for mums2b moving on from the pg after mc thread.....

[Katherine]

I'm hoping Wills and the other mums I spoke to on the Pg after mc thread will join me here (along with anyone else of course) as I really miss chatting to you but no longer feel it is appropriate to post on a mc thread now that I'm almost half way there. However I find the "anyone due..." threads to have mums due at other times than me and I miss my old chats. So come on guys how are you doing now?

I am now 19 weeks and have my major scan on Friday. Baby has been really kicking properly and DH can feel him/her too. Some days are very active and others are very quiet which worries me. I don't remember such eractic activity with my other 2 but hey they are all different. Still struggling with Sciatica and my nose is incredibly dry and sore all the time but otherwise I feel great and am starting to get my energy back - spent the last few days sorting out a neighbours garden.

Had flu a couple of weeks ago which really wiped me out and left me with a terrible cough which totally defeated my pelvic floor muscles so I had to wear towels. Spent most of my time convinced my waters were leaking so I guess I'm still pretty over anxious.

Hope you are all OK.

Wills just found your message. How have you coped through the weekend. I hope you have managed to talk to your DH but sometimes its not necessary to speak , it helps just having someone there. I'm so sorry you've been hit with this. Big Hugs.

Wills, thinking of you too.

Wills lots of love and support coming from here too.Your husband is very lucky to have such an understanding wife who is willing to give him some space.I'm absolutly sure that he appreciates that and that when he is ready you are the one he will open up too.Meanwhile we are all here....

Me too Wills ... thinking of you ... how are you doing?

Wills, so sorry to hear your news. Let's hope it's just a cautious and ultra-efficient pathologist not wanting to take any chances. How was your weekend? Those little ones always choose their moments to hibernate, don't they...thinking of you and sending big hugs. It's really not what either of you need right now.

Thanks to everyone. The weekend was hard, however a massive infection of vine weevel in EVERY single pot plant meant that we were pretty much occupied with emptying out the soil, cleaning the roots, taking the infected soil to the dump and replacing with new stuff. I'm completely knackered! On a good note my mil came down to help on Sunday and it was really great to talk to someone who knew dh as well as I and felt equally frustrated/concerned. We really talked and it was great to get my concerns off my chest etc.

Work are putting pressure on me to work longer i.e. I was planning to give up at the end of June however already I've been persauded to move this back a week. At the moment that's not so bad as I'm going to have to take holiday to cover dh's op/s however I know in my heart that I'll be asked to put it off again so am currently trying to find a really cheap holiday to book. Really really really cheap and no flights. It will help me to come away from work and it would also be something nice to anticipate for dh and I.

Bump is moving nicely although not as much as usual - probably because I've been working physically extremely hard and its been sleeping happily. I've suddenly got the desire to know what its going to be. Not long to wait now but even so.....

How was camping Katherine?

Hi Wills it was excellent thanks. I really enjoyed it. The first night when I lay down I had really bad back ache but I think that was just the long car journey (took 6 hours when it should have taken 2.5!). The next two nights were fine although night 2 had really bad heart burn - probably because we ate so late. The kids loved it and spent loads of time playing together in the surrounding woods and it was lovely to see my friends again and they were so helpful.

The only hard part was getting up out of the little chairs we have so if we go again will definitly invest in a normal size camping chair. I had a really really lovely time and it was nowhere near as hard as I thought it would be so I would really recommend it.

My friends are planning a week long trip at the end of June and I'm trying to persuade DH we should go too. He's convinced I'll be too big by then (33 weeks) but I feel inspired after this weekend and can't wait to get back out there. I mean when I compare spending time with friends looking after me and DH always there with being on my own with the kids at home the tent looks positively inviting.

If you've got the gear why not drag DH away for a weekend (Can really recommend Bracelands in the Forest of Dean). Take you mind off things and give you a nice holiday too

Thought for the day. They should send all railway guardsmen on a course where they have a very solid football implanted in their groin/stomach and are told to run for a train or else they'll miss it. Maybe then they'll know how it feels to be 27 wks pregnant and with a braxton hicks rippling across.

