Guilty secret - gender preference...help me overcome it!

[FlirtyThirty]

Ok - I know that it's not really socially acceptable to say it...and I know how incredibly lucky I am to be pregnant...but over the last few weeks (I'm 32wks PG) I have come to realise that deep in my heart of hearts, I do secretly hope I'm having a girl.

I know it's ridiculous, and I haven't uttered a word of this to anyone (even DH), and neither do I indend doing so...but I really want to find a way to get this out of my system. I'm actually quite embarrassed that I even feel this way.

I don't doubt for a second that i will love my baby equally whatever the gender when it appears...but neither do I want even the tiniest fragment of disappointment if it's a boy. So...what I'm wondering is...if this happened to you, did it disappear at the birth? or how did you deal with it?

Thanks... x

chooster, in answer to your question.

Well, I never had a brother or a dad or a grandad. I was brought up by female relatives, married by a female vicar and given in marriage by a female friend!

Funnily enough, I LOVE having male friends because they are less complicated than women.

I suppose I just don't understand them. I don't feel interested in their toys, attracted to buying their clothes etc.

I work with children and find boys much harder work, though girls chew your ear off!

Also - this is the bit people never understand - I like a calm, tidy home and life. We have friends who have boys and when they come to stay they set my teeth on edge with their physical energy - play fighting, climbing, running. They bring a football and kick it repeatedly against the kitchen wall (outside) and against the windows. Every time they come to stay, something gets broken, usually because it gets knocked over and smashed.

When I think about it, perhaps these two particular boys are what I can't handle? I do wish their parents would teach them to respect other peoples rules/homes. Perhaps my own son would be different, though I'd have to accept higher energy levels and a need to be outdoors kicking balls rather than doing colouring books.

Thanks mogwai - I was just curious really . Its probably a good thing that you haven't found out as you may worry more if you knew you were having a boy. If you are having a boy I'd put money on the fact that you wont feel the anxiety about it when you hold him.

I can totally relate to what you say about some boys - yes they can be into really physical things and can be rougher than girls, but I have 2 DS's and they are an absolute joy. They are cuddly, kind, can be gentle when they want to be , and all round good fun. I'm sure if you had a son he would be the same.

Thanks for this post its really nice to read all the different responses. I desperately wanted a boy and dreaded, truly dreaded having a girl. I don't have a great relationship with my mum and she doesn't with her mum and I think a lot of it comes from the pressure put on first born daughters. I feel like I wouldn't be bringing any baggage into having a boy but I would need to work through and work harder at making sure I didn't make a lot of the mistake my mum made with me.

(Also all my dreams about having a baby were about having a boy so I was relievingly convinced it would be a boy.)

Scan a couple of weeks ago revealed a girl. To be honest I just felt elation when they told me. I do have moments where I think about whether I would be happier if it was a boy which makes me feel terribly guilty but generally I'm excited about having a little girl.

The only other thing is I'm now feeling the pressure for number 2 to be a boy. And if its not then do we try for a third or try to make our peace with it?

DD I would have been gutted if she'd been a boy, if only because I'd always imagined my first to be a girl. I found out at the scan because I knew I needed that time to get over it if she was a boy iyswim.

DS I didn't find out but apart from the first couple of weeks didn't really have any feelings as to what I was having. DH and I kind of convinced ourselves that it was another girl so it was a shock when he was a boy and although I hadn't minded either way really it took some coming to terms with because in my head he'd been a girl. I think it's a short term thing though, you bond with them for who they are (both of mine had very strong, very different personalities from day one really)not for what sex they are. It might not happen at the birth but you won't be disappointed forever (even if the baby you'd imagined does stay with you)

Oh I feel so much better reading all these posts.
I have one of each and am now pg with #3.
We had our 12 weeks scan this week but they couldnt tell. My mum has done the cork thing (its a boy) and my holistic therapist has done crystals and says its a girl

But my absolute preference is to have another boy. I honestly dont know what Im going to do if they tell me its a girl I know Im lucky to be pg but i so desparately want another boy.

I dont even like other people's girl babies, I coo over them a bit but not to the point I would with a boy baby. Weird!!

With my first I really wanted a girl, and found out so that I could get used to it if it wasn't a girl. I'm so glad we found out he was a boy, and by the time I had him any disappointment had disappeared. Try not to feel guilty, you cannot help how you feel, and in the end you will just be so happy that your baby is healthy you won't care what the gender is anyway!

I've never really understood why it's considered so terrible to have a preference. You feel how you feel and shouldn't be judged for it. Now of course if you are telling your baby boy you wish he was a girl then that is awful but no-one is saying that.

I have had a preference for a girl both times (have one DD and one DS) but like insy says I think you can separate your actual baby and your more abstract preference. I am so ridiculously in love with my DS people take the p*ss out of me and I would never in a million years want HIM to be a girl, but if we have another I would have a preference for a girl and I don't really think there' anything so terrible about that.

But anyway good luck with your impending labour and let us know when you have him/her (by which point you will just be in love with the baby you have, whatever his/her gender I'm sure) - good luck!!

With Ds1 I really wanted a girl and convinced myself that I was carrying a girl, I was positive.
Well, I was obviously wrong and now have two boys, they are fab. As soon as they were both born I loved them and was honestly just pleased to have a healthy baby.
I do have to be restrained from friend's newborn DD's, and I love buying girl's presents for other children, but that is just because I'm surrounded by cars, castles and tractors . I also love being the only female of the house, adored by my males
Try not to worry and good luck

I secretly wanted a girl with my first pregnancy, but had a boy. I was delighted and totally besotted from the second he was born. Never felt a moment's disappointment. It was the most overwhelming and exciting feeling...to have a son. I am still wowed by it now

You'll honestly love your baby so, so, so ridiculously much, boy or girl.

p.s. I did get my girl in the end