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Original poster

Aborting twins- Please read if you are open minded

74 replies

thepinkprincess · 29/12/2008 19:41

I would just like to say firstly that im not a troll nor do I intend on offending anybody as I know that this is a rather taboo subject, Im just seeking advice.

Best mate found out shes pregnant around beginning of November (unplanned & shocked but happy and wanted to keep the baby. after having 1st scan a few weeks ago she was then told that shes carrying two babies both in different placentas and consived two days apart.

So the shock has now died down a bit and shes 14 weeks 1 with the first baby and 13 weeks 6 with the second, and really wants an abortion as she already has a dd who will be 2 the day before the twins are due. Also don't want three children at the age of 22 aswell as lots of other reasons. I said that im there for her no matter what her desition is. Her family are not being much support and keep telling her she has to keep the babies and its wrong if she gets rid of them, the one thing she going to do which I don't agree on is telling her mum that she MC

Surely if she makes an appointment to see the doctor soon she termination will take place in a week or two, Does anybody know how this will happen?, if she has to give birth I said that I'll be there, Iv tried looking up info online weather she will have to or not but no luck.

I understand that I may have upset some MN'ers but please this is my friends choice and I totally respect it - well not the lying to her mum. I do not wish to receive nasty comments about my mate.

OP posts:
BrieVinDeAlkaSeltzer · 29/12/2008 19:58

Sorry Ducky Fuzz

I was under the impression that this was a public forum...why should I condone something I do not believe in.

Whatever problems I have with very early terminations, I struggle to deal with ending a life at 22 weeks.

A prem baby can survive with the right medical care at 24 weeks, so 22 weeks really jars for me.

Like I said, a public forum.

TheSeriousSanta · 29/12/2008 19:58

FWIW,
I think Brie's comment was related to me.
I was offered a termination at 22 weeks. I don't think she meant to offend the OP (as I didn't)

muggglewump · 29/12/2008 19:59

Call BPAS, they will advise and they perform terminations right up until 23+5 which gives your friend more time to make sure it's the right decision.

Lulumama · 29/12/2008 19:59

and what does th father want

i really don;t think partial abortion on these grounds is possible for many reasons, you can;t abort one baby for non medical reasons AFAIk, and there is a huge risk to the other baby

the scan being done was to see if the babies have downs synrome? a nuchal scan can only be done within a small window of opportunity and 14 + 1 weeks is outside that window

duckyfuzz · 29/12/2008 19:59

yes, no rpoblem with anyone expressing an opinion, but the OP is trying to help a friend in need and asked for advice, not reaction

Flihgtattendant · 29/12/2008 19:59

I think it would be harder to cope with all this than with just going on for a few more months, when they are likely to be born before term anyway I think? Being twins.

But obv that's just how I would find it, I can't say what's best for the woman in question. Just I am very very sorry she's going through this.

Original poster
thepinkprincess · 29/12/2008 19:59

They cant do a blood test for DS on to babies she was told

OP posts:
TheSeriousSanta · 29/12/2008 20:02

I think your friend, on some level, must want the babies.

She was happy at the thought of one... She's going for ante natal care and checks...... Her mum sounds like she would be of some support.

As someone said, no-one can make the decision for your friend....

Divineintervention · 29/12/2008 20:04

Marie Stopes or Brookes advisory are two places to start, they may help your friend explore all feelings before she begins the process of accepting her new babies or terminating.
I can understand her predicament but people do shine in the face of adversity and the mountain of twins is surmountable, the guilt of terminating may not be.
(I have had 2 terminations, one I regret and one never crosses my mind.)
Your friend needs to come to terms with her decision sooner rather than later as if she terminates her hormones and mental state will not be in favour.

Original poster
thepinkprincess · 29/12/2008 20:04

im not offended serious santa, i appreacheat all your advice as im just so worried, I feel like I need to let off some steam as I got 2 DC myself and about to start a new job so a bit stressed anyway, just need somebody to talk to/ ask advice on this one.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 29/12/2008 20:05

the blood tests can give a false psotive due to multiple pregnancy.

at the end of the day, it is up to your friend and the father

MN can;t give the answer

she needs impartial advice from the correct people

Original poster
thepinkprincess · 29/12/2008 20:06

Id like to know what will be involved in the termination as havnt got a clue

OP posts:
Divineintervention · 29/12/2008 20:07

Practically she will have a GA... not giving birth that is usual at 20+weeks, I think.

