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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

3 children of same sex, pregnant again and absoultly DREADING other peoples reactions and comments

60 replies

thsaintabuffet · 28/10/2008 08:58

friends have already started on the comments, I have only told close friends and family but already they are giving me the comments 'oooh might be a.... oh I bet you are hoping for a ..... oh my goodness 3.... is a lot to go through in order to get a .....'
It makes me so so sad, of course I'd love the other but I can't chose and I will love the baby the same as the others whatever it is. so many people are dissapointed on my behalf, with my third child I was told it was a shame by one 'friend'.
I really want people who say these things to understand that it is hurtful, but how?

OP posts:
penona · 28/10/2008 09:05

I have a friend in your position. She said to me (without me asking) I really hope it's another boy, as I have all boys clothes, the boys really want a brother, I KNOW boys. That seemed to shut the other people around us up (who I know were all wondering 'do you want a girl?').
I think it is hurtful. I don't know how to stop it. Maybe just say 'I really hope it is healthy'. Or perhaps just tell them you find that sort of comment hurtful, implying you wouldn't love a child as much if it was the same sex as you existing children. (And you can always blame the pregnancy hormones for making you a tad more sensitive!!!)

Good luck with the pg.

snorris · 28/10/2008 09:12

Firstly, congratulations .

I'd love to say tell them to Get Lost in not such a polite way,but of course that's not always possible .

I have 4 girls and I am currently pregnant with no 5,the 20 week scan showed it's probably another girl (tbh I wasn't surprised!). Luckily I haven't had many comments but to the few that do say something I tell them that at least I have all the clothes etc and don't have to buy extra . Also I wouldn't know what to do with a boy . I am proud of my four girls and I will be equally as proud of the next baby,regardless of its gender .

Original poster
thsaintabuffet · 28/10/2008 09:13

hormones are a good excuse, hadn't thought of that x

OP posts:
nailpolish · 28/10/2008 09:14

yes, congratulations

if it were me id just say it straight - "your comments are rude and hurtful, please stop"

you have to say it straight

there si too much pussyfooting around these days. comments like that hurt like hell and you ahv to let people know this

good luck

ScottishMummy · 28/10/2008 09:15

congratulations 0n pg,gosh some people are funny all your children are loved that's what matter not gender

Upwind · 28/10/2008 09:16

What nailpolish said. Don't let them get away with that nonsense.

Oliveoil · 28/10/2008 09:17

see, I also hate the "as long as it is healthy" comment too as it implies you wouldn't love a disabled child. Which I am sure you would but I just go a bit urrrghh at it iyswim

my friend has 3 boys and just said to people "oh if I had a fiver for everyone who asked me that" with a face that said "ffs how tedious are you"

soon got the message across

CharleeInChains · 28/10/2008 09:18

How awful that people would say your 3rd baby was a 'shame' becuase he/she was a certain sex.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and good for you to not care what sex your baby is.

I would ignore or just simply say 'im happy whatever the sex' and walk away when questioned.

I have a friend who has 5 boys and his last last child was a girl and he got alot of 'oh i bet your relived' 'you can stop having kids now' ect.

Some people simply don't think about what they are saying. At the end of the day its what you know in your mind that counts.

Original poster
thsaintabuffet · 28/10/2008 09:18

thanks for the congrats
it always surprises me how many people say these things before anthing else, it always catches me out and alway makes me feel sad. I will practice the direct approach...

OP posts:
misdee · 28/10/2008 09:24

congratulations

i am a mum of 3, soon to be 4 girls. i have had comments from 'are you hoping for a boy' 'what will you do if its another girl' (dh says to tell people we wil ldo a swap at the hospital), 'are you disappointed?' 'oh no' 'i feel sorry for your dh' 'will you try again for a boy?'

i v v rarely get a congratulations. which makes me feel very sad.

CharleeInChains · 28/10/2008 09:27

I love it when people say 'What will you do if its ..... ect'

I'm never sure what they expect you to say?

'Oh i will kill myself it will be the most awfull tragedy blah blah blah!'

Bloody idiots!

'What will you do?'

Erm nothing, i will look after her/him like i do my other kids!

Flum · 28/10/2008 09:28

I have 2 dds and expecting another now - don't know sex. I don't really care either way it would be fun and different to have aboy but I know where I am with girls and they seem easier as little kids.

I don't find it rude or hurtful when people comment that wouldn't we (esp DH) like a boy. I think they are jsut being interested and to be honest trying to think of something to say as by the time 3rd and 4th kids come along the novelty has worn off for friends so they haven't really got much to say about it.

