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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

BFP on Monday - first time. Want to tell family and need advice. Should I wait?

14 replies

Middledaughter · 22/10/2009 12:55

I found out that I am pregnant on Monday. We got married on Oct 3rd and so it must have been a wedding night apparition!

I'm phoned the doctor and they said we'll see you when you're 8 weeks - nothing we can do until then.

I'm desparate to talk to my big sister who had a baby in March and to my Mum but my husband wants to wait until we're further along.

what did you do?

thanks

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Crapweasel · 22/10/2009 12:59

Congratulations

I think a good rule of thumb is only to tell the people that you would want to know if something went wrong. Can you imagine going through a loss (sorry to bring that up) without your mum/sister knowing? If not then, to my mind, tell.

I didn't tell my mum first time round until I was 10 weeks as I wanted to tell her face to face and she lives 200 miles away. This time around she was visting when I found out so she knew at 3+5 ie before missed period!

Original poster

Middledaughter · 22/10/2009 13:02

Yes, I agree and I can't imagine going through that without them knowing. My husband doesn't talk to his family as much and thinks we should handle this on our own but his knowledge of pregnancy is slightly limited!

thanks for the advice.

OP posts:

glastochick · 22/10/2009 13:33

You've got to do what you feel comfortable with. Am 9 weeks and still haven't told either set of parents. We were originally going to tell a few weeks ago, after we'd had a reassurance scan, but DH wanted to wait until our 12/13 week scan when he'll be happier things are going to plan.

I can see his point - my Mum has a habit of stressing me out and we don't think it's fair to tell his parents before mine. So we've got a weekend where we're seeing both sets after our 12+6 scan.

The only people who do know are very very close friends who can't contain their excitement

Congratulations. Hope everything goes well for you xx

hanaflower · 22/10/2009 13:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Middledaughter · 22/10/2009 14:51

I am nervous because my big sister had a funny scan with her first at 12 weeks (all is ok now) and also because it was our honeymoon and we weren't 'trying' so we boozed quite a bit. Would love to talk to someone who could tell me to stop flapping.

Thanks for all the advice.

OP posts:

Tillyscoutsmum · 22/10/2009 14:59

Congratulations

Try not to worry about boozing before knowing your were pg - its quite common (I was on holiday when I found out I was pg with dd) and feel free to talk to people on here - it can be very reassuring

When to tell people is a very personal thing. I'm not that close to my family, so didn't tell them until after the 12 week scan with dd (I also had 2 mc's before and didn't tell them then). They knew earlier with my second because I was too big to hide it.

Obviously your dh's feelings are important but the way I see it, telling people before 12 weeks isn't going to make any difference at all to whether anything horribly happens or not (I don't believe in "tempting fate" rubbish) and if you are close to your family and would tell them if something did happen, then I don't see any reason why you wouldn't tell them.

On the other hand, if DH wants to enjoy a couple of weeks of it just being your little secret, then that's understandable as well. Maybe agree a compromise to tell them at, say, 7 or 8 weeks ?

theDeadPirateRoberts · 22/10/2009 15:02

I got pregnant the night we got engaged (was working away at the time so could pinpoint conception fairly accurately). Following 2 weeks we went to at least 3 celebratory dinners - can't remember the exact number as there was so much champagne involved . It's common, so don't sweat it.

So, what else do you want to know? Have to leave for school run now, but there's oodles of mothers who love giving advice and opinions on here

fiziwizzle · 22/10/2009 15:02

Ooh, tell your mum and sister. I had a threatened miscarriage at 10w and my sister was such a support. And they'll definitely put your mind at rest about the early-stage boozing (the egg wouldn't have implanted by then and even when it does it uses its own reserves for a while; you won't have harmed it).

Double congratulations!!

sleepwhenidie · 22/10/2009 15:09

Congratulations!

I have always (3 times!) been unable to keep it secret until 12 wks but the other thing (other than m/c) you should consider when thinking about how much info you share with friends and family is if you have any "bad" results at 12 week scan - for instance if you have high prob (or even confirmation through further tests) of DS or a genetic abnormality...would you choose to continue the pregnancy? Its a very personal decision and one you may feel other people may disagree with, in which case you may regret having told them about pg earlier. Sorry to put a bit of a dampener on excitement but there is always the small possibility.

DuelingFANGo · 22/10/2009 15:11

My feeling is that if anything is going to go wrong then it will whether you tell people or not so just tell people if you want to. Someone once said to me after my miscarriage 'I expect next time you won't tell people so early will you' as if my telling them had somehow made a difference.

I told the people I would have wanted to know if something went wrong.

Original poster

Middledaughter · 22/10/2009 15:24

I think the compromise idea is a really good one but I'd love to discuss with my sister my nutty concerns like.... I feel like its implanted on my right side and my right boob has got bigger and more solid than my left and the fact I haven't felt sick at all yet and I'm not quite sure how to work out what week I'm in. Plus the fact I'm A rhesus negative blood type and I'v read somewhere that might be a problem if the baby is positive. I have thrown all of this at my husband but he hasn't had much light to shed on it all except finding my big right boob amusing!!

OP posts:

Tillyscoutsmum · 22/10/2009 15:37

If you know the date of your last period, you can work out how far along you, expected due date and probable conception date here

Sickness quite often doesn't kick in until 7 or 8 weeks and some lucky beggars don't get it at all

As far as I know, rhesus negative is only an issue if you have any bleeding. You may be offered some antibody testing later in your pregnancy and be offered an anti d injection if necessary.

Implantation on right side isn't a problem - nor are "odd" sizes/shaped boobs. Just one of the weird and wonderful symptoms.

Not that any of that should stop you telling your sis if that's what you and your dh decide. Just see if you can get to the bottom of his reluctance to tell and try and convince him otherwise

Original poster

Middledaughter · 22/10/2009 15:51

Thank you Tillyscoutsmum. Feeling much calmer.

OP posts:

sleepwhenidie · 22/10/2009 19:09

Being rhesus neg just means you will have one or two (there is a new anti-D product which only requires one but up til now there have been 2 required)injections during pg and possibly immediately after birth (if baby is positive). These are anti-D injections, which prevent your immune system attacking the baby if your blood and baby's come into contact and baby is postive - more of a risk to future babies for some reason I forget, but done as a precaution from first pg. Its not a big deal when thrown in with all the blood samples etc you will go through - and the birth of course !

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