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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Expecting No4, feeling down, please come and cheer me up

65 replies

HeinzSight · 01/01/2009 12:52

am 8 weeks, still in complete shock really.

DS1 is 12, DS2 9 and DD is 15 months.

She'll be nearly 2 when No.4 arrives.

I do remember feeling down at this stage with DD, like I couldn't think of one good reason to be having a baby.

I'm petrified of PND, have had it after all 3 pregnancies, getting worse after each one, felt suicidal after DD

DH has a paralysed arm so is unable to give all the practical support he did with my DSs.

Am so scared scared scared.

Come and hold my hand, cheer me up, give me positive thoughts.

Keep trying to snap myself out of it, but struggling.

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Original poster
HeinzSight · 01/01/2009 13:01

anyone?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 01/01/2009 13:03

on a practical note, have you looked at websites with advice about antenatal depression?

Original poster
HeinzSight · 01/01/2009 13:06

Hi SourDragon ,

I have done loads and loads of research. I'm going to try and be really proactive about it. Next week I am going to speak to my GP and ask for a referral to see a psychiatrist who specialises in this field.

I haven't even been to the doctors yet to confirm pregnancy etc.

It's not like I can even put it to the back of my mind, because I feel very pregnant.

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Original poster
HeinzSight · 01/01/2009 13:07

oops , I mean SoupDragon!!!!

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ilovelovemydog · 01/01/2009 13:09

Yours will be about the same age as mine. DD was 20 months when DS was born.

The good news is that they will only remember each other when they get older and can't imagine a time when the other wasn't around.

And you have older kids to help with the practical things like, 'quick - get me a baby wipe...'

Oh, and you'll have a summer baby? Lovely. DD was born in July.

sausagenmash · 01/01/2009 13:12

Hello heinzsight >

You poor thing. I can't really say I have much experience in this area (only pregnant with number one) - but maybe it might be worth speaking to your health visitor - they might know people in your area that can help with support, emotionally and physically? Also, has your local hospital got an early pregnancy unit - there might be people there who can also help, and you may find others in the same boat?

Only thing I can suggest is to take things one day at a time - seeing your GP is the first step, and discuss your fears with him / her. It's very hard to 'snap out of it', that's far too much pressure to put on yourself - this is a time where you must ask for help - that's what all these people in the health service are for!! Have you got parents / sisters or close friends that you can chat to as well?

Keep up posted - we're all holding your hand and giving you squishy cuddles xxx

Original poster
HeinzSight · 01/01/2009 13:19

thank you ilovelovemydog and sausagenmash

I don't have any family nearby, but my stepmum (who I adore) has said she will come and stay for a couple of weeks when LO arrives. She's amazing. So cheerful, such a lovely person to have around. Just wish she lived nearby.

My main fear is the PND, so so so so horrid.

I need to hold on to the fact that although it was grim, in reality I was completely well by the time DD was 4 months, so hopefully the same will be true after this one.

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sausagenmash · 01/01/2009 13:23

Sounds like you have a lovely stepmum who will help you in any way possible. And the fact that you are holding on to the fact that you were fine by 4 months is also good. Really hope you don't get the PND though, I can't imagine what that must be like. Fingers crossed that July will be nice and sunny for you!! Still worth chatting to your GP though... x

ilovelovemydog · 01/01/2009 13:24

I haven't had PND, but lots and lots of people have and have heard that it helps knowing the things that trigger it and then working out solutions - i.e. lack of sleep, too much housework, chronic exhaustion...

You are so lucky to have someone who you like to come and help....

NAB3lovelychildren · 01/01/2009 13:25

I take it baby wasn't planned?

Go and see your GP and ask for support in case of AND. I had PND after all three births, starting at different times, and AND with number 3.

Your DH will be able to give you emotional support if not as much physical support as before and your older children will be old enough to help.

My dd was 22 months when DS2 was born but she suddenly seemed so big.

Good luck.