I am so sorry you all feel so glum about this.

Original poster
thsaintabuffet · 28/10/2008 09:30

congratulations misdee
I know what you mean. Do you think people really mean it? I tink they must, it's even really good friends that do it, even my brother yesterday, my aunty and mum.

OP posts:
laidbackinengland · 28/10/2008 09:37

I am currently in the same situation. I have 3 lovely DS's and am expecting a DD in January. I think lots of people make assumptions that I have been 'trying for a girl' , but I have always wanted for children regardless of gender !

I have found a proactive response has kept these comments largely at bay, although a few have slipped through. I was particularly pissed off at how everyone was SO excited that DC4 is a girl ("I'm so chuffed for you etc" ) indicating that they would have been disappointed if it was a boy !.

laidbackinengland · 28/10/2008 09:38

four children rather than 'for'

frazzledoldbag34 · 28/10/2008 10:02

I know exactly what you mean. I've got 2 girls and am pg with no.3. Hoping for another girl, but everybody keeps asking if we're trying for 'a blue one' and will we 'keep on going till we get one?!'. When I had DD2 a couple of people said 'Oh what a shame for your DH, he must be so disappointed!'
DH and I both love having girls and if we could have chosen the sex of our kids we would both have picked 3 girls. In fact if DC3 is a boy I'll be pretty gobsmacked and maybe slightly gutted! (Am sure I"ll get used to it though).
People are so stupid and insensitive about these things. It's not as if anyone can choose, you get what you are given and you love them the best you can.
Congrats on your pregnancy - just tell people that if it's another girl you're going to have it adopted and try again . Maybe that'll shock them into shutting up and considering how rude they are being? (As someone else said you can always blame your hormones if you are rude to someone who has upset you!)
Gah, this makes me so cross.

WhereWolfTheWildThingsWere · 28/10/2008 10:11

Congratulaions.

I hate that kind of attitude.

When somebody says 'Oh I bet you're really hoping for a X this time arn't you?'

Try saying 'Good lord no, I'd hate it to be a X' and shudder violently.

They will be lost for words.

I got so pissed off I told a supermaket checkout person, very seriously, 'No this one is a kitten'.

Turn it into a joke for you, sod what anyone else thinks.

Jenski · 28/10/2008 10:27

I know what you mean - I am pregnant with 3rd girl and when I am asked "what are you having?", I reply that "I am having a baby!"

I was actually asked by someone "Are you disappointed to be having another girl?"

I didn't even acknowledge the question because I thought it was so ridiculous!

People can only relate to how they would feel it seems!

Anyway, congratulations

Leoloopydoo · 28/10/2008 10:34

I have 3 boys and we get lots of comments about trying for a girl, which i find quite annoying, our family is great the way it is!

Tell people exactly what you have told us here, tell them that you don't need to hear comments like that.

I don't understand why people think the sex of a child is so important, there are far more important things, if we were living in a less priviledged place we would only be thinking about the survival of the mother and child.

Wishing you a happy healthy pregnancy, trouble free birth, health child and a wonderful life with your family !

Leoloopydoo · 28/10/2008 10:35

OO, I agree, I hate the 'so long as its healthy' comment.

Leoloopydoo · 28/10/2008 10:37

Missdee (leogaela here) congratulations on the pregnancy!

CatIsSleepy · 28/10/2008 10:39

well am the 4th of 4 girls so I wonder if my parents had to put up with this kind of nonsense!
just tell them how happy you'd be to have another lovely girl (they're so much easier than boys you know )

ScottishMummy · 28/10/2008 10:41

i think the "healthy" comment is innocous and not meant to offend.wouldnt say hey hope baby not healthy would you

and i think it is meant usually in best way, as in, hope you are both ok

penona · 28/10/2008 11:21

Sorry, I made the 'as long as its healthy' comment. No offence meant AT ALL and of course you would love your child whatever. Just really as a response to people who say 'what so you hope to have' when they mean a boy or a girl. Kind of deflects them a bit and might shut them up. Hope not offended anyone.

I like the kitten response. I wish I had thought of that when I was pregnant!!!!

Oliveoil · 28/10/2008 11:27

oh no, no offence re heathy comment, it is just that you could say that to someone who has had a scan and may be carrying a disabled child

it is a bloody minefield

best to just say congratulations and how is your pregnancy? are you sick, craving, etc etc yadda yadda

do not mention sex of baby!

another thing NOT to say is "oooh was it planned?"

I mean ffs, give me the details of your sex life and contraception please

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