Are 5 names too many for DD2? Feminist dilemma!!!

[franch]

OK, here's the dilemma:

We have a first name that we love for DD2 (due Sept). Haven't been able to find a middle name that we can get excited about, till yesterday when I started to think about her 2 grandmothers' names. DH and I have both always liked both our mums' names, but didn't use either of them for DD1.

DD1 is named after DH's aunt and my grandmother, as follows:

DHAunt MyGrandmother MySurname DHSurname

My surname is one of her middle names, not part of her surname. (I have both surnames combined as my legal surname but only ever use one or the other - mine for work, his for home.) So she is mostly known as "DHAunt DHSurname".

So back to DD2: we both like the idea of using our mothers' names as her middle names, but if I also include my surname, that gives her 5 names! Which seems a bit much. So do we do:

1. DD2Name MyMum DHMum MySurname DHSurname? OR
2. DD2Name MyMum DHMum DHSurname - i.e. omit my surname?

#2 goes against all my feminist principles (which I've compromised already by taking DH's name on getting married). I always intended my children to bear my surname but I'm so excited about the prospect of using my mum's name (which I love, plus the idea of it as a tribute to her) that I'm trying to convince myself that using Mum's name instead of my surname is actually more significant because my surname has nothing to do with the female line in my family anyway .....

BTW the three first names that we're considering (DD2Name, MyMum and DHMum) have 2 syllables each. The two surnames have 3 each.

Discuss!

If you are only using her first and surname in most everday situations then i think it is totally irrelevant how many middle names she has, 3 middle names will make very little day to day difference or difficulty than 2 would.

Also we both wanted one Asian one not particularly Asian name per child, as we were both given ourselves (and as happens in lots of mixed race families). So, er, we gave them Jewish first names.

franch - but the argument about which name is more 'feminist' is cancelled out by giving her DP's g'mothers name ASELL - so more names from one family...iyswim.

Oh roll out the whole lot! Lots of people use middle names instead of first - gives them choice when they are older.

I think 4 names is fine and you should keep your name in there.
ds = name, my surname (boys name anyway), ex dh's surname (but the 2 could be hyphenated was the idea)
dd = name, mysurname hypenated with dp's surname
Wish I'd done that for ds tbh.

But what about five names, www? Do you mean 4 names + surname is OK?

i do worry that in the future there will be people called

Smythe-Fossington-Sebag-Montefiore-Kingston-Smith-Jones- blah blah

also don't forget you are telling the world their future 'bank' secret info pass word type thingame

Don't think they'll still be using that old chestnut as a bank password by the time DDs need one - too many kids have their mums' surnames now, whether because they have no dad around or whatever.

But as I said Flum, we are not hyphenating / double-barrelling. My surname is one of DD1's middle names.

FWIW ds1 has 5 names; first name, Grandfather's name, Chines name which is two words actually so techinically it's six, and double barrel of my name and dh's
ds two has the same but no Grandfather's name, which I regret actually.
However I am going to un-double barrel the surname as it is a bloody mouthful tbh. Does anyone know how to do this on all official documentation, that will mean two passports etc though.

Oh gwenick y?re right actually about telling off...I rarely (never?) use ds1?s full four names but do sometimes do it for ds2. Bizarrely, his is the shortened name and so I call him the full version plus his middle name... I think maybe it goes together better. But what I meant was that there?s not that much call for using all your names if you don?t want to (unless you are MI?s dd1 of course...)

ok ok ok i got it. no hyphenating. what about one of these then ~ they are quite nice or even # before each name

I have 5 names as my parents operated on similar principles.

Ds has, and db (due 6 wks) will have, 4 names each, including 2 surnames. Hyphenated. I prefer hyphenating, it makes it clear that both bits are the surname, and that is vital because my surname is the first.

We used my father's surname, btw, but only because my mum's sounded odd.

It doesn't really matter that much. You have so much leeway to use a slightly differnt name. Banks will always accept cheques in either surname, or any first name. And you can put a flag on the bank system so that they don't use the mother's maiden name.

My children have 2 first names and 2 surnames each.
(ownname ownname Mysurname-DHsurname)

In practice we all use my surname (incl DH) & only 1 first name each.

My DDs (19) first name is 3 syllables & her middle name is 4 She hates her father's surname & doesn't use it. She plans to hang on to my surname & if necessary double-barrel it with a future DHs name.

Flum, there are reasons we ended up double-barrelled that I won't go into again, but this whole argument of people ending up with lots of names is daft. In RL we use one bit, because it's tedious. My kids can choose to keep either name or lose both of them- that's their choice, just as it was ours to double-barrel.

My dad has 5 names and only ever uses 1st, 2nd and surname. Slightly complicated by the fact that his registered (and therefore legal) name is only 2 3 4 Surname, 1 was slipped in when he was christened by an aunt apparently.

