Are they politely trying to tell me I'm a fat bastard?!

[bohemianbint]

Saw midwives this morning (am 38+2) and the first midwife kept asking if DS was a big baby, and whether I felt bigger than last time. I'm about the same weight as I was at this stage last time, and yeah, while I have put on 3 stones this time (put on 4 last time) I don't think I look ridiculously huge...

Then a midwife who saw me last time came in and they were saying that they thought I was huge last time and there was some concern that they were expecting me to have a whopper. (DS was 7lb 4oz) Apparently I just look like an elephant but DS was average and this one looks like being the same again.

Now, telling a woman she looks ginormous at the best of times is not generally a great thing to hear, but such a big thing has been made of it am now quite paranoid that am a massive heifer and way fatter than anyone else they see. I wouldn't say I was Kate Moss before, but I was a size 12-14, and whilst I've put on 3 stones, I still don't think I'm ridiculously obese!

Do you think they think the bump just looks big? If you are a larger lady do midwives generally carry on like you're going to deliver some kind of massive baby? I mean, I'm am not the fattest person in the world, maybe a little above average, but if your BMI is over 26 is it normal to get these kind of comments?

Wouldnt stress about it bohemianbint - I'm a size 12 normally and I had the same stupid comments from midwives when was pregnant with DS (including asking if it was twins - No, just 2 weeks overdue!). If you have a short body (like I do) the bump does tend to look huge. Just try and enjoy the very short time that is left of this pregnancy..

Only one midwife was rude about my weight, and I refused to see her again. I was very overweight before I became pregnant (although I didn't gain anything at all during the pregnancy) but no-one else even mentioned it.

I would assume that they are concerned about the size of the baby and would ask them what their concerns are, see what they say.

The size/weight of the mother has no relation to the size of the baby as far as I know.

How have the scans been?

Seems to me that the midwives were a bit rude to go on about your weight.

I really wouldn't worry about MW and their mysterious ideas about bumps. They told me I was having an average size baby and DS was 10lb 4!!! They weren't expecting that!
You don't sound huge btw and you shouldn't listen to them. Anyone who is size 12-14 and 38 weeks preg does not count as obese IMO.
Put your feet up and have a cup of tea with a chocolate biscuit piece of fruit!

Well, I'm very surprised at this as its not exactly scientific is it?

I mean are they actually measuring your bump and saying that it is more inches than it is supposed to be or are they just looking at you and saying you look large?

If the latter then I wouldn't expect that from midwives - yes from other annoying people, but not from medical professionals.

I would definitely really pull them up on this and ask them exactly what they mean.

I'd be really pissed off. With ds my sil kept on and on about how huge I was but all the midwives I saw (different one every time!) all just measured the bump and said it was fine and told me my sil was an idiot!!

Scans are showing the baby is fine, totally average. I'm quite tall, 5'9" so dunno if that makes a difference?

I asked if they had concerns (despite very recent scan being fine) and they said that whilst I look fucking massive, when you actually palpate the bump feels fine, so "nothing to worry about." Yeah, right, except being told that I look fucking massive!

And what gets me is that it was obviously discussed extensively last time as well; apparently a midwife said to the one who was looking after me - "aren't you worried about BB having a homebirth, she really does look huge", and apparently she was really worried that she'd missed something.

Really looking forward when the time comes to getting my kit off in front of all these random women now.

But the size of the bump is no indication of the size of the baby. I had a colleague who in her 8th month was just starting to show. By your MWs' reckoning she would have given birth to a Gummibear.

Then how come they measure the fundal height or whatever at midwife apps? I thought that was supposed to be a standard size/set of increases through pregnancy?

Lol re gummibear! Aye, tis all bollocks. Not terribly good for the ego though. Especially knowing that it has been widely discussed with the whole team.

I don't think that they do the measuring thing here in Germany, can't remember my gynae doing it anyway.

I did have loads of scans though and the doc said that even they are not completely reliable.

