Gosh, what a day.
Daisy's service was enough.
It was what I needed it to be. It wasn't truly beautiful but it was enough. The song at the end was very powerful and moved us all to sobs, DH included. I am so glad I got to choose poems too. I can't believe how small her casket was. I has ordered flowers, a tiny arrangement (or so I thought) but they pretty well covered the top. There was a proper plaque on top with her name and date, and that was special. We walked over to the baby memorial garden afterwards, where we go to especially remember Amy. Neither set of our parents had ever been there before, so it was good to show them 'our space' for our babies.
It is all a step along a (never ending) road.
Now I just need to wait to see about her ashes. I hope, I so hope that there will be some.
The rest of the day passed...and was quite 'nice'!! We collected DD from her friends, and then headed to my mum's house, for lunch, and DD lunchtime nap. This afternoon we went to a National Trust garden, and all watched in delight as Dd ran, hid, climbed, and laughed her way round. Much to the delight of all 4 grandparents and us. She is my tonic. Today though, at the back of my mind I kept thinking 'I have three girls' and the shadows of all three flitted, hand in hand, always just out of view.
This evening, parents-in-law have popped over for dinner and several bottles of wine (- I write this in a pleasant haze - or is it a tired and sad haze?) I raved on to them about how Mumsnet has been a lifeline and source of great comfort to me over the last few months.
So may I take this opportunity to thank EVERYONE who has written to me. I have got to know many of you by name, and we have swapped stories, but there are also many who posted just the once and I am so grateful for you for just being there. I hope you read this and know how grateful I am. Mumsnet has shown me that there are human beings out there who will post a message to a complete stranger, just to try to comfort her, or make her day easier.
I take the compassion shown to me and hope that I can be there for others in the same way.
So, it is on with my life. Somehow.
I took a peek at the 'trying to conceive' board...but my, it's huge. I was so overwhelmed with it, I don't think I am ready to share my all there, despite my primeval urge to be pregnant again.
So, if a new area is set up, for those of us in the awful and deeply sad position of losing our babies in this way, I may dip my toe in the water there.
But maybe I will have to post the odd thought here before that.
Love to you all, -those who have lost babies in any circumstance, and those who have their little loves with them.
Thank you. Love Lins xxx
Touched by Angels
We are touched by angels
And walk where angels tread.
They will guide us, walk beside us
Through the days ahead.
In the hours of darkness,
When our dreams have flown,
They bring hope and gentle healing,
We are not alone.
In our times of doubting,
Still they understand,
And forever touched by angels,
We walk hand in hand.