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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Pregnancy over 40

30 replies

pickupthismess · 21/09/2009 22:08

I'm 40 and have two LOs and we have been thinking hard about a third. Decided to go for it and went to speak to my GP tonight.

I have had difficult pregnancies in the past (eclampsia and high blood pressure). But was shocked when GP just told me to totally forget the whole idea of having a third. Said I was at risk, I was too old and that I risked my health and that of new baby. Said they absolutely would not support the idea. I knew they wouldn't be delighted but thought they would say it is possible with monitoring. Am now totally depressed and don't know what to do.

Wondered if there any other pregant mums over 40 and what their thoughts were.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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corblimeymadam · 21/09/2009 22:31

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justbeme · 21/09/2009 22:37

Is it this one here

corblimeymadam · 21/09/2009 22:46

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corblimeymadam · 21/09/2009 22:47

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LadyoftheBathtub · 21/09/2009 22:55

I'm 3.5 months pg and 40 soon. I feel much worse with this pg than the last time, 5 years ago. I don't know if that's age-related but I do feel more worn down and have zero energy. So that is one thing to take into account if you have really suffered before.

However, in your case the GP might not be talking about your age in isolation, but your blood pressure risk. Eclampsia can be really serious - my cousin had it at 35, had a very premature baby who almost didn't survive, and she too only just made it. Luckily they are fine now but it was a close-run thing. So if you are prone to it, taking your age into account, the extra risk could be a major issue.

All gps have their own opinions though so I would see another and get a second opinion.

mum27 · 22/09/2009 02:40

I was told by the gynie 2 years ago that i was too old to be having my DD4, I was 39,and he told me the same scary stories you go and on going in for my emergency c section he was bugging me to tie my tubes, not the most ethically correct thing to do and DD4 is perfect, however I felt that at 39 I wasn't over the hill and in Hollywood they werent even starting til 45! So here I am at 42 and 33+3 and apart from earth shattering tiredness, which might be down to this being DC8 and constatntly running after a 2year old who looks for trouble and running after all the others, or it might be age I have had the best pregnancy of the lot. However everybodys different and the GP might have more than just your age in mind as someone else has already said. Good luck with your decision

l39 · 22/09/2009 03:26

I went to my gp over a year ago at 39 on my husband's insistence. I was quite surprised that when I asked her if I was ok to have another child she was totally in favour. My earlier pregnancies were very uneventful, though - I too think that is the reason you got such a discouraging result. You must be horribly disappointed. Is there another gp in the practice you could ask?

[I only stopped the pill in January, conceived straight away and I'm due next month. My blood pressure was always within normal range and right through this pregnancy it has actually been lower than it was when I was younger. (Used to be 125 - 135 over 65, now 100 - 110 over 60.) Doctors used to assume that blood pressure always rose with age, but it's not so.]

Oh - reading back - it wasn't that my husband insisted we have another child! He insisted that I have my doctor's OK before we started trying! [It took me 5 years to talk him into another baby ]

LunaticFringe · 22/09/2009 10:38

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Henry73 · 22/09/2009 13:29

I am a Doula and OFTEN support mums 40+ my "older" clients often know their bodies better and birth much easier than my younger clients!! GO GIRL!!! xxx

Theteathings · 22/09/2009 13:58

41 here and about to pop dc2! This pg has been far more happy and energetic than my first one 6 years ago.

I have also been well supported throughout and nobody mw/consultants etc have suggested my age is a problem.

Forget your gp and see a consultant and get a second opinion imo.

Original poster

pickupthismess · 22/09/2009 19:56

Thanks everyone. I have been feeling so despondant today. I think I will try and get in touch with my previous consultant and see what his view is. I guess if he says I'd be daft then I will accept it.

The other thing my friends keep pointing out is how old I'll be for my child. ). My first son was premmie due to eclampsia and he is Ok but has his probs as a result. I wonder if it is even fair for the baby (assuming we got that far successfully).

I had been so up for it and now I am quite quite miserable!

OP posts:

sunburntats · 22/09/2009 20:01

Im due to start Clomid in the new year and i will be 40 in the summer.

Gynae had no issues with this at all, i do expect to be pysically ravaged by the pregnancy/birth/early years though.

I was poorly with my 1st child, and had terrible terrible problems thereafter birth, but want a 2nd child badly. I thinkt hat with monitoring and if i educate myself about warning signs, and go into it with totally open eyes, i have no one but myslef to blame if i have a gorgeous healthy new baby next year.

cariboo · 22/09/2009 20:04

I had dd at 37 and ds at 40. My only regret was that I didn't start sooner - I have been permanently exhausted since ds was born 6 years ago. Pickupthismess, it does seem strange that your gp was so adamant (tactless? worried?). Get a 2nd opinion!

GiPi1 · 22/09/2009 21:32

Hi - I am 40 and 8+4 and apart from feeling a little tired, I feel absolutely fine (I have had some fairly heavy bleeding for a week but it is apparently not connected to placenta or anything, just a bit of an anomoly!!) I have 2 little ones, aged 7 & 5, and yes it is daunting to be having a baby at 41 (I would have had my next birthday before my due date) I have gone over and over all the plus and minus points - being oldest mum at the school gates, will I have the energy, being 60 when my "baby" will be just 20 - but hey, you are as old as you feel, 40 is not classed as "old" anymore, and just look around you at 60 year olds - most are more like 40 year olds - older people seem to be getting "younger" !!!
If you and your other half want another baby - go for it, who is your GP or any one else to tell you what to do, unless of course it would put your life at risk !!! xx

mumoverseas · 23/09/2009 09:57

Your GP sounds nice how supportive.

