Still pregnant but thinking about nurseries -- is it ever worth paying through the nose for a baby?

[Boobz]

I am looking at nurseries as there are crazy long waiting lists where I live in south London and I want to make sure I don't get caught out.

My husband and I took the day off work today and looked at 6 nurseries ranging from £30 a day to £60 a day. I have 6 months maternity leave and we have to both work to pay the mortgage and bills, so the baby will go to nursery for 3 days a week.

So here's the rub. I have fallen in love with the expensive nursery because I loved the people there, the building, the beautiful garden with organic veggie patch and animal "farm" (rabbits, guinea pigs etc), the cleanliness and over all "feel". However, I am sure that my baby would be safe, warm, loved, well fed and regularly changed at the cheapest nursery. Is it worth paying double for a baby to go a nursery which I like better because it's less rough around the edges and more in keeping with how I would order my own home (and nursery should I ever run one!) or is a 6 month old going to mostly be eating and sleeping and thus it really doesn't matter how clean and tidy and pretty things are? We are due to go abroad with DH's job about 10 months after the baby joins the nursery, so it's not for a very long time.

The difference in price is £5,400 vs £10,800. That's a lot. Should we save the £5,400 and have better toys/holidays/weekends away with the kid or invest it in the best nursery around here which my heart tells me is the right one? Is the baby too yound to notice the difference?

What do you do / would you do? Apologies for posting this here -- not sure if it's better here or in parenting boards (are they used as much as over here?)

Thanks!

Did you like and trust the cheaper nursery? If yes, save the £5k and invest it for your child.

That really surprises me - the huge difference in price. Where I am (Surrey) the costs only vary between £50-£56 per day across 4 nurseries.

jesus. I couldn't contemplate spending £10k for 3 days childcare a week! God, sorry but I'm tight. Safe and happy is my motto and if it's cheap so much the better! You have no way of knowing whether price indicates how happy your LO will be there.

Did the babies seem happier in one setting rather than the other? Finding suitable childcare is mainly down to gut feeling I think. Remember that staff may come across to adults better and say all the right things but does that make them better at looking after the needs of the baby? Only you know the right answer. You're right to do the groundwork now, read the Ofsted reports for both places and perhaps talk to other parents using both settings. Most childcare places should have an open door policy so that you can visit at different times and get a real feel for the place. You will see how attentive the staff are and how relaxed and happy the children are in their care. We are all aware that some nurseries 'put on' a show when prospective parents visit

I kinda agree with MrsMattie but would add that you shouldn't underestimate the guilt you'll feel when you leave your PFB at nursery ... so, it might make you feel better if you went for the expensive one (if you can afford it) because it's more in keeping with how you would order your own home/nursery.

True@FeelingLucky. If really the expensive one has got you by the heart (), then the money is worth it.

Go for the one you liked - gut feeling vital - the guilt you will feel leaving your baby will be immense...but knowing you have gone for the best will help, and when s(he) is toddling and rushing in becuase they love it so much it will DEFINITELY be worth it!!!

Bear in mind that these nurseries market themselves not to the children (who after all don't have any say in which one they go to) but to the parents. They will play on the parents' desire to give their LOs the nicest possible setting even when such things as a veggie patch and petting zoo are completely extraneous.

Just remember that you are paying a premium for things your 6mo is unlikely to even notice.

Just a note from me, the DH of Boobz (if I have got the terminology right . Having looked at all the nurseries there was a clear winner, which was the expensive one. If money were no object that is the one I would plump for. Unfortunately money is an object, we can stretch to the more affordable one but the real money difference will be of the order of £3000 in a year, about the time frame before we go away.

We are wrestling with all the points that you have raised here.....to my mind it comes down to money at the nursery vs. money for us (whole family) at home. I suppose the other thing which I find challenging is that if we had 2 children (and at some stage we will hope to do so), we could definitely not afford for them both currently to go to the more expensive one....i.e. if we had two children and were prepared to put them to a cheaper nursery why aren't we thinking that way now? All advice gratefully considered around the balance we are trying to achieve. I would love to know of similar compromises that you may have had experience of in a similar vein.

DH of Boobz

Is your child going to be there longer term? I know they may not appreciate bunnies and clean toilets at 6 mo but when they are 18months old (not that long after) they will get a lot out of it. Once your child is settled and happy you will probably not want to move them but could find yourself wishing that they had all those things once they are a bit older.

Are you able to get recommendations from friends? In my experience, price has little to do with quality.

My son was briefly in an expensive nursery with a veggie patch and organic food. It was awful and I sent him to the cheap and cheeful nursery.

Rather than frills, its intersting to ask how long people have worked there. A good nursery tends to keep their staff.

For a 3/4yo I would pay extra for animals, garden, veg growing etc. If your baby was going to be staying at that nursery right through until school age, then fair enough. But for a baby tbh I don't think these things are important.

If you have a good gut feeling about the cheaper one - go for that imo.

Agree staff retention v important.

think you've answered your pwn question there, if you had two dc, which you want, then you won't be able to send them both to the pricey place, which in my mind means you can't really send either.

I looked at an expensive place for dd1 (it's a bit different as she was 2 1/2 at the time and it was not nursery as such, more a preschool) and thought I loved it, so we started her there, and did two afternoons, and I HATED it, it was miserable. She now goes to the state one down the road for £8 a session (and we're in a nice bit of north London)two afternoons a week, and it is absolutely brilliant, rough around the edges, yes, but down to earth, fun, loving, and I would NEVER have even considered it if I hadn't hated the first one. I want DDs to be from here, not closeted away in some isolated version of here, which is what my experience made me realise.

