i dont feel i can trust anyoen to look after dd when i go into labour....

[mama2leah]

im writing down instructions for looking after my dd while i go into labour, still undecided who it will be, hopefully my mum and not MIL!

i just feel in labour i will be worried about her the whole time, she will only be just over a yr old.

she doesn't have a close relationship with my MIL in fact i don't trust her at all... but she lives a few doors away from us, where as my mother lives the other side of london.

If you're really worried could your DP sty with dd and a friend or your mum come for the birth with you?

If it all happens in a hurry, maybe your MIL could be the "fast response" team and then hand her over to your mum whenever she can get there?

When you are in labour you will be focused on what you have to do, honestly. It sounds awful but I didn't give DD a thought during my second labour (after she'd gone off with my dad)

the thing is im not even sure my mum can make it in time for my labour, im thinking about that as a possible outcome, but my mum can not see me in any pain, she will cry her eyes out which is what you dont need in labour.

if my mil gets old of dd, she will kick up a major fuss if my mum comes and takes over, and my mum isnt one for arguments. i have seen mil look after my bil kids, and she is careless and thinks she knows best! yet bil kids have burns from straighteners she was using to do her hair! plus she will feed her rubbish and junk, infact my dd doesnt really like her and cries alot when she is around.

Have you got a DP who could look after your DD? My DH took our son out when I had DD at home, and I gave birth with just the midwives in attendance. I have to say, it was a fantastic experience because I didn't have to worry about anyone else - midwives don't need you reassuring them that you're ok, or not in that much pain really!

i dont feel brave enough having the baby in hosp alone...

How much time have you got, mama2leah? Is there anyone else you could get her more used to (trusted friend with child/neighbour/very good babysitter/childminder), even if it costs money, in the time you've got left?

I know how you feel, cos I'm planning a home birth and all our family are at least 4 hours away. I know I want DP with me, and I'll want to know I don't have to worry about DD at all. My Mum is retired so she's going to come up on X date and stay for as long as it takes (if we don't kill each other first...) but make contingency plans if I go into labour before that date, involving a load of mates, her childminder etc, although it is a bit easier for me as DD is nearly 3.

Do you worry while in labour? I know some people who feel like they 'delayed' their labour until the situation was as they wanted it and they could let it all hang out, whereas others couldn't give two hoots when they were in the thick of it so in the end it didn't really matter who was where. And in all likelihood it will be just for a few hours...

I had the same worry because neither I nor DH have got any family in the UK. I did not feel comfortable with "just anyone" looking after DD1 first and over the years DS2 and 3. I did have DH wth me for DD1 birth but he stayed at home with them when I had the others as it was the only way would have felt confortable. It is not ideal but it was for me the most relaxing choice. If you worry about being on your own for labour and you want Dh to stay with the DCs your mother being with you might be the best option.

(btw, I was never left on my own in hospital, there was always a midwife or a student with me)

I understand how you're feeling because I barely ever leave my almost two yr old, however in all likelihood it will only be for a few hours, and distressing though the prospect may be, even if she cries the whole time (and she won't!) it won't do her any harm in the long term. It doesn't matter if she feeds her junk because it's only one day.

Couldn't you go and stay with your mum in the last couple of weeks, if you're worried she won't get there in time? or couldn't she stay with you?

The other option is to ask a childminder if they'd take her as an emergency case. Then you'd know she was safe, and the childminder would entertain her and soothe her if she wondered where you were etc. One way or another it will be fine!

hmm good points to think about. mil has never helped me at all, i dont want her to help me now, and forever i will have to hear about it.

Have a look at this