Am I being an unreasonable, hormonal, stroppy cow, or...

[AngelaCarleen]

I am 12 weeks pregnant with my first baby. DH is away with work until october (hasn't been home since we found out) so I'm not planning on buying much until he comes home so he can be involved as well. I am also planning on leaving it a bit so I'm not tempting fate...

Unfortunately my mum and sister have gone a bit crazy buying things (this baby is the first on my side of the family). I already have three whole outfits, burping cloths, a hat and a dressing gown for a newborn from my mum and now my sister has bought me a baby bath and bits.

I haven't said anything to them but I am soooo annoyed. The only thing I was going to buy was a baby bath, and now I can't. I don't want to buy anything for the baby's room until DH comes home to choose how we're going to decorate it, so now I'm stuck here, dying to shop but not able to. My sister has even informed me that she wants to buy my baby's first teddy .

Am I being unreasonable wanting to lay on the floor throwing my arms and legs around like a two year old? I know they're excited, and I really appreciate it that they're being so generous, but DH and I want to be involved in choosing this stuff. At the moment I feel a bit left out of it. Thank god I live 400 miles away from them, I can only imagine how bad it would be if I was around the corner !!

Are they a wee bit out of line, and if they are, what do I do??

First and foremost, a pregnant woman is never unreasonable.

You really need to say something.

god babies need shit loads of stuff. what they have bought is ust a drop in the ocean - you'll have LOADS to choose with DH.
Even if they do buy lots of essentials it just means you can spend more on the fun things when DH gets back, like pram, gorgeous clothes and blankets etc
They are just excited and happy for you. Let them have their fun, they are only doing it from love. Still plenty of fun for you to have!

Allaboutme tells the truth. These are weeny things. Your baby will have about ten teddies before he or she is able to see them (and they'll all be larger than the baby itself).

You meanwhile will have to get things like a cot, pram, carseat, blankets... I could go on, but it's a very large amount of money.

Encourage them to get white sleepsuits / vests with poppers (you need LOADS of those), towels with hoods - and maybe make up a wishlist?

Firstly congrats!

I think that your sis and mum are being excited relatives. I remember when my brother and SIL were expecting my nephew; I went into shops and simply couldnt resist buying what I thought were uber cute things for the bub. It never occured to me to that they may be offended and bless them, they never said anything. I was just so excited for them.

If it is really upsetting you, then do say something and I am sure they will take it on board.

But please do try and keep it in context. There are so many other things you have left to buy that you and your DH can pick out. Honestly. Maybe the compromise is that you ask they dont pick anything major, major out...cot, pushchair etc as that is firmly your territory.

But a teddy bear?? My nephew is now 8 and I love the fact that one of his favourite bears is the one his auntie gave him when he was born. It gives him some understanding that I was around and loved him from when he was a baby. Same with his granny. But he has lots of favourite bears from his parents too!

So maybe YANBU, just a little, but talking as someone 16 weeks pregnant who just sobbed her heart out watching the end of The Beaches, I can understand the hormones!

The things they have bought really are a drop in the ocean and yes it is your hormones making you feel like this.

They are being really kind and thoughtful and yes it can be a pain, depending on their choices, but they are only trying to help and believe me, when your baby comes along you will be so grateful that other people love him/her as well as you and your DH.

Congratulations btw.

I would have been narked too - infact I threw a proper wobbly when my inlaws started buying stuff before I had my first scan - so I completely get where you are coming from

At least though, they have bought useful things. Don't underestimate how much stuff you need and how much it will all cost, you will be horrified!

Be grateful, but be firm with them. I would thank your sister for the thought re. the teddy bear but say that you and DH wanted to go and pick one together when he gets home (or something similar). Yes they are excited, but it is your baby and your special moment so you and your feelings take preceedence.

Oh, and Picante is quite right, a pregnant woman can never be unreasonable.

The teddy thing is annoying me because she came to visit a few weeks ago and I picked up a teddy that was cute (I have a bit of a thing about bunny's), my sis told me I couldn't buy it as she was buying the first teddy. Then when I said I was going shopping with a friend in a copule of weeks and was going to buy a bath she told me I couldn't as she was buying one. Maybe it's being told I'm not allowed to buy what I want, rather than them just buying things thats bothering me . Also I know it's bothering DH, he's not being unreasonable,just very far away and not really getting to be involved yet, and strangely looking forward to shopping. I feel bad that it's my family doing it (its usually his mother who's OTT)

And if they live 400 miles away they won't see the baby that often and it doens't stop you buying the same things.

And FWIW baby baths are a waste of space and money. A large sponge is so much better.

Ah well, that's different, the "couldn't" thing is rather annoying.

Still - the bath's about a tenner and the bear presumably is about £15, so that's £25 you don't have to spend. If she pulls this stunt again just laugh and say "watch me" as you head for the till...

My DH loved all the baby shopping when we were expecting our first.

I know how you feel - we have lots of lovely generous people offering us second hand things and saying "Don't go out and buy anything, we have loads of old stuff you can have" and it's so kind and generous and will save us lots of money...and I just want to have a massive tantrum and tell everyone I want to CHOOSE things, to make things perfect for the baby (well, for me really as the baby isn't going to have an opinion for quite a while yet!), and that should be part of the fun. I don't actually do that of course, but I know EXACTLY how you feel!

Can you try and suggest something that they might like to buy? Or say "don't buy anything else until we can all go and choose together"?

Just tell them, gently, that it is your first baby and you are also excited and, whilst you really appreciate their generosity, you and DH really want to choose things for the baby yourself.

Can you thank them loads and say how lovely it is that they are so excited and being very generous. And in the same breath, say "there are some things we'd like to choose and buy ourselves, especially as dh has been away" and you'd like to tell them which ones, so you don't end up with doubles.
Good luck - it is lovely they are so excited

Or do what I did when I was expecting my first, say 'Thank you'and then put whatever it is away in a drawer and carry on with your plans regardless

Firstly congratulations! yes I also think its lovely that friends & relatives want to buy things.. me & my hubby are a bit skint so its different for us we appreciate anything that's bought for us.
As long as you & hubby buy the big stuff I think that's what matters. Like so many others have said you'll need to much stuff anyway that I'd take whatever's offered!

I didn't buy a thing for my first baby and was happy to receive hand me downs or presents. That said, I did ban MIL buying ANYTHING until I was about 6 months pregnant - frightened of tempting fate.