do you have nothing better to do with your time than obsess about my pregnant body shape.

And people just cannot wait to tell you how hard it's all going to be. It makes it worse if I sound positive about things, it's like it makes them all the more determined that everything's get far, far worse before long

Its weird isnt it. I would never dream of telling a pg woman they are huge or touch their bump.

Luckily this time no one is bump groping - Last time I smacked peoples hands away so I think they have learnt. Also, I find wearing scarves so that they cover the bump helps!

Well, it seems to me that whilst i'd never think of saying any of the above comments, i would & do say lot's of things like,
amazing ,miracle , enjoyment, fantastic, breastfeed, what a brilliant pregnancy/birth i had, how nature is fantastic etc....
yet it seems people don't want to hear this either???
They love to moan..Seems you just can't get it right!

Average Joe wouldn't know I was pregnant. SIL last week saw me in my PJs and dressing gown (she lives next door and wanted to borrow Wii controllers) and she said "my god you're HUGE". It was mainly the way I was standing/dressing gown though. I do look more pregnant in my dungarees.

I'm sure someone did ask when the baby was due whilst I was pushng said baby in his pram, lol.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say I really don't care what comments people might make about my figure... I am not defined by my dress size or shape.

BUT it annoys the crap out of me that people feel they can tell me how to behave!

This makes me realise how very tactful and nice most of my family and friends are...except for one very very fit, tiny and toned mum-of-three mate who keeps on telling me how ENORMOUS I look, and- this is a funny one- my student midwife friend, who keeps coming out with gems like:"Oooh, I'm really worried about stitching tears because it's such a mess down there, the average woman's post-birth fanny looks like it's been TORN APART BY A WOLF!"

I can only hope that she has to do a module in tact before they unleash her on the general public....