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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Boy or Girl - surely it's our choice..

23 replies

Bump02 · 09/08/2009 20:05

Oh I am getting niggled about this!!

It's about finding out early if our lovely baby is boy or girl!! I am 50/50 about finding out the sex of this bubba (if they can tell at next scan that is)
DP and DS want to know, but say it's up to me. That is fine, it's our business

But what's really pissing me off is people TELLING me...."NO!! you musn't find out" or "oh you will just ruin the surprise"...for god sake...shut up!!!! (that's what I want to say)

Surely it is our decision, and I can understand people sharing their opinion, I haven't got a problem with that, but it's the people who are so insistent of telling you NOT to do it!! One friend even said "if you find out I don't want to know"...I really wanted to say I don't give a f**k it's our baby and you are the least of my concerns (but I'm not that kind of person)

Oh that's it rant over and done with...thanks for reading this if you do, and sorry if it bored you haha!! x

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

HecatesTwopenceworth · 09/08/2009 20:08

yup. your choice, It's amazing how many people stick their beaks into things that don't concern them!

Boogellyboo · 09/08/2009 20:12

I got sick of people telling me I musn't find out, it'll ruin the surprise etc etc! Me and OH decided we wanted to know as we cant afford to go wrong buying stuff and Ive found it a lot easier to start bonding with my baby now I know she's a girl. Ive started ignoring everyone, Ive realised whilst your pregnant everyone has a bloody opinion about every aspect. Well tough!! Im doing it my way regardless of what your third cousin twice removed did

msled · 09/08/2009 20:14

If you are pregnant or have a baby, EVERYONE has an opinion. I'm good at ignoring them!

funtimewincies · 09/08/2009 20:15

Your choice entirely. We've chosen not to find out, an easy decision as dh and REALLY don't want to know in advance and I've had people telling me that "I must want to find out" (because I must have a preference) so you just can't win I'm afraid.

Maybe tell them that there is no surprise - it's definitely a baby .

BexJ78 · 09/08/2009 20:18

my MIL said that, oooh you're not going to find out are you...they can get it wrong you know....if you do WE don't want to know...blah blah blah.

so scan day came and we did found out the sex and then when DH called up his mum to tell her everything was fine, he told her that by the time we asked to find out what the sex was, the sonographer had finished and turned the machine off!!!!!!! so i have a good mind next time we have the deep joy of visiting them, to say, oooh yes we found out...didn't he tell you?!? it doesn't half get on my nerves!

Original poster

Bump02 · 09/08/2009 20:24

Oh ladies you have all made me and DP smile. Thanks, it's nice (in a way) to know others get annoyed at this subject!!

OP posts:

skidoodle · 09/08/2009 20:28

Oh ffs it will be a surprise whenever you find out

I think it splits along Chirstmas present lines - people who get worked up about opening presents "early" seem to want to enforce their rules on the more impatient.

My dh believes in right times for surprises, I don't. We didn't find out as our hospital don't tell, but I would gave otherwise.

I did actually enjoy waiting and am happy about it this time around, but it's hardly a big deal, is it? Do what pleased you and laugh off people with silly comments.

MrsTittleMouse · 09/08/2009 20:31

Oh yes - the number of people who told us that it would "spoil the surprise". As though getting a healthy baby after a long labour wasn't exciting or special enough.

Personally I quite like finding out the sex when I had enough energy to appreciate it (), but I certainly never bullied anyone else into finding out if they didn't want to.

mogend77 · 10/08/2009 09:03

Tsk tsk. My uncle (who can be a bit ridiculous at times) went off on such a tirade when he found out we had found out last time - right in the middle of my mum's 60th birthday party! So not on!

As always, remember it's about them not about you! Of course it's noone's business but yours.

lilysam · 10/08/2009 09:10

Agree with msled - people think you become public property when you're pg and that they can say/do what they like. Stuff'em.

