for mums2b moving on from the pg after mc thread.....

[Katherine]

I'm hoping Wills and the other mums I spoke to on the Pg after mc thread will join me here (along with anyone else of course) as I really miss chatting to you but no longer feel it is appropriate to post on a mc thread now that I'm almost half way there. However I find the "anyone due..." threads to have mums due at other times than me and I miss my old chats. So come on guys how are you doing now?

I am now 19 weeks and have my major scan on Friday. Baby has been really kicking properly and DH can feel him/her too. Some days are very active and others are very quiet which worries me. I don't remember such eractic activity with my other 2 but hey they are all different. Still struggling with Sciatica and my nose is incredibly dry and sore all the time but otherwise I feel great and am starting to get my energy back - spent the last few days sorting out a neighbours garden.

Had flu a couple of weeks ago which really wiped me out and left me with a terrible cough which totally defeated my pelvic floor muscles so I had to wear towels. Spent most of my time convinced my waters were leaking so I guess I'm still pretty over anxious.

Hope you are all OK.

Hugs, Wills. I thought the same as GRMum about the 4 month wait.

Oh, hugs from me too wills. I agree, write it down and wait for him to be ready to talk but it must be frustrating for you. I too hope the 4 month wait is a good sign.

Wills - Fingers-crossed that it's just a minor set back.

Keep smiling and thinking about that wonderful wee ds/dd waiting to meet you and dh!

Oh Wills I am so sorry - but they can't be that worried if they are leaving it 4 months. Even with todays waiting lists they will act quickly if they are really worried. Talk about it as much as you need to on here - its better to express what you feel but its good that you respect your DH way of coping too. Thinking of you. Hugs

You mentioned your MW appointment - well congratulations on finally getting one. I am sure she will be far more approachable than your GP (can't be hard!). As for the cord being around your daughters neck - are you worried about it happening again or whether they will be able to deal with it at home. I'm no MW but I would have thought that the cord getting in a certain position was just one of those things and would not follow a trend so there is no reason to think it will happen again.

And even if it did - the MW that is with you at home will be very expereinced with dealing with all kinds of things. If you is at all worried she will transfer you but she will probably be able to handle lots of things. In some ways you get better care at home because once the MW is there you get one to one attention, rather than MW popping in and out and dealing with different patients as in hospitals. In fact once you get near to delivery then another MW will come specifically for the baby so you will actually get 2:1 care. But I hope it goes well and you can chat about all your concerns. REmember you don't have to make any major descions now - and if you do decide to go for a homebirth (or a hospital birth) you can change your mind at any time right until he/she pops out.

Wills, very sorry to hear your news about dh. Agree with the others that once you are in the follow-up system for cancer, you are seen VERY quickly if anything serious appears at a check-up. So I'd hazard a guess that they have seen something minute that could have resolved spontaneously by the next check-up. It is not easy coping with someone you love's own health issues when you have everything else on your plate, is it?
Wishing you luck with the MW. As Katherine says, cord round neck is surely one of those things than can happen during delivery, MWs know what to do when it is spotted, and it's unlikely to be a risk factor this time round. I do hope she's a nice, supportive woman, you are due someone really special involved in your antenatal care by now. Let us know how it goes and keep posting here about dh if it helps. Cyberhugs...

Sorry to hear your husband's nrew but as others have said, hopefully the fact he has not to go back for another 4 months means it is not too serious. Perhaps though, you need to make an appointment with the Dr. to discuss it further so that you know what it all means.

On the cord round the neck front, do not worry about that. You would be surprised how many babies actually have the cord round the neck (all of mine did), with no ill effects.
Midwives are alert for that being the case. Often it is slipped over the head or the baby is delivered through it. In extreme cases it is clamped and cut and the baby delivered immediately. Honestly, do not worry about it - it can be dealt with when found.

HI, Thanks for all your thoughts its lovely to hear from you. To clarify, luckily dh has a work benefit of private medicine so this is private. The four months are because that's the minimum time for something to grow - if anything. Last time dh's cancer was extremely aggressive so the doctor feels that we only have to wait 4 months to see if there's anything there. At the moment there is nothing but cells have appeared that have the potential... It could all be absolutely nothing.

Wow - what a difference. The community midwife was lovely - very supportive of my desire to consider a homebirth. I only had to mention that I was also thinking of a water birth and she was telling the kind of pool to hire and where to get it from. She was brilliant and made me feel sooo much better about this route. Mears - she too stated that a cord around the neck is not a worry and that as they carry O2 and air that there was unlikely to be any problem anyway. She took me through it and even offered to see my dh who is still a tad nervous (of the mess that is). We agreed that if my asthma plays up that i will go straight in - which i perfectly happy to agree to. Health has got to come first and I assured her that if she wanted us in, then in we'd go - no questions asked etc.

