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Are 5 names too many for DD2? Feminist dilemma!!!

57 replies

franch · 23/05/2005 14:06

OK, here's the dilemma:

We have a first name that we love for DD2 (due Sept). Haven't been able to find a middle name that we can get excited about, till yesterday when I started to think about her 2 grandmothers' names. DH and I have both always liked both our mums' names, but didn't use either of them for DD1.

DD1 is named after DH's aunt and my grandmother, as follows:

DHAunt MyGrandmother MySurname DHSurname

My surname is one of her middle names, not part of her surname. (I have both surnames combined as my legal surname but only ever use one or the other - mine for work, his for home.) So she is mostly known as "DHAunt DHSurname".

So back to DD2: we both like the idea of using our mothers' names as her middle names, but if I also include my surname, that gives her 5 names! Which seems a bit much. So do we do:

  1. DD2Name MyMum DHMum MySurname DHSurname?
  2. DD2Name MyMum DHMum DHSurname - i.e. omit my surname?

    #2 goes against all my feminist principles (which I've compromised already by taking DH's name on getting married). I always intended my children to bear my surname but I'm so excited about the prospect of using my mum's name (which I love, plus the idea of it as a tribute to her) that I'm trying to convince myself that using Mum's name instead of my surname is actually more significant because my surname has nothing to do with the female line in my family anyway .....

    BTW the three first names that we're considering (DD2Name, MyMum and DHMum) have 2 syllables each. The two surnames have 3 each.

OP posts:
NomDePlume · 23/05/2005 14:07

It looks like you've made a very confusing naming rod for your own back here, including rellies names from all sides, but personally I'd keep your surname in.

Gwenick · 23/05/2005 14:08

I'm going to be awkward and say it depends on what the names are...........

do we get to here what the names are or just to discuss hypothetically?

NomDePlume · 23/05/2005 14:11

At the end of the day, is DD2 likely to be known by all 5 names regularly for anything other than 'official' stuff ? If not, then 5 names isn't majorly excessive (although it is quite a few), as she will only be known in every day life as DD2Name DHSurname, IYSWIM

NomDePlume · 23/05/2005 14:12

iF you plan to use all 5 names all the time then I would possibly have a rethink.

aloha · 23/05/2005 14:13

If you love these names so much, why not use one of them as a first name?

beansprout · 23/05/2005 14:16

It does feel like a lot of names. She won't thank you as an adult when it comes to form filling!
I'm not convinced about the whole use-both-surnames thing as I wonder what will happen when that generation starts getting married? They will have to start choosing otherwise they will be giving their children 4 surnames just for starters!!

Blu · 23/05/2005 14:17

Agree with Aloha - and personally I would keep your surname in as DD1 has it - DD2 might feel miffed if she hasn't!

morningpaper · 23/05/2005 14:26

I would keep your surname and just go for ONE of your mum's names.

Can you not use one of the mum's names as a first name?

Can you not have another baby for the other mum?

With dd1 we have:

MYGrandma DHmum MYSurname DHSurname

For dd2 we are planning:

randomname MYmum MYSurname DHSurname

I do sympathise, it is a minefield.

franch · 23/05/2005 14:26

Thanks for the responses

No we definitely wouldn't use all 5 names all the time! She'd be known as DD2Name DHSurname.

Aloha, we discussed using one as a 1st name for DD1, but DH prefers his mum's name and I prefer mine! Also I think the politics of that is too much of a minefield. Whereas if they're both middle names I don't think it matters so much which one comes first.

Blu, I too worried about DD2 feeling miffed about not having my surname - plus DD1 maybe feeling miffed that she never got her beloved grandmothers' names!

beansprout, remember we're not talking double-barrelled surnames here. My surname is just one of DD1's middle names. We would have combined the two if our surnames were shorter, but they have 3 syllables each and it's too much of a mouthful.

