Binge drank before i knew i was pregnant (i thought i was late) - should i abort?

[rainbowserpent]

(by the way i'm not religious, i'm a rationalist) Binge drank in early pregnancy - i think i should have a termination?
Panic. I binge drank when i didn't know i was 26 days pregant, i should have guessed as i kept having funny dreams about being pregnant... i was about 4 and a half weeks i guess, the most vital stage for brain and facial feature development. i maybe had 4 shots of bacardi (it could have been 5 as i don't know how big the measure my boyfriend poured me was) in about an hour! On a full stomach but i felt quite eurphoric and definitly intoxicated and detached for quite a few hours. I got a hang over and felt nauseous and dizzy well into the early hours. I'm so awfully sorry that this has happened. My boyfriend wants me to have a termination and i think i have to agree, we are both phd students and i'm afraid i couldn't bare to have a retarded child - he has no alcohol tolerance although i can drink like a fish so it is genetically possibly vulnerable. (it was unplanned by the way) after we read this:
"If a woman binge drinks during such a critical stage, significant harm may be inflicted on the developing fetal brain. The resulting deficits can range from gross structural abnormalities, such as small brain size and significantly altered brain circuitry. Children exposed to even a single binge drinking episode (blood alcohol levels over 0.07 or 80mg) show behavioural difficulties such as in adhd (poor attention and impulse control), have on average 7 points lower iq than controls (sometimes up to 24 points) and perform far less well on verbal and numeric reasoning tests at age 7 and 14. Before age of 7 and 14 their learning disabilites are not evident, but their peers soon surpass them.
I guess i just want to know i'm doing the right thing in having a termination, i want to know peoples stories.

I felt pretty drunk, and i felt nausea afterward (my symptoms lasted from 8.30 until 2.30 in the morning), my blood alcohol level must have been at least 0.09, enough to cause the death of a third of the fetal brain cells - which cannot regenerate. Thus i do think i'm fairly screwed. My mother drank like a fish with me but a single binge episode is universally believed to MUCH more harmful than moderate or light drinking (2 a day) over a few hours, or over a week. 4/5 drinks in an hour? That's got to be majorly damaging. My timing was just, awful. And the worst thing is, i never drink usually.

There is an oxford study that says that the effects of occasional binge drinking isn't in evidence, but they say 'may' and they say IS a trend towards neurodevelopment disorders, and there was no study conducted of when the binge occured - in early or later pregnancy. Another study also shows lower scores on IQ tests in general. Its not that i'm an intellect snob, i just can't believe i've done this! My whole life is one long line of self-inflicted nightmares...sigh.

A single binge drinking at the wrong time could = perfect baby being now not so perfect.

I think we all know now that you DON'T want to abort this baby but HE DOES.

You're coming on here to hopefully find some people who agree with him and therefore will allow you to believe that aborting is actually the right thing to do when you know it isn't and you don't want to.

Stop asking whether you should abort and go find a forum that can help you deal with why you can't tell him to 'F off' because that's the real issue here.

i don't think this drinking binge would be a reason to abort-I think that is a big over-reaction and i think women drinking too much before they realise they are pg is probably fairly common

i don't know what's going on here re other threads etc but sounds like you've had good advice from other posters which you need to think about

Oh god I didn't even know I was pregnant until I was 8 weeks as I still got my period. I was 4 weeks pregnant over Xmas and I drank well over the recommended limits as we had decided not to ttc for a few months. It turned out that I was pregnant, GP told me not to worry as I gave up drinking as soon as I found out I was pregnant. Ds was absolutely fine.

Getting drunk once is not a reason to abort. My BIL and his wife adopted two children of an alcoholic mother. The birth mother drank from the day her son was concieved until the day he was born. He does have FAS but no way would you call him retarded. He is a little slow academically, but not so bad he needs a special school and a little small for his age but he is the most gorgeous little boy you could ever wish to meet. I don't think his new parents would appreciate him being called 'retarded'. He has an older sister who is not affected at all although as we understand it her drinking wasn't so bad then.

I think you need to stop finding lame excuses to abort and decide what you want to do. If you don't want the baby and don't think you can care for it, fine, have your abortion but face up to the decision and don't do it for spurious reasons. If you want to keep it, do that and don't let your bf force you to do something you don't want to.

The mother's drinking was no so bad when she was pregnant with the older sister, not the older sister's - sorry, just wanted to make it clear.

MY ds1 was conceived over the Christmas period & totally unplanned, so my body was swimming with alcohol before I found out! He is 9 years old now & fine.

I smoked a fag when I was 5 weeks pregnant

If it is that you are worried that you will lose him you need to concentrate on what you want not him. My first love told me the same i.e. abort or I will leave you. Happily I didn't listen, though I was very tempted. I lost him but gained a beautifull daughter and I don't regret it for a second. Looking back I can see what a twanker he was.

If your man is actually a man he will stick around. Although bullying you in this way suggests that he is not. And if he leaves then you have lost nothing. Honestly. You will realise this.

Get counselling before doing anything. Have this abortion when you don't really want it and it is a descion you will have to live with for the rest of your life.