Just having another moan. I just can't sleep at the moment. Last night of camping I slept like a log but since then its been terrible. Last night was the worst yet and in the end I just got up and went for a prowl around the house. Thought about doing some work but couldn't be bothered. Its not that I'm especially uncomfortable. Just can't sleep.

During the day I'm feeling quite energetic at the moment (relatively speaking of course!) and feel motivated to do things at last. Even bought myself a swimsuit yesterday (well the intention is there) and cleared out the airing cupboard. Planning to start on the loft next (jus cos I want to find my old kosshies to flog) so daytimes are now fine but I'm sure I'm going to keel over from lack of sleep soon.

Also suddenly got this urge to get everything ready. Madly ordering nappies, washing bedding, digging baby clothes out etc. Sounds like my nesting has suddenly struck with a vengence.

Hope you are all OK (especially WIlls)

Wills, how are you and your family doing? sorry, I meant to ask earlier but had to leave mumsnet for a few minutes and then could not remember which thread you had posted on.

RE: pressure from work to stay on for longer - of course you don't have to actually book anything but tell THEM that you have booked a holiday (if you get caught at home - just say that you had to cancel holiday for 'family reasons'. Or talk to your doctor and ask him to instruct you not to delay the start of your maternity leave so that you can just say that you are under doctors orders.

I really hope that your dh gets treated soon.

I've been avoiding contributing because I'm nervous that starting to "talk" I wont be able to stop a stream of emotions. Life feels very complicated at the moment. A week before finding out about dh's potential cancer re-emergence dh and I argued and he admitted that he feels trapped by our daughter and our life and that the little one isn't going to make anything better. He said that life was "boring"! We had just started to work through things when the wretched letter arrived from his consultant. Meanwhile my dm has been put on anti-depressants (long long story involving my brother) and quite honestly I feel like I'm living in a bad Eastender's plot.

I didn't post about dh before because basically I was stunned and just didn't know what to think. Its been like that for a while and I feel like I'm walking though treacle. On the plus side we are actively talking about it and he's doing things to resolve it, like looking for a new job etc.

Then to top it all yesterday I had a couple (5 minutes apart) strong braxton hicks accompanied by low grade period pain. In a vain attempt to stop myself worrying I phoned my midwife who I hoped would tell me don't worry. Unfortunately she didn't and the words premature and labour suddenly appeared in the same sentance and I was sent off to the nearest hospital. Of course on getting there nothing happened so I had nothing tangible for them to say - no dear don't worry its normal (like they kept saying for the first 3 months). I can't shift the feeling that it was nothing. With everything going on around me life feels very dramatic and I still can't quite believe that this little one is going to be fine, i.e. believing in this pregnancy. So I'm now suspecting my own basic behaviour if you see what I mean. I keep trying to tell myself that what I had was mearly back ache, or needing the loo or anything that is normal and untoward. Oh well. When I asked could I carry on as normal the response was "yes if you feel that that is right, but don't overdo it". Ugh, I hate wishy washy responses, I'm a scientist at heart and like clear well defined things to look out for, like "if it twinges then slow down". Certainly not - "see how you feel". They expressely told me to take it easy (having discovered from dh that I'm currently painting dd's bedroom, creosoting the fences, helping dh build a deck, and renovating the hall) but I hate taking it easy! Taking it easy leaves me time to think! Bad bad bad idea. Thinking leaves me stressed at the moment so I really need to remain busy but even that option suddenly feels fraught with danger. ARRRGGGHH. Feel like I'm gradually going mad! I'm now looking forward to next Tuesday (can you believe it!) when dh has his op. At least after then we can either deal with that aspect or it lightens the overall load etc.

