Higher reading for Nuchal translucency scan - feeling panicked!

[linspins]

Hi all, Just been for our 12 week scan today and had the nuchal scan to test for Downs. The reading was 2.8mm. They said this was high, but not high enough to be classed as high risk without doing a blood test. I had a blood test afterwards, but the results won't be in til Friday. I am just really worried now that there is something wrong with the baby. I'm 36, so no spring chicken, and had a heartbreaking time with my first pg, after severe abnormalities were diagnosed at the 20 wk scan and we had a termination. I have since had a healthy lovely little girl, but I'm scared again. Has anyone else had high nuchal reading, was it ok?

SAMR - Thinking of you today and knowing it will be okay. poor wee one still sick - so upsetting when they poorly. But you are right also gives you a role and a way of finding some maternal strength. And thank you for your words about arc. I did not think i would be alone in finding it too sad, too very sad sometimes - yet like you am drawn to compulsively read them and feel such compassion. Just my head is overloaded with these images.
Get in touch with us when you can.
BB xx
And Dearest Linspins - today another tough day - let hubbie calmly as possible navigate the mad red tape and confusion and remember in your heart that it is All About Daisy and you are a wonderful loving mummy
xx

Bee, what a busy day on Mn on certain threads. It can be compulsive to read but difficult when stuff is posted that rock boats. So stay on calmer waters for a while.
I like what Ilovemy dog said about 'doing the usual'. I have become a bit obsessive about housework/washing up recently - probably the only thing I have control over (funny that my house isn't gleaming though?).
off to get dd to nap. See you in a bit. xxxx

Hi all, I have just had a total sobbing fit - all the way through a phonecall. I had to ring the Registrar's office at the crematorium where Daisy will be having her service. I started crying almost the moment I begun to speak, but did manage to tell her between sobs about the importance of finding a tiny bit - just a pinch - of ashes afterwards. She was very sweet, and called the 'technician' at the crem who has promised his very best to find a little something. She has also sorted out the music problem for me - it turns out they have the song I wanted, already on their library. So hopefully all sorted out as much as these things can be, but I feel so shaky today. I feel 'brittle' like I would break if you blew a feather at me.
There is so much sadness it is squashing me.

Oh lovey - well done for having what must have been an overwhelming conversation. You have represented your feelings and they will do everything they can to help you am sure. So hard. And yes you are fragile. Let the sorrow wash through. It is long and hard and you are doing amazingly and everything you describe is normal and natural from what the other ladies say about this.
Well done. Have a rest and enjoy your little dolly girl this afternoon.
big hugs
BB xx
hiding from my thread

Just to let you ladies know that I still keep up with this thread (but try not to intrude too often).

Lins - glad you have gotten things sorted for Daisy. Hopefully they will be able to give you some tiny bit of ashes... enough to give you some comfort. It must have been so difficult to have to make these arrangements yourself. Stay strong... xxx

Busier - how are you and your hubby managing? It is hard enough on us as mum's to experience such hardship, but even worse when our husbands, our pillars of strength, begin to crumble as well. Wishing you much strength as well... xxx

Thanks BBee, I am so relieved and the release of emotion has left me weak and tired.
Two of DD friends (and their baby brother and sister, sigh) are coming round to play this pm. But at least I will have adult company, and they are both sympathetic even if they don't understand as much as some of the ladies here.
'Hiding from my thread' made me smile a bit as I pictured someone creeping round a house with a small bit of wool hunting them down, slasher-movie style! But seriously, it had all got a bit off target and some are reading all sorts of imagined things in to it, whereas really most of us just want to support you, listen and hug.
Hope your afternoon goes ok too. xxx

Hi Babyblue, good to hear from you. Every little post to me makes me feel that someone out there is keeping an eye on me, which is comforting. Takes away the 'freefall' feeling, knowing others are reading this and will catch me if I fall too far.
(Does that make any sense? My brain has gone.)
xxx

linspins, I haven't been posting much on these thread but I just wanted to let you and BBee know that I've been reading them regularly, wondering how you two are and wanting to check to see how you're getting on. There's probably a whole crowd of us out there, all thinking about you guys and sending you lots of cyber hugs.

SAMR71 - are you okay sweetie? Hope your day went well.
Linspins did not want you to come home to no messages as you may need some reaching to and comfort - and here we are for you. You have negotiated today which is enormous - really enormous.
And thinking of your wee girl in the garden negotiating turn taking - what a poppet. So much to learn and such a privilige to witness.
Sleep well and a demain
Goodnight other gentle mummies too
BB xx

What a long day. Sometimes it feels like I have several lives all going on at once. Me, as mother to dd...me, as mother to my two angels...me, as working person...me, as wife...usually they are all interlinked and it's just 'life' but at the moment it all feels very separate.
I went out tonight and we didn't mention Daisy once. Which was ok at the time, but now suddenly I need to think about her properly. I wore pair of jeans which shouldn't fit me now...I should be 20 weeks pregnant. Where is my little baby.
Just a tiny body waiting for a cremation, or an angel flying free.
Have to go to bed now or I will flood the keyboard.

