Baby shower etiquette - clueless!

[Mylifeisprettyshitrightnow]

So I have agreed to organise a baby shower for my friend. She has a LOT of friends (over 40 people) she wants to invite.
I have never organised a baby shower before... What's the usual thing to happen here? Who pays for it? Does everyone pay for themselves or am I supposed to fork out? I'll need to hire somewhere, and I know there's usually games and stuff. Do I rope in other people?
Any advice and suggestions welcome, but I guess it's more about whether it's normal for the pregnant person to pay (I had mine at my house so I sorted all the food etc for mine) or whether I should, or whether the people attending split it, etc etc x

Please help a girl out

OP you shouldn’t be paying towards it, your pregnant friend needs to foot the bill and choose the venue. If she wants you to organise it then ask her for money and you’ll sort it, and ask another friend to help out too.

Please don’t feel you need to lose money on this x

I think I would ask the friend what her expectations are. I've been to several completely different one's from afternoon tea to hiring a hall with party games. I think it all depends on the mum to be.

Do not pay for it. I think it’s totally cheeky of her to ask this of you

40 is ridiculous

Another case of main character syndrome

why does someone else have to arrange this, she should do it herself

I have had a baby shower but I am originally American, as were my friends who offered (key) to host. The numbers were such it could be held in someone's home and it was NOT catered. Things have gone crazy in 20 yrs but 40 people is fucking ridiculous and you should not be out of pocket. Tell her how many you can manage at home and leave it at that (if you even want to proceed.)

It is not the done thing...in theory...but "host me a shower" attitude I can see why yiu thiught this.

Madness. Ask the mum to be what the budget is and say you assumed she would be paying. Bite the bullet now and hopefully you will sort something out.

Ask her to organise her silly shower herself. Why has she asked you to do it? And 40 is ludicrous.

I organised my SIL baby shower we went for afternoon tea and everyone paid for themselves, we also paid for the mum to be. That was only about 10 people though. You absolutely shouldn’t be spending money on it, 40 People is ridiculous. I didn’t have a baby shower, after miscarriages before I never had faith I’d actually have a baby at the end of it

I'm in America and had one surprise shower thrown for me at work before DC1 was born. I had another thrown by a friend of my late MIL's. The work one was at work and the food was sandwiches from the cafe on the ground floor of the building and homemade desserts like brownies, choux buns, etc. The other one was held in a famous old hotel and on the menu was cold cucumber soup among other suitably old fashioned dishes. I did not ask for either of these showers. At the time, I didn't even really know what a shower was as I had been in the US just under two years at that point.

I've been a guest at showers in the US too. They were basically pot luck events at the home of the relatives of the mothers to be - the relatives were hosting the events. I brought whatever I was told to bring by way of food/ beverages, as well as a gift from the registries.

Yeah, I suspect our kids are similar ages.

From what I understand, things have gone a bit mad now, from gender reveal onwards!

Thanks, yes I agree the numbers are ridiculous. I'd happily do it at home normally but obviously I can't host that many people!
I have enquired at a local golf club which does a cheap afternoon tea, and the room hire is £75. I don't particularly want to ask the invitees to share the cost as they are just that - invitees, and they are bringing gifts! I also will need to get decor and I will probably make a cake or cupcakes, which I wouldn't mind but I can't pay for those plus the room hire on top. I think I'll ask her other half, and once I have numbers I will ask family members if they'd mind sharing the cost. I really don't want to ask the mum to be, she has planned so many showers, hens etc for other people so I don't feel it's unreasonable for her to ask me to plan this tbh. Her maid of honour has just planned a hen do and said she couldn't face the shower which is why it's come to me.

I don’t think it should be down to you to foot the bill for the room hire but equally wouldn’t ask the guests to contribute to this. I think it’s fine to ask guests to pay for themselves if it’s a meal or afternoon tea etc but not to ask for a contribution to food if you plan on catering it yourself.