Original poster
HeinzSight · 01/01/2009 13:30

thanks NAB. No not planned. I think I may have AND, I was like this early on with DD, even though she was planned and I'd been desperate to have another and DH finally changed his mind, although it took for him nearly to be killed in a motorbike accident, hence the paralysed arm.

I'm wondering whether my PND after DD was compounded by everything to do with the accident, we had our DD less than a yr after it happened.

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NAB3lovelychildren · 01/01/2009 13:32

My Nana was dying when I was pg with number 3 (the one I had AND with) and my GP wouldn't give me anything for it. What he did do was sign my husband off work for two weeks to give me support as I had no one else.

Original poster
HeinzSight · 01/01/2009 13:37

I'm sorry to hear about your Nana, my lovely Nan died when I was pregnant with DS2, horrid time.

DH's work give him 2 weeks paternity. I have some really good friends nearby who saw me go through it with DD, so they know how serious it is.

I need to make myself a big poster and write in big letters . . DO NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR ASKING FOR HELP!

How old is your DS2 now NAB?

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NAB3lovelychildren · 01/01/2009 13:40

He is 3 1/2 and a little love most of the time (currently refusing to sleep and up at midnight crying in fear at the fireworks). I still can't believe she has gone.

NAB3lovelychildren · 01/01/2009 13:40

Just checked but you live too far away from me for me to help

Original poster
HeinzSight · 01/01/2009 13:44

NAB that is SO nice of you to think about coming to help, what a lovely person you are. x My Nan has been gone 10 yrs now, and I still miss her terribly at times, she was like a Mum to me and my brother, we grew up in her house, she did the school run, dinners etc.

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NAB3lovelychildren · 01/01/2009 13:46

My Nana was my only family. The rest of my birth family don't want to know though my Uncles' wife rang me yesterday but not really sure why

Shit at times.

Original poster
HeinzSight · 01/01/2009 13:52

That is shit

I'm sorry

Family can be very strange.

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Original poster
HeinzSight · 02/01/2009 13:50

still here, still feeling poo!

Am going to buy some Omega 3 later

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4andnotout · 02/01/2009 13:53

Hi i had PND after dd2 was born and was lucky that i never had a reoccurance after dd3 and dd4. I have a 13 month gap between 3 & 4 and i think the 4th is soooo much easier! The labour was fab and quick too!

Original poster
HeinzSight · 02/01/2009 14:19

I'm praying that is doesn't hit be as bad this time. I'm trying to do as much as I can to lessen it.

OP posts:
sausagenmash · 02/01/2009 20:07

Hope the poo feeling is lessening

stiefyloo · 02/01/2009 20:47

Hello

I'm 16 wks with no 4 too. All my babies were planned but I often have moments of, "what were we thinking?/bugger, we've done it now!".

DH does his best, but as we all know it's never very bloody good, so, like you, I'm just hoping for the best.

I had PND after DD1 and DD2 and when DS was born, I was almost shutting my eyes and waiting for it to happen. I kept waiting though, thinking, "it's coming to get me any day now" but it never did. So you never know. You might get away with it this time.

Have found that people all assume that you're a mentalist for wanting 4 kids and although it makes me cross and I find myself justifying my reasons to everyone, I do sometimes wonder if perhaps it is a tiny bit mad myself....

Original poster
HeinzSight · 02/01/2009 21:28

thanks for checking in sausagenmash

stiefyloo, you're giving me hope, it would be amazing NOT to get PND, i have to admit to always feeling somewhat envious of women who don't get it. Would love to experience overwhelming joy the first few weeks after having a baby.

I feel like I've always been robbed of that.

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pgwithnumber3 · 02/01/2009 21:36

Heinz, I truly can empathise with you on this, although I haven't had PND after my DDs being born, I have had a pretty unstable few years and never felt like I have been able to enjoy my daughters being babies. I fell pregnant (unplanned) with this LO (35 weeks) when DD2 was only 7 months old and to say I was devastated is an understatement. I am still not looking forward to the baby coming to be brutally honest as there is a lot going on in our lives at the moment which is taking the shine off having a baby.

I hope you manage to escape the PND this time and enjoy your baby.