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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Guilty secret - gender preference...help me overcome it!

59 replies

FlirtyThirty · 24/02/2009 17:41

Ok - I know that it's not really socially acceptable to say it...and I know how incredibly lucky I am to be pregnant...but over the last few weeks (I'm 32wks PG) I have come to realise that deep in my heart of hearts, I do secretly hope I'm having a girl.

I know it's ridiculous, and I haven't uttered a word of this to anyone (even DH), and neither do I indend doing so...but I really want to find a way to get this out of my system. I'm actually quite embarrassed that I even feel this way.

I don't doubt for a second that i will love my baby equally whatever the gender when it appears...but neither do I want even the tiniest fragment of disappointment if it's a boy. So...what I'm wondering is...if this happened to you, did it disappear at the birth? or how did you deal with it?

Thanks... x

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

sarah76 · 24/02/2009 17:52

Flirty, sorry I have no advice, but just writing in solidarity, because I would totally prefer a boy and feel really guilty about having a preference!

LilianGish · 24/02/2009 17:54

I also really wanted a girl first time. For that reason I found out asap (had to have an amnio so knew for sure!) - it was a girl. Totally understand your sentiments and don't think it's weird at all (MIL thought I should be reported to social services for expressing sucvh a preference). However, what I would add is that I had a boy second time round and I ABSOLUTELY ADORE HIM! Can't imagine what I was worrying about and I'm sure that if you have a boy you'll feel exactly the same way (in fact if I was to have a third I'd be hoping for a boy.) Actually I admire you for waiting to find out - I'm far too much of a control freak ever to have managed that. Good luck.

nicsnigsnags · 24/02/2009 17:55

I did feel this way when i was pregnant as well, I think it was a combination of being an only child, therefore having no exposure to boys as siblings etc and fear of the unknown iyswim in that well we're girls so it's what we're used too! To be honest i had a deep down feeling when i was pregnant that it was a boy and i think i would have fallen off the bed after he was born if they had said it's a girl but not for one minute after he was born did i feel disappointed or anything, in fact now that I'm pregnant again I kind of wonder what it would be like if it is a girl this time as I'm so used to having a boy and boy stuff so it would be nice to have one of each but if it's another boy that will be great as well. I know when you see that baby you will fall in love with it and not be able to imagine life without it, no matter what the gender, good luck

MissFannyAdams · 24/02/2009 17:56

im really hoping to have a girl!!!!! i ve got a ds and im a bit obsessed wit having a girl i feel awful admitting that too!! i ll be happy whatever but in my heart of hearts would love to have a girl!! in fact im a lil worried i might get a look of dissapointment if its a boy or that i ll get depressed! go no actual advice but im there wit you i understand (even tho i only lil bit pregs lol)

Nabster · 24/02/2009 17:56

I really wanted a girl and prepared myself for a boy. Towards the end I hoped for a boy.

Don't worry about it. As long as you love the baby when he or she is born you will see the sex really doesn't matter.

Original poster

FlirtyThirty · 24/02/2009 17:57

It's a funny old feeling really...I think it's because I have such a good relationship with the women in my family, that I crave that with my own child. I know that it's not to say I wouldn't have that with a son, but I do think it'll be different, in the way that male/female relationships just are by their nature different to female/female ones.

It's not about ballet classes, pink ribbons and cutesy girlie things. I am well aware that a little girl could turn out tom-boyish. It is about the kind of relationship I see us having in the future though.

Right now,I just want to find a way to get it out of my system. I'm not sure if there is one though.

And Sarah, thanks for the solidarity...and good luck!

OP posts:

Original poster

FlirtyThirty · 24/02/2009 18:01

Wow - you guys reply fast! I do actually feel relieved for 'saying' this out loud, so to speak! I'm also relieved to not be the only one.

I'm so sure that I'll love baby whatever - it's a very much longed-for child - so I have no long-term concerns about how I'll react if it's a boy. I just feel I should sort of deal with my feelings before the day actually arrives. Pregnancy paranoia, maybe?!

OP posts:

Nabster · 24/02/2009 18:01

I didn't want a girl as I didn't want to be like my mum and I. But you know what? I was thrilled to have a girl and we are nothing like my mother and I were.

purpleflower · 24/02/2009 18:07

My first pregnancy I wanted a boy. I got my boy and was over the moon. When I fell pregnant again I really hoped for another boy as I really had no idea what to do with girls lol. I've got 3 older brothers and no sisters so I've never really been around girls. When I gave birth to DD I was just as pleased as when I had DS, she was my perfect baby. Now she is almost 5 months I find it so strange to think that I never wanted a girl as she fits in so perfectly.

All through both pregnancys I secretly felt that I would be dissapointed with a girl but from the second she was born I've loved her just the same

annmar · 24/02/2009 18:09

I really wanted a girl.

I spent the last three months convincing myself it was a boy so I wouldn't be disappointed.

I was relieved when the midwife announced it was a girl.

With the second, I was absolutely covinced it was a boy, but my preference was a girl.

I was relieved again when the midwife said girl.

DH was relieved as well. We hadn't managed to find any boys name that we even slightly liked .

I'm sure if either of them had been boys, I would have loved them just as much, but I really struggled with the idea being a mum to a boy.

n5rje · 24/02/2009 18:53

I never for a moment of any of my 4 pregnancies wanted a girl and did genuinely worry about how I would cope if I had one. As it turned out I have 4 DSs so I didn't have to find out so I can't offer any help but I know exactly how you feel. I was quite open about telling people that I wanted boys each time but I don't think people believed me as they assume you will always want what you don't have.