Morning lovey
Touched by your little outpouring last night - going out into the realword requires a balancing bit of mumsnetting and reassurance when we return. Well done for getting out at all.
have to dash off but wanted to say hello and also if SAMR reading - am thinking of you.
hugs
BB xx

Am here now - I had a little read last night, of both this thread, and yours BBee - what a morning you had.... it must have been difficult - glad there are so many out there looking out for you.
And Linspins - so glad things have been resolved a bit for Daisy's service. And glad you had a night out...
Thanks for looking out for me. Scan showed a pregnancy of less than 6 weeks - too small to see a heartbeat - and as I should be 9 weeks, and had a positive test 5 weeks ago, it isn't looking good. I have to go for another scan in a week - they pretty much told me that that was procedure, and that really it was most likely to be bad news. I suppose there is a glimmer of hope, but it just doesn't stack up with my dates... They were very nice to me though - dh hadn't come so was on my own - long story, but he and mil were at kids hospital with ds - who is absolutely fine and on the mend, and was just in as my gp was worried he was dehydrated and didn't want to take any risks... so that is a relief. So am feeling exhausted, and sad, and a bit numb...and a bit lost, and not really sure where I want to be. Going away to inlaws for a few days tmrw, so they will look after us all. And am sure will find a lot of happiness in watching ds regain his spark.
I feel I have poached a bit on your thread here Linspins - and am sorry for that - I will step back now, and if I feel I need to say much more about me I will start my own thread. Thank you for letting me share here though. Tree was right on busier's thread - these are really your threads for us to support you. It is much easier to bounce back from where I am, and I will. But I'll keep reading, and I will keep thinking about you both and your angels.
xx

SAMR - love - I was worried that you had gone quiet and that your day had not gone as you would have liked. It sounds a confusing time - and painful for you. NEVER feel you can not join in our threads - I do not think I speak alone when I say it should be a comforting place for mums in need of reassurance and comfort. Tree was referring to people bouncing in with loud or harsh words that we cannot maybe cope with - that those people are entitled to but not here. This must be a gentle recovery space for those that need it and I would say that you need it. For past experiences. There is still some hope for you here but you and i and Lins all know that things can never be taken for granted.
Take comfort from your little recovering soldier and have a peaceful weekend if can.
kisses to you and Lins and pretty sure Lins will not mind us being here..
BB xx

SAMR, oh poppet, so sorry that its not looking good for you. You are having such a tough time at the moment and it's just not fair. Only a year on from your little Annie and you deserved good news. Big hugs.
Hang out on this thread as long as you want, the more people here the better as far as I am concerned. Stay and enjoy the support. Or if you do go off to a 'new home' tell us where you are so we can visit!
Let's hope your in-laws spoil you and take some pressure off too for caring for others so you can take it easy a little. I hope the easter bunny knows where you are going! Another 'get well soon' to you little boy.

I, surprisingly did not have a headache this morning...must have been the pre-emptive fizzy aspirin last night. Feeling tired but there has been a lot going on. I'm glad the rain has stopped here, though its still pretty grey. sigh.

Busier, glad there is a glimpse of peace. I have had moments of it and I do remember that grief subsides and a new way of being, emerges. Went out just now to let dd go to sleep in her pram, and the blackbirds were singing really loudly. Their song is so pure, it always makes me want to cry, even at the best of times.

Off to make a cuppa.
xxx

Lins
Am going to ring and try and get your number from ARc in minute. Such a grey day really. Feel calmer yes- less panicked and anxious and shocked. The sadness is so very sad. At supermarket today saw a lovely family with two tiny girls - so sweet and charming. Realised that the sadness is that i so much wanted a family unit with him, our own little person to care for. Yes I am a mummy and that is a joy but him and i are not parents together. (Have to be cautious as can hear in my head now the voices of those who say is my choice) but I know you know.
You had a long long day yesterday. The days can be long and i know what you mean about not being joined up; there is the mummy to your lost angels, mummy to poppet, wife, friend. mumsnet friend. Each role has such different set of emotions attached. It is tiring to be not steady.
Am off to Norfolk tomorrow with chap and boys, then to parents and then possibly to Majorca if strong enough with my big girl to try and spend few days revising and being. Not sure if right thing to do or not really. Feel I need my mumsnet life line - is a space to be reflective and comforted.
Hope your day passing gently
Am watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with boys.
BB xx

Yay! It would be lovely to speak to you. I'm in all evening, after 8 is best when dd is snoring her little head off. You can call just briefly to say hello, or talk the night away, whatever you need.
I know what you mean about being away from the comfort of the computer, I felt like that last night.
Charlie and the choc factory, great film. I love those books.
Dd has awoken from nap and is drinking milk on the sofa, under a blanket watching Cbeebies. Oh the preciousness of an uncomplicated life.