Lulumama · 29/12/2008 20:08

it has been explained lower down. it is too late for the tablet option and will have to be done surgically. labour might have to be induced if she is much further on. it is not pleasant.

duckyfuzz · 29/12/2008 20:08

marie stopes

mummiesnet · 29/12/2008 20:10

Oh FGS Bree: "I would just like to say firstly that im not a troll nor do I intend on offending anybody as I know that this is a rather taboo subject, Im just seeking advice."

Why post your views on abortion here when someone is just looking for support and advice? Yes this is a public forum, so why not start a thread debating the rights and wrongs of abortion (as you see it) elsewhere rather than highjack somebody who quite clearly doesn't want to rise to your shit-stirring?

VirginBoffinMum · 29/12/2008 20:11

She can have a termination up to 24 weeks (up to birth if the babies are badly disabled). It basically involves inducing a stillbirth at that late stage (I will not go into gory details) and is not at all pleasant. However she is not at that stage yet.

I think she should get proper counselling very fast and then take a week to think it over. This will be more useful to her than MN, I suspect, brilliant as MN usually is.

TheSeriousSanta · 29/12/2008 20:15

Mummiesnet... Please don't fan it anymore.

Brie responded to me, to my situation, not the OP. It's a different situation completely, which I've explained (and apologised for and OP has accepted)

Let's just get back to the matter of fact.. Lulumama has explained.

This young girl really needs impartial advice on what will happen and the physical and emotional impacts.

One thing I don't understand, though, is why the friend feels so alone, when her mum and family are about and the father still seems to be about too?

Flihgtattendant · 29/12/2008 20:16

Thepinkprincess - I did look into termination procedure when I was pregnant, as I considered it myself. Later terminations are rather more horrid than say if the babies were only 6 weeks or so. (I was about 9 weeks when I decided not to do it at all)
I decided in the end that I would offer my child for adoption as an easier option for me than terminating.

I think we all wish your friend some peace in her situation. xx

kormaisforlifenotjustchristmas · 29/12/2008 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flihgtattendant · 29/12/2008 20:17

(and I kept him instead, but that's another story!!)

WishItWouldSnow · 29/12/2008 20:23

pink princess - I had twins who were born when DD2 was 19 months old and it was very hard work certainly for the first 3 months but I had help everyday from mil or my mum and it was manageable.

I considered an abortion when I thought I was only have a single pregnancy but decided to go ahead and then had the shock of twins. I am tempted to think that this is a knee-jerk reaction which I had. I cried for 4 days after scan telling me I had twins and begged DH to let me have an abortion.

Your friend is so right to worry about the hard work but it can be done and she would be OK with the right support. How about her partner? If he is hands on and can cook etc it could well be OK.

WishItWouldSnow · 29/12/2008 20:23

pink princess - I had twins who were born when DD2 was 19 months old and it was very hard work certainly for the first 3 months but I had help everyday from mil or my mum and it was manageable.

I considered an abortion when I thought I was only have a single pregnancy but decided to go ahead and then had the shock of twins. I am tempted to think that this is a knee-jerk reaction which I had. I cried for 4 days after scan telling me I had twins and begged DH to let me have an abortion.

Your friend is so right to worry about the hard work but it can be done and she would be OK with the right support. How about her partner? If he is hands on and can cook etc it could well be OK.

whomovedmychocolate · 29/12/2008 20:30

I am struggling to be open minded as my initial reaction was like Bree's.

Termination of babies can be done at any stage if having the baby would severely put the mother at risk and that can (and regularly is) be read to include putting the mother's mental health at risk. This interpretation of the Abortion Act is typically used where a younger mother (and I mean very young) is overwhelmed by the pregnancy and hides it to a late stage.

However I think she should consider adoption, there are thousands of really great people out there who go through the heartache of infertility and whose dream would be to be given the gift of a baby and as for twins, for some of them that would be a miracle. Your friend could change the lives of a childless couple forever.

BTW she doesn't have to go through labour, she can have a caesarian with twins, planned up front so she knows where and when.

Abortion is a choice she will have to make. One that will affect her for the rest of her life. How's she going to feel in five years when the timing works better for her and she is pregnant again?

I would not like to live in a country where women were not allowed to have abortions in some circumstances and where they tried to abort babies themselves with devastating consequences, but it's not as simple as deciding the babies are too much hard work.

Original poster
thepinkprincess · 29/12/2008 20:31

me & the father are the only people that know she wants an abortion, the father (without going into to much detail about the relationship) is just like one of these blokes who's like "do what you want", her mum really doesn't want her to have an abortion and has told me that she really hopes that T keeps them, T is to scaired to open up to her mum and tell her how she feels hence why she wants the termination kept from her.

OP posts: