Expecting No4, feeling down, please come and cheer me up

[HeinzSight]

am 8 weeks, still in complete shock really.

DS1 is 12, DS2 9 and DD is 15 months.

She'll be nearly 2 when No.4 arrives.

I do remember feeling down at this stage with DD, like I couldn't think of one good reason to be having a baby.

I'm petrified of PND, have had it after all 3 pregnancies, getting worse after each one, felt suicidal after DD

DH has a paralysed arm so is unable to give all the practical support he did with my DSs.

Am so scared scared scared.

Come and hold my hand, cheer me up, give me positive thoughts.

Keep trying to snap myself out of it, but struggling.

pgwithnumber3, I do hope that things fall into place for you and you enjoy your baby. Am sorry to hear you've got loads of other stuff going on. It's bad enough being pregnant, without other stresses in your life. My pregnancy with DD was just crazy, so much was going on, DH had to have loads of operations on his arm, one was an emergency one when I was 36 weeks! Wishing you the VERY best x

As much as we are having problems atm Heinz, health problems are far worse and I hope your DH is okay. How terrible for him to lose the use of his arm after an accident. I cannot imagine how hard it is for you both to manage 3 lively children. You sound very lovely.

I think an unplanned pregnancy is always a huge stress on your life as it takes a good while for it to sink in and then you cannot help but wonder if you can cope etc with a child that your didn't particularly plan for. DD2 was also unplanned and she is a shining light in our lives so I know that when DD3 arrives, that rush of love will instantly kick in but it is horrible not looking forward to a baby's arrival and I feel guilty a lot of the time. We were told that we were both infertile and never ever have children, DD1 was born through IVF and I think that was a shock in itself so then to conceive 2 babies naturally 5 years later! We are very lucky.

thank you pg, what a lovely thing to say, you sound lovely too I might add

How amazing to have conceived twice naturally after going through IVF.

DH and I were 'joking' last night about both of us getting sterilised, me having the coil fitted, going on the pill and him using condoms all at once!!! But seriously, one of us is going to get something permanent done!

Like you, I'm often feeling guilty for my thoughts and feelings, I look at my children and am so happy to have them and love them so much. It's hard to get your head round the fact that you can possibly find more love to give to a new child. I console myself with the fact that I felt exactly this way in my last two pregnancies, have been trying to have a serious word with myself!!!

heinz i don't have much advice to offer, but would just like to wish you the best of luck
hoping the shock settles down soon x

I was worried re PND. I read somewhere that Zinc and B6 and B12 help prevent it. I took plus fish oils post ds and dd and I was ok - hard to know if it helped but it did me no harm. If I have a third, I am going to go to 'pram workout classes' as they can help and or get a personal trainer for 6-8weeks. But that said I don't think I will have another one. Hope you feel better soon, and hang in there, .

Just found your thread Heniz, and wanted to add - your mw and gp should be able to refer you to a local perinatal psychiatric team for the best care, esp considering your history in previous pgs.

I had horrid AND with ds1, not diagnosed til 34 weeks when I felt like I was going mad with panic attacks - I had one 48 hour period where I could not stop shaking. It was bloody awful. 2nd pg was so much better in comparison, I was seen early by gp and by the psych team and my meds changed from citalopram to clomipramine. Ds2 was 5mo yesterday and I'm still feeling fab. Hope you find the support and help you need from your local nhs.

Do you feel though that although it will be hard for you, having four children is obviously what is meant to happen in your lives? I mean in the sense that you are good parents and have a lot of love to give? That is how I feel, DH and I are lovely parents and know we bring our girls up as best we can with all emphasis being on their happiness before anything else. I knew as a young girl that all I wanted to be was be a mother. I think the reality of it is a hell of a lot harder than you could ever imagine though! You don't take into account before you have children the problems which can arise (not child related) and affect how you parent. Likewise for yourselves, an accident has changed your lives. PND has affected you. All situations that you probably never envisaged to be part of your lives.

Just be safe in the knowledge that you do your best, you love your children and are bringing them up in a lovely home. What else could they possibly need/want? I know I sound a tad philosophical but I am fed up of looking at the doom in my life!

Tomorrow is another day, nobody knows what is around the corner. My brother's best friend was killed on Boxing Day aged 29. A Doctor who was immensely talented and he is now gone. After this, I am trying to look on the brighter side of life.

pg so sorry to hear about your brothers bf.

Thanks songbird. Devastating for his family.

such a sad time of year for such a tragic thing to happen too

pgwithnumber3, how awful for your brother to have lost his bf , at that time of year too.

I feel to be writing a moany post, I'll come back later and respond properly.

But want to say thank you v much for your support so far. x

Hi candyfluff from other thread , I'm 8 weeks. Such a contrast to my last pregnancy in that I haven't even told my doctor yet, last time I phoned the midwife as soon as I got a BFP.

DH bought me some Omega 3 fish oils yesterday, am hoping that will help a bit.

im glad you are doing all you can to stave it off as i did . i still got it but because i had the support in place from h.v doctors and homestart and the knowledge that i knew i would get better in time it wasnt as bad but still would never want to repeat it. wishing you all the luck in the world.let us know what the gp says

Will do, thanks candyfluff

Heinz, you moan away, I do! No matter what is happening in the world, you are still entitled to feel fed up with your problems, everyone else does! We will all experience death or some type of terminal illness in our lifetimes but until then, living each day is still hard enough. Don't you worry, you have a hard time of it just with your DP losing the use of his arm. That is enough in itself.

Sorry should say your DH

HeinzSight,
you poor thing. The main thing is that you are thinking about it which means you could do some preventative stuff now which may be of help when the baby arrives.
Taking lots of omega 3, go to your gp but please please consider some counselling or therapy, your GP practice might offer free counselling.
I think this is essential since you mentioned feeling suicidal,those feelings just dont disappear unless you have worked on them.

You have been through alot.I think traumatic events are always connected to PND and even depression.

thanks pg and Oonagh

I got some Omega 3 yesterday, am taking one a day, as directed. Could I take more?

I'm totally up for counselling, hopefully my GP can refer me to a specialist in this field.

I will do ANYTHING to lessen PND, or even better, not get it all, that would be AMAZING

Hiya Heinzsight, I'm new on here so please everyone forgive me if i make faux pas.

We are in one respect in the same boat - I am also unexpectedly expecting number four!! And yes I think I have been in extreme shock since i found out. DD1 is 4 DD2 is 3 Ds is just 1yr old and I am either due in July or August.

My 1 yr old was also an accident and when I found out I was pregnant with him I was in shock for about 10 mins and then decided that I was ging to enjoy the pregnancy as I had never done before. It was in honesty the most relaxed pregnancy of the three and I loved it.

This time round I am having serious difficulties being positive I just keep thinking how on earth am I going to cope? I am due in on wednesday for a scan and I am really hoping that once I have seen that little heartbeat I will be able to pick myself up be positive, but I do know how you feel.

I am also taking omega 3 - I took it through my pregnancy with my son and it saved my life/sanity. The one I take is very specifically from tested mercury free fish and I can take four a day but stick to what it tells you on the packet of yours. (i don't know if i'm allowed to post the name on here) Too much oil can really upset your tum!!

Thanks for making me feel like I'm not completely on my own, you aren't either, and it will work out ok for both of us.

What I think is amazing here is that everyone knows and understands!! I find it so annoying that people assume that because you are pregnant you are a happy, bouncy blooming gilry like all the effing women in all the glossy magazines!! I'm pg with number one - 20 weeks this week - and it was VERY unplanned. I think I'm still in shock. I can't sleep at night as a) I have a big snoring heffalump next to me, b) the thingy inside me is having a party of its own and c) I think I'll be a crap Mum. I'm SOOO tired!! We are in a tiny flat, hardly room for the two of us let alone a baby. I can't imagine not being at work as I have done all my life (am 36). I hate not being able to eat what I want, drink what I want, stay up late and party like I used to. And now I feel such a cow for moaning when all you lovely people on here have much more reason to be upset. Gaaaaah. Still, a big cry half an hour ago helped. Oh, and this cup of tea...

[pulls self together and heads for shower] Ahem. Sorry. Rant over

Yoga has been a life saver for me. I started pre natal yoga when I was expecting DD1 and have continued, I suppose I have been doing it for 4 years now. Its great especially the meditiation and relaxation at the end, it has changed my life and I have met some really nice people too.

Oooh I'm so glad you said that, oonagh - I'm starting my yoga classes this week!

kitkatqueen, keep posting and we'll support each other, let me know how your scan goes tomorrow and what due date they give you. Re Omega 3, funnily enough I was looking at the package this morning and it says to check with GP before taking. It didn't occur to me that some are safer in pregnancy than others. It's fine to mention the name on here, which ones are you taking?

sausagenmash, how're you doing lovely? It's amazing what a good cry can do for you! Tiredness is a killer , is your DH not black and blue from nocturnal kicking to stop his snoring?

You're SO absolutely right about all the crap in the media about how women are somehow preprogrammed to be blissfully happy the moment a pregnant hormone touches her , what a load of balls. I have to admit to some RL people finding it a bit hard to comprehend me feeling unsure, down etc.

Hiya Heinzsight, My scan is on wednesday and i've just realised I am going to have to take DD2 and my 1 yr old boy with me - oh JOY!!

The omega three i am taking is by a company called "pharma nord" they do a massive range of oil capsules the one i'm taking is called "Bio-Fish Oil 1000mg" and its a box of 80 capsules. I used to buy it locally when I was pregnant with no.3 but they don't always have it in stock so I rang the company to find out where else i could buy it and they said direct from them over the phone! So the phone number is 0800 591756. I am also taking ( if you are interested? ) Prenatal Nutrients by Solgar it's the only one i've found where the vitamins are sourced from food ( ie the folacin comes from green vegetables etc) and if I have to take iron I only take "spatone" which is availiable from boots it is a box of 28 sachets containing water from the trefriw wells spa in wales its naturally high in iron and doesn't cause the usual problems that iron causes. (and its reccomended for pregnancy)

I have to admit tht I have never ever had PND but I know lots of people who have and then with the next baby took the same omega 3 that I take and didn't get it. So it is possible for you to avoid it this time. I take the prenatal nutrients because aside from being a good idea it stops all my cravings, and the iron stops me from being exhausted and dizzy later on in the pregnancy ( and can help at the begining ).

I really hope that this helps, keep in touch and let me know how you are...

HeinzSight, yes he IS black and blue - but he stormed out at 3am to go into the spare bed (soon to be nursery) - we've had a very 'stilted conversation' day, so there's been a few more tears. Booooo. What I could really do with is a massive glass of red wine!

Had to look up what 'RL' meant - haha, like it! As for pregnancy hormones - evil things. Lets ban them!

Have also been having some godawful dreams / nightmares (when I DO sleep!) - they are really horrible - and I haven't even been watching any of my usual scary films recently! Is this a common thing or am I bonkers?!

Sorry HeinzSight - this is a thread for cheering you up! How are you feeling today? Have also looked up where you live and you are miles away from me too. Bum.