Pregnant with second baby..Am I the only one freaking out??

[mica23]

I am 5 weeks pregnant with our second child and our first one is only 13 months old.She is really good baby and my treasure.I am completely freeking out now, how will I cope, what if new baby is a cryer, how will my DD take it...List goes on but you get the drift.I really want this baby like I wanted the firs one but think that getting pregnant now was a stupid and selfish thing to do..Oh, boy.What have I done!

I was exactly the same, ds was 13 months when I was 5 weeks pregnant with number 2. I got pregnant on first attempt and although I did not want big age gap this small age gap freaked me out. But ds is now over 4, dd is turing 3 soon and I can honestly say it is the best thing that ever happenend. The two of them are so close, they play with similar toys, they enjoy same books and dvds, you can still take them to same playgroups and they love going to playground, all much more difficult when big age gap. I am not saying it is always easy, I had both of them at home till ds turned 2.6 years when he started nursery 2 mornings and dd also started nursery when she was 2.6 years. I have no family close by and husband works long hours but I managed somehow (without cleaner, nanny etc) and really enjoyed it although of course I was really exhausted on some days. Try not to be too worried, I am sure you will be really enjoying the special time with 2 little ones! It is really really worth it. lol

It takes some adjustment to care for two instead of one but you make the necessary changes pretty damn quickly-what else can you do! I have 11 months and 3 weeks between my two , talk about feeling as though I have been pregnant forever! Already, with one being 3 months and the other 15 months, I can see them interacting and upset if they can't see each other. I am exhausted but hold onto the thought that when the youngest can get about they will be great mates!

Sorry - haven't managed to read the whole thread so apologies if repeating anything but I have exactly the same gap as you will and wanted to say that I felt exactly the same five years ago before youngest was bornl.

The first year was hard going - just because one or the other always needed something 'done' (feeding, changed etc etc). But, and apologies for the cliche, the second one usually does just 'fit into the routine'. It's not like suddenly having two PFBs (and so double the anxieties that go with a PFB). You already know how to do the day to day stuff (which you had to learn first time round), you already have the necessary equipment, you already go to 'mother and baby group' or have childcare set up, or baby groups etc etc. So the stress of all that stuff is elimated - consequently, although you'll be busy, it will be manageable 'busy-ness' - iykwim?

I've just asked my eldest (now 7) if he remembers life before his sister came along and the only thing he can recall is getting his photo taken with my 'bump' before I went off to hospital on the day she was born. A bit of that makes me sad - (WHAT DOES HE MEAN HE DOESN'T REMEMBER ALL THOSE CONSTRUCTIVE HOURS WE SPENT WATCHING CBEEBIES!!!!!) but mostly it makes me happy because in his mind they have always been there for each other - and, please God, always will be.

You really won't regret it.

congrats meca23 wink

I have a ds at 9 weeks and a dd at 20 months.
We planned second baby and was very lucky it happened on first attempt.

However I also had the feelings of guilt. dd is my baby what have I done etc...she was only 9 months.
I am finding the little things the hardest.
She has hit out and thrown a few things at him when my reactions havnt been quick enough.
but now kisses and strokes him all the time.

At just 9 weeks on my dd has truly amazed me at how much she has adjusted to accomodate this new baby.
She has shared her bath, shared her bedtime stories and cuddles etc...and even gone into a bed now.
Still feel a little guilty sometimes, but wouldnt change a thing.
I also agree being pregnant with a toddler is much much harder.
I am tired, I do get a little stressed (organisation helps A LOT) I am dying for a soak in bath instead of quick shower, but I am loveing every minute of it.

Good Luck to all and Congratulations

Have enjoyed reading this thread I'm 12 weeks pregnant and my DD is 11 months and I'm freaking a bit but also looking forward to having two little ones and hope that we can all cope with it.

I am mum to 4 little darlings with age gaps between 21 months to 3 years and it is all good fun!

Fortunately I get lots of help from my partner and my mum lives near. Although there have been times when I think have they missed out on my time, attention, love etc... I try to think about the positive life skills that they have gained - patience, tolerance, compassion etc..

GUILT - comes with being a mum!