Its made me feel so much better, and I got to hear little one's heart beat - that always makes me smile.

Phew.

Oh Wills I'm so glad it went well for you. IME midwives are much lovlier than GPs

When we discussed HB last time DH commented that after the birth of DS the room looked like an abertoir and he was worried that if I gave birth in our bedroom he'd be left with nightmares afterwards. In the end we did it in the office on the old sofabed (as a sofa not a bed with a beanbag behind me, really comfy and great for gravity! - almost upright but no need to worry about shaky legs). Please assure your DH that they will put plastic sheets everywhere and within an hour of the birth there was no trace of it (apart from a gorgeous baby and 2 smug parents of course). The MWs will clear up around you and you will be so wrapped up in "other things" that you won't even notice the mess believe me. Tell him he's not the only one to worry but it won't be a problem honest.

Anyway I feel really pleased for you. Its so good when things go well. I hope this means you will get to see the MW now instead of dreaded GP!

So pleased it went well, Wills. Didn't we say you were due a break on the antenatal care front!

Katherine - camping with a baby of approximately 4 weeks - are you mad! Seriously though I take my hat off to you and I'm extremely impressed. Here I am considering whether or not to go when heavily pregnant and there you are quite happy to go off afterwards. With dd I'm not convinced I made it out the door until she was 6 weeks let along into a tent and off someone around the country. Still you have inspired me to think seriously about going camping in early July.

Well my thinking is actually that it will be easier with a small baby than when heavily pg. At least I can put baby down then and let others help out. At the moment its just down to me! And getting up and down is hard, endeless loo dashes etc. When they are tiny they sleep a lot anyway (or at least my 2 did, maybe this one will be the exception) but its got to be easier than going with a big bump.

Actaully I would rather book a holiday cottage just daren't as I can't predict when baby will arrive. At least with camping we can play it by ear. But it may be that we end up booking a last minute cottage instead.

Have a nice relaxing weekend everyone. We are off to buy honeybees today ..... not my idea I hasten to add.

Sorry Wills - just realised that what I said probably sounded quite negative for you going. Didn't mean to - just trying to say I don't think I'm brave or anything going with a new baby, in some ways it will be easier. However we are planning to go for the bank holiday weekend so will let you know how we get on!!!!!!!

No worries . I've spent the weekend listening to P&O adverts for cheap cruises to Calais and I'm sooo tempted. The first/second week in July sounds about right + bucket. DH is not keen as he doesn't want to take Paternity leave and so wants to save his holiday instead.

Yeah we've got the same problem. We got all excited about paternity leave then discovered it was only £100 per week. Not enough when thats going to be the only wage. However just disocvered I might be able to claim maternity allowance which is great £100 extra! Maybe we will get a holiday in a cottage after all.

There I am muddling along reasonably content that there will be happy ending when..... I dreamt this morning that I fell down somehow and started to bleed and that I was in hospital talking to a very sad face doctor. I was begging him to try and save the baby but he was looking extremely doubtful. I woke up in a complete sweat and have been hanging on to stair rails like mad! Anyone else having these pleasant sort of dreams?

Oh Wills what a horrible dream. Poor you. I've not dreamed anyting along those lines yet but I've certainly had some rotten ones whilst pg this time. I think it must be the hormones or maybe its just cos we worry so much....

I'm still quite nervous of the pg even though if baby arrived now it would probably be OK. I keep thinking about the things I need to get (washable nappies, new car seat, chair for in the house - you'd think we'd have it all by now!) but although I've spent ages and ages looking and choosing I still can't quite bring myself to buy. Silly really. I'm only just starting to think about the birth even.

Having terrible trouble sleeping at the moment. Just can't get comfy. And heartburn has struck with a vengence. Also terrible cramps. Woke up at 6 this morning with cramp in my calf and just couldn't get it to go. Still hobbling now! I still feel quite cheated by this pg. I was so looking forward to it but now I just want it to be over. Oh well at least I won't be desperate for a no4 I suppose Hugs all round (litterally I imagine )

Wills, so sorry to hear about your nasty dream. And yes, I've been having the same sort of thing too. Not every night, thankfully. Remember that vivid dreams are very common in pregnancy and dreams generally are often our way of dealing with our subconscious preoccupations. That is why our dreams might have a lot of imagery of loss and bereavement in them. I've been taking my worst ones to my counsellor and she has talked them through with me and reassured me that it is normal for us to have these experiences, I hope that helps a little.
I've joined the cramp and heartburn club too now, and have laid in Gaviscon stocks. I too wish I could fast-forward to early August. And yes, I feel "cheated" too, sometimes, Katherine. It's never the same again, is it. Definitely very big hugs all round today.

