More children?

[Autumnlover1]

Please tell me some other mums understand how I’m feeling. I found the jump from 1-2 quite difficult and looking back I think I had PND but I’m no longer in that place. My eldest is 5 and youngest 2.5. My life finally feels like things are easier again, I have more time to do the simple things because my littles are more independent and can entertain one another while I do some house jobs etc.
part of me feels sad, because through all of that rushing - it’s made me realise, that I truly love motherhood and it’s everything to me. So part of me wants a 3rd child but I kind of can’t believe I’m saying that. Am I crazy?
My DH just goes with the flow and he’s the most amazing husband and father and he doesn’t mind either way.. any advice please

Stick at 2. You struggled before and it will defo be harder this time around.

Enjoy the 2 you have. Enjoy each stage they are at and enjoy the fact that things should get easier for you now. X

I wouldn’t risk it. Enjoy the two you have.

You have 2 children to be a mother to already!

You can have, or not have, children for any reason you want. But I detect in your post a nostalgia you almost admit is misplaced, along with a desire to have another to do better with/enjoy the early stage more this time.

I think that’s really risky, because there are all kinds of reasons you could find it hard again. Not just from having 3, but if anything weren’t to go perfectly health-wise. I wouldn’t want to put yourself in a position where you’re pressuring yourself to have a perfect time with the 3rd, and feel like you’ve failed if it doesn’t work out that way.

2 is a great number! If you have another you will have less time and ability to enjoy thier baby stage than you did the previous times anyway.

@EveningSpread thank you for this as this does cross my mind. I wouldn’t want to be ‘greedy’ and something potentially happen health wise with a 3rd. I think it just makes me sad knowing how fast time goes - but I guess we’re entering a new chapter watching them grow more

@Bananacrepewithnuts thank you, I just can’t believe I’m contemplating it that’s why I needed some sound advice!

@Blueyelloworange that is sooo true. Plus I find it so hard being tied down with a baby. I much prefer the crazy chaotic toddler stage 😂

Having children is absolutely full of nostalgia and sadness!! They grow so quick and it seems to be slipping through your fingers all the time!

If you stick with 2 you’ll have more time with them, too - a positive spin!

I don’t mean to be negative about what could happen with a 3rd. It just sounds like the stakes are high for you and high bars mean potentially big disappointments. I also feel like I could do “better next time” - but in reality anything could happen!

@EveningSpread no i absolutely get where you’re coming from! I think it doesn’t help when I see so many people online announcing 3rd or 4th pregnancies but I guess you don’t know everyone’s story and struggles

I’ve got three. If I could go back I’d stick with two. Sounds awful but my third has a learning delay so it’s added so much more stress than just having three. Everyday I picture what my lift would have been like with just my two older kids. Please don’t come for me.

You have 2 children with plenty of childhood left. You don't want another child, you want a baby. Nothing wrong with that but they don't stay babies very long.

Don’t worry, @andtheywereallyellow

We have four and I always advise people to stop at 2. Teenagers are hard work (one of mine in particular has been horrendous). Babies and toddlers are easy in comparison- MY babies and toddlers were, anyway.

i know everyone is different 🤷🏻‍♀️

Mine are 4 and 2.5. We thought a lot about having a third, mainly because we have no family living in the same country, so we have absolutely no help, and we both have quite demanding jobs. But I’m pregnant with our third now, and I’m already so happy we decided to go for it!

Sometimes I do think, “Oh my gosh, we have to start all over again!” My kids sleep through the night, are potty-trained, and are becoming more independent. But then I remind myself that it's only a few years: I can see how the third will just fit right in.

I’m honestly surprised by how many people seem to struggle to understand why anyone would want more than two children. And the comments about what if the third has health problems or additional needs really annoy me. That’s a possibility with your first or second child, too, so I don't understand why it's suddenly such a big concern when it comes to a third.

I think people always say, “Oh, you won’t have any time for yourself.” Well, with two kids, you already don't have much time for yourself, so I don't really see that much of a difference!

And then there's the whole “you won't be able to give them enough attention” argument. Well, here's some news for you: once they're a bit older, kids prefer playing with their siblings over playing with you anyway!

Before having kids I always said I wanted 3.

My first was great. Easy going, somewhat lazy, never really had it in her to tantrum. But my second child was a whole different beast. Every decision/choice/me simply trying to set boundaries was met with a tantrum. I love him dearly, but it was exhausting. But even in the throes of PND and the terrible 0, 1, 2, and 3 years (he was a precocious tantrummer) I still thought I would still like one more. My husband wanted to stop at two, and that was that.

My youngest is 4 now, and just started school. Life is great! The kids are increasingly independent, and play together. Each year we get to do bigger and better things as a family that is difficult to do with a baby/toddler in tow. I've also got the time to do the training I've wanted to do for the past 8 years.

I can no longer imagine going back to nappies and sleepless nights. Furthermore, the thought of having another tantrummer like my son is horrifying. I love being a mum, and I'm really loving this stage of being a mum to young children. I do miss the times when a simple kiss and cuddle would fix all their woes. The feeling of being wanted and needed and that only I would do. But I'm no longer sure I have it in me to be a mum to a baby/toddler.

I'm one of three and it has put me off having more than one... I never got any 1-1 time with my parents, we never had any money, everything was always a squash in terms of the house and car. It's fine to think about having another, i think about it but would not do anything about it! I don't think it's fair to have another if your husband is ambivalent.

Not true about kids not wanting to be with you. I craved more time with my mum as a teen but I didn't get it as she was too busy looking after my younger siblings, doing all the laundry etc that comes with a big family.

It’s not easy for younger generations to move out or get jobs so as lovely as babies are, how would you feel about 3 grown ups potentially living with you forever or into their 30s? It’s a reality for many and in 20 years we don’t know how much worse things might be for them.

I think it would be hard with a full-time job. If a mother has to work and then come home to do the laundry, cook and clean with three kids, I agree that there probably wouldn't be much time left for them.

That's why I decided to quit my job. I'm fortunate enough that my husband earns enough for us to manage financially, and I can do some freelance work on the side. I worked incredibly hard to get where I wanted to be in my career (I worked in academia), but quitting was the best decision for me.

While the kids are at school or nursery, I can get things done around the house, and then they have my full attention in the evenings and at weekends.

I also have friends who take turns spending one-on-one time with each child, taking them to activities individually. I think that's a lovely idea, and I'll definitely do the same when mine are a bit older!

But yes, I think having three children while working full-time would be a lot harder. Being able to make these choices definitely depends on being financially comfortable enough to do so.Of course, we have to make a lot of financial sacrifices, but honestly, there’s nothing I could buy that would make up for being able to spend this much time with my kids.

@DefiantRabbit9 oh no I’d much rather skip the baby stage - I find that the hardest!!

@Peonies12 thanks for sharing your perspective I totally get it, I’m one of 5 and can never remember any 1-1 time with my parents. I think going from a big family to a ‘normal’ sized family is what I’m debating but it definitely sounds like sticking with two is for the best. I definitely don’t want to be stretched too thin

@andtheywereallyellow thank you for sharing your honest thoughts. We can absolutely love and adore our kids - but still struggle / crave other things so definitely don’t feel bad for that. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you and I’m sure you’re doing an amazing job.
thank you for sharing this, I think I feel like I have so much love to give but I can continue putting that into my two I already have than needing to add anymore!!

My mum only worked part time and term time and I still never got time with her. It’s one of the many reasons we’re sticking at one. Plus it’s very rare to be in your situation and can live on one income, even with bare minimum we couldn’t live on one