Gwenick, no, sorry, I prefer to remain relatively anonymous on MN

OP posts:
franch · 23/05/2005 14:28

mp, sounds like you're in a similar position. Just using one mum's name is not an option, and we're pretty definite about the 1st name we've chosen.

Having another DD is definitely out of the question!!!

OP posts:
HappyMumof2 · 23/05/2005 14:33

Message withdrawn

clary · 23/05/2005 14:33

Franch fwiw I think middle names are a lot of worry in advance and then never used, so it doesn?t really matter.
What I mean is, a friend was agonising over the girl?s name for her new baby (who turned out to be a boy anyway) and said, grr, wish we hadn?t given dd such a nice middle name, wish we had saved it. I know her quite well but had no idea of the child?s middle name. So I would go with all 5 names, why not?
DS1 has three names and then our surname, never seen it as a problem. It?s not liek we ever call him by all 3.
(BTW dd and ds2 just have a 1st name and a 2nd name. DD is middle-named after my mother but dh never suggested we include his other?s name as well!)

clary · 23/05/2005 14:35

DH's mother's name even. Must preview....

motherinferior · 23/05/2005 14:35

Oh, go for it. My daughters only have four each but boy are quite a lot of those names - including the non hyphenated two surnames difficult to spell. DD1 has taken to using her middle name as well; but then DD1 does live on Planet DD1

SenoraPostrophe · 23/05/2005 14:36

You lucky thing: in Spain you are only ALLOWED to have one middle name so it was very hard for both.

If it was me, I'd point out to DH that dd would have his surname and therefore I get to choose the first name. This is what I did with my two, in fact - dh had power of veto but not the final say. And anyway your dd1 is named after someone in his family - think he's being unreasonable.

Gwenick · 23/05/2005 14:37

I think middle names are a lot of worry in advance and then never used

Oooo don't know about that DS2's first name can't be shortened - so when I'm telling him off it's his full name (minus surname) - and DS1 often gets called first and middle name when in trouble (just like my mum used to do to my brother and I)

My dad is known by the shortened version of his middle name, and has been since he was at school!

motherinferior · 23/05/2005 14:37

FWIW it does get difficult with things like name tapes, or even scrawling names on labels. I have already compromised all principle by putting DP's surname on, alone, solely because it takes up fewer letters than mine.

Blu · 23/05/2005 14:40

DS only has one 1st name as he has a mouthful of a hyphenated surname - and he LOVES reeling out the whole lot!

motherinferior · 23/05/2005 14:41

DD1 adores having four names, by the way. She gets quite miffed if you leave one of them out.

Flum · 23/05/2005 14:43

middle names waste of time/ no one ever uses them

don't forget you may have more children!! can use the names later.

one surname is enough for any family IMHO

unnnecessary double barrelling etc is just crazzzzy.

franch · 23/05/2005 14:46

SenoraP, DH and I aren't really disagreeing on this. I love his mum's name too - it's a great name. We're just really trying to find a lovely name for DD2, rather than be 'fair'. We're definitely both agreed on the 1st name.

MI, on name tapes etc. I'd just use first name (or initial) and last name - as others have said, I do think the middle names would be v rarely used, but it would mean a lot to both mums if we did use theirs, and they are both fab names.

I assume no one thinks my argument about the inclusion of my mum's first name being more 'feminist' than including my (dad)'s surname is valid then?

OP posts:
franch · 23/05/2005 14:47

Flum both DDs will only have ONE surname!!! No double barrelling!!!

OP posts:
franch · 23/05/2005 14:48

Oh and no, no more children!!!

OP posts:
motherinferior · 23/05/2005 14:48

Neither DP nor I could be convinced to relinquish our surnames.

GhostofNatt · 23/05/2005 14:48

My boys have 5 but they use three for ordinary (first name, my last name, DP last name). All of their cousins have the same, I like five names! We did pick one short middle name each. Wouldn't lose my name from the mix. I always like having four as a child, made me feel special, like someone cared to give me all those names, but I can see there are limits and haven't thought what the boys' children will do with four surnames...

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