I've put on 3 stone at 6 months. My midwife laughed in my mother's face when she was stressing over how I was too big - said I was perfectly healthy, slim to begin with (size 10 - 12), and weight gain varied. The hospital midwife said the same thing. And really, all this big baby malarkey is daft, because a whopper is 10 - 11 lb, a small 6 - 7, and that's a 3 - 6 lb difference only. It's not just the baby that defines pregnant weight, it's placenta, amniotic fluid, water retention etc etc too.

Pregnancy is scary enough at times without looking for extras. Your midwives need to realise that and stop being so bloody tactless.

dont worry about it. i was weighed when i was pregnant with ds at 39+5 and the m/w got all funny that my BMI was 29. I was nearly 40 weeks pregnant FFS

Jesus, I imagine if I worked out my BMI now it would be way over the top level. Deliberately haven't!

I think your body shape has a huge impact on how big you look-I am also sick of everyone telling me how big I look. Yesterday I had my 28 week app and only measured 1 week bigger for dates. I am 5'7 and a 12/14 before pregnancy but have a short narrow torso. This makes me stick out a lot with baby bump!
Ok I had a 'whopper' first time round (10 lbs 2) but lost all pregnancy weight in the year after as I did put on 4 stone . As long as you aren't massively overweight at the beginning I don't think it should really matter tbh.

God, these MWs can be so tactless. With dd I had a MW tell me at 38 weeks she would be tiny, and barely make 6lb. We already knew from scans that she had medical problems which would result in feeding problems and a greater than normal weight loss after birth so we were soooo worried - until she was born at a good 7lb 13oz!
My SIL was pg at the same time & they scanned her after scaring her into thinking that her baby was going to be too big to be born naturally, and her ds was a similar weight to mine!
There's no science to it at all, IMO, measuring the bump just gives them something to do at the appointments.

Let it go over your head. I wasnt the smallest person when i got pregnant and i lost 27lbs in the first 16 weeks due to hyperemesis. I've put 13lbs back on and the midwives are always going on at me for my weight. We've decided to have a homebirth and i've gotta get them to agree. However i went to see a midwife led unit (follow the same rules as a homebirth) and they were happy for me to del there with no questions asked about my weight. These were a diff set of midwives though. Considering im having a healthy little girl and my blood pressure is perfect - you'd think they'd lay off me for a while!

Astonished that anyone would think a bmi measurement could be appropriate in pregnancy - its only an indicator at the best of times, let alone in pregnancy!

I'm not even slightly overweight (lost a hell of a lot after baby no.1), but now on baby no.4 and 3rd trimester, I'm feeling the weight especially in this heat - when I saw the mw a few weeks ago she gave me a little lecture about healthy eating (unasked for and unrequired) had a feel of my tummy and then said in a really disappointed voice - "well OK - in fairness that's all baby not you."

Ignore it - you can't do anything right for some people. Your baby, your body - as long as you feel healthy that's all that matters.

Hmmm...wouldn't like to say I feel healthy as such greenlawn! More like a pile of twanging ligaments...

babylove - good luck with the homebirth! I'm having another one as well, touch wood.

I put on 4 stone when pregnant with dd. Everyone told me I was massive even strangers. dd was only 7lb 1oz when born and I lost a lot of the weight in the first week as it was all fluid. I had a scan at 34 weeks and was told that the baby was measuring big! I didnt work out my pregnancy BMI!! I might do it now though... Good luck x

bohemianbint - is this your first dc?!

babylove - nope, this is number 2! I had a homebirth with DS as well though, totally recommend it. Have they agreed to your HB? Is it your first baby? No one was that bothered about me being a 1st timer at home as I remember, they all seemed quite pleased about it!

Online BMI calculators actually say this shouldn't be used when a woman's pregnant or breastfeeding. It annoys me them using it at the booking in appointment, even.

With my first dc I was never even weighed and have no idea how much I put on. I dont think it is an idication of anything useful. At the same time my collegue was pregnant and told she would have a big baby and being a tiny woman they were really concerned. She had a 3lb baby who had to be rushed to scbu as so tiny.
They are just being rude and all they can do is guess.
Good luck with your home birth bohemianbint

Thanks babyinbelly!