Poppet45 · 24/02/2009 18:55

Oh thank god people are talking about this. I've always, since before even being preggers, seen myself with a boy, and have been tentatively told I'm having one - at 12 weeks - and feel like such a traitor to the sisterhood for hoping the sonographer was right. But then a few days later I did feel a tiny thrill of disappointment at the potential loss of a mum-daughter relationship. Talk about blowing hot or cold. I can kind of see DH with a little girl as he dotes on his niece - and the boys in the family tend to resemble breeze blocks!!! So am hoping it will all work out for the best whatever sex!

babyc · 24/02/2009 19:03

I feel exactly th same way, i was actually disappointed when I was told I was having a boy, partly because he is a result of fertility treatment so it is unlikely we will have another baby at all - I think I was just disappointed at the though of never having a mother daughter relationship. I've 6 weeks to go and have got my head around having a boy, but there is still a niggle that its not a girl. A friend said she felt the same way, and then it all changed as soon as she saw her baby.

readyfornumber2and3 · 24/02/2009 19:03

Well I have a DS and knew all through the pregnancy that it was a boy (had it confirmed at 20 week scan and just turned to DP and said told ya so lol)

I am 13 weeks with twins and have no feeling, I am happy with whatever we are blessed with but both DP and I would like at least 1 girl if possible as we will definately not be having anymore.

I think I will be disappointed for a nano second if they are both boys but that s it as DS is fab and wouldnt change him for the world

Podrick · 24/02/2009 19:06

I predict that for the final 4 weeks of your pregnancy you will feel equally happy about either sex. This is a result of seratonin in the bloodstream I believe!

troutpout · 24/02/2009 19:23

oh blimey ..it doesn't matter does it?
pg1 i would have preferred a girl ..had a boy
Pg2 i would have preferred a boy...had a girl

You are totally right.. you will be head over heels in love with your new baby in a few weeks...you will hardly be able to imagine wanting anything else

MrsMattie · 24/02/2009 19:25

I secretly wanted a girl first time around. I forgot the feeling the minute I held my boy in my arms.

I really couldn't imagine having a boy before I had one, but when he was born it felt like the most amazing and natural thing in the world.

cluelessnchaos · 24/02/2009 19:31

I always got what I secretly wanted so I dont know if there is some unknown influence going on there, no reason for me to want boy or girl just a feeling. But to reasure you I had a ds after two dds and boys are lovely they are straight forward and cuddly and jsut wonderful in every way, girls however are cute and funny and cuddly and just lovely in every way, i would also say that the sex of the baby is irrelevant for the first couple of days it is just the wonder of a baby that hits you.

CuppaTeaJanice · 24/02/2009 19:52

There were two reasons I secretly wanted a girl - hair colour and football.

When ds arrived, I saw his head before I saw his testicles so was relieved he hadn't inherited my red hair.

I'm still dreading all the football crap that seems to come with boys, but he's a lovely baby and of course I wouldn't change him.

If I ever have dc2, I'll be secretly hoping for a girl again. Baby girls and boys aren't really very different, but 10 years down the line, I don't want to be outnumbered when it comes to choosing days out, telly etc.

trixymalixy · 24/02/2009 20:16

I secretly hoped for a girl first time round. There was a tiny nanosecond of disappointment that Ds was a boy, but that was it. I couldn't possibly love him any more than I do. He is so funny and cute.

This time round I really don't mind whether it's a boy or a girl. I still think it would be nice to have a girl,as I have such a close relationship with my Mum and would like that with a daughter. I don't think i'd know what to do with a girl though, it would feel more natural to me to have a boy.

NigellaTufnel · 24/02/2009 20:19

I am with nbster did not want a girl because I have such a rubbish relationship with my own mother, and would never want to replicate that with my own child.

But after having a ds I feel more confident that I am very different to her , and so wouldn't mind a daughter at all.

miffin · 24/02/2009 20:43

I felt exactly the same way as some others have said - wanted a girl in the hope of a strong relationship later in life rather than giving a toss about ballet and pink etc. I didn't find out the gender in pregnancy because I thought I'd be disappointed to hear it was a girl, whereas once it was born, I wouldn't care.

In fact, when my boy was born I was still quite disappointed and had fleeting regrets for several months. Everytime I had a bad day, I'd come back to this - but I think that was really just me struggling with motherhood and a small baby rather than anything else.

Now he is nearly two and I think he's just as gorgeous and perfect as you could make up in your wildest dreams! It's totally impossible to imagine him being any better than he is or being different in any way. Now I am pregnant again and I can still see that a mother-daughter relationship would be nice, but I can also honestly say I don't care. Once you really get to know your child, gender just doesn't matter. Don't feel guilty. Your feelings are quite common and in the long run they won't matter at all.

Rollmops · 24/02/2009 21:03

Totally understand, I always wanted a boy and when I found out that there are twins on the way, hoped-hoped-hoped that they'd be boys, or at least one of them would be a boy.... And I've got two gorgeous little boys!!!!
The most important thing is of course to have a healthy baby, we all know that, and would love him/her to absolute bits, regardless of what was our initial peference...

PeppermintPatty · 24/02/2009 21:09

When I was pregnant I really thought I was going to have a boy. In fact I had a couple of dreams that I was having a little boy with brown eyes and was quite convinced it would come true.

I don't know why I had this preference...I think maybe because I don't really like all the pink princessy things little girls are into now. I'm not a girly girl myself and was a total tomboy as a child.

Anyway I found out the sex at the 20 week scan and the sonographer told me I was having a girl. I think I sounded really shocked and asked her if she was sure

I got used to the idea of a little girl quite quickly - although I was determined she wouldn't become a girly girl. DD however, has her own ideas - she's only 20 months old but already into dressing up and shoes and pretty things. EEK!
You don't always get the child you want (sex, personality, looks whatever) but you ALWAYS love what you get

NigellaTufnel · 25/02/2009 18:14

Well said Peppermint!

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