Enjoy - my youngest has just started preschool - I cannot believe how the years are passing.

I love watching them all playing together and sitting all snuggled up on the beanbag watching TV and racing around on their bikes. (And yes - they do fight from time to time....). Happy memories.
CONGRATULATIONS !!

Good grief maximum, you gave me quite a turn, I thought you said you had 4 children aged between 21 months and 3 years, but then I re-read your post .

That would have been impressive (though having 4 is quite impressive enough).

Crikey - tho' I spose two sets of twins could be poss! That would be really hard work! and poss not much fun!! wink

Hi Mica! I think we are living parallel lives - DS1 13m, me 5 weeks pregnant! Due 26th June. Am over the moon but was total shock. Am finding it hard to pick up and carry DS already!

Am looking forward to having two little ones but do feel a tincy bit guilty about DS not being the baby anymore but I wanted more babies and I'm not getting any younger!!

Try not to worry. My older brothers were literally a year apart and they got on brilliantly. In fact, my mum had 3 children under the age of 3 (and another one 4 yrs later) and we're all so close. xxx

p.s. have you seen the due in June 2009 thread - this page - lots of people due with short gaps!

I'm on my second after a 9 year gap! I am totally freaking out about how i will be able to cope as my first child is a very active child and is showing some signs of jealousy already.

Mica - you'll find when the baby is born that you have learned lots of skills and little wrinkles that you will be able to use to manage two children at once. I remember worrying about this when I was pg with ds2, but I coped fine - and you will too.

One little practical thing - I used the rugbyball hold for breastfeeding (because I'm overweight and it was the only way ds could latch on) which meant I could have the baby tucked under my arm feeding whilst ds1 sat on my lap with my free arm round him holding a book so I could read to him.

I'm kinda going through the 'how will I cope?' phase again. I went through it when I first got pregnant, then it subsided, and now I'm 22 weeks it's come back again! I have a DD who's 7 years and a DD who is 13 months and I got pregnant VERY unexpectedly while she was 9 months and I really freaked out. I just wasn't prepared for it. And I do sometimes think, how the hell will I manage this?! But, I figure staying at home (I will have no choice, as we can't afford two child cares - although I am glad I will have to stay at home) and looking after three children, has to be easier than looking after two, being pregnant and working! So that keeps me going. I guess like everything else there will be great times and hard times, but the thing I have realised with DD1 is seriously HOW FAST it all goes, and I know the hard times will pass. It just feels when you're in it, it will go on forever!!

I did notice that with DD1 we felt guilty on times that she was an only child for so long as she needed constant attention from us for someone to play with. Now she has a little sister who she absolutely dotes on and finds hysterical as well, we know we are doing the right thing as we will give DD2 someone closer to her age to play with.

Good luck with yours, OP, I'm sure you'll do great.

I think it is natural to feel like this. I did with my pregnancies after DS1.

Just you wait until you see them playing together and you will have no doubt in your mind you did the best thing .

Mine are 19mo apart. DD is now 2.1 and DS nearly 7mo and I have to say, it's been far easier than I thought it would be.

DS has just fitted right in and I've found him a much easier baby than DD was - probably partly because I'm more confident and relaxed than I was last time.

I was so worried about how I would cope with the two of them, whether DD would be jealous etc but I agree with what some others have said. It's harder being pregnant with a toddler than it is looking after a toddler and a baby.

I do find it helps to plan in advance and to keep a fully stocked nappy/spare clothes bag handy at all times, in and out the house. And expect to feel like you spend your entire day preparing meals and cleaning up after them! But it's fab and I would highly recommend it. Your little ones will be great friends and you'll find it amazing watching them together. Enjoy!

I'm fighting the urge to go to bed whilst I have an hour to myself, because this is such a good thread - I'm another June to be... 28th in theory. DS is just 3 and carrying him is already a nightmare, even at 5/6 weeks pg. - although of course it's not very often. I like the idea that pg. + toddler is much harder than 2 children... I am setting great store by that comment!

