m.e. and pregnancy

[sazzysarah]

i hope someone can help. i have been suffering for the past 14 months with m.e. type symptoms but have yet to be diagnosed. i am still struggling with that one. i have this week found out that i am 5 weeks pregnant with my third baby. my husband and mother are both concerned for my health that they want me to abort the pregnancy but i dont want to. i feel that if i am persuaded to do this that i will resent my husband and it will kill our marriage. but if i go ahead with the pregnancy that he will resent the baby. i am so confused i dont know what to do... please help with some advice...by the way i am 35 now. and my hubby is 41.. help.

I didn't want your post to go unanswered - I'm sorry I can't offer advice re the ME symptoms but I will say that if you don't want a termination then you mustn't have one. Its understandable that your loved ones think that a pregnancy may be too much for you but it sounds like they are only thinking of you and its not that they simply don't want you to have the baby. If your DH is suggesting termination because of your health problems its not that he has anything against the baby is it?

An unwanted termination (I am not against it btw so not preaching here) probably would have its own implications for your health.

Have you sought medical advice?

I think you should go and speak to your doctor/ maybe ask for a referral to a specialist? If its health reasons that are concerning your mother and your husband then maybe getting reassurance /advice from a specialist will help.

I know how hard ME type symptoms are, I suffer from an illness that gives me severe fatigue and stops me working full time (and which is often misdiagnosed as ME), but after speaking to my specialist he advised me that there was no problem for me in trying to start a family. I just want to give you hope that it is worth seeking advice as it could be that from a medical perspective there is no problem. Have you got a good GP that you trust? If not its worth trying a few until you find one you feel understands you.

I imagine that your ME symptoms are making you feel down already (I know I really struggle some days) and being pushed towards a termination you don't want would be really unhelpful right now.

thank you for your responses, it has really helped. my husband and i have discussed things with each other and with we have the kids and have all decided that the pregnancy is going ahead. i am due to speak to my doctor who is going to refer me for regular check ups with my neurologist and gp so hopefully things will be ok. my kids cannot wait.. thanks again for all your advice
thanks again. sarah

best wishes for it all :-),

hi Sarah... hope you are ok whatever you decided. I had ME.... or some would argue still haveas I'm not sure I have ever got my full energy back yet. I am also pregnant with my 3rd child and was in exactly the same predicament as you. My husband really felt it would put a huge strain on our relationship having the baby .... my mum and his as well. I felt so alone those first six months. I am now 36 weeks and 38 yrs old and am coping well. I had ME before i got pregnant with my first two and always took at least a good 2 yrs to get my energy back which is why my husband (now 42) was not sure he could cope. In the end I made the decision myself to keep the baby as i felt i wasn't sure I'd ever forgive him if i did what he wanted. I think he still is quite negative ... if we argue it comes up ' well you wanted to keep the baby so if you're exhausted its your own fault' that kind of thing. It really hurts and possibly in the end the relationship will fail but at least I will always have my children. On most days though I am excited and completely feel fine.. probably a bit more tired than some pregnant mums but doing well. I think the key is making sure the hospital are well aware of your condition diagnosed or not and you get support. There are proggrames most hospitals can outy you in contact with that will help after the baby is born. If you have decided to nt have the baby then don't give yourself a bad time either... you have to decide what is best for you not others... its only one life we get and a pretty short one at that so do what you want! Take care, Bernie

I have cfs/me and am pregnant with our second child (7 +6). It was a complete shock when we found out as we have bee trying for almost 4 years, even with treatment. My husband took a while to come round to the idea as he knew it would be a strain on me. Although I have been very tired you just have to listen to your body & rest; you will need it for when the baby comes. Enjoy your pregnancy rather than fret about it & what others are thinking, as that will only make your condition worse. Ask your GP or specialist about PACING as it really does help. Good luck!!!