Will they talk about it?

[notpregyet]

I'm not pregnant yet but thinking of trying soon.

A LONG LONG time ago i had an abortion. I was very young, it was about ten years before i even met my husband. I had double contraception failure (condom and MAP) and it was absolutely the right thing to do as i went on to get my degree and allow my then boyfriend to do his phd. We would not have made it together as a couple and i can offer a child a thousand times more now than i could have back then in terms of emotional maturity.

I haven't talked to my husband about it because it is not something i ever think about. He didn't know me then and might find it hard to believe that i was a less capable person back then who would have struggled with a child.

If i get pregnant now, will the doctors and nurses talk about it? Is it something i have to make sure my husband knows about before i try to get pregnant again? If so, i want to do it now before TTC becomes an emotional issue but if they wont mention it then i'd rather not bring it up as i'm sure he'll be supportive but it might upset him now that we're both older and thinking of having children.

Thanks.

[ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe]

I wasn't talking about the OP! I was commenting on others suggesting people should keep this a secret.

Wh made you the boss? FFS people comment on all sorts on here without being asked. It is what happens!

[K8y]

(Also sorry to join in with some of the others posting 'advice' and not original question but you seem to have enough answers about that and I would have no idea!!)

(((hugs)))

Katy
x

[ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe]

Jeez.

[broodymom]

this is a discussion forum everyone has an opinion and if you dont want to hear it dont post!! Most topics start of as one thing and melt into another its normal for conversation to flow from one subject to another

[notpregyet]

"I feel if someone wants to keep this from their husband it sounds like they don't trust him to accept it and move on."

Oh, for heavens sake!!!

I TRUST him, absolutely, i just don't want to upset him or worry him or have him worry about me.

But it sounds like i have to bring it up and go through the whole reassuring him thing because otherwise people will think it's an 'issue'. It's not an issue, it's just not something i talk about... for the record i've never talked to my DH about any aspect of my sex life with previous partners although he doesn't think i was a virgin...

[lollipopmother]

Notpregyet - Don't get flustered by some of the more negative comments on this thread, there is absolutely no reason what so ever that you should feel the need to tell your DP that you've had a termination in the past - some people would, some people wouldn't (it doesn't make the people that would better people or their relationships better!!), it is your relationship and no one elses, so do what feels right for you, don't get pushed into feeling bad for your choices or into doing something you don't really want to do.

All the best with ttc.

[notsoslimnow]

notpregyet.... we dont have to tell our husbands/mothers/fathers etc everything!!! some things i feel are best kept to yourself.even in a marriage each party is still an individual and is in my opinion entitled to have 'some' privacy!im sure you dont know EVERYTHING about your husbands life before you(and why would you need/want to????)seriously,arrange an appointment with mw on your own,discuss the termination as they may need to know for medical reasons and make sure she is aware this is confidential and not to be shared ....... then move on to enjoy adding a fabulous new addition to your family! i really cant see this is an issue of trust etc it is just not relevant to your life with your hubby now.we can hardly be expected to sit down and tell our partners everything about our lives before them and vice verser it would be highly uncomfortable and non productive for both!!! i would just make sure i had first meeting with mw alone to sort this and then i wouldnt give it another thought.