Please allow me a little whinge and a sigh - Why, oh why, do people feel the need to comment constantly on how large I look?

[Astrophe]

I am 25 weeks pregnant with DC 3, and this week have had:

"Ooooh, not long to go now eh?"
"Wow, any day now!"
"How on earth will you last until July?"
"You look ready to pop - are you really only 25 weeks?"

I know, people are just clueless and tactless, but its just annoying and awkward and I wish people would keep their thoughts to themselves.

I have had the opposite problem. I am measuriing further ahead than I am but I have thus far had comments such as -

"Either you are putting on a load of weight or congrats are in order" - Erm "Thanks".

"How come you're limping? (big fat swollen pregnant ankles) Did you get drunk last night?" - Me looking at my big belly - "um NO" - "oh yeah I FORGOT!!"

"Um did I miss something?" looking me up and down- "Yes you missed 8 months of it!!"

"You are barely showing!!!" - I am bloody HUGE!!!! I am not joking I am massive and it is all at the front I dont know what these people think I looked like before!

I'm so glad I stumbled upon this thread as I've been having exactly the same thing happen to me.

I'm pregnant with DC2, 30 weeks at the mo, and I reckon I've been looking at least 4 weeks ahead of myself since about 6 weeks. I'm a size 16 normally, but don't look particularly big but my tummy just exploded so at 12 weeks I was embarrassed at how large I was - people thought I was about 5 months pregnant. And in the past 6 weeks I've had to endure comment after comment about how "huge" I am. I've not put on much weight (didn't put on ANY until 20 weeks and still only have put on a stone) I've had the twins comment constantly, and when people ask me how long I've got to go, I'm actually embarrassed to answer them. The other day I caught the eye of a woman who'd was whispering "No WAY!!" behind my back when she was told by my friend that I had 2.5 months to go. I gave her an EVIL stare: I do hope she felt bad.

When else in life would someone think it's OK to talk about the size of your body in this way?? I'm just horrified at the comments I've had, and have been really hurt at times. The interesting thing is that in 'real life' I'm not in the least sensitive about my size and last pg I felt like a goddess and loved the way I looked. This time I feel like a hippo.

At least you are pregnant.. I got asked when ds2 was 5 mths when I was due

I did get comments through my pregnancy too
and really empathise with those of you feeling too embarrassed to answer at times.. the twin comment, is just hard isn't it? (unless you do have twins perhaps!)

Martha, I got asked that too when dd was only 3 months, was holding her at the time, not sure they understood how things work, gave birth 3 months ago and already showing with the next?!

Have to admit though, still don't get why people are so upset about bump comments whilst pregnant, I was proud of my huge bump!

just thinking after reading through this
what would be a nice thing to say?
we are all guilty of saying something that has offended some people regarding the bump or pregnancy as everyone gets offended or sad about different things
i always think its wondefull to see a pregnant woman its a true miracle
i would never dream of touching a persons bump
how rude and offensive can you get.

what would the phrase be that pleased everyone?....

Gosh I genuinly hadn't realised that this sort of think offends people so much!

I have just returned from seeing my 27 wk pg cousin who does have a huge bump, and I spent the entire time commenting on it too! .

The thing is I just don't get it. I was mightily proud of the size of my large bump when pg. It's not as if people are commenting on your size in general, or inferring that you are for instance greedy or lazy is it?

There's a baby in there!

I am 36 weeks with number 2 and have been getting this since I told everyone. I find saying things like - I'll be back to my normal size 8/10 by Christmas - with a knowing look at their fat stomach.
Why is it always fat people that make these comments

Astrophe i get the same thing at 23ish weeks, i am the same size as one friend who is ready to pop any day. i got asked if i was carry a baby elephant....

I just laugh it off, hubby loves bump, i love bump and my Gyne is happy with progress and actually my pregnancy weight gain is average for my no. of weeks.

Milkysallgone, finally someone else that doesn't get why it's insulting, thought I was the only one not bothered!

I felt like staying in all together during the 3rd trimester of my last pregnancy. I was just soooo fed up with all the comments such as 'is it twins?' from complete strangers.

I hate the way that you become public property as soon as you're up the duff. Why can't people just ignore you in the same way they do when you aren't pregnant?

hmm and milky - obviously if you're not bothered by comments then that is great Like I said before, I do know people are not generally trying to be rude - its more annoying than insulting.

TBH I really don't like being this big - it hurts my back, ruins my abs, and I feel like whale. I'm a bit scared about how much bigger I will get - I still have 14 weeks to go.

I don't like feeling like a freak show, and when people do the whole "Oh my gawd..!!!", "Is it twins!?", "Are you sure???" etc etc routine, then I do feel like a freak show.

