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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

can't believe it - MIL seriously insisting that we call ds-to-be Gerard

130 replies

laughorcry · 19/04/2005 18:30

Not sure whether to laugh or cry. MIL getting really aggresive about the fact that dh and I do not want to call our baby Gerard - it was her dad's name and she is saying that dh will be the first son in six generations not to name after his grandfather.

Hope am not offending anyone btw, but can't say I like the name much and anyway feel that this is our choice to make.

I can't believe how upset this is making me - any suggestions for how to deal with her?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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noddyholder · 19/04/2005 18:57

I was brought up in northern ireland and there anyone called gerard was pronounced jurd!has always really made me laugh but pronounced the correct way is an ok name so maybe a middle name would keep he quiet It is your baby after all

frogs · 19/04/2005 18:57

PMSL at Gerard. It's a good Catholic name, though...

We had a policy of refusing to enter into any name discussions before the birth, as there's always someone who'll say, "Oh I knew a * (insert favourite name here) and she was really mean and always had a runny nose." And before you know it, all your choices have been spoilt.

Refuse to discuss it with her. Once the baby's born she'll have to learn to live with your choice anyway. Frankly, this kind of MIL behaviour needs to be nipped in the bud, or she'll be giving him secret bottles of formula while you try to sort out bfeeding, choosing nurseries and schools for him, or nipping him off to the hairdresser for an quick restyle.

My MIL actually did the hairdresser thing with my dd1, so I speak from experience. I know she has opinions on secondary schools and is constantly slipping the kids bits of anti-Catholic propaganda when my back's turned. When confronted by me she'll go running to my dh with a little catch in her throat, stifling a little sob. Heartbreaking? I don't think so.

If she wants a relationship with your kids, it has to be on yours and dh's terms. Make sure dh will support you, and then come down hard as you feel is necessary.

marz · 19/04/2005 18:58

Gerard is old fashioned, I think, and makes me laugh....(sorry if anyone is related to Gerard!) but Satsuma wins my vote....makes me laugh and then still have a grin on my face after that....both my dd's names were not received well on either side of family really....oh well!!

LGJ · 19/04/2005 18:58

Try tellling her that you like it in an Irish sort of way, but as you don't live in Ireland, you would hate DS to be perceived as a plastic Paddy

Shudder to think what she would want for a girl.

LGJ · 19/04/2005 19:00

Mini Hijack...............

Frogs it arrived, it is wonderful, huge but wonderful.

Thank you.

nerdgirl · 19/04/2005 19:01

Gerard is not an Irish name!

tiddlypom · 19/04/2005 19:07

We knew ds was going to be a boy, and MIL was consistently derogatory about the name we chose for him from 1st trimester of pg.

So we called him Jamie instead - only I couldn't get my head round it somehow, only called him 'baby' mainly, then after a year re-named him the name we always wanted, got birth cert changed etc.

MOral: don't mess with a baby's mum on these issues. (NOthing wrong with Jamie btw, lovely name and still his second name. Just his first name is closer to my heart.)

nerdgirl · 19/04/2005 19:10

I can beat that one Tiddlypom.

My mam grew up in a village with a little old lady called 'Baby' because her father had named her after his mother and the wife refused to call her anything but 'Baby'.

She was 83 when she died and no one knew what her original name was. Her gravestone has the name 'Mrs. Baby XXX' on it!!

LGJ · 19/04/2005 19:13

Well if it isn't, the Irish have hijacked it

I am Irish and where I come from it is wall to wall Gerards and Geraldine's, of a certain age.

tiddlypom · 19/04/2005 19:15

LOl Nerdgirl. I stand up to MIL now needless to say. That was first and more or less last time I didn't on any serious issue.

tiddlypom · 19/04/2005 19:15

LOl Nerdgirl. I stand up to MIL now needless to say. That was first and more or less last time I didn't on any serious issue.

ggglimpopo · 19/04/2005 19:16

Message withdrawn

Maddison · 19/04/2005 19:19

Hi Laughorcry

Have you mentioned any baby names to her yet? If not I would just say that you're not telling anybody what the name is going to be, like frogs said, for every name you mention somebody will know a snotty nosed kid with that name and put you off it, or some one will have a nasty/snide comment to make about it (have gone through this myself, we have chosen Bailey for our DS2's name and everyone associates it with the drink )

If you have mentioned some names then I agree with the others, get DH to sort it out with her, at the end of the day it's your baby and you shouldn't be railroaded into a name you don't like

Meggymoo · 19/04/2005 19:27

Message withdrawn

Original poster

laughorcry · 19/04/2005 19:28

Hi Maddison, we have told MIL the two names we are thinking of (Theodore or Anthony).