Katherine - I know what you mean about sleep. So far dh has lovelingly got up every weekend with dd to let me sleep in. Can't seem to do that any longer, but do remember the same phenomenon from her pregnancy. How is everyone finding the heat. I didn't understand what everyone meant by carrying through the summer until last friday when I felt positively floored! Whoa! Maybe I'm not so keen on a heatwave this year after all!

Sorry about the long post, but it really helped to get things off my chest.

Wills, sorry to hear that life is so tough atm. In terms of taking it easy but still keeping busy with no time to think, what about getting some films and sitting on the sofa watching them instead of charging about? Or sitting and reading? Just a thought. I should think it's hard not to think about dh's op. Anyway, just wanted to send some sympathy really.

Wills, sorry things seems to all be piling up for you right now. Please don't apologise for your post and if it helps, keeps posting - online sympathy may help if in real life you feel you have to be the strong, upbeat one and keep going for everyone else's sake.

Cyber hugs to you.

Oh Wills, you are having a very difficult time at the moment, aren't you. I am so sorry that as well as dh's diagnosis he is also having a mini "where next" crisis. Men really do pick their moments to wobble, don't they?
I'm also sorry the health professionals did not spell it out for you unequivocally as to how much you should be doing, after your contractions scare. If it helps at all I think you are doing far too much and am utterly impressed at how productive you are being. I am knitting a blanket and making sure the sofa doesn't get lonesome. I completely understand about wanting to keep busy to keep thoughts from crowding your head, but are there some less physically strenuous projects you could switch to, perhaps?
I would listen to the twinges, to be honest.
I can also imagine the reasons for wanting next Tuesday to happen now - the waiting in limbo must be very stressful for you both at the moment. You must please let us know how the surgery goes because we will all be thinking of you - and vent away on here because that is what this thread is for, after all!
I didn't post about it either, for similar reasons to you, but dh is also having a big wobble about his faith in his ability to cope with what lies ahead, and it has led to a collapse in his morale. For the first time really since we lost Tom he is consciously revisiting the birth, which was a harrowing experience for us both, and we are now BOTH petrified of what is to come in August. So some days I feel like I am carrying the whole family's emotional wellbeing on my shoulders and it is a heavy burden. Like you, I take comfort from the fact that we are talking about all of this, but also like you I bet, at times it is unsettling and upsetting listening. I feel very disloyal grumbling about him when he has been such a rock in many ways, but the last three weeks have been really dire.
And as for the HEAT! Horrible, isn't it - we were out on a very enjoyable outing with friends all day Saturday and came home happy but frazzled to a crisp. And my feet, normally little and perfectly formed, look like barrage balloons at the end of each day now. Bah...
Crumbs, I hope all of us on this thread get easy babies, we're due a break I think.

Mariana, sis, www - thanks. I must admit it feels like an enormous relief to be able to talk and get things off my chest. Marina I have to say that when we first established what was going on in his brain I did a mental throw my hands to heaven and shout - why now! Still when his mother came to visit last week I opened up and told her about him and she told me that her husband went through a similar phase and funnily enough at the same age. Its odd but it really helped to know she had had similar experiences and that it had all worked out. I know he still loves me and he absolutely adores our dd I just think he finds the idea of even more responsibility and demands scarey. Still as I said before we are talking about it and I have booked lots of baby sitting so that we can go out a little more. He obviously misses life before kids and having me to himself and this is probably because between dd, work, basic house chores, there is not much time left over for us. He also hates his job. Like Marina, I'm not keen to disect too much these issues as basically he's everso lovely and is doing his best to resolve them. Its just scarey that with everything else going on and to come (the arrival of a new baby is hardly light work ) that its now he's deciding to review his life. As you say marina - timing is crap!

On the twinges side, none experienced today and time is wonderful in terms of me relaxing. Both my dm and dh have asked me to slow down so instead of running around Oxford street to find my 75yr old Godmother a dressing gown for her birthday I've ordered one from Next online. Feeling very chuffed but suspect that dh and dm will think that this is just the tip of the iceberg! Also its a very "modern" pretty dressing gown so.....