I'm 41 (almost 42) and last July I thought the menopause had started. Wrong! I was pretty shocked to find I was expecting DC4 and had all sorts of tests rammed down my throat by various healthcare professionals but turned them all down and my gorgeous DS was born in February perfectly healthy.
It wasn't an easy pregnancy. I have back problems and had spinal surgery 9 years ago and at the time said I wouldn't have any more children but have had two more since then. I had a lot of back pain and had SPD from about 20 weeks and as I have a history of DVT (after spinal fusion) that was a concern but I got through it and it was more than worth it.

Do what is best for you and DH (and possibly change your GP)

stellamel · 23/09/2009 12:18

Hi, I'm the same as mumoverseas, I thought I was starting with early menopause, only to find out I was 4 weeks preggers! Am now in my 26 week.

I had pre-eclampsia and a knackered placenta with my first baby (when I was 37). But all the health care professionals I have seen about this pregnancy don't seem to be in the slightest bit phased by my age (40) or history. I was more worried than they were! But I have had the nuchal fold scan and 2 NHS scans, also the consultant has booked me in for a growth scan at 30 weeks as she felt first baby was a bit small (6lbs 6oz).

I have felt fine with the pregnancy, tho I won't deny I am a lot more tired than last time, but I have an energetic 3yo, work 3 days a week, plus one full day at college - so maybe no shock!

We conceived in an amazingly short space of time - I know exactly when, as we have no sex life at all apart from a short burst of activity in April (one weekend, one unusually frisky DP), so I can pin point it to the day. Also v. surprised, as I assumed getting pregnant at 40 would be damn near impossible.

I have been convinced by midwife, Dr etc that being 40 is not an issue. Maybe you need to get a second opinion.

Good luck x

LittleMissNorty · 23/09/2009 12:24

I also was 38 with DD and 40 with DS born earlier this year. I had sections with both of mine - but no pregnancy or baby related issues with either of them.

Go for it!

mumoverseas · 23/09/2009 13:41

stellamel congratulations. I was in denial until I was 19 weeks and couldn't hide it any more

LMN why have you abandoned us Fab Febbers?

jardins · 23/09/2009 13:43

I am so sorry you had to hear that from your GP. I cannot comment on the pre-eclampsia, etc. That must have been tough. However I beg to differ about pregnancy about 40. I will be 41 end of November and expect my third in January. My eldest is 13 and the second 5. To be perfectly honest I have felt exactly the same during this pregnancy as during my others; no less energy, no more problems. REALLY and TRULY! Yes, I had dreadful nausia during the first 3 months but it was the same during my other pregnancies. I feel much more serene about things. I wonder sometimes if pregnancy tiredness is due to aenemia? Floradix is a marvellous cure for that.

I live in France and the medical system is great. NOBODY has made me feel worried about my age; my gynea in Paris, prior to moving to Tours, did say to me that I should try to conceive at 40 and 41, not after.

The only blip has been the worry about triple blood tests and the possibility of having to do the amniocentises. Luckily our ultrasound specialist was very supportive and offered us a scan at 18 weeks and 22 weeks which picked up no major abnormalities. (We opted not to do the amnio). All seems well.

Conceiving at 40 can be slow. It took me a few months with a miscarriage inbetween, which was hard. However I fell pregnant very quickly after it.

I hope this positive '40 and pregnant' story cheers you up a little.

Good luck with everything and I would urge you to get a second opinion.

LittleMissNorty · 23/09/2009 13:55

(sorry for hijack)

mumoverseas · 23/09/2009 14:00

(return hijack) thought we weren't good enough for you anymore. Come back over so I'm not the only one old enough to be a grandmother

cece · 23/09/2009 14:07

I had DS2 4 months ago at the age of 42. My GP did give me a bit of a lecture about the dangers when I went saying we were having problems concieving but she did refer me for testing. Think she just wanted to make sure I was aware of what I was letting myself in for. She seemed happier once she had said it all. I said OK and we just carried on! LOL

Luckily we concieved the next month and everything went well. IN fact I had the best blood pressure out of the three pregnancies!

Original poster

pickupthismess · 28/09/2009 23:10

Am OP. I have cheered up a bit now reading the posts. Good to see there are mums over 40 successfully getting pregnant. I am definitely going to try and get an appointment with my original consultant and take a view. But I am going to be positive about it all. I had DS2 at 37 and I don't feel any different now than I did three years ago.

.............am a bit scared of genetic abnormalities though.

OP posts:

mamaloco · 29/09/2009 06:34

I will be almost 41 when DC2 will be born in feb. I must admit that I feel exhausted which I didn't with the first pregnancy 5 y ago. But people (MW and GP included) keep telling me it is not my age, it can happen to pregnant 20 y old mums too. I also thought it was early menopausis but I was sick from the first week so I was in obviously denial
I think your GP might be more concern with your repeated Preeclampsia rather than your age. You should find a specialist in that matter who can tell you exactly what are your chances and risks. You already have two lovely children, is it really necessary to put their mum at risk? Sorry to be so blunt, but they need you.
Remember that at 40 you have only 30% chance of concieving, so it is harder. I have a lot of freinds my age trying and not succeeding.
For those hollywood stars they do have stay at home nannies, cooks, gardeners, drivers... and a lot of money to do expensive fertility treatments and so on, so I wouldn't look up to them they live in dreamland with the fairies...

bandanna · 29/09/2009 11:50

My GP told me he and his wife would like a baby and his wife is 42 so I would take what your own GP said as his/her opinion. Your obstetric team will take good care of you! Go for it

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