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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

When did you tell?

18 replies

pamelat · 05/09/2009 12:22

I am only 4 weeks pregnant (probably 2 weeks really but due date calendar says 4)

DD is 20 months. Am very excited.

I want to tell close family, especially my mum but I wondered whether people have told anyone this early?

DH & DD know. She has been stroking and kissing my tummy. I am not sure she really believes us!

I am seeing my parents tomorrow. Last time (with DD) my DH told his parents before mine knew and whilst I realise its not a competition , I always felt bad that my mum was not the first to know.

We lost my grandma 3 months ago (my mums mum) and I think that this news could be nice for my mum and my grandad. Unless of course, something goes wrong.

So, to tell or not to tell???

My parents are coming away with us in 2 weeks when I will probably/hopefully be suffering from morning sickness so they would only guess? And I wont be drinking etc.

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Mistymoo · 05/09/2009 12:29

It's obviously entirely up to you. You will have to way up who you tell and if you want them to keep quiet until a certain date. If so will they be able too .

I haven't told anyone yet and I'm about 7 wks. One reason is that it's not planned and dh is struggling to get his head around it and so can't deal with all the congratulations. I on the other hand have been quite ill and so would have liked to have told my mum.

I'm OK not saying at the moment on the other hand because BIL and SIL had MMC in June and I'm very nervous about telling them given the circumstances.

Original poster

pamelat · 05/09/2009 12:33

Thank you. Congrats to you.

I would like to just tell my parents, but by them knowing that feel in laws should also know. (And last time they proved selves incapable of keeping a secret).

I would tell my own mum about miscarriage anyway as we are close.

I might ask DH if we can tell mine (because they are coming away with us) and tell his as soon as we are back, when I will then be almost 7 weeks anyway.

Or is this unfair?

One friend of mine is currently undergoing IVF so I cant tell everyone yet, just potentially close family.

OP posts:

Mistymoo · 05/09/2009 12:36

I think it would be nice to just tell your mum. Especially if she is having a difficult time at the moment due to death of her mum. It is always nice to have good news and if the worst did happen she would be there for you.

Original poster

pamelat · 05/09/2009 12:38

I might just tell my mum. She is under a lot of pressure at work and is obviously missing her own mum a lot, and feeling the pressures of having grandad to care for (partially). I think she could do with some good news.

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dal21 · 05/09/2009 13:40

I told my mum as soon as I got my BFP, am very close to her so wanted her to know.

Told other immediate family (DB etc) after I saw babies hb at 7 weeks.

Everyone else after 12 weeks.

sunburntats · 05/09/2009 13:45

having had 4 mcs, i dont tell a single soul because it is just too much to have to tell them when its over.

you did ask (sorry to be horrid and doom & gloom but that is my experience)

hope everything is ok for you x

Original poster

pamelat · 05/09/2009 19:46

Thanks all, will see how the day progresses. My mum miscarried twins at 12 weeks, I was only a child myself, but she would be sensitive/understanding.

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Neeko · 05/09/2009 20:31

I'm 11 weeks pg after a MMC in March at 12 weeks. I've had two scans so far and all seems well - phew. I told my parents, my inlaws and my best friend as soon as I found out this time and brothers and sisters at 8 weeks (due to swine flu in family). I found it awful after the MMC telling them that I had been pg and no longer was and really appreciate the support this time round. That being said I have no plans to tell DD (almost 3) until I can feel baby moving as I could never explain to her if I had MC again. Everyone is different and you should do what works to get the support you need.

PennyScotia · 05/09/2009 21:10

I told my parents when I was 5 weeks, I'm 12 weeks today and we still haven't told the MIL as we know from past experience that she can't keep anything (even very sensitive stuff) secret. I'm not due to have my first antenatal appointment for another week but hopefully can start telling other family and friends after that. I think if you're close to your mum and she'll be pleased by the news that it might be a good thing. But as Neeko says, what's right for you might be different from what's right for other people.

Hope it goes well, whatever you decide.

memorylapse · 06/09/2009 12:04

Im 5 weeks pregnant and we havent told any family members at all, I have told 2 close friends..but thats it..my mum will not be amused when I tell her Im pregnant and having had 2 misscarriages in the last 3 years, couldnt really cope with my mum saying "its for the best" if I miscarried..