I've uploaded a photo to my profile, all feel free to tell me how huge I was, and when she arrived she was only 5lb 10!

Joking aside though, I do understand comments can be taken the wrong way and that perhaps a little more tact wouldn't go amiss.

just had a peek hmmm

thats what im like too when pregnant
ive had more looks of fear from newly pg mums to be really than anything else.
i always felt like saying hey its ok dont worry....we dont all get as big as this

hmmm, I think I look roughly that size now! DH says not quite ! I think you look fab

I can see this is getting you guys upset!

My only experience so far has been my SIL saying Oh you're not very big are you and my boss asking if my baby's growing normally.

That really upset me. I think i'm about average, I just have a huge arse so I guess belly and arse are competing, LOL.

No one other than my partner and my 5 year old has touched my bump and I feel quite sad about it. i wouldn't think it at all strange it's the first thing I want to do if I see someone I know with a bump.

I'm only 14 weeks with DC3 but look about 25 wks pregnant. But didn't mind this morning looking bigger than I am as a lovely man gave up his seat on the tube today so it has its bonuses!!

But agree, I think its really rude when people comment - I normally say its because I'm so short (5ft 3) that my organs have nowhere to go but out - that normally puzzles people. And don't get me started about people touching my tummy without asking. I want to ask if they want to feel my big boobs as well!!

staylucky - I'm sure that would upset me too. Its horrible to sugest someones baby is not growing properly. I guess we are all sensitive to different things.

I wish people would just say "You look really well" or ask "how are you feeling?".

I'm 14 weeks pregnant with DC3 but looking more like 25 weeks. Didn't mind this morning looking bigger though as a kind man on the tube gave up his seat for me. Has its bonuses. When people comment on the size of my bump (as they did with last 2 pregnancies as well) I tell people that as I'm short (5ft 3) that my organs have nowhere to go so everything is pushed out - that confuses people.

Do feel irritated when people comment on size at the moment though. But don't get me started on touching my tummy without asking!! arrgh

I had a lot of this when pregnant with DS, and then followed the are you expecting another comments after he was born. I had terrible problems with separated stomach muscles which didn't help, and on a small frame it does look a bit out of place. Now I'm pg for the 2nd time, have really popped outwards recently and am only 16ish weeks, I'm waiting for the comments to start again.

For a while you can nod and smile sweetly, but at some point I think it just gets to you and you feel like you've done something wrong. I agree there doesn't seem to be a perfect bump size, as a friend of mine had all the (just as upsetting) aren't you small comments.

The best thing to hear is that you're looking lovely, or blooming, or healthy.

Was talking to my sister about this, she is about 24 weeks and already getting the 'you're big for xxx weeks' etc, which she isn't. I had same throughout both pregnancies, but best was my friend who was asked by a MIDWIFE when visiting a friend's baby in hospital 'Oh, have they sent you home, must be any day now' and she had 12 weeks to go! You would really think a midwife would know better.

However, a friend of mine who was tiny throughout often got accused of not eating enough/dieting, which of course wasn't the case, she just had a tiny bump (lucky her!).

pml at some of the comments.
Why don't people just ask "When are you due?"

I remember a back-handed compliment I was given after the birth of my first child.

Friend 1: "Oh Luna, you have regained your figure and look fab!"

Me: Smiling profusley "Why thank-you"

Friend 2: "OH no, friend no1, look she never had that layer of fat around her waist before, like she does now!" Pointing at my stomach.

Hi. I'm trying to get pg and I truly want a bump. But I'd never touch a pg women's bump.

I won't particularly care what I look like if I ever manage to get PG. I've only just found my 1st IVF cycle did not work. Been trying to conceive since Feb 2005. Embrace those bumps, you are models of "fertility".

I get a running commentary on the bump every time I leave the house - second pregnancy so bigger anyway, 32 weeks+ with twins and it's all bump this time and I haven't put on any weight anywhere else. Coupled with the comments that go with people finding out that there are two in there which are nearly always negative and I'm contemplating becoming a recluse for the next few weeks!

I think everyone should lighten up a bit. It is natural for people to make comments if someone is very obviously pregnant and usually those comments are meant with the best of intentions.
It's not like people are saying you are fat generally. They are making a comment on the size of your bump because there is a baby inside. It's an amazing thing and that is what they are commenting on.
This is probably the only time in your life when you will be the centre of attention. Make the most of it!

totally pissed me off when I was pregnant, why dont people just mind their own bloody business, a very fat friend of mine told me I was the biggest pregnant woman she had ever seen, true but what a cow, i could have said yes but in 3 months I will be slim again(obviously crap) AND YOU WILL STILL BE THE SIZE OF A WHALE. but of course I didnt, I just smiled.. said bump is now 19 and I am slim and she is still huge... sweet revenge aye..