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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

SIL going in for c-section - Has no one to take care of her kids

89 replies

GillL · 18/09/2008 12:41

Sil is 33 weeks pg and has been in hospital since Sunday. She has placenta previa and had a bleed. They have planned a c-section for Tuesday next week. Fil has her 3 kids at the moment and has had to take holiday from work. He has no more holiday left and can't afford to take unpaid leave, so he has to find someone else to look after them from Sunday. Dh and I can't take them as we both work full time and already have 2 kids (13 months and 3.5) of our own with no room to sleep 3 more (17 months, 2.5 and 3.5).

Fil is panicking because sil doesn't seem to be doing anything to sort this out. She doesn't know anyone near where she lives who can help out and there is no other family in a position to have the kids. He is considering contacting social services.

Does anyone know what help sil can get in her situation? She is a single mum and the dad is not around.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

cazboldy · 18/09/2008 14:31

why don't you just say you don't want to help and have done with it?

Original poster

GillL · 18/09/2008 15:04

We don't want to help.

OP posts:

Original poster

GillL · 18/09/2008 15:05

Does that make you happy cazboldy?

OP posts:

broodymom · 18/09/2008 15:10

Since you have a few days to arrange before her c section,could you your dh and fil possibly speak to your employers and arrange a few days rotation between you surely between you all you have days owed to you that you will get paid for?

Who looks after your children? could they not help? I know the thought of looking after another persons children may be tough but its only for a short while even if you are not keen on your sil try and rise to the occasion i'm sure you could find it in you to help.

I know what its like to have a family member to sit back and expect everyone to organise their life for them and not really care about how its done or who is put out,(not saying that is your situation) but i would make sure i do the right thing.

Ps if your worried about food etc can you go and see if there is food from her home to use? surely your fil would rather give you some money towards them than have them go to care. Explain to him and her that if you or dh have to take time off to help that she will need to help cover the cost,even if she is not working she will be getting money to cover the children.? Hope you get some help x

LiegeAndLief · 18/09/2008 15:11

I think the idea of a post-natal doula, possibly in combination with some other kind of child (foster?) care, is a good one. Having a prem baby is an extremely stressful and emotional experience and I can't possibly imagine having to go through it on my own whilst trying to look after 3 other children and recover from a cs. Hopefully a doula would be able to give your sil some emotional support as well as practical help. Although obviously the question of what to do with the other children is very pressing, it would be a shame if this became so all-consuming there was no one able to support your sil herself.

broodymom · 18/09/2008 15:13

Other than that can you put a local ad or scout about friends /grannies/aunties for someone who is looking for a job (she will ob have to pay) a nanny or a house sitter nanny that will have the kids til finl gets home from work? x

ruddynorah · 18/09/2008 15:17

that is probably why she hasn't asked you lot for any help, cos she knows you don't want to.

Original poster

GillL · 18/09/2008 15:17

Thanks. I think I'll get in touch with my Surestart team to find out if they can help to arrange something when sil has her kids back.

OP posts:

Original poster

GillL · 18/09/2008 15:19

She doesn't know that ruddynorah. She just expects her dad to keep them until she can have them back.

OP posts:

juuule · 18/09/2008 15:20

"when sil has her kids back"

Back from where? You're not really going to let them be put into foster care, are you?

Oliveoil · 18/09/2008 15:20

this is really sad

take them in fgs

StellaDallas · 18/09/2008 15:22

So what does anyone have to say to get it through to you that you are failing these children in the worst possible way?

Brangelina · 18/09/2008 15:26

Everybody's slagging the OP off, but where is the children's father? Or even paternal grandparents?

OatcakeCravings · 18/09/2008 15:27

OMG

MissyK · 18/09/2008 15:28

They are so young, they need to be with family, people they know. I can't believe you're refusing to even comtemplate helping. What if it was you, if someone was going to put your children into care because they didn't want to help with them.
Your sil is sick in hospital, it's not like she gone off on holiday or something like that.
I understand looking after others can be stressful & with work, costs etc..
But they dont cost much to feed, & your sil must look after them with something..
You wouldn't be doing it for your sil (it appears that you don't get along), it would be for the children, they are your family..

TheProvincialLady · 18/09/2008 15:32

This astonishes me. I could not see my nieces and nephews looked after by complete strangers, no matter how difficult the circumstances. I could understand it more if SIL was feckless and this sort of thing was constantly happening but she is in hospital and that can hardly be her fault.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 18/09/2008 15:33

This happened in my mother's generation. My grandmother had to go into hospital for 6 weeks (cancer I think, although she recovered - but it was the days of long hospital stays for ops) and her sister refused to have my mother and her siblings so they went into a children's home. 40 years later the bitterness and fall out from that was still present at my grandmother's funeral.

You wouldn't have to take them in for weeks. It would be unlikely. The baby may have to stay in for a while as a preemie but if the c-section is straightforward (and although pp is more complicated lets hope it is) then your SIL won't be in for long. She may need some help, but she'll be able to have her children home with her.

Don't any of your employers offer paid compassionate leave?

Original poster

GillL · 18/09/2008 15:33

Thanks Stella, that's really helpful

Thanks everyone for the advice. I won't be posting on this again.

OP posts:

Brangelina · 18/09/2008 15:33

WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN'S FATHER? He must exist, right? Or were they all the result of an immaculate conception? Don't the children also have paternal grandparents? There must be more family they can ask.

thebutlerdidit · 18/09/2008 15:33

I have started a thread in chat linked to this in case someone local would be able to help out. Lots of people don't look at the pregnancy board. I wouldn't be surprised if she struggled to get them back if they went into care.

PuzzleRocks · 18/09/2008 15:34

Bloody hell. Thank god I have family I can rely on. Poor woman.

FoghornLeghorn · 18/09/2008 15:35

I am at this, I really am ! Saddest MN thread I've read in a while

Dropdeadfred · 18/09/2008 15:36

I sincerely hope that my brothers would never let me and their nieces down like this...

juuule · 18/09/2008 15:37

Brangelina - it would appear that nobody apart from the children's maternal grandfather wants to care for these children while their mother is in hospital. And even the gf won't have them past Sunday. So presumably the fathers etc are not available to care for the children either

FioFio · 18/09/2008 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

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