I guess some people would think those even worse than Gerard, it's all down to personal taste, but she has said that they are both ridiculous .

What is most annoying in some ways is that I have already agreed that the baby will only have dh's surname as that seemed like the easiest way and MIL was v pleased (she thinks double-barrelled surnames are snobby!). Had thought that would be the end of the interference.

OP posts:

Meggymoo · 19/04/2005 19:31

Message withdrawn

bobbybob · 19/04/2005 19:45

Bob was the first son in 8 generations not to be called William. I didn't do it as a middle name because I thought that was actually worse. He has no middle name.

My argument (which I didn't share before BTW, he was just called Bob when he was born)

He already has his father's family surname. If called William then what exactly of mine does he have to show for my 50% DNA?

He needs to be himself, not the same as 8 other blokes.

Too confusing now people live longer and don't get married at 16 and leave home. A whole lifetime of having his post accidentally opened, people asking for him on telephone.

I was in marketing at the time and used to tell everyone that brand extensions don't work. A new product needs and deserves a new name.

If my MIL wasn't strong enough to take on her husbands family in the naming stakes, then that was her problem.

Fortunately dh had seen enough of the problems with mail, phone calls from weird relations in the night etc. and was even more vehement than me.

Nimme · 19/04/2005 19:55

When pg with DD2 MIL asked if we had thought of any names yet. We said we had not only thought but decided on X. She promptly blurted out - oh I don't like that! Well we didn't ask if you liked it and just stuck with it. She is more tactless than anything and has since forgotten all about it.

I think you should insist on DH and you announcing together that the name of your DS/DD is your choice and she'll just have to wait and see what you decide. Hopefully she won't be so stupid and risk future relations with her grandchild to-be .....

Freckle · 19/04/2005 19:57

Alternatively tell her that you're happy to go along with her choice, but in that case the child will only have your surname. I'm sure she wouldn't want that and will probably give in on the first name.

motherinferior · 19/04/2005 19:59

My mum RANG UP my sister, a week after she'd given birth to her second son - most of which she'd spent in hospital, mark you, because it was a slightly tricky birth - and said 'darling, I'd like to give you the gift of a name' and suggested a perfectly nice name, but one which my sister and her partner had not selected - they'd named the baby already, dammit.

My sis, being in that zonked state one is prone to be in at that stage, said vaguely 'ok, ma, you call him whatever you feel like' (thinking she really couldn't face the hassle of a long argument), put the phone down...and then realised my mother was seriously expecting her to change her new son's name totally.

motherinferior · 19/04/2005 20:00

You could distract her with something else, btw, my dp's mum was far too preoccupied with my plans for a home birth at my advanced age, last time round, to bother with names

Nimme · 19/04/2005 20:01

FWIW I think Anthony is a lovely name and tried hard to persuade DH of that in case of a boy.

sansouci · 19/04/2005 20:05

My initial reaction was tell her to go fly a kite but then I remembered when I heard that my sister was planning to call her daughter Britney. I was so horrified; I felt like threatening her but I did nothing. I wasn't asked for my opinion & so I kept quiet. Ignore MIL; call the baby whatever you want and smile sweetly in answer to her splutterings.

Debbiethemum · 19/04/2005 21:05

Hello again (not posted for ages)

My MIL loves my daughters name Myfanwy BUT.........

Insists on pronouncing it with a V instead of the f, which is the standard Welsh pronounciation (sp), however dh and I decided that we prefered the softer f, which is also a valid & accepted way of pronouncing her name. We have ensured that all the other relatives & friends know which we prefer so they can ignore her if she corrects them.

Actually she is normally called Miffy as she is still a baby and Myfanwy is a name to grow into, we will probably switch when she starts school otherwise she will be Miffy all her life, I do call her by her full name every now & then so she gets used to it (and I do!!).

What really made me cross was when she made her 1st birthday cake (very happy for her to make the cake) she wrote Myffi on the cake and told all the guests that was the correct shortening of the name, they came to check/apologise for misspelling her name for a year and got told that as MIFFY was MY daughter her name was spelt as I chose.

Otherwise she is a fantastic MIL and I will probably go on holiday with her and my ds, dd, nephew, niece and SIL again this year.

tamum · 19/04/2005 21:07

at the "gift of a name" MI !!!!

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