Given that he is the father he has a right to give his opinion but it is your body and needs to be your choice. NOT his.

Hi, I just wanted to let you know that one episode (or even a couple of episodes) of binge drinking early in pregnancy will have no effect on your baby. I know about this!! When pregnant with DD1 I went on a hen night to Amsterdam. I thought I might be pregnant (I was a couple of days late) and so did a pregnancy test before I left which came up -ve. I stupidly thought, 'oh that's OK then' and set off on a HUGE weekend. Not long after I was back I took another test which was positive. I was in a complete state and went straight to my doctor who told me not to be so silly and that the baby would be totally unaffected by this episode. She said that drinking like this could cause you to have a miscarriage, but if a couple of days later you haven't miscarried, then that is that (and if I had miscarried later she assured me that it would have had nothing to do with my weekend of drinking). It takes sustained consumption of alcohol (not necessarily that much in a go, but a constant drip drip of drinks throughout pregnancy) to bring on foetal alcohol syndrome. In fact my doctor said that although binge drinking was DEFINITELY not recommended at any stage you would probably be better off doing that then drinking constantly, even at moderate levels, throughout pregnancy. Although clearly the odd glass of wine here or there is not going to be a problem.

DD1 - now nearly 4 is about as bright and chatty, happy and well balanced as it is possible for a pre-schooler to be!!

SO - if you want to have a termination then that is your absolute choice and right, but look at the real reasons why you might want it and if you really do want it. Please don't worry yourself into a complete state about an irrelevant drinking session - your doctor could reassure you about this in an instant.

First pregnancy - I was young and working in the media, so always out on the lash. I think I drank 6 double brandy and cokes, smoked loads of fags and did a couple of lines of cocaine the night before I clocked I might be pregnant. Second time round had no idea I could be pregnant and enjoyed a very boozy weekend away with DH where I consumed about 2 bottles of wine in one night. Argh. (I don't even drink regularly - it was complete bad luck that I'd consumed so much and then found out I was pregnant days later).

Both babies born perfectly healthy ( I was teetotal from the minute I found out I was pregnant, btw).

Don't terminate for this reason alone!

I spent the first two weeks of my pregnancy with DS boozing and smoking (stopped as soon as I found out, obviously). He is absolutely fine.

I hope you can get some help and work through your issues.

Was 7 weeks pf when I got a positive result for my beautiful but unplanned dd (now 2), -on 15th January. So I'd had xmas, new Year etc. first time in years I'd had the whole time off, seriously living it up, multiple binges! had an implantation bleed beginning of jan (1/2 day of light spotting) and thought it was a period .

Agonised like hell for the rest of pg although was v v good. Dd is fab really bright articulate and just amazing! met a lot of milestones early, particularly with speech.

Some of the sentiments in your posts worry me ie "retarded" and needing to have a "perfect2 child, whay does this mean to you and about you?

This isn't academia this is REAL LIFE, not a piece of research, and you need to make some real life decisions, quickly.

Is this part of your PHD research or something?

I find it hard to believe that you are for real. I would not like to think that people's good will on here is being used as some kind of experiment.

If you are for real, then sorry, but you need to do some serious thinking.

Where did you find your first quote about foetal damage?

I don't think its genuine either jenski its quite horrible if not, to be taking advantage of people like this.

5 days ago there was a thread about this person being pregnant.
This is a day BEFORE she claims she did her test.

I really dislike doubting people on a hunch but until that very obvious discrepancy is explained, then I suggest we all stand back from spending any more time trying to support this person.

(Really hope you come back and explain. OP)

I think it could be real as there have been other threads by this poster. I think what i truely going on is her twunt OH wants her to abort and is pressurising her into doing so. She doesn't really want an abortion but doesn't want to lose so is trying to justify to herself why abortion would be the best option. The op needs counselling.

I think its real because I went through exactly the same thought processes when I found out I was pg with dd1 because he told me he wouldn't support me and I would never hear from him again if I had the baby. I tried to justify aborting to myself because I had drank, I didn't own a home, I couldn't even keep plants alive, I didn't own a proper hoover so couldn't be suitable parent material and loads of other stupid reasons just so I didn't have to face the fact that I wanted this baby and he didn't.

I didn't get counselling but carried on with pregnancy as I ran out of time to properly decide what I wanted to do. He was right I never heard from him again. Tosser. But I don't regret for a single second the choice I made. DD1 is worth a million of him. And I now a dyson and have had a plant that is still alive from mothers day, a major achievement for me.

