what will i do?

[eatincakealot]

i have just found out that i am pregnant and the father is unaware at the moment as he works away. were not even a "proper" couple. and i got pregnant whilst using contaception.
am i going to ruin his life and how am i going to word it. i already have a 2 nearly 3 yr old Ds...and am about to start a new job as soon as my CRB comes through.

Hi eatincakealot, hard to advise as I don't know more about you, and your situation.

My view, and I hope that I don't offend, is that its is better to have an early abortion than have a child that you don't want especially if you are not in a stable relationship, but I understand that that not everyone shares this view.

I think probably best to come clean to him e if possible as soon as possible to see what level of support he can offer you.

Contraception does fail (you didn't say what sort) and his view of whose "fault" this was may depend on what sort you were using. But unless you are guilty of sloppy pill taking its no ones fault and is one of the risks of having sex.

hi...i have just spoken to him after much trying to get through. i have a coil...so apparently impossible to get preg, even doctor was suprised!
he took it much better than i thought and thinks we should both consider everything for a week then he will come home early.

He sounds rather sweet....

Hi, eatincakealot, glad to hear that he's being considered and wanting to talk about what happens next. It sounds like it's really important that you have the time to figure out what you want (not what other people want you to do). One option might be to see your GP and talk about the possibility of booking in an abortion so that you have that option open to you but you don't need to go ahead with it. You can then take a few weeks, figure out what you want and then either choose to carry on with the pregnancy or choose to have an abortion, in which case you hopefully won't have to wait too long.

I would really consider talking to someone outside your family and friends - perhaps your doctor could arrange for you to see a counsellor for a couple of sessions just to help you sort out your thoughts. With the best will in the world, friends and family may have a view on what's best for you but this really has to be a decision that you make for yourself. If you have a gut feeling then listen to that, take time to figure out what you want, don't worry about upsetting other people and remember that there's no right answer, all you can do is make the best choice for you and then manage the consequences.

Very best of luck.