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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

I feel awful telling my sis that I am pregnant..i just cant do it yet

18 replies

evaangel2 · 28/02/2009 12:16

my sis lost her son 2 weeks ago and i have just discovered i am pregnant...whatam i to do...i feel awful telling her even though this should be a time for joy

OP posts:

Haribosmummy · 28/02/2009 12:17

Oh, I'm sorry about your sister's LO.

How old was he?

Can you wait a few weeks? Just so she is a little less raw?

I'm sorry I don't have any better advice, but it's very sad at a time, as you said, should be so happy.

StealthPolarBear · 28/02/2009 12:20

Congratulations on your pregnancy!
I assume you are not too far along? I would wait as long as you can to tell anyone, and then tell her first.

Original poster

evaangel2 · 28/02/2009 12:22

he was 11

we are all grieving still, its just so awful

OP posts:

unfitmother · 28/02/2009 12:23

Wait a bit longer, then tell her yourself, in person.
I remember my sis getting pg just after I had a still birth and I was so upset that she appeared to have told all and sundry before me.
The fact that you are thinking about her feelings shows how thoughtful you are but don't let it overshadow your wonderful news. If you are considerate I'mm sure she'll be pleased for you.

Disenchanted3 · 28/02/2009 12:24

I would wait until you are about 14 weeks, then tell her before anyone else.

Im so sorry about your nephew,

how awful

StealthPolarBear · 28/02/2009 12:28

how awful

clouiseg · 28/02/2009 12:35

What a terrible thing to have to go through.

I think that you all need time to mourn, and it may be more considerate to all to keep the pregnancy quiet until you either feel your sister is better equipped to cope with the news, or you can't conceal it any longer.

I do agree that it may be best to tell her first, and assure her that you have done so because you care so much about her welfare. If she reacts badly it is something that you will have to deal with as a family.

You should be proud of yourself that you are a good enough person to think of others at what is an exciting time for you.

All the very best to you ALL. And sorry for your loss. X

Milliemuffin · 28/02/2009 13:14

I hope this doesn't sound insensitive but I think it might do her some good, only a little but still, it's something else to think about and to be reminded that life goes on. It will take you both a long time to come to terms with your loss but your pregnancy is a wonderful thing and will give you something positive to focus on. Also, people can often guess when someone is pregnant and I wouldn't want my sister to feel she couldn't tell me so for me personally I think I would tell my sis even if I'm not ready to tell others. You can be there for eachother, that's what sisters are for. Only you know what's right so go with what your heart tells you.
Sending you lots of love xxx

LittlePeanut · 28/02/2009 13:21

I absolutely agree to wait for as long as possible, and then to tell her first. She will be upset if she is the last to know.

So sorry to hear about your nephew. Must be so hard for all of you.

Congratulations on your pregnancy too.

thaliablogs · 01/03/2009 09:46

Agree with telling her first, but not with waiting 'as long as possible' and certainly not about telling her in person.

I wouldn't tell her now, but I would feel, if I was her, very patronised if you waited for weeks and weeks, like you didn't trust her.

In person the pressure is all on her. Let her know in a letter or email so she can have the negative bit of her reaction without worrying about the impact onyou, then when she sees you she can be happy for you without feeling so bad.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 01/03/2009 09:57

Whenever you tell make sure that she is the first person you tell so that there is no possibility of her being told by someone else.

I am sorry for your loss.

poppysweetie · 01/03/2009 13:33

I would also tell her before anyone else so she has a little to time to come to terms with the idea. What a horrible situation. I would wait for a few weeks before telling her but not TOO long x

Comma2 · 01/03/2009 20:45

Oh how terrible! If it were me that lost a child I frankly wouldn't care about pregnancies around me, your sis must be going through the worst. Tell her if the moment is right, so at least she won't be left out.

YesSirICanBoogie · 02/03/2009 10:55

What a horrible time for you all. I'm so sorry. I agree with everyone who says to tell your sister first but maybe wait a few weeks. I think if I were your sister I'd maybe like to hear some happy family news when emotions aren't so raw.
My brother in law and girlfriend had a stillborn baby when out DD was 7 weeks old. We felt that we should keep to ourselves. Consequently, they've only met DD who is now 2 1/2 twice and it's such a shame.

jeee · 02/03/2009 11:15

When I was 12 weeks pregnant my cousin died. I had to tell my aunt about the pregnancy because I was bleeding quite heavily, and was worried that it would prevent me from attending my cousin's funeral. I can't speak from her perspective, but she made me feel that it was positive (which was incredibly kind and brave of her), so maybe your sister would feel like this?

xxhunnyxx · 02/03/2009 14:05

I'm so sorry to hear about your nephew, it must be sp hard for all of you.
I can't imagine what your sister is going through, however, she may see it as some positive news and something good for her to focus on.
Like most people have said though just give her time and then tell her before anybody else.
I had to tell my friend that I was pg not long after she lost her baby but because other people already knew I didn't want her to be the only person who didn't know as I imagined she'd feel even worse if she thought I was keeping it from her. I was just very very careful and sensitive when I told her, she did get upset but she was also pleased for me. I know it's not the same situation but you may find that she takes it better than you expect.

KC11 · 02/03/2009 15:43

Congrats on your pregnancy. Very sorry to hear about your nephew. Did you sister know you'd been trying? If she did, she be pleased for you that you've have success. A relative recently told me about her work colleague who got pregnant but didn't know how to tell another colleague who had miscarried recently. The PG lady handed a sealed envelope to her colleague as they were leaving work and told her to open it at home. She opened it at home, burst into tears in the privacy of her own home and then rang the PG lady to say how kind she had been not to tell her face-to-face. We humans are very resilient and even in the depths of grief we find good news uplifting.

MmeLindt · 02/03/2009 15:45

How awful for your sister and your family to lose your nephew.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I would do as Stealth suggested, wait as long as possible then tell her before anyone else.

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