Can anyone suggest some books with happy endings? I read a couple recently that were all doom and gloom. I would especially like ones that end with baby born (easily) and they lived happily ever after. Possibly I should be looking at Walt Disney versions.

Oh Wills (and Marina)I'm sorry you are feeling so rotten. I really don't know what to say other than sending you cyber hugs big time.

The only thing I can add is that we all go through doubts at some point in our pg no matter how wanted and treasured about how we will cope, having enough love to go round, whether we are doing the right thing etc etc. And I can only assume that our DH's go through a similar thing where they start questioning themselves and their situation. Hopefully as with us it will pass and they will become supportive again.

Also when facing tests, operations, illness etc it is very common for people to start questioning how they are living life and wanting to live it to the full. It may all just be part of his coping strategy which is hard on you but he will move onto new feelings eventually.

Try to think about the lovely times ahead when baby comes, or holidays or even chocolate - things that make you feel good. And Wills try not to worry about the twinges - just listen to your body and when you feel you've done enough make yourself take a break. I suspect you are moving into nesting mode (I was in the loft last night!) - you know when you've had enough so don't be talked into stopping if it helps you emotionally but try not to over do it either.

More hugs

Thanks Katherine. I must admit I should try to slow down but there's so much to do .

I got asked the same question a couple of times today, am I looking forward to the end? First time round the obvious answer was yes but this time round you feel like you need them to elaborate. Am I looking forward to labour, to being in agnony for hours? Hmmmmm the answer to that is no! Am I looking forward to afterwards, the sleepless nights, sore tits, walking around in a constant haze wondering if I will ever get back to normality, the period from hell. Again no! But if they mean am I looking forward to meeting this little one - oh boy am I - but then the word excited doesn't really cover how I feel about that moment. Meeting the bundle that will come (hopefully) permanently into our lives is something that I'm just starting to dream about. Gosh but I can't wait (but would rather it were properly cooked to use the current Tommy analogy).

Its been a funny day all in all. Bump is moving around vigorously. Yesterday at my midwife appointment little was lying transverse. She taught me to find the little one's head by bobbing it - wow. Anyway after a rather restless night its still lying transverse (breech) but the opposite way round having pushed and shoved its way through 180 degrees. Not worried about position yet but its fun to work out where its lying. I've come to the conclusion is going to be a boxer because what I had assumed were legs kicking turned out to be hands pushing.

This weekend will be busy - on purpose - to avoid thinking about Tuesday. I've just finished dd's bed and she's overjoyed (painted it shades of pink). The room is close to a state where we can move her in but I'm not sure she's going to sleep she's that excited. But its lovely.

Insomminia is just beginning to kick in.

Katherine - quick question.... How come you're not on the "Kids and camping - do they mix" thread?

Wills, thinking of you and dh today. Hope all has gone well - let us know your news when you are able.
We started our NCT refresher course last night. As we kicked off by talking about our previous pregnancies and labours, it was a bit difficult for us both, but I'm glad Tom's history is out in the open with the group and we can now turn our attention to juicy topics such as "sibling rivalry", "older children present at home-birth...or not", etc.
Feeling quite good apart from having to have a tedious glucose tolerance test this morning (blood sugar levels slightly up at 28 week bloods). Can still feel that drink coating my teeth, urgh.
How are things generally with everyone?

HI Marina - how exciting, must really make it all seem real eh! I'm generally fine but tired. Sleeping a little better though think its just exhaustion winning but terrible problems with cramp, day and night.

Feeling huge nesting instinct taking over. Spent weekend buying new drawers for kids so I can pinch the old one for the new baby only to discover that we had only bought the drawers and not the unit they fit into. Agh.... Now I've got to face another trip back to ikea.

Now facing major choices like which changing mat shall I get and do we really need a new baby seat for the car. Also totally obsessed with cloth nappies. The fleece wraps are amazing so spending far too much time looking at nappy pages and no time at all doing work. Can't beleive its only 9 weeks to go now.