We found out with DS - or rather he flashed us at one of our many scans - i was chuffed 'cos i wanted to know. In the end we told everyone we didn't know, a we knew our parents wanted the 'surprise'. As pp said - it's s surprise whenever you find out. After loosing a baby at 20 weeks, i was more bothered that he was ok, where as other people seemed to forget that important point!!

MovingOutOfBlighty · 10/08/2009 09:16

I found out with both of mine as I also want to know early what I want for Xmas!

Our business only. Agree with Lilysam - stuff the rest of them. And I would take great delight in especially telling those who don't want to know.

longwayaway · 10/08/2009 12:18

Oy, DH's aunt said the same thing to us! I told her to stay off Facebook then, because we weren't going out of our way to avoid pronouns just for her

lal123 · 10/08/2009 12:57

we found out sex of our dd2 - what amazed me was how cross one of the secretaries in work was when I told them that I was expecting a girl! She's said she didn't want to know, and thought it was reasonable for me not to tell anyone (in case they told her) or let it slip in work. Silly cow!

kidcreoleandthecoconuts · 10/08/2009 13:01

It's totally your choice whether you find out the sex or not, it's your baby!
Although I must say I've never understood why people would want to find out the sex tbh.....but that just me and my opinion!

YanknCock · 10/08/2009 13:09

Do what you want, sod everyone else. I found out, and when people said I'd 'spoiled the surprise', I always said I thought childbirth itself would be surprising enough for me!

I think it's soooo weird that people get all precious about not knowing when it's not even their baby! OP, I reckon if you do find out, you should go out of your way to tell that friend, just because what she said was so daft. Maybe then she'll realise it isn't all about her?

LetThemEatCake · 10/08/2009 16:31

it's true, if you are pregnant or have a baby, you are all of a sudden public property - EVERYONE has an opinion, everyone can touch you/ bump/ baby, everyone is an immediate authority.

I usually say "This baby started out as an intensely private matter (ie - doin' the do) - so perhaps it can continue that way?? Unless, of course, you;d like to be there are offering your valuable insights next time dh and I are having sex?"

Usually works. Especially with MiL.

londonlottie · 10/08/2009 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ReneRusso · 10/08/2009 18:43

I have found out the sex with both my DDs and intend to with this pregnancy. I personally find it helps with mentally preparing for the baby and don't really think a surprise is an important part of having a baby. (Although the pain of an episiotomy was quite surprising ) With DD2 we would both have quietly rather liked to have a boy, and it was good to know in advance that it was a girl so we could get used to the idea. Other people really should mind their own business. Do what ever feels right for you.

BexJ78 · 10/08/2009 19:39

we are just nosey! that's why we wanted to know. i would so love to tell MIL because she was so indignant about it, but DH wouldn't appreciate that i think!! i just hope the MIL thing isn't a taste of things to come....

londonlottie · 10/08/2009 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ErikaMaye · 10/08/2009 21:36

I think someone once told me that finding out would be like opening my Christmas presents early...

Just got to remember that if people are giving you "advice" - IE preeching uncontrollably at you - its all about them. Its got nothing to do with the fact that its your pregnancy, your baby, your choice. Its ALL* about them.

Nod and smile, whilst mentally picturing harming them severally enough to match the crime. Works for me!

We found out, and we were really pleased we did. Its TOTALLY your choice, and don't let these people sway you in either direction

frasersmummy · 10/08/2009 21:37

my mother in law was horrifed that I knew ahead of time gave me a big lecture

She then said anyway I know its a girl . I giggled and said how did you know..

We then kept it from her that our scan had showed clear as day it was a boy!!

she wasnt amused.... but we were [gtin]

you do what feels right for you and your family

congratultions and good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

mrswee · 10/08/2009 22:05

My mum acted horrified when told her I knew and I asked her if she wanted to know the sex. She said 'no I certainly do NOT, and I would have hoped you wouldn't have wanted to know either!'

The next time I saw her I could tell curiosity and excitement had got the better of her, as she admitted she had been harsh and was sorry she had jumped down my throat.....so I asked her again if she wanted to know. She did and was so excited to find out I'm having a girl!

I felt a wee bit smug after that!

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