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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Aborting twins- Please read if you are open minded

74 replies

thepinkprincess · 29/12/2008 19:41

I would just like to say firstly that im not a troll nor do I intend on offending anybody as I know that this is a rather taboo subject, Im just seeking advice.

Best mate found out shes pregnant around beginning of November (unplanned & shocked but happy and wanted to keep the baby. after having 1st scan a few weeks ago she was then told that shes carrying two babies both in different placentas and consived two days apart.

So the shock has now died down a bit and shes 14 weeks 1 with the first baby and 13 weeks 6 with the second, and really wants an abortion as she already has a dd who will be 2 the day before the twins are due. Also don't want three children at the age of 22 aswell as lots of other reasons. I said that im there for her no matter what her desition is. Her family are not being much support and keep telling her she has to keep the babies and its wrong if she gets rid of them, the one thing she going to do which I don't agree on is telling her mum that she MC

Surely if she makes an appointment to see the doctor soon she termination will take place in a week or two, Does anybody know how this will happen?, if she has to give birth I said that I'll be there, Iv tried looking up info online weather she will have to or not but no luck.

I understand that I may have upset some MN'ers but please this is my friends choice and I totally respect it - well not the lying to her mum. I do not wish to receive nasty comments about my mate.

OP posts:

CeceliaAhern · 29/12/2008 19:43

Would she consider adoption?

MrsMattie · 29/12/2008 19:43

If she decides to have an abortion now they will more than likely do it fairly quickly, even on the NHS. She's probably looking at a maximum 2 week wait.

Hope it all works out for the best. This must be an awful situation for all involved.

kormaisforlifenotjustchristmas · 29/12/2008 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

donnie · 29/12/2008 19:44

you say she was happy about discovering she is pregnant - yet wants to abort? something tells me she shouldn't go through with the abortion.

duckyfuzz · 29/12/2008 19:45

she needs to see her gp asap, I can quite understand how she feels and no matter what anyone's personal beliefs are, she needs support. She is lucky to have a good friend liek you to help her through this.

Original poster

thepinkprincess · 29/12/2008 19:46

no, I did mention it to her but she doesn't want to go through with the pregnancy or birth,
Im worried about her as neither of us know what to expect, and im her only support

OP posts:

duckyfuzz · 29/12/2008 19:46

also, she should ask if they can do a partial abortion

TheSeriousSanta · 29/12/2008 19:47

14 weeks is getting late to be 'considering' abortion IMHO.

I was offered a termination at 22 weeks. I was shocked to the core. I had just seen the scan pictures, of a little hand, a little backbone, a little face. I didn't know what the future held, but I knew I wanted to try my hardest for my little fella.

So, practically, if she has a termination past 15 weeks, yes, I think she will need a GA, to be induced and the babies will be killed (using pottassium as far as I know)

Without judging, I'd like to ask: (I'm not expecting answers here, IWSWIM, just for you / your friend to consider)

Why tell people about the PG before being sure of her feelings?
Why take so long to decide? Counselling may be an option but it's running close to the wire now.
Is there a potential problem with there being 2 fathers?

Being truthfully honest, I think your friend may find it difficult to go through with the procedure and may not be ready for the emotional impact it has on her.

I'd consider looking at those aspects BEFORE making an appointment.

BBBee · 29/12/2008 19:48

gosh - this is really difficult.

i am worried that she is making a reaction decision before she has had the chance to think it through. i know it has to be her decision but it would be really helpful for her to talk through all her concerns with a counsellor as it is such a big decision.

she is quite far on isn't she - so she goes through with it she will be 15 weeks gone - i think this will mean an induction of labour rather than an abortion but it depends where you are and what medication she will get as to whether she will be concious or not.

this is very very sad. she is lucky to have someone like you who is being supportive but if it is an induction of labour it can be very traumatic - it is like giving birth.

make sure you think it through too and make sure you are okay with it because you will have to live with it too.

how do you feel about it?

Flihgtattendant · 29/12/2008 19:48

It sounds as though she is really scared.

I'm not sure if she will be allowed to have a termination at this late stage, normally people are fine up till about 12 weeks, I'm not sure what the 'rules' are

I hope she can find a way not to do it

BrieVinDeAlkaSeltzer · 29/12/2008 19:48

So one is OK and two is an inconvenience....Charming....

CaptainKarvol · 29/12/2008 19:48

Personal feelings aside, if she really wants to go through with the termination, she needs to be quick. Some hospitals will only terminate up to (IIRC) 18 weeks, and the longer she leaves things, the more traumatic the whole thing is going to be. She won't want to be faced with having to 'find' somewhere on top of everything else.

Lulumama · 29/12/2008 19:49

she needs to see her GP urgently for a referral for some independent counselling

so basically, if she was carrying one baby, she would go ahead?

where is the father?

interesting they told her the babies were conceived two days apart, was not sure that twin pregnancies could be dated so accurately

makes no difference really though does it?

she needs to see doctor, and take it from there

time is of the essence if she wishes to termiante, it is too late for the tablet option though, it has to be a surgical procedure

backalleysally · 29/12/2008 19:49

Has she changed her mind about continuing with the pregnancy solely because she is carrying twins? If so I think she's in shock and would possibly regret her decision if she aborted.
She probably feels overwhelmed by the news and sees an abortion as her only option. She really needs to speak to someone about other possible options she may have.
What a terrible decision to have to make.

Flihgtattendant · 29/12/2008 19:50

I do think she might have to be induced and it's likely to be more complicated than if it were just one baby.

But I don't know.

TheSeriousSanta · 29/12/2008 19:51

I'm sorry, I disagree. My Gp was quite happy to offer a termination at 22 weeks.

It's perfectly possible to get a termination, even on the NHS, at a late stage (and even for the wholly wrong reason of the PG being inconvienient)

But I think the effect that would have on a woman (and, as someone else said, one you as her friend) might have deep rooted and long lasting consequences.

Flihgtattendant · 29/12/2008 19:51

Also it begs the question if she is scared of giving birth to twins at all, it might be less traumatic to carry them to near enough term, rather than do it now?

There doesn't seem much point, it's awfully sad.

What is the benefit to anyone to stop it now?

Has she considered adoption?

BrieVinDeAlkaSeltzer · 29/12/2008 19:52

22 weeks

LGJ leaves PC to throw up.

duckyfuzz · 29/12/2008 19:53

that's not very helpful is it brie?

Flihgtattendant · 29/12/2008 19:53

Sorry if I gave wrong info, Serioussanta.

I don't know much about this, will refrain from further comment.

Original poster

thepinkprincess · 29/12/2008 19:55

the serious santa- she told her nan who then went on to tell the whole family even though she was told not to, secondly she wasnt sure how far gone she was, so went to GP, GP said she was to see midwife in 2 weeks time, Midwife then sorts out scan for 2-3 weeks time (first scan), had a scan today to see if the babies have downs syndrome, and TBH I dont know why she went if shes wanting a termanation or why she didnt tell them(but then again her mum was with her and insisted on comming in with her "to see them".
Last of all there is just one father.

OP posts:

TheSeriousSanta · 29/12/2008 19:56

Oh no, sorry, I didn't mean to upset anyone... It's just what happened to me...

I didn't know I was PG until 21 weeks... I had been misdiagnosed with a plethora of different illnesses, until a scan revealed the truth.

But, when I sat in tears at the thought of a baby, my GP happily said I didn't have to go through with it.

Sorry, OP, this is just MY story. Lots of GPs might be differnet.

I appreciate your friend here already has a child so already understands how it feels to be a mum.

NAB3lovelychildren · 29/12/2008 19:56

A scan to see if the baby/ies had DS? On what grounds?

SheWillBeLoved · 29/12/2008 19:56

Brie - I don't think that comment is fair at all. Peoples circumstances are different, 3 kids at any age is a huge responsibility, nevermind 22. One child might have been just about manageable for her - but two might seem or actually be impossible.

Agree with what somebody said about a 'partial' abortion. . it's something personally i'd look into even if I didn't go down that route just to be sure i'd exhausted all avenues before making such a huge decision. But then how do you decide which one.. and would you always wonder 'what if I chose the other one?'. And is it even possible without risk to the other baby?

Horrible situation to be in, I hope she makes the right decision for her

SleighGirl · 29/12/2008 19:56

Brie is this country you can have a termination up to term for "medical" reasons that was why there was a big campaign about changing the laws surrounding it.

Very tough decision she has to make, she needs to make sure that she can cope with the choices she makes. I can understand why she is frightened & feels unable to cope.

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