Wills I didn't know about that camping thread till you mentioned it but am on there now. New tent and chairs came this morning so I'm really looking forward to our trip. Just hope the sunshine comes back.

Thinking of you Wills. Hugs

Its been a good day but I'm both physically and mentally exhausted and have just had half a glass of wine - so am also extremely pissed . We always go back to the same consultant but he's based in Portsmouth and we're now based North of London so all in all its a really shattering day. The consultant came to see us both before and after. Although until the test results come back in a week he cannot be conclusive he was positive. He stated that if the cancer were back then the red area he had seen previously should have become redder and instead it appears to have paler. He's taken the necessary samples but is very hopeful. He's one of the people that would not make a statement like that unless he himself was almost 100% positive. We have to wait another week but nevertheless it was all very positive and dh and I have "almost" had a nice day together (if you leave out general anathestics, operations, him being rather sore, dd playing up at my mothers etc etc etc).

Funny thing is that at the moment I'm close to tears - its all coming out now and I could quite happily sit a heap and simply cry.

Little one has gone for it today and I spent at least two hours driving home bent over to the left whilst it kicked/punched (sure its a kick because of the strength) my ribs black and blue. I thought I saw a tiny amount of blood earlier but if so then it was brown probably nothing to worry about. Wish I'd stop looking. This has become such a dreadful habit that I could see myself still peering at the age of 80+! . Oh dear.

Marina - NCT refreshers - not heard about those - please tell me more.

Katherine - very glad you found the camping thread, I couldn't believe it got as long as it did without your contribution .

Glad to hear all is well with you both. You may have seen another thread where basically I'm preparing for the fact that I'm probably going to be late. All my current fears about delivering early will prove totally unfounded and this one will probably have to be crow bared out!

Anyway overall its been a good day. Thanks for your thoughts.

Gosh Wills, that is all sounding so positive! I'm REALLY pleased to hear your news and hope that the surgeon's optimism (two words you don't always find next to each other in a sentence) continues after the next test results.
I can well imagine how you were feeling last night - it is often after the severe stress has passed that you want to cry and cry, having got through the worst of it dry-eyed and seemingly calm. And I'd bet good money you are zonked today although obviously I hope not.
If it's any consolation at nearly 32 weeks I still do not visit the loo without first making a silent prayer that all will be well. Frankly I don't think you ever quite get over that, it just becomes part of the routine!
NCT refresher courses are offered in various parts of the UK but not all branches have teachers willing to do them (depends on number of qualified teachers in area and demand for first-timer courses). You need to find your local branch. I don't know exactly where you live but I know RockingRosebud is north of London and an active member of her NCT, so put a call out for her and she might be able to give you a number to call. We're mainly doing ours because it's the same teacher as last time for us, and she was a real friend to us all on that course and is very good on the psychology of becoming (or extending) a family. What you get with her is much more than posting dollies through model pelvises and we are very lucky to have her.

Marina I'm hoping you're on line still. I've posted on another thread but I know you went through a similar scenario earlier in your pregnancy. Dd's nursery has the slapped cheek virus. I phoned my midwife hoping that they'd already done the tests as routine and I could get an immediate answer about my immunity. Unfortunately they don't and have told me I'm at risk and should come in today for tests that will take a further 5 days to come back - ugh. I asked her what could be done to protect the baby if I contracted this and she said they would monitor me and if necessary induce - which doesn't sound like the advice that was given to you. You already know my opinion of my health services in my area so I'm trying to gain as much info as possible. Also is it too dramatic to take dd out of nursery for a little while?

Great news about DH Wills!

Lets hope it just gets better and better. I was thinking about you at the weekend. Glad things are looking more positive for you all.

Thanks M2T. As Marina guessed I'm completely zonked today. Probably should have taken leave today as well just to "chill out". Wow but life is a roller coaster at the moment. If the results come back good then its definitely at least half a glass of champagne