Thank you guys, i'm really really not a troll! I swear! And you are right, i do want this baby, it feels so connected to me. I realised if i didn't want it i would not have freaked out so badly about the alcohol. From what i've read intelligence is a combination of genes, diet, personality and education, so i think i can make up on some of those! I've been taking multi-vitamins and calcium pills for a long, every day as a routine, which i hope might have helped...i also eat oily fish every week, and i don't smoke or do drugs or anything like that - my worse habit is the occasional can of diet coke! So i shall cross my fingers and hope.
I don't know what to do about my boyfriend. He is a bit of a tosser in the sense of his reacting like this; i talked to my mother and she thinks he was just in severe shock (i've never seen a man cry quite like that before), and that this might actually do HIM some good in terms of growing up...and yes if he doesn't want the responsibility and goes on and has super brainy kids with one of his other super brainy female friends from cambridge, then he can, and i don't care, hopefully i'll be able to see his good side in our child and remember the good times we had, if thats the way it goes. Ok, i'm saying this while i'm panicing at the same time and not believing it yet, but i'm going to go and meditate or something because i read stress is extremely bad for the baby! I will not let anything else harm him!(i've decided it's a him but i won't take my chances yet, i could still miscarry etc anyway... :-( ) It's just a shame that my mother is now telling me to get an abortion "having a baby will ruin your career" - as i'm still studying, but hey, they have a creche!? It's do able?? I just hope i can find someone else to keep me company in the not to distant future if my boyfriends conscience and loneliness don't get at him first...

I should add, i am terrible with dates so i'm sorry if i confused people getting things mixed up.

there are million studies all over the internet about alcohol exposure and they are universally bad except for one that shows that cognitive functions aren't affected (at least up to age 8 and around the average mark on the iq scale) but that behaviour is definitly affected, alcohol exposed kids are disinhibited in general, and more easily distractable with shorter attention spans but that was mostly evident in women who had had more than 3 binges in early pregnancy.There seems to be very few studies that look at women who have 1 binge exclusively without any form of alcoholism,
although mice, rat, chimp and chicken studies show severe damage after one (excessively high i should add) alcohol exposure over four hours (mine was 1 and a half).
I do believe there will be an effect, but i hope it will be subtle, so i will not look for it, because that might 'create' it. I'm alright i suppose and my mother does claim to have been permenantly drunk in her first trimester, even if i am a bit scatty.

I read through about 44 research studies in panic - my researcher nature, i even sat down and re-evaluated their statistics! Lol.

Of course it's doable! There are lots of women on here who successfully combine motherhood with careers. I'm guessing you're in your early 20s, so you have years and years ahead of you to establish yourself in a career. One woman I work with had her most successful years of work during her fifties when she headed up an international organisation after raising 5 children.

You can do it if you want to.

And seriously, there is always something to worry about as a mother, so you might as well get used to it. Here are a few things that people worry about:

Will I get to 12 weeks pregnant?
Will the 20 week scan be OK
Oh my god, will the birth be as I want it?
To breastfeed or not to breastfeed?
Does he weigh enough/too much?
Should I wean?
Nursery v childminder
MMR or not MMR
State or private?
Is he gifted and talented?

I could go on and on....honestly, there is always something to worry about.

But I should add having a child is the best thing I ever did.

You seem to be obsessed by "braininess" and IQ - there are many many factors that will influence your child's IQ and there are many reasons to want a love a child besides its intelligence level.

I'm sorry, I don't know what your PhD studies are in but I find it hard to believe that someone with a scientific background would believe that four shots of Bacardi would be enough to damage a foetus to that extent. Half the population wouldn't be able to tie their shoelaces if that was the case! Its not until about the fifth week that the baby is even really sharing the mother's blood supply. Are you similarly worried about your caffeine consumption?

The foetus is protected from toxins to a degree that science does not yet even begin to understand. Chemotherapy drugs are some of the most toxic compounds a human can intake and yet pregnant women with breast cancer are routinely treated with chemotherapy drugs - to no detriment to the baby.

In any case there are more important things than braininess - common sense being one of them - you'll forgive me for saying that you and your boyfriend would benefit from having a bit more of the former however clever you may be and I'd be a lot more worried about your baby inheriting both your lack of common sense if I was you.

Make your decision based on what is best for you and by extension the baby. Forget this man and what he wants or doesn't want and move on. And for God's sake try to develop some common sense - you are going to need it as a mother!

I think you are in shock. I have felt like this with each of my very much planned children! Sorry you have no support from your partner, and hopefully he will come round once he has recovered from his shock. Where did you get that first bit you posted from? Bet it's from an American FAS site - they are blooming insanely extreme. I hardly know anyone who didn't get drunk before they knew they were pregnant (my mates, eh?) but our kids are all bright and normal. My youngest dd who is three is the star of the nursery play!

Many children aren't 'perfect' or 'retarded' as you put it .

I'm not buying this. Your boyfriend made you have an abortion before, according to your other threads. Surely someone so educated would surely know their own mind - by your age?

I replied to your other thread with the best intentions, but now I think you are going too far.

So I'll be keeping my story to myself, thanks all the same.

When I was about 7 weeks pregnant I drank so much gin and red wine that I fell off my frien's patio and bruised myself horrendously all down one side. I did in fact spend most of the first 2 months of my PG drinking heavily.
My DS is absolutely fine, even advanced for his age (and possible Gifted and Talented but am not going to get into that now).

Do not use scaremongering misogynistic bullshit (which is what almost all the stuff about FAS consists of) to make your decision about this pregnancy. Decide according to whether or not you want to remain pregnant and have a baby.

please no. if you want the baby please keep[ your baby.