Older mums advice please

[Spacey01]

I am 42 next month and have a beautiful 19 month old DD. Am umming and aahing about having another child. DP really wants another and I do too but am worried about my age. I had an easy conception, pregnancy and birth but worried that I was so lucky with my little girl that will not be as lucky second time around. She is also quite a handful as a toddler - really easy as a baby and how will I have the time and enery to give that much to a new baby. Also need to make a decision now. Feel like if I am going to I need to conceive now (if I am successful) so that I have new baby by 43. Advice from older mums would be great. Many thanks

Hi Spacey, I had DS at 38 and am now 40 and 26 weeks with DC2. Both easily conceived naturally. Our attitude this time was that we would have a go and if we weren't successful, we would count ourselves lucky to have DS. Hope that helps, and good luck, whatever you decide.

Hi Spacey - I was in a similar position to you. I have a beautiful DD who is now 18 months - I was 42 when I had her and everything was relatively easy. I fell pregnant again when she was about 9 months old (it was unplanned!) but unfortunately that ended in a miscarraige at around 12 weeks. When I found out I was pregnant I was horrified, my daughter was a real handful and still not sleeping through the night, but with hindsight and 9 months later I am sure I would have coped.

I am not sure I can give you any advice but as you have said you probably need to do it quickly if you are going to be successful. We have been trying for no.2 for nearly 12 months now and I am 44. All I can say is that if you want to do it then go for it but my experience is that there is a huge difference between 41 and 43 and you may have to accept that the chances are small. My experience is also that if you decide to try then it can become all-consuming and may in fact damage your relationship with your DH and DD. My own position now is that I am coming to terms with the fact that DD will probably be an only - indeed, if I hadn't fallen pregnant the second time I would probably have been a lot more accepting of that and moved on more quickly.

The other thing I would say is that if you decide to go for it then decide what your contingency plan is. Are you willing to consider fertility treatment if it doesn't happen quickly? Time isn't on your side so, given waiting lists, it is better to have the conversation now rather than in six months time.

Hope this helps and good luck whatever you decide!

I'm 42 and 22 weeks pregnant with my first, conceived naturally. Its due just before my next birthday. Everything is going fine with the pregnancy so far and I feel pretty good. I'm quite tired in the evenings and my legs feel like lead going up stairs, but having not had any others, I'm not sure if its worse than it should be as I have nothing to compare it with.

I'll be trying straightaway for another after this one is born, it'll be great if it happens, but if it doesn't, it doesn't. Was a great surprise to me to be able to get pregnant at my age as it is really! I'd go for it if I was in your shoes, but try not to get disheartened if nothing happens.

I used a gadget called a fertility monitor to find the most fertile time. You wee on a stick for the first 10-14 days of your cycle (when the machine tells you too). I think it must have worked a treat because I became pregnant the first time I used it. Cost was about £80 purchased online, the sticks cost extra. Worth it though, as it worked for me and obviously timing is everything at our age!