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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

3 children of same sex, pregnant again and absoultly DREADING other peoples reactions and comments

60 replies

thsaintabuffet · 28/10/2008 08:58

friends have already started on the comments, I have only told close friends and family but already they are giving me the comments 'oooh might be a.... oh I bet you are hoping for a ..... oh my goodness 3.... is a lot to go through in order to get a .....'
It makes me so so sad, of course I'd love the other but I can't chose and I will love the baby the same as the others whatever it is. so many people are dissapointed on my behalf, with my third child I was told it was a shame by one 'friend'.
I really want people who say these things to understand that it is hurtful, but how?

OP posts:
frazzledoldbag34 · 28/10/2008 11:29

I guess, on the other hand though, there are people who are absolutely desperate for one of the other sex and don't mind who knows it. I know several, and one in particular who ended up with 3DS's before she got her DD. She has made no secret of the fact that if DS2 had been a girl she'd have stopped at 2 children!!
And she also made no secret of being totally gutted when DS2 and DS3 arrived with boy bits.
She is delighted with her DD, but unfortunately she has turned into a right little mud-spattered tom-boy and isn't at all the little fluffy pink girlie that her mum so wanted!
I also know a girl who is the youngest child and has 5 older brothers - her mum was gutted that she was a girl! Wanted another boy apparently and said that she was more trouble than the other 5 boys put together! Bet her mum got some comments during her pregnancies!

As I said earlier, you get what you're given don't you!
(all the same, I'm still hoping for a 3rd girl!) - maybe I'm just lazy but what do you DO with boys???!!!!!

frazzledoldbag34 · 28/10/2008 11:34

Ooh and yes, the 'was it planned' comment really winds me up.......MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
People keep asking me whether this baby was planned (probably becuase DD2 is a bit of a handful). I just look at them incredulously, raise my eyebrows and say
'OF COURSE'. And even if it wasn't planned I wouldn't tell them because then I'd look like a careless idiot!
If in doubt, LIE!

DontlookatmeImscaaarrryyy · 28/10/2008 11:39

I don't think the comments are meant to be particularly hurtful although they are a bit insensitive. They are more tedious than anything. I like the "oh if i had a fiver...." comment.

We are thinking about dc3 and i'm already anticipating the comments. I'm thinking of getting a t-shirt printed up with

"No we aren't mad"
"Yes it was planned"
"No we weren't trying for a girl" emblazoned across the front.

Would never dare actually wear it though

frazzledoldbag34 · 28/10/2008 11:41

Oh, love the t-shirt idea
I might get one saying
'Yes, it was planned and
No, we aren't hoping for a boy this time'.
That WOULD be funny

thegreatescape · 28/10/2008 11:44

Congratulations!

My sis had a dd, a very poorly disabled ds and was pregant again with another ds.My MIL said 'its good they are having another boy as they will have one of each then and your family is complete'. I pointed out that they already had a ds which she was a bit embarassed by but was 'well, you know what I mean' (no, i didn't). Sadly their ds1 died but he will forever be part of their family.

We are trying for dc2 now and i'm not looking forward to her insensitive comments. I do like the 'if i had a fiver..' comment though!

hatrickortreat · 28/10/2008 11:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

thegreatescape · 28/10/2008 11:47

Also hate the 'was it planned?' question. My mum has a very unsettling habit of trying to work out when her gc were conceived!

'Oohh were you pregnant when we were all on hols, .... or just after???' Aggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Original poster
thsaintabuffet · 28/10/2008 13:44

I have rehearsed the following:

If I had a fiver for everytime someone said that (stoney faced)

That is really insensitive (blub blub) excuse my hormones

this baby wasn't planned as we have 3 boys already and my husband and I didn't want to risk geting a girl so we just have to hope its not now.

BRING IT ON!

thanks for the great advice x

OP posts:
Fufulina · 28/10/2008 16:44

My DENTIST asked if this baby was planned - I said, all sweet and innocent - 'good lord, what a question! Were you planned?'. That shut her up. The open season for comments has been one of the worst aspects of being pregnant!

melmamof3 · 28/10/2008 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Playdough · 28/10/2008 18:21

I'm afraid I couldn't bring myself to do the 'smile and be polite' thing recently when someone (I DON"T EVEN KNOW VERY WELL) made one of those ridiculously personal remarks that people feel they can make to pregnant women. It had been one of those days with DD and DS and I was exhausted and, without a pause, I just said what was in my mind: "I wish people would stop making comments like that." I felt awful immediately afterwards but, my god, it worked. People have stopped .

sweetkitty · 28/10/2008 18:30

I had my third girl 3 months ago, 3 of a kind is fab, and have had most of the comments on here.

I get asked all the time "if I'm going to keep going until we have a boy?" I've started answering yes now.

I was standing one day with newborn DD3 in my arms to be told aww what a shame, WTF I have the most amazing beautiful little creature she is not a shame thank you!

kingprawntikka · 28/10/2008 18:41

I think people make these stupid remarks regardless of how many children you have , i expect it just gets worse. I have a son and a daughter, People would go on about how it would be nice to have one of each. I used to say i'm having a baby not a matching set of ornaments for the fireplace!!