I'd go for the full 5. DSs have 4 each and only ever get all 4 if they're really naughty

IMO middle nomes are lovely but 5 is too many. We had similar dilema when naming our sons. When ds1 was born we discussed using DHs fathers name as a middle name but didnt in case we didnt have another boy to give my dads name as a middle name.(I couldnt use one dads name and not the others) Our second child was a boy and I didnt want to use fathers names for him and not for the first boy.
We are now expecting our third and last child and that wont have any "family" names in case other boys are miffed that they didnt get a "family" name. As for joining surnames together I'm a bit old fashioed and think they should have their fathers name... I spent time at my sons pre school and half of the kids in there had double-barrelled surnames, and I agree with beansprout when these children have their own kids will they end up with 4 surnames. sometimes less is more

My daughter has five names as do I cant see the problem with it as it will give her lots of options when she is older as to what shed like to be called if she decides she doesnt like her first name. I have my first name, both my grannies names, confirmation name and surname. DD has two names we liked, my mums name and both our surnames but not hyphenated. thereason she got two names was that her first name followed by my mums name just didnt roll of the tongue in the same way so added another

chezie we have not combined our surnames! Not that I have any problem with anyone doing that but both of our surnames were a bit long to combine so my surname is one of DD1's middle names, and will probably be one of DD2's too.

personally one of the reasons why getting married was so importnat to me before i had children (apart from love, trust etc) was that my children would all have the same surname as me and my husband, i never considered using my surname in any shape or form (maybe as it is one hat i had to endure 19 years of mickey taking before i got married)
but i don't see a problem with five names, both of my ds's have 4 names plus surname and they don't have any problems with it, occassionally forms are too short for all middle names to be put down, but my ds1 loves having so many names. one of our reasons for giving ds1 4 names was that because the first name we had given him waas quite unusual, we gave him 3 others to choose from should he want to change his name at a later date. but fortunatley he loves having a name that no one else in his class has. he says there are too many williams, matthews and alex's in his class so he likes being called Keir that way he knows when they are speaking to him. (oops had never thought of that and his brother is called William!!)

so i say go for it

i think you seen pretty set on having all the names any way, no matter what people say. so i think you just should. 5 names is alot but its up to you and they won't get called all of them anyway but like someone else said they won't thank u for it when they are older and have to fill in forms and stuff.

I'd keep your surname in and drop one of the other middle names. Just pick the one you like best. You can always save the other grandma's name for dd3!!!??!!!

BTW, this is exactly what I have done with my dds - they both have my surname as an extra middle name. I wouldn't stretch to more than three first names, though! (Mind you, I don't use my dh's name at all - just never adopted it, which is fine, except that now I find that I most often have to refer to myself as "dd's mother" as otherwise people from school etc don't have a clue who I am. Still, better than being a chattel, eh?)

Sorry... just re-read that and it sounds a bit like 'this is what I did, so it must be right'...! Sorry! Obviously it's a case of working out what is right for you. All our names (first, second, middle, surnames are quite long (e.g. dd1 - 9 letters + 9 letters + 6 letters + 11 letters) so I'd personally be reluctant to extend it any further (also because I do want my dds to use my surname as part of their official name in later life, and not be encouraged to just drop it).

Haven't read all the responses BUT I thought I would put in my thoughts!
I wanted my maiden name in with my children's names too but as DH has a family name that has to go with the surname it would have meant 5 names.
So my children each have 4 names ... and TBH I wish they just had 3 ... filling in forms is a blinking nightmare ... there is never enough room. I recently filled in their passport applications and it was a right pain in the bum!

DS is Name MyDad'sName DHFamilyName DHSurname
DD is Name DH'sGrandmother'sName DHFamilyName DHSurname

Actually looking at that DH's family have a lot of input there haven't they and they don't deserve it!

If I have a third child it will be my family names ALL THE WAY!

My MIL has actually started adding a name to my ds, because she is so miffed that I didn't use the same name as 8 generation of dh's family.

He is just bob DHSurname, and I am xxx DHSurname. She has now decided that as he is the only male in NZ in the male line (or something, had started to switch off at this point) that she would now be calling him Robert DHforename DH Surname. WTF?

DH is gunning for a battle on this one, because he had to endure his father opening his post (accidentally on purpose), being phoned and written to by nutters who his dad has upset with his letters to the editor.

Gosh I thought we had survived the calling him Bob thing pretty well until this weekend.

18mumtobe, I am far from set on using all 5 names - I wouldn't have posted the question here if I knew what I wanted to do The reason I'm now leaning towards 5 is that I've been surprised by how much encouragement there's been on this thread towards that - I thought you would all howl with horror (as some of you have indeed done )

It will have to be one of the 2 options I outlined below though - dropping one of the grandmas is not an option - or choosing another middle name altogether, if we can only think of one we like as much as our 2 mums'!

yeah i think you should use all 5 names and definatly keep your surname in as it wouldn't be unfair otherwise.