Its really great to be able to talk on Mumsnet. Nothing's bad, life is ticking along and the little one is kicking almost round the clock (and so far I still love that as its reassuring). However I know exactly what you mean about feeling cheated. You never quite let go and simply relax. In the morning the first thing I do is turn onto my back cos this gets an immediate reaction from bump (that is if it isn't the one that wakes me in the first place). The dream was nasty and Marina you're right I know it was just my subconcious but I have to say that's another one for the thread titled "things people don't like about being pregnant".

I went out to lunch with a friend today and she commented that I looked postivily blooming, that my skin was clear and my hair looked great. Of course she wasn't the one desperately trying not to waddle her way up the tube stairs. Its a silly battle but I don't want to waddle yet! However if I sit for longer than half an hour there is a very distinct waddle as I try to put back all the bits that feel like they've moved apart - hope you understand what I mean.

Katherine, I go from one extreme to the other. A friend of mine was selling her "gliding" rocking chair and pram, both of which are in an immaculate state so I bought them. Apart from that we're doing nothing. I'm too busy nesting for dd and creating a pink heaven for her to move into. Its like I'm still putting thinking about the little one on hold. Still dd is benefiting.

Hope you all have good weekends

Hmm maybe thats just the thing about blooming - its how you look to other people rather than how you actually feel.

Wills maybe you are nesting for the baby but channelling it into DD. Not a bad idea - must try to use some of that psyche and see if I can get a door on the kids bedroom before this little one arrives so I can actually get the room decorated after 3 years of waiting!

I am getting enormous pleasure from feeling so much movement and its not like I'm permanently panicking something will go wrong now. But I can't help remember how happy and contented I felt when carrying DD. I breezed through that pg and enjoyed it so much that even then I was looking forward to next time. Now next time is here all I seem to do is moan and so much of the early fun evaporated after fear following the mc. Now suddenly I've got less than 3 months to go. Its almost over and I've still not settled into enjoying it yet and there won't be a next time. Just seems a bit sad.

Oh well better go and start getting the camping gear ready I suppose. Should be a fun weekend! Enjoy everyone

Good luck camping! Have to say the weather doesn't sound too hopeful . Katherine you are echoing my feelings, except that I still want another after this. DH is going off the idea. I'm curious to know how people feel after a successful pregnancy post a miscarriage then going onto another pregnancy. I wonder whether you feel just as nervous? Ah well, a thread for the future.

Thanks Will - just been packing the waterproofs. You asked about how you feel about another pg after a successful pg after a loss. Well I have done that with DD and it was a wonderful pg. I was still a bit more nervous than I was first time around, especially as I had a very slight scare which didn't amount to anything at 8 weeks (strange discharge but swap didn't show anything and disappeared after a couple of days).

I think this is why I feel do fed up now. My pg with DS (first successful one) was very tense although after I started to feel movement I felt quite positive. Then with DD I had a fantastic time. I felt great, positive - loved every minute of it and couldn't wait to do it again. So when I was pg last time I was really happy and easy going about it until I had a slight discharge at 11 weeks. This stopped but then at 12 weeks I had the full blown horrible mc. This time round I've just been a wreck but then it was so close to the other one (2 weeks after) and I bled for the whole first trimester so not surprising really. Its also been much harder physically, far more of the bad pg symptoms and I don't think that helped either. I am sure that next time round you will feel much better than this time although I think you never get that blaze over-the-moon relaxed feeling as you always know what can go wrong.

Anyway I'm going off on one again. Better get a grip and get packing!

Just had some bad news (again). DH has just phone to read me his consultant's letter and it appears that pathologist decided to do additional investigation (thank goodness this is private) and now feels that these slides look like original ones when he was diagnosed with cancer. As such dh now has to go for the op in a couple of weeks time as it will not wait any longer. I'd managed to push it to one side, thinking that it really was going to just be the consultant being incredibly cautious and that actually there was nothing to really worry about. Now it feels far more real and likely. Being at work still I'm feeling completely shell shocked. What I want to do is run home and hug him but I'm supposed to be going out. I thought about cancelling but he wont want to talk about it so going home just for that is silly, just hope I'm not too morose.

This probably sounds silly but suddenly everything feels dramatic. Last time (7 years ago) we discussed preserving his sperm because of the chemo. We were assured that first time round there would be no need and my dd proves them right. Suddenly though these things come to mind again. I feel like my earlier comments almost jinxed myself. Of course the little one, that normally kicks around the clock, has chosen the last couple of hours to go to sleep. I'm sure that's what it is but I could really do with a few healthy kicks at the mo to reassure me. Nothing feels very safe

sorry for going on and on but I can't go home, dh wont want to talk, dm is out - can't really talk over the phone etc and I really needed to "talk"

Appologies

Oh Wills, I'm so sorry to hear your news. Are they expecting to find cancerous cells after the op? Is DH wanting to talk about things yet? I really wish I could offer some more substanial support, but you are in my thoughts.

pie

xxxx