You can't afford it, you can't afford it, c'est la vie, but the second choice may just turn out to be prefect.

*own question

I have a six month old baby, he doesnt eat and sleep all day by any means but tbh i dont think he would notice bunnies and veggies patches.

The important things for a baby aged 6 -10 months are regular changing, somewhere comfortable to sleep, bright cheerful toys to play and wwith good quality food frshly prepared.

You probably will not realise until your baby is born, quite how protective you will be (the pfb thing on here is for a reason) and i dont think there would be anything worse than leaving a child in a setting you werent comfortable with,

Is there any way you could register interest with both now and make a final decision when the baby is born. The expensive one sounds fab, how would you descibe the other one as you haven't mentioned that so much

DD started Nursery at 11m. We went for the expensive one as it had the best OFSTED and I got a good feeling about the staff - all had been there or had transferred from another of the chain - for 12m plus. One Trainee in each "room" all being put through their qualifications.

The food and allergy awareness is good and form experience the first aid facilities are first class.

The others were slightly cheaper but I had concerns about the health and safety at one and I heard DC being shouted at in the other. I have never heard shouting at DDs and she has been there over a year.

The biggest point is that you have time to make your decision. Read up and ask around. Go back once LO arrives and see how you feel then. Whatever you do don't sign on the line until LO has been for trial sessions as most will tie you into a 2m contract.

Also look into Childcare Vouchers with your employers. It is a govt scheme where you can buy vouchers tax and NI free. We both buy the maximum amount (£243) and it saves us over £1000 each a year. Google busy bees vouchers and have a read.

Good Luck

Thanks for all your messages. There seems to be arguments for both sides and we're still struggling with head vs heart.

To answer some of your qs:

Did the babies seem happier in one setting rather than the other? Not that I could see. When we visited the babies (0-2) were outside playing in the wonderful garden of the expensive nursery and having a ball with the Wendy House, slides, bikes and staff. The youngest ones were inside the house having a nap in a peaceful cot room. In the other cheaper nurseries they were sitting in a circle singing nursery rhymes or playing in the soft areas. They probably looked more stimulated and rosy cheeked playing outside in the expensive nursery but could I say they were happier? Not for sure.

Can we get recommendations from friends? No - we are the first of our friends to have a baby so I am checking with the wise Mumsnetters instead!

What was the turn over of staff like? I did ask and it was generally all pretty low turn over, with no discernable difference between them.

How much do I like the other one? How would I describe it? We saw 6 in total today, and the cheapest cheapest one we've said we wouldn't want to send our baby there. It was really quite tatty and the staff although fine, didn't seem fantastic. It was the smallest and very basic and I would say the toilets and the toys etc were not up to scratch although nothing was really broken. Then we saw Teddies and another one called First Step and they were the second most expensive. Both OK but nothing special. Then we visited the only religious one on the list (didn't realise it was until we turned up!) It was a Christian nursery inside a clean but slightly shabby house with lots of friendly staff and smiley children. It wasn't anywhere as "impressive" as the expensive one in terms of setting or toys, outside space or kitchen / menus etc -- but it had a real family atmosphere and gave us both a good vibe. As our baby won't be old enough to understand the Christian bits during the day (prayers before lunch / morning bible story), we're not worried about it being religious when both of us are not.

One last thing to mention is that the expensive one is the most convenient as well -- it's on the next street and less than 5 mins walk away. The Christian one is about 15 mins walk away along a route that involves stairs (will I care about something like that?)

Heart is winning by about 65% vs Head 35% at the moment but is going down all the time the more we think about the cash.

P.S. By the time we get back from DH's posting abroad, DC1 will probably be starting school and if we have a DC2, we would then be able to afford to send it to expensive nursery as DC1 will be in school, so I don't think we will ever have to think about 2 DCs in nursery at the same time (but I couldn't say this for sure of course)

Thanks for all your opinions! Keep them coming!

xxx

Oh and what does PFB mean?

i think one thing that matters is will you have a strict routine that you want them to fall in with or will you be happy for your dc to fit in with them? (not saying either is best or that price will influence this only that it might be a factor you hadnt considered). also do you uave views on type of food you might want him/her to eat. just ohter things to think about....convenienc ewill matter and stairs will just be a right pain depending how much stuff you will need to lug in etc. does the cheap one provide nappies/ food etc or will you have to provide those too making the differenc ein price not quite as stark?

I've always gone for the more expensive option, as I am one of those mums that never feels like I have given dd enough so want to do everything I can to remedy my own motherly inadequacies . However, had to send her to a v rough and ready after school club as there are no others in the area for state educated children (after 3 house moves to get into the school I wanted!) and she loves that 10 times more than the nursery she went to (although she did love nursery too).

pfb = precious first born
they are really are almostall treated differently than subsequent children

Have you read the Ofsted reports of each nursery?

The best way of getting people's views and experiences of a nursery is to name them!

If you are thinking of sending dd2 to expensive nursery then I would send dd1, just because I would want to know that they had both had exactly the same opportunities throughout, but then again I am v pathetic about things like that!

All that matters is that your lo is shown plenty of affection at nusery. That, unfortunately, can be very hard to judge until you see them bonding with their carers. Can you speak to other mums who send their kids there? I wouldn't worry about anything else really including ofsted reports which seem to miss the point about relationships between the adults and the kids.

I sent my dd1 to nursery at 6 months and she and I have never looked back - it was fantastic. I now have 3 under 4 and ds1 will be starting in Feb. It is going to cost us a ridiculous amount of money but I can't compromise now on what I know is great childcare. Thinking about what you would do with > 1 may pay off in the long term.