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Original poster

can't believe it - MIL seriously insisting that we call ds-to-be Gerard

130 replies

laughorcry · 19/04/2005 18:30

Not sure whether to laugh or cry. MIL getting really aggresive about the fact that dh and I do not want to call our baby Gerard - it was her dad's name and she is saying that dh will be the first son in six generations not to name after his grandfather.

Hope am not offending anyone btw, but can't say I like the name much and anyway feel that this is our choice to make.

I can't believe how upset this is making me - any suggestions for how to deal with her?

OP posts:
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beachyhead · 20/04/2005 13:57

or Gerard....or was it Gerald

Pamina3 · 20/04/2005 14:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nimme · 20/04/2005 14:16

PMSL Sponge!

My parents didn't let on what they were calling me until the actual christening as grannies would have objected (quite modern name). Sometimes wish they had though

nerdgirl · 20/04/2005 14:31

Just because something is Catholic, doesn't make it Irish JanH. Dibs on the Sistine Chapel though, if they do bring in that rule!

Original poster
laughorcry · 22/04/2005 14:15

Thanks for all the messages. I had determined that I wouldn't be drawn into any further conversations with MIL about names.

But.....

Last night she came round for supper and almost before she had taken her coat off she had started on arrangements for the Christening (which neither me nor dh are very interested in, but felt that since it meant so much to her we wouldn't object) and she wants to organise invites with the name on them

I felt I couldn't keep quiet, so said that we felt we couldn't make a final decision about names until we had seen what he looked like (bit weaker than what I had told myself I was going to say when I ran through it in my own head).

That led to an enormous sulk, and a really horrible evening.

dh now agrees that this has got out of hand, but it sems such a trivial thing to cause so much family upset for. have considered writing a letter, but worried that this would be too much.

aaaarggghhhh

OP posts:
ggglimpopo · 22/04/2005 14:16

Message withdrawn

GhostofNatt · 22/04/2005 14:20

Am I alone in thinking that gerard is a really beuatiful name? One of the wisest men i ever met was called gerard, oh hang on i think it was gerald

zebraX · 22/04/2005 14:21

I like Gerald, too, & Gerry/Jerry. I have 2 uncle Jerry's...

paolosgirl · 22/04/2005 14:25

Nooooooooooooooooo!!!! It simply wouldn't be fair on the little boy, would it?

GhostofNatt · 22/04/2005 14:39

Do you think MIL would accept Gerald? Only one letter different The Geralfd I knew was not only wise but also incerdibly sexy

Original poster
laughorcry · 22/04/2005 14:40

Unfortunately she is absolutely adamant.

Also, hope I'm not causing yet more offence, but I'm finding it hard to picture this Gerald person as sexy.

OP posts:
PuffTheMagicDragon · 22/04/2005 14:45

laughorcry, what do you think will happen if you do ignore her demands?

GhostofNatt · 22/04/2005 14:48

Hmm, wish i could post you a pic laughorcry, actually maybe i can do you a link to his work website, if can figure out how to do it...

Blu · 22/04/2005 14:53

Laughorcry - she is brewing up big trouble. She has no business to be organising a Christening before, even, your baby is born. I bet she is doing it as a way to enforce the name, too.

At least it has got your DH to agree that the whole thing is out of hand. You really can't be blackmailed by her sulking, and she is the one who should be giving in 'to avoid family upset', not you. You cannot possibly inflicy on your child a name that you don't want simply to apease this woman's megalomania. You don't need to write a letter, but your DH needs to tell her nicely and firmly that you and he will be choosing a name you like for the child that you will love. Honestly, if he doesn't put a stop to this now she will interfere forcefully at every turn and ruin your time with your baby!

Grrrr - to the barricades with your DH!

moondog · 22/04/2005 14:54

Sorry about this but.....
f her, f her, f* her!
Your kid, your life, your choice.
Give in on this and a life of misery awaits you. Treat her like a toddler testing the boundaries. Foot down (metaphorically speaking of course, or , on second thoughts....)and as nancy Reagan put it.....JUST SAY NO.

Original poster
laughorcry · 22/04/2005 14:54

I genuinely don't know, PufftheMagicDragon. ds-to-be will be the first grandchild, and I have been worried for a while that MIL is going to be too interfering. Maybe it is for the best that this is coming to a head now, and I should look at it as laying down a marker.

What I am worried about is that she will go into a major sulk (dh says she is capable of holding a grudge for a long time) and that this will affect the way she is with the baby.

I can accept that I won't get much support from her, but we don't have a big family and I really feel that ds-to-be deserves all the loving family he can get.

OP posts:
JanH · 22/04/2005 14:54

Blu has said beautifully exactly what I was thinking. It's got this bad because your DH allowed it to, it's up to him to stop it and not be emotionally blackmailed by his mother.

moondog · 22/04/2005 14:55

And it's a foul name..

moondog · 22/04/2005 14:56

So what if she sulks?! The only person she hurts is herself. I think you are unaware as yet of the fact that the mummy and daddy of the new baby hold ALL the cards. She knows it too.

Blu · 22/04/2005 14:56

And so what if she is adamant? You and DH are the only person who can register your baby's name when he/she is born, so register the name you want. Tell your DH that you will not sign for the birth certificate for any name unless it is of your own joint choosing. If your DH bows to pressure, make sure yours is greater.

And if you give in to this ridiculous dictat, don't complain that you 'had' to do this - you didn't!

JanH · 22/04/2005 14:59

Oh, and while you're about it, tell her you're not sure yet about having a christening at all, and if/when you do decide you will arrange it yourselves, thanks. Christenings are not for the benefit of the baby's grandmother.

(Not that we're as bossy as her or anything! )

Blu · 22/04/2005 15:00

If she sulks because of a NAME she is really horrible. She should be reacting to her darling bundle of grandchild (who may yet be a girl) not the name. Don't fall for the sentimentality angle. The naming of your child is a sentimental task for you and your DH.

You are absolutely right - put down a marker, and make sure it is indelible!

PLEASE, do this, laughorcry, I just can't bear to think of you being trampled by this woman's conceit.

frogs · 22/04/2005 15:02

Stamp on it, now, laughorcry. You've got 18 years of parenting ahead of you before your ds can make his own decisions. If MIL gets away with this one she'll be making all sorts of other parenting decisions for you -- circumcision (eeek), schools, haircuts, GCSE subjects.

Your ds needs loving family in his life, he doesn't need people who dominate and blackmail his parents against their better judgment. You are his parents, and only you can make these decisions.

I have a MIL just like this, and believe me if you give in now, it will only get worse. Once she realises that she'll only see her grandchild if she behaves in an acceptable way, she'll come round. And if she doesn't, frankly, you're all better off without her.

PuffTheMagicDragon · 22/04/2005 15:04

I think you are right, that this is where you and your dh need to make your stand, because it sets the ground rules for the future.

She doesn't sound as though she is going to listen to reason on this, so there's little point in trying to get her to see your POV. Can you and dh keep her at bay with the "let's wait and see what he looks like" line. Then, when he's born, dh can whip down to the registry office and name him as you wish.

If you don't want to give in to her demands, there's going to be fallout, whatever you do.

Blu · 22/04/2005 15:06

And she will melt once the baby is born - she will be besotted with her first grandson/child - it won't really be sunch a high noon of an announcement, will it?

Is there a FIL that you can get on your side?

And, think of all the other people on the periphery - how will your family feel if you gib=ve your child a mane that they know you don't like, just to satisfy a member of the other family? How will YOUR Mum feel?

Sory you have this to deal with - must be horrid. I do sympathise with you.