Hey all, feeling low again today. Went to the florists to order flowers for Daisy's casket. My speech went all wobbly, but I held it together enough. They didn't have a container small enough for the arrangement I asked for, so I then trawled the local shops looking for a suitable little tray or bowl. It was quite surreal. Found a bowl and dropped it off, but have felt like the weather is - flat and miserable- ever since.
Dh has gone out to the pub with his brother, which I don't really mind, as it's not like he goes out loads...but I'm all on my own now. Think I'll have an early night. Us easter bunnies have to get our beauty sleep.
Lins xx

Hey all, feeling low again today. Went to the florists to order flowers for Daisy's casket. My speech went all wobbly, but I held it together enough. They didn't have a container small enough for the arrangement I asked for, so I then trawled the local shops looking for a suitable little tray or bowl. It was quite surreal. Found a bowl and dropped it off, but have felt like the weather is - flat and miserable- ever since.
Dh has gone out to the pub with his brother, which I don't really mind, as it's not like he goes out loads...but I'm all on my own now. Think I'll have an early night. Us easter bunnies have to get our beauty sleep.
Lins xx

Sweetie -so glad you posted next to me. My thread is all empty without yours to accompany it. What a day for you to endure but important that you demonstrate your love and loss for Daisy in this way surely. The days pass. I too am so clingy to my DP - can only feel right if the feelings go through him. Am at my parents and can not mention it to them even - like an emotional nincompoop which I am not.
Sleep well Easter bunny and well done - am proud of you.
BBxx

Hello Lins
Could not post on my own thread without popping in to your house to say hello and send love and wishes to you too.
Am home now. Can not go to Majorca - and DP agrees that I am too fragile and am glad he says this as can not know myself what I can and can not manage. I need to be managed.
So feel safer in my own house with my own computer.
It is a big week ahead - and I wish I could hold your hand across cyberspace and say good bye to Daisy too. And I will. Of course.
I hope you are gentle and supported and as srong as you need to be .
thinking of you and wanting you to know that your thread being near to mine has helped the scariness and loneliness
BB xx

Hi all.
I saw a mum getting in to the swimming pool this morning who had a beautiful neat bump just like mine should/would be. She looked so happy and so pregnant, I felt like I had been kicked.
Then at home, I decided to pack away all my maternity clothes and put them back in the loft. big sigh. I labelled the box, and next to 'maternity clothes', I wrote spontaneously wrote 'good luck'. I don't know whether I meant that in a sarcastic way or genuinely. I so want to be pregnant again but I can't imagine it.
What a grey day, what a grey feeling. 2 days until Daisy's cremation.
hello to Marj1 if you are reading this. xx
hello everyone else too.
Thanks Busierbee for 'popping in' to see me.
Linsxx

Oh Lins
What a day. So glad you are still reaching out and talking to us.
You posted about how you have organised your goodbye to Daisy and your ongoing goodbye to Amy - such thought and love involved. Such mumminess.
It would be a privilige for any comments and loving messages that you have had on mumsnet to go in Daisy's memory box. We want to say goodbye to her - so if that feels appropriate then I think is lovely idea. All those mummies wanting to send their love. Since I have no service, I had been thinking about printing my thread in fact as a way of holding on to the love and sadness I feel for my two released babies.
big loving cuddles to you and all mummies - thinking about SAM and all of you really
BBxx

Dear Lins
Wanted to say goodnight to you and strength and love for the week ahead to you my love. I would love to send you a card if you do not mind so maybe text me your address.
Goodnight and rest well
BB xx

A weird and horrible feeling....today feels like Sunday, but it is really Monday, which means that tomorrow is Tuesday and that's only one day away from Daisy's cremation. I had it in my head that I had days to 'ready myself' mentally for it, but now it's almost here, and I feel suddenly wobbly. Got that tight feeling in my throat.
What a lot of sadness on Mumsnet at the moment - well that's probably not true, but am reading that kind of thread. I guess soon I will have to bid this thread farewell, (as I can't hang around here forever,) which is also freaking me out a bit as I know people are looking after me here and when I leave where will I go if I have a bad day? Panicking again.
Night all.

Hello all..
Glad to see you two ladies are starting to have some positive moments, if only fleeting. It means the sun is just starting to peek in from between the clouds. Lins.. will be sending you all the strength I can muster for the coming days. Don't feel like you need to abandon this thread/MN... if it is a supportive lifeline you really need. Just merely change the topic, and this way it will always be here when you need it.

SAM - sorry that your scan did not go better. Keep us posted.

Hugs to all