Neon · 06/09/2009 12:14

Congrats!

I was 5 weeks when OHs Auntie guessed . We wern't about to deny it as felt that wrong. Bizarrely DP and I had said what will we do if she guesses (spiritual lady). We had to tell close family then as Auntie speaks to DPs Mum every day so wouldn't have been fair. So because everyone has known for ages it feels like have been pregnant for a couple of years ..

We thought - if people know and something happened early on that we would have their support...

Original poster

pamelat · 06/09/2009 20:47

Hello all, my mum guessed!!

I went round planning to tell her and my dad, but my brother, SIL, aunty and grandad were there. It all felt too public

I almost said something on one occassion and my mum made eye contact and actually laughed. I really felt that she somehow knew.

Anyway I didnt say a word, then in the car on the way home she texted me to ask whether I had something to tell her I called aher and asked "have you guessed" ?! and she had.

Feels odd to have told her over the phone but glad she now knows.

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Original poster

pamelat · 06/09/2009 20:47

Neon, just seen that your OH's aunt guessed to! Strange isnt it.

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Neon · 06/09/2009 21:09

Ha - really strange pamelat!
What a relief for you. I think it's really hard to keep secrets so I was glad to tell. We were also quite nervous (first) so we have had a lot of support with people knowing..
So sorry to hear about your Grandma too. It's the one person I know would have been so excited for me. Nice for your Mum to have something to look forward to over the coming months...

HeartOfCrystal · 06/09/2009 21:22

Congrats to you both for having the secret sussed out Am 14weeks and only a very select few know, not too sure why am not shouting it from the rooftops as am really happy just scared i guess incase something goes wrong, it's DC2 for me and am more uptight with this one then my first.... anyways its good you both have the support of at least one person am hoping i get over my nerves soon enough xx

amyboo · 07/09/2009 08:12

I had a mc in April at 13 weeks. I'd told everyone after a successful scan at 10 weeks. I'm currently just over 10 weeks pregnant, and so far we've only told my parents, my boss (because I wasn't allowed to fly for a work trip so had to tell him). and a very close friend and her husband. I'm not telling anyone else, especially in-laws, until I get to about 14 weeks or I start to show, as I'm scared of jinxing things. I also couldn't stand to have to deal with my in-laws "disappointment" (how the feck did they think it felt to me and DH!!!) again.

MumNWLondon · 12/09/2009 22:00

I am 8 weeks. Annoyingly had to tell MIL because they asked us to go on holiday with them (they are paying) in Easter 2010 and were getting eager to book flights etc but that's when I am due, well I am due a couple of weeks later. DH told her, she is sworn to secrecy (can be trusted, although she probably told FIL) and has been told she is not allowed to talk about it even to either of us until we tell them officially.

Haven't told anyone else and will not until after nuchal scan (at 13 weeks) - might even wait a week after that coz hospital takes a week to process blood test results in connection with Downs testing.

Will def not tell DD (age 5) and DS (age 3) as they cannot be trusted to keep a secret. DD is praying nightly for baby sister (I guess thats what happens when you send child to faith school) and so she would be so excited (although worried it might be a boy).

Spirael · 13/09/2009 08:22

I'm only just 4 weeks and I already told my parents (and gave them permission to tell my brother). They already knew though that we were planning on TTC this year, so it's not like it's a major shock or unexpected. I think in the event I MC then I'd rather have their support than keep the whole event a secret from them.

It was also useful as then Mum told me everything about how she got on with pregnancy and birth, since it seems likely my experience is likely not to differ too greatly, given that we're physically very similar.

DH is planning on telling his parents next weekend, when he can see them face to face. I think he wants to see their reaction in person! But again, they knew we were TTC this year so I doubt they'll be that shocked or surprised.

I've told my closest friends, the ones who have been following my TTC attempts, but I'm not planning on telling my wider friendship circle or my work place until I reach around 10-12 weeks, if possible. Mostly because I'd rather not get treated differently too early and have people staring questionably at my midriff before there's anything to see!

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