abortion

[OliviaGrace]

has anyone ever had an abortion and how has it affected u? do u regret it?

I was absolutley 100% against abortion, even in cases of rape and where the mother or child's health was at risk until I found myself in a position where I had no alternative or I would probably have lost my other children. Don't want to go into too may details.

I have never ever regretted it, and the only way that it has affected me is to make me a lot less judgmental and a lot more sympathetic to other peoples point of view.

Yes. And no I don't regret it. It was the right thing to do at the time. I hope you come to feel that way one day OG. X

I had an abortion 24 years ago. At the time and for some years afterwards, I found it very hard - was obsessed with babies and wanting one of my own. At the same time, I have never regretted it as such - it was the right decision, however tough. Even through the later years of battling with subfertility, I never doubted that I did the right thing. There were many times when i thought that it was too late for me, that I would never have a child, and I couldn't help but think back on what might have been. I STILL knew that it was the right thing to do. I am now, finally, expecting my first child. I would rather have done this earlier in my life but that is adulthood, isn't it? - we make the best choices we can at the time and live with the consequences.

OliviaGrace, I really sympathise with how you are feeling. But remember that abortion is very, very, VERY unlikely to have caused fertility problems for you. I'm not sure why you think you can't conceive? Did something go wrong with the abortion, or did you get an infection afterwards? If not, there is no reason to panic at this stage. You can't undo the abortion, but maybe you could do with some counselling to help you unravel the feelings of powerlessness, coercion and loneliness that you probably have from that time? This is still all quite recent for you. Remember that time is a great healer, as is a child in your arms - I hope that very soon you will get your baby and you will know that THIS is the one you have been waiting for.

Oliviagrace, I had an abortion 3 years ago too. Unlike you I was 37, married, with 2 teenage children. We had got to a point in our lives where I couldn't see how we could manage a baby. We both worked shifts around our children when they were little and now we were both full-time. The grandparents who had looked after the others when we were stuck were now far too old and we couldn't pay the mortgage if I left work or went part-time. I panicked and put the idea into DHs head that I couldn't do it. By the time I'd got used to the idea he was adamant that he didn't want more children. I told my mum, hoping I now realise, for support, only for her to convince me that I wasn't being fair to the children I already have, who were taking exams, to have another baby.

Under the combined pressure from dh and dm I was overruled. I sat there in that room thinking that I didn't want to do it and was too much of a coward to face them both and say I hadn't gone through with it. I knew that if I had problems they would both say it was my own fault and wouldn't help. One of my kids is disabled and I had PND with both of them so I couldn't take that risk.

I really regret it and think about it all the time. It has made me very anti because it was so easy to get the abortion and not one person really probed into why. I wanted someone to give me permission to have the baby and no-one did. I appreciate that this is only my perception and they expect adults to be able to make a decision without hassling them. This is my problem I know. Mostly I blame myself for being pathetic.

My mum likes to pretend it didn't happen and I couldn't believe it the other week when she was looking at little clothes and saying wasn't it a shame we had no-one small enough to buy for

I had the coil fitted and became pregnant.
I had an abortion. No regrets, ever.

I had one in my teens and no, don't regret it. I was upset at the time, and also felt very guilty about it when trying to concieve dd and also when I was pregnant with her. Never really did the "what if"s though - perhaps because I really don't believe that life begins at conception, or perhaps because I'm a tough old bitch.

OG - it takes more than 2 attempts for most people to become pregnant. Good luck with it.

it's interesting to me how many people have changed their names to post on this thread...abortion is obviously still stigmatised and induces feelings of shame in women...i think that is so sad...

sophable - you are reading my mind! I was going to post exactly that thought but didn't press the post button because I couldn't word it properly. I agree and well done for wording it.

is it same/worse in spain do you think?

It's illegal in Spain, except when it's for medical reasons. But it does go on - private doctors fill out forms with fake medical reasons. A doctor and a woman were sent to prison over it quite recently (the woman who had the abortion - I was quite upset about that).

That's awful.

abortion should certainly not be illegal - the right to erminate a pregnancy is a right that every woman should have. Anyone who believes it is ever done lightly is kidding themselves. It's a tough thing to have to do, but on the other hand havng an unwanted baby could be disatrous for all concerned...

Does anyone ever feel sorry for men, because us as women have the choice to have an abortion or not but men who accidently get a women pregnant or even women that trap men, these men don't have an option they just have to do whatever the women decides!

Men have the choice to wear a condom or not.

I know that but then we could say women have the choice to protect themselves too. What about the men that get trapped then, like when women pierce holes in the condo etc etc?

i did 9 years ago, often think about it, often regret it, thought i was doing it for the right reasons, had teenage children already -life was getting easier. didnt think my marriage would cope with another baby (at least thats what my dh said at the time)
My marriage didnt cope with the abortion either and two years later we divorced (for other reasons aswell) My kids never knew- i think they would be upset, very few of my friends know.
i feel very ashamed and sad every time i think about it- and feel it is part of the ongoing depression i suffer.

Message withdrawn

whilst in general i am against abortion, i do understand that there are situations in which it is the only solution. having lived in a country where termination is illegal, i know the problems that can cause. i dont think that anyone who feels guilty for having one should be slated for it. its the women who use it as contraception that are the ones abusing the system, their bodies, and their babies.
imo

I am pro-choice but I do think how much girls/women suffer from regrets depends upon the reason for it and how their lives turn out later.

I agree with Cam.

I became semi-accidentally pregnant five years ago. I decided to go ahead with the pregnancy; but when it was confirmed, I realised more clearly than ever just how final this route - parenthood - was; I could see my life forking off from the path I'd thought it was going down, and I was terrified. I understood, to the core of me, just why women opt for termination - and if my circumstances had been not that different I think I might well have opted for it myself.

I love my daughter, and I don't regret for a moment having had her. But I was 37, solvent, independent, and in a relationship which although quite new was clearly with a man who was trustworthy and prepared to share parenthood with me. A couple of decades earlier things, for me, would have probably gone a very different way.

I did yes. I was 21 and my dd2 was 3mths old when i discovered i was pregnant again.
I had pnd and the doc was very keen to tell me I wouldn't cope. I only told dp and a friend and they both thought I shouldn't keep it either so I didn't.

I kep thinking at the time , that it would only take one of them to say they thought keeping the baby a good idea and I would of.

I regret it alot and had recurrent nightmares for a while afterwards. I would never ever do it again whatever the circumstances.

I've never had one, but had a couple of scares when I was younger, and it was the option I would have gone for.
Having said that, I think it is too easy, and although for some it's not an easy choice, for others it is. Having had my own children now, I could not imagine terminating a pregnancy for anything other than SEVERE disabilities - but I don't think it should be made illegal, maybe just a bit harder to have IYKWIM.

i don't really have an opinion, i think it's down to circumstances and each individual. a girl my sister went to school with had 6 by the time she was 17, i disagree with them being a form of contraception though. i think that you should give yourself a break oliviagrace, as i'm sure it wasn't a decision that was made easily. just think of how you would have coped at the time..... i wish you all the luck in the world at conceiving, when people really want children and struggle i think it's awful, especially when you see terrible parents out there all the time. good luck hunny xxx

paolosgirl - depending on circs it's not that easy. I know a woman who had to change doc for it.

And as Pruni says, abortion is only legal in certain circumstances in the UK - I can't remember exactly what they are, but they are something like extreme financial hardship, where the health/mental health of the mother/existing children would be affected and "extreme disability" in the feotus. Some doctors bend the rules though.