I'm completely freaked out by being pg. again - as anyone who saw my recent thread will know, I don't think I'll ever be ready for another, but I know it's a good idea in the long run... let's just get through the next 6 weeks and then I'll start thinking about it properly

This thread is so reassuring. I am 7 months pregnant - due 30 December - I have a son who is 14 months now. Have found pregnancy exhausting and felt that I have been unfair to DS as I have made myself not at his disposal, if that makes sense. I love DS1 so much and feel I am in some way letting him down. I am excited about the new addition but feel I have made a huge cock up. My hope is that DS1 will be walking by the time baby comes. x

Just wanted to add my story to reassure everyone!

my periods went awol after ds, so had no idea what was going on, and got very lax about contraception and found out was expecting no 2 when he was about 13 months old!

Was delighted - always wanted 2 close together - and managed pregnancy fine.... talked to ds about new baby the whole time...

when she arrived all was fine until the hormones kicked in - can remember reading ds a story in between sobs - as it seemed like he was only a baby and it was unfair on him etc etc.

however, he took it all in his stride. he was delighted with her from the off. once my hormones sorted themselves out, I was fine too.

Yes it is bl**dy hard work, but they get on well now (age 4 and 2) and life is cool. wouldn't have done it any other way!

thank you so much for this thread. i am sat here crying with relief that all i am feeling is normal.
i am 30 weeks pregnant and ds is 17 months. although ds2 completely planned the sense of guilt that i am ruining ds1 life has consumed me. difficult pregnancy after a dream one the first time round and necessary c section are not helping. also ds dream baby (sleeping 6 hours at night at 3 weeks!) and know we won't be so fortunate this time round.
don't buy any books about having 2 kids. they are all filled with the negatives and no positives. my dh has had to hide them all to stop me reading them.
thank you so much for all the honest tales. although i don't think it will be easy i am looking forward to it and the fact that others have experienced the same feelings is such a big help.

I have 13 months difference with my DDs.They are now 19 months and 6 months.
It was definitely hard to begin as you cant sleep when you have a toddler to look after as well as newborn.
Try to get as muh help as you can for the first few weeks...organise as much as you can before the birth..ie freeze meals etc.
Now its great,DD1 will cuddle and kiss DD2,they are starting to play a little together.i must be very lucky as they both sleep through the night and have naps at around 11am in the morning.
You do dread it at first but I think you reap the benefits in the end.

Uh, me too. I'm 25 weeks (I think) and have DS1 18MO. He's very active and should I say confident (or accident prone?) and I'm terrified too. On top of everything else, I manage to feel guilty for not being all too excited about the pregnancy although over the moon thinking about DS2.

I've started wondering about practicalities, i.e. double buggies, starter beds etc. but cannot get my head around the whole thing.

Hi, thank you all sooooo much.Reading all of this has calmed me down incredibly.Its good to know you are not alone..
Gumps-I know exactly what you are saying; DD too dream baby..can we be that lucky twice?
America-me too looking at double prams etc but trying not get ahead of myself.Still havent even had my first scan!Not easy thou, almoust bought double buggy the other day!
By the way; Phil&teds buggyes.They seem terible practical but I dont like the idea of baby only beeing able to see peoples feet and bit of canvas..Hmmm {hmm}

P&T would be my first choice too but money is a bit tight right now and I need to find something cheaper...

Will you keep your DD at home all day or take her to a nursery or other during the day? I've been thinking about this and thought that it might be a good idea to keep DS going to his CM at least for the first few months a few days/week. This naturally makes me feel more guilty again but...

Dejavous, I could have written your post myself. My son's 10mths and I'm 7 weeks preg due 16th June.I also have no support network here as am abroad too. It's scary!

These posts have really made me feel a lot more positive. It's good to know that others have had the small gap and lived to tell the tale! and enjoying it too. There's hope for me yet :D

We cant afford cm or any help of that sort.(sorry if it sounds blunt..But Im hoping to keep taking DD to playgroups and such as she is enjoying it sooo much.
I feel guity becouse she does spend so much time with me and doesent get differet input and world perspective, we just feel guilty whatever we do!
Hi jellybelly100 and Dejavous; no suppert for me either..On the good days I think; its OK, DD is a good baby.But she isnt a china doll so we have bad days too and then I just dont know..On those days I can just about cope with her..to add a tiny baby to it..