JLo2 · 28/10/2008 21:37

This thread has made me laugh a lot. I'm definitely going to practice some of the come backs. I especially liked Fuflina's response to the dentist

I have 3 fab DS's and am currently expecting No.4 (don't know whether DS or DD) Need to practice lots of these responses for when I tell people, especially as not only will I get 'Trying for a girl' ones, but will also get the 'Was it planned' ones as there will be a 6 year gap between DS3 and this one

Keep them coming

Peachy · 28/10/2008 21:39

I have 4 boys. I think its fab, dh is sad he didnt get a girl but hey ho

I didnt get that many questions, those I did get I answered truthfully: I wanted 4 children, I didnt specify a flavour

Peachy · 28/10/2008 21:40

Ah similar to us then JLo2- 5 year gap between ds3 and ds4

It works fabulously, you lucky thing

CarGirl · 28/10/2008 21:42

I have 4 girls, only wanted girls. I think I retorted with statistically it was about 85% of another girl so it certainly wasn't trying for a boy with that kind of chance!

moosemama · 29/10/2008 09:22

I have two fantastic DSs and am currently 30+5 with no 3 (almost 5 year gap between the last 2), who we have found out is a girl.

The 'are you trying for a girl', 'fingers crossed for pink this time' etc along with the 'was it planned' comments' started almost straight away. They bothered me at first, but now I've calmed down, I tend to think that generally people are just trying to make conversation and don't really mean any harm (well most of them anyway). I hate comments about bump size far more!

My answer has always been something along the lines of 'We planned to have another child, all children are special, boy or girl - don't you think?' I usually find that they then back-peddle really quickly, as the question has been turned on them.

We didn't just want a girl, or even a just baby, we felt that we wanted another child to be part of our family and yes we do feel that our family will then be complete, but that would have been the same had it been a boy or a girl.

My MIL is quite difficult to handle as she had 2 boys then a girl and admits she would have kept on trying until she got 'her girl'. Ironically, her daughter is much, much closer to 'Daddy' and the two of them have a very difficult relationship.

Actually, I am quite apprehensive about having a girl, as I feel I know where I am with boys and everyone keeps telling me they are very different. Even the baby shopping has been a bit daunting, I'm so not used to pink and I only realised after being bullied into buying a couple of dresses that of course you have to buy tights for girls to wear as well and that set off all sorts of 'oh no, the nappy changes will be harder' type stress.

My girl will almost definitely be a tomboy, her eldest brother has told me he intends to teach her to be one (his best friend is a real tomboy). I have kept quite a few of the boys little denim dungarees as I figure girls can wear them as well as boys and I am fully expecting to get comments about that too, particularly off older relatives who seem convinced she should be dressed in permanent pink, sparkles and broiderie anglaise.

LaMonsterWeaselwolf · 29/10/2008 09:38

Little girls in dungarees are awesome!

I get peed off by the was it planned comment. Who cares? They're on their way now!!

thegreatescape · 29/10/2008 11:29

There is a really big age gap between me and my db and people used to ask if we had the same father!

Like the comment about 'matching ornaments'..

CookieMonster2 · 29/10/2008 11:43

I was once asked by a quite senior colleage at work if my pregnancy was planned. This was after he had tried to work out when it had been conceived. I replied 'its kind of complicated. How much information do you want?'. It shut him up. Oddly enough he didn't have any comments at all insensitive or otherwise when I had a miscariage about 2 weeks later.

KristinaM · 29/10/2008 12:04

i woudl do what penona suggest and get in first with

obviously we are hoping for a girl, as girls are so wonderful

assuming you have dds already

DippyDora · 29/10/2008 12:26

TBH I never know what to say and normally end upputting my foot in

moosemama · 29/10/2008 14:00

LaMonsterWeaselwolf - I agree, now I've got my head round the idea of a girl, I can just picture her looking all funky in her dungees. Also love denim dungaree/pinafore dresses with bright stripey tights and Dr Marten style boots.

Mind you, knowing my lot she'll probably choose to be the opposite of what I expect and want to spend every day dressed as Cinderella or sporting a pair of pink wings, tiara and wand. (DS2 would if I'd let him!)

(Actually, am now picturing DMs with those outfits - hmmm it might just work.)

(Sorry for hijack.)

breaghsmum · 31/10/2008 00:40

you know i have a friend who has 3 girls and when she was pg with 3rd one everyone was saying fingers xd its a boy, she confided that she felt as though everyone would be disappointed if it was a girl which made me sooo angryu that people could make her feel taht way about her own child and enevitably maker her disappointed that it was a girl, she's now pregnat again and is not going to find out what she's having but the comments have already started again about maybe she'll "get lucky" this time and get a boy. the poor girl just smiles and says she'll be happy as long as its healthy. im also pregnant and a couple of people have said it would be nice to have a girl cause i have a little boy and im afraid to say that i havent been brave enought to stand up and say anything back to them but all these messages have given me the courage to respond, i am simply over the moon that i am having a baby, regardless of the sex, and